hey beautiful people ! here's the next chapter. According to my vague estimates, there should be 2 more and an epilogue. Thanks to idwalkthroughhell4u and Dnmann for your kind reviews, I'm happy to know you're still enjoying the story !

The following hours were pure torture for Ashley. The doctor had told Glen that his sister's surgery had gone well, but they wouldn't know how well until she woke up. And she still hadn't. Ashley was forced to stay in bed and it was driving her nuts.

Kyla, Madison and Glen took turns trying to distract her, but it was to no avail. Her mind kept replaying the last few months over and over again, wondering what she could have done differently, how she could have avoided the mess they were currently in, even though she knew it wouldn't change a damn thing. She just couldn't help herself. Maybe things would have been different had she given Spencer a chance. She would have been with the blonde when Aiden had gotten there and she could have protected her. She could have made the same deal with Mr. H without them being trapped in the middle of a shooting. Spencer wouldn't be hurt. Ashley vaguely remembered them trying to escape and Spencer yelling her name before jumping on her. She had jumped in front of her to save her life…even after Ashley had spent months pushing her away. She was still the same girl she had been when they were kids, she just went through so much, but she was trying to find her way, her way back to Ashley.

The brunette shook her head, trying to erase the thoughts. She had denied her this chance. But it had also been so hard for her. Seeing the blonde again after so many years of resentment and pain she guessed that you could never truly get over your first love, especially when it was that powerful. And that's what had hurt Ashley so much. She had always known that Spencer loved her, even when she had broken up with her. What had hurt was that it had been because of a third party because of the bigotry of Paula Carlin… But Spencer wasn't a kid anymore; she didn't have to please her mother anymore. Things could finally work out between them. They just had to get past the pain and learn to trust each other again. There was no need to rush, they could take their time, and Ashley realized that now. Instead of pulling away from Spencer, she should have taken her time in rebuilding their relationship. But she didn't know how to do that, she only knew how to rush into things before running away when fearing it was a mistake.

But was it mistake? Nothing in their relationship had ever felt like a mistake, except for their breakup.

"Ash?" Kyla shook her out of her reverie.

"Is she awake?" Ashley was quick to ask.

"No… I'm sorry… but the doctor said she could have visits… Glen is with her right now and uh… Paula and Arthur just arrived" Those words sent a chill through the older sister's spine.

Ashley knew they would eventually get there, Glen had called them a couple of hours ago, and they had yelled at him for waiting so long before informing them. Paula would no doubt find a way to blame everything on Ashley though.

"Kyla… would you mind doing me a favor?" when her sister nodded, she closed her eyes before asking for what she needed. "At home, there's a box under my bed, can you bring it to me?"

"Sure Ash, I won't be long." and with a quick hug, Kyla left. Ashley didn't have time to go back to her sorrowful thoughts though, as she heard a knock at her door. Nobody usually knocked and she felt her heart speed off in her chest before quietly calling the person in.

Suddenly she was seventeen again. Kind blue-grayish eyes, a soft smile, a few wrinkles that gave away such wisdom… He always used to look at her with such a kindness, and seven years had done nothing to diminish this calming power he had on her.

"Look at you…" he breathed, slowly making his way toward her bed. He hesitated just a second before wrapping his arms around her. Ashley could only hold on tight. "God Ashley, you always were a sight to see, but you turned into a gorgeous woman" He softly whispered before releasing her and taking a sit.

Ashley couldn't speak; she felt so many things, her mind unable to settle on just one. He seemed to understand though, waiting patiently for her to gather her thoughts. "Mr. C… I- …" she choked on her words and closed her eyes tightly. She couldn't look into those eyes. "I'm so sorry… I failed to protect her…"

"Oh honey… it's not your fault, none of this is… "He took her hand and patted the back of it. "If anything, I'm happy she finally found her way back to you…" He said, tears in his eyes."You know I always wanted the best for my little girl… and you were what was best for her… but somewhere along the way, she lost herself… I know I hold some responsibility for that, I should have been more supportive of her, I should have stood up to Paula… I'm sorry I failed you too Ashley…"

The brunette blinked. Arthur was the most genuine person she knew, and here he was apologizing for something he had no power over. "You did everything you could Mr. C; we all did in a sense, even Spence… We were young, I get that now, she was trying to do what she thought would hurt less in the long term, not for her but for her family. She always put others ahead of herself, and I… I just love her all the more for that…"

Arthur gave her an understanding smile before taking a glance back. "I should probably go back there, uh… Paula is waiting to see Spencer. Have you gone yet?"

"No…" she sighed."I was waiting for you guys to see her before going. I don't want to step any boundaries, but I need to see her Mr. C"

"Of course, I'll stop by as soon as we're done" With that, he squeezed her shoulder and left the room.

A couple of hours later, Kyla had come back with the box, giving Ashley a curious look, but the brunette stayed silent, only thanking her and telling her she needed some rest before being able to go and see Spencer. Glen had also stopped by and stayed with Ashley for a while, ranting against his mother who was already driving him nuts. The brunette just quietly chuckled; she remembered it being quite the common occurrence for the Carlin siblings, especially Spencer and Glen. Clay always was more tempered, trying to find some common ground with his mother, even though he didn't agree with her. He was so much like Arthur… For the first time since she had found out, Ashley took a moment to mourn his loss. Eventually, Arthur came back and told her she could see Spencer. Her heart was already beating wildly in her chest with the mere thought of seeing the woman she loved laying on a bed, badly hurt, but she took a deep breath and asked Arthur to help her in the wheelchair. Not her idea of course, but she only was allowed to leave her room in it so she wasn't about to argue. Once settled, she wheeled to the box Kyla brought and took a deep craft envelope out of it and put it on her lap. Arthur gave her another one of his kind smiles and start pushing her toward the corridor.

When they got in the hallway, Ashley caught a glance of Paula. Arthur didn't stop though and kept pushing her until they reached the room Spencer was currently in. He put a hand on her shoulder and silently indicated that he would wait for her outside. She took another deep breath before entering the room.

It was similar to hers, white, bland, empty, except for the bed, a plastic chair, a nightstand and various medical devices currently attached to the very still body lying on the bed. Ashley felt her heart tighten and slowly pushed the wheels toward the side of the bed. Just one glance at Spencer and she couldn't stop the tears from falling. Spencer seemed so weak and fragile. There were visible cuts on her beautiful face and a few bruises. She looked like she was asleep, her hair circling her face like an aureole.

"God, Spence… I'm so sorry…" Ashley whispered, taking the blonde's hand in her own." I should have protected you, not the other way around… You have to wake up baby… Dany needs you… I need you…"

The room was so silent that Ashley could hear her own heartbeats, loud and clear, thundering in her chest. She opened the envelope still resting on her lap and took a piece of paper out.

"So… I may have acted like I didn't care… like I was over you… well maybe not, but still; I know I kept blowing hot and cold, taking a step forward and three steps back. I was just-I was terrified to be honest. I was terrified because the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I was screwed" she laughed quietly "I knew that we could never be just friends, that I would always want more. I knew that as mad as I was, I had forgiven you a long time ago, I just wasn't ready to admit it… and maybe I wanted for you to chase me for once. Maybe I wanted to be sure I meant as much to you as you mean to me. And every time you tried to show me, I got scared, because I wanted to forget everything and just throw myself in your arms. But it can't be that easy, can it? We couldn't just jump into things; I wanted to be sure that when we'd give this another chance, it would be for good this time. No more hurting, no more lying. But damn Spence, you can be so freakishly stubborn, and I can be an ass, I'll admit that much… but maybe it's time for us to stop acting like that. You told me how hard it was for you during our time apart, well; I want to tell you how it was for me… So, uh… I used to write you letters, often… And maybe it's time for you to hear them… so yeah… uh… here it goes…"

Wiping a few tears with the back of her free hand, she started the read to first letter.

Hey Spence,

It's been 22 days… I just couldn't bring myself to do this before. I tried, I tried almost every day, but I couldn't. I'm still trying to understand. We were supposed to be together in this, but here I am, alone and I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this without you by my side. You broke my heart, it's still breaking, and I don't know if it'll ever stop… But it has to, right? I know you'll come back and make it whole again, nobody but you will ever know its shape and form enough to be able to reconstruct it. It has to be you Spence… Please, let it be you…

Spence,

We're on day 45. I just can't take it anymore waiting for you to come back when obviously it won't happen. I'm leaving. Kyla found us an apartment in LA, an amazing one according to her. Mads invited herself to tag along. I don't mind. I don't mind about much lately. I just want you back… Why haven't you come back yet?

Spence,

Welcome to day 171. It's exactly the same as the precedent ones. You're still not there. College is fun. There are parties almost every night. Kyla keeps saying that I party too much, too hard. But honestly it still doesn't feel like enough, I'm never drunk enough, you're still there, somewhere in my head, everywhere in my heart. I need you to stop Spence. I need to let you go but I don't know how. So in the meantime, I'll just keep trying to forget, even if it never works…

Dear Spence,

Happy breakup anniversary. It's been a year, that's quite impressive. I guess I was stupid to think you would come back. Obviously you're not. I bet you found some stupid asshole to please mommy dearest. I should have known better than to think that you loved me enough to come back, to think that you just needed time to get away from her before being able to come back to me, but you didn't. I'm starting to think you never will.

Spencer,

How could you? How could you throw away everything we had? How can you live without me? Cause I sure as hell don't know how to live without you. How could you let her break us apart? How could you put all of this behind, like it didn't mean the world to you? Does it not? And how can I survive this? How could you give me the world just to take it back? How could you Spencer?

Ashley paused, clearing her throat. "I know some of it is harsh… I was going through some harsh times though… I was hurting… Anyway…"

She took the next paper and started reading again.

Spencer,

I thought I saw you today, in the park. Sitting with some guy and enjoying yourself. And I snapped. I yelled, I screamed, but in the end it wasn't you. It never is. And every time, I think I know what I would want to tell you if I were to see you. But honestly I don't. I want to curse you, I want to tell you how much I hurt… but in the end, I just want to tell you how much I miss you, how much I still love you… It has to mean something, right? It's been over two years since you left and I still think about you every day. You're still the only one on my mind. I keep on comparing every girl to you, and they fade in comparison. Their eyes are never blue enough, their smile, never bright enough, their skin, never soft enough… No girl will ever be enough after you…

Ashley kept on reading more and more letters, some of them depressing, some full of anger, some others plainly begging for the blonde to come back to her. Finally she got to the last letter, one she had written the day before Spencer was kidnapped.

Hey Spence,

I can't stop thinking about last night. You were there, in front of me, so beautiful… God you're still the most beautiful girl on earth… And you told me things that I waited so long to hear and I couldn't speak. I tried, I swear Spence, I just wanted to tell how much I love you, that you were right, we're meant to be, and I want for things to work out between us. Yes you hurt me, but my heart still belongs to you and you only. And I want to give you a chance to show me I can trust you again, I want to be there for you, and not only as a friend but as your girlfriend, as your lover, as your forever. Every time I hug you, it means everything to me, you mean everything to me, and that's what I should have told you. Yeah, it took you over 7 years, but you weren't too late, I'm here, I won't leave you. It wasn't only you who wanted it, I want it too, and I want everything with you Spence. And I will tell you as much. I won't be scared, I'll sit you down and force you to shut up, because sometimes you have troubles doing so, and I'll tell you that's it's time for us to stop beating around the bush and just be together, because I love you, and I know you love me, and it's enough for us to give this a chance. Because I know how great we can be, because there was a time we were amazing together. And I want that again. And I know you do too. So I'm gonna go to your place now. And I'm gonna tell you all of this, and then I'm gonna kiss you Spence.

"What are you waiting for then? "It was just a small whisper but it resonated in the room like the loudest cry and Ashley's eyes bulged toward a now very awake Spencer.

"Sp-Spence?" Ashley asked in surprise

You said you were going to kiss me, what are you waiting for?" Spencer repeated.

Ashley gave her a nose crinkling smile before slowly getting up from the wheelchair. She situated herself on the reclined bed, careful not to squish Spencer before closing the distance. She did as she was asked to. Her lips softly brushing against Spencer's. It started slow and gentle, each girl rediscovering a feeling they thought they would never feel again. Ashley was overwhelmed by all the emotions running through her body and couldn't contain the few tears that escaped her. She felt Spencer's thumbs softly brushing them away, never breaking the kiss.

They kept it gentle for a few more seconds before Ashley felt the tip of a tongue hesitantly brushing against her bottom lip and it was all she needed to deepen the kiss. Her hands found room in blond locks and Spencer's hands softly ran against her sides, sending delicious warmth through all her body. The kiss was getting more heated but suddenly, Spencer groaned in pain and Ashley immediately pulled back.

"Spence, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt y-"

"Don't stop Ash, please, it's ok. I just want to kiss you right now..."

Who was Ashley to deny her? Their lips met again with force, Ashley trying her best to be gentle but the second she heard the blonde softly moan, she lost all sense of reality. Her hands were gripping the sheets while Spencer's found room on Ashley's neck, softly stroking the skin there. When the blonde's hands slowly made their way down and underneath Ashley's shirt, caressing her stomach, the brunette pulled away, although reluctantly.

Spencer was furiously blushing and Ashley chuckled, placing a blonde lock behind her ear.

"Hey, it's ok. I just don't think we should get too heated in here. And uh… your mom is out there so…"

Spencer silently nodded, and laid back down, sliding her hand in Ashley's. The brunette smiled before sighing. They couldn't let the past be repeated, but this particular matter wasn't in her hands. Only Spencer could make a different choice this time around.