Gems: In celebration of RotE part three I had to bring Earth Kingdom Azula into this one. She has some moral lessons to teach. But Azula doesn't want to hear them. "I hope you know that you've reached a new level of perfection with this chapter and with this particular scene!" Thank you lmao! I think I peaked with this chapter. Dickbutt is the real prize. But Bosco, the true villain here, might just ruin everything for everyone. I am very thrilled about this chapter because it is the one with a big reveal that will leave everyone saying, 'thanks, I hate it.'

Wenchicus Thoticus: I feel like literally no one asked for this but many people are reading it lol.


"Soooo, are you Sei or Sie?" Long Feng asks?

"Eh, it depends on the day." The princess shrugs. "Are you Long Feng or Long Fang?

"Good question." Comments Long Feng.

"He's Long Feng, I'm Long Fang." Long Fang adds.

"And I'm trying to get some sleep." Azula grumbles.

It has been a long day, ever since that bear had thrown them in a cell together, Azula has been subjected to nothing but emotional torment. She is surronded by fools, incompetent fools and she thinks that she herself may be one such fool for having been bested by a bear.

Not that she believes that, that thing is truly a bear.

The only thing that makes this situation more tolerable is that Jet has taken to snuggling up against her. Granted, Azula doesn't know much at all about cuddling. In fact, she can't name one time where anyone has initiated physical contact with her that didn't involve attempted murder or worse still, destruction of her cabbages.

Jet nuzzles his cheek against hers and begins petting her head, occasionally running his fingers through her bangs with a commented, "your bangs are so pointy."

"Yes, yes. I know." Azula nods. "I like to keep my bangs sharper than Chan's outfit."

"WHO IS THIS CHAN!?" Jet asks.

Azula thinks for a moment. "I-I don't know." And it is true, she doesn't know. But she thinks that she probably should.

"Oh, okay. Nevermind." Jet resumes petting her hair. But he misses and instead pets her face. This is mildly annoying, but she lets him continue.

"We have to get out of here." Comments Katara.

"I know, this place is unBEARable!" TyLee exclaims!

"Yeah, I'd like to leave before we have to watch the cabbage merchant make out with her promotion guy." Mai mutters. She wishes that she had Keanu Reeves. He is the stabbiest of her knives, but she is damn near certain that Bosco has stolen him.

"Sie, you're a main character, get us out of here!" Zuko demands.

"I'm working on it." Sie says as he continues to not work on it. Instead he continues his game of tic-tac-toe with Long Feng. Or Long Fang. He isn't sure who he is playing with.

.oOo.

Kuei sweats nervously. It has been several hours already and Bosco is staring at him, just staring. He glances over at Iroh in a silent plea. But even the old man with all of his aged wisdom has no idea what to do about the bear.

"What do you think it is?" Kuei whispers.

The bear groans loudly and Keui begins to cry, "please don't hurt me, I didn't mean anything by the question."

Bosco laughs, it sounds distinctly human but there is something uncanny about it. Its voice is both a gurgle and a gruff masculan drawl-distinctly southern of accent. There is something so familiar about it, but Iroh cannot place it.

He doesn't try to plead with the bear nor beg for mercy because he knows that the bear is a soulless creature.

Instead he says, "I know what you are."

"Say it?" Bosco half-whispers. "Say it out loud."

"Vampire." Kuei says softly.

"Furry." Iroh corrects.

.oOo.

"Psst...merchant." Comes a voice. One that is actually there and not just in her head. No, she has not yet reached that stage of her life, so the voice is very much real. But she doesn't answer it, just in case.

"Yes?" Asks Sie.

"No." HIsses the voice. "Not you. I want to speak to the merchant."

Sie taps Azula's shoulder. The merchant recoils in disgust. "Don't touch me, peasant." She says as though it is she who is the princess and he who is the cabbage-selling working class man.

"The voice wants to speak with you."

"Tell it that I am not here." Azula replies.

"You are here, I can see you." The voice points out.

"I can't." Toph grumbles.

"That's not Azula, that is a cabbage!" Jet declares helpfully, while pointing at Azula.

"Do you all want to get out of here or not?" The voice asks.

Now Azula's interest has been piqued. "Show yourself."

For a moment nothing happens. But then two eyebrows appear.

Nothing else.

Just two eyebrows.

But they are all Azula needs.

"I'm listening."

"Stand back, all of you." The voice instructs.

They collectively take a step back, except Long Fang who did not hear the woman because he has AirPods on.

Earth Kingdom Azula does not hesitate. She furrows her brows really hard and unleashes a blast of purple spirit energy. It is a powerful blast, one that harmed no one but Long Fang (who did not move out of the way, for he was listening to to Whatcha Say on his AirPods) and Baatar Jr. who had spontaneously metralized in front of the beam.

"Not again!" He shouts as Long Fang's airpods sound, "mmm whatcha sa-ay."

The spirit energy makes contact and in a bright purple flash, the captives are free. Baatar and Long Fang lay on the ground, charred but not bleeding nor blackened so as to maintain a PG13 rating.

They are dead. Unlike with Jet, it is abundantly clear. They did not survive. They are completely 110% dead as hell. There is no coming back from this. In fact, if things didn't need to be kept PG13, then the viewer would know for a fact that they are so dead that they can barely be recognized.

It was a brutal death.

But it is going to be swept under the rug because Earth Kingdom Azula is a protagonist. Now, if Bosco or Ozai had been the one to make the shot, then it's a problem. But since it was a protagonist who had done the killing, it is morally correct.

Azula knows that she is on thin ice, for she is either a protagonist or an antagonist depending on where her cabbages take her. In this instance, her cabbages and her forced alliance with the very destructive and cruel cabbage obliterating Avatar have made her a protagonist. She seizes the opportunity to kill one of the Dialluminati while she has the hero pass.

Earth Kingdom Azula makes a sound of disgust and remorse. Azula isn't sure if the sound had been directed at her or if she had made it in reference to having killed her own fiance for the greater good.

It doesn't matter. For they are the same person anyways.

"Thanks Earth Kingdom Azula!" Jet smiles.

"Oh my name is…"

"Yeah nice work Earth Kingdom Azula." Toph gives her an affectionate slap on the back.

"I'm…" the woman tries again.

"You and your eyebrows are heros, Earth Kingdom Azula." Aang smiles.

"Well yes, thank you but you can call me…"

"Fuck you, Earth Kingdom Azula." Baatar says as his ghost floats up and away. Earth Kingdom Azula sheds a single tear because she knows that he knows her real name. She wonders if this means that their marriage is off.

She has no time to contemplate it; the universe swallows her up again. She is an anomaly and she isn't supposed to be there.

"Quick!" Azula shouts, "lets leave before the universe can right itself!" Even as she says it, the wall begins to close as if it had never been blasted away.

.oOo.

"That's right." Bosco gives a vicious smirk.

A bead of nervous sweat trickles down Kuei's temple.

"I am a furry." The bear rises to its full height. He removes the head of his fursuit to reveal a moderately attractive Fillipino American man.

"Who are you?" Iroh asks, "and why do you sound like my nephew."

"Isn't it obvious, old man? I've been dropping hints since the last chapter." Basco pauses.

Iroh and Kuei exchange glances.

"I am Dante Basco."

Iroh and Kuei gasp in unison.