To say that it was strained between Elizabeth and Jack for the days that followed would be an understatement. After Jack's plea she had remained quiet in his arms, and eventually Logan had come bounding out to greet her which she welcomed whole heartedly as it allowed her to step out of Jack's arms.
Elizabeth remained engaged, spoke to him mostly about the kids, answered his questions but he knew that she had closed a part of her from him and his heart remained clenched knowing he couldn't quite reach her.
It took Jack a few days to figure out where she went when she went for a run and would be gone a significant period of time especially as she had made a habit of leaving her phone and watch when she left the house.
He had been watching her for a few minutes after quietly letting himself in with the spare key she had given him long before. He had checked all of her usual spots and when he couldn't find her, her old house was the most obvious guess knowing she needed the headspace to unpack. He also knew the only reason why she hadn't gone home to the Thatcher Manor was because of the kids and the kind of alarm bells that would raise.
"What can I do?" he asked from the doorway of her old bedroom as she sat by the bay window, back against the wall, head resting on her knees with her eyes closed as she had been doing every day since that first night. She knew that with the boys moving in soon her time was limited and she just needed some time to herself. To pray, to unpack. Whatever. Not having heard him she let out a deep breath before raising her head to meet his gaze and just shrugged. She had no words. None would come. Truth was she felt that there were no more words as they had all been said before. No more secrets, full disclosure. Those words rang emptily in her head and scoured her heart.
"Elizabeth,"
"Please stop," she pleaded,
"Please stop trying to fix this. The No more secrets. Full disclosures. Complete partners. We've done this already. More times than I care to note mainly because it proves to be untrue every time. So stop. Stop making promises. Stop with the apologies. Stop with the platitudes and just let me come to terms with whatever this is. Give me time to wrap my head around this. Maybe you need to wrap your head around the fact that you can't fix this. It is what it is." Her resolve frightened him. Whilst he knew she would never walk out on him, she had resigned herself to where they were. She'd stop fighting him. Essentially she surrendered and stopped fighting altogether.
"I've been coming here every day seeking God for what I'm supposed to do next. Questioning if I got it right. Wondering if I got it wrong because surely anticipating what else you haven't disclosed for the rest of our life isn't how I am supposed to navigate my life. So I've been asking myself and God whether or not I had willed us into fruition. That I wanted us so badly that I manipulated this whole thing which is why we keep hitting these walls. I know that marriage isn't meant to be easy, but I keep hitting the same walls. I no longer have it in me to convince myself that…" she stopped herself but she may as well had finished the sentence as he caught it.
"I can't keep doing this with you," she admittedly exhaustedly. Jack's eyes filled with tears,
"I never meant to not tell you how she died. It wasn't on purpose. It just never came up. After that first anniversary, we just never got to talk about it. Elizabeth, I didn't withhold the information intentionally. We were apart for so many months after that first anniversary, and when we were working it out, we didn't talk about Emily at least in that context. We worked on us, on how we could move forward. We were physically apart for almost 6 weeks and then we were engaged, and then I thought I was sick again, and we got married. Everything finally fell into place. We just never got to the how, and Sweetheart you never asked." He added gently.
He got her there. It wasn't that she didn't want to know, for the same reasons he didn't bring them up were the very same reasons why she didn't.
"I wasn't keeping it from you. We just never got to talk about it."
There was no easy fix for where they were. Time was going to be key in their being able to move forward. To some degree Elizabeth took some responsibility in never asking for further details and she understood why he never elaborated if taking into consideration the circumstances around that time.
"Logan's parent teacher is on Wednesday at 5, do you think your meeting will finish in time?" She asked handing him his morning coffee.
"I'll make sure it does. Did you need me to pick up anything on the way home?" He replied. Charlotte was spending a few days with Tommy. As much as she wanted to be around to help with the baby, she wanted to give them some room which was not lost on either of them.
"I should be okay. Belle and I have an appointment with Carson and we can run errands after. We're having dinner at Abigail's tonight anyway. Are you okay to just meet us there? I was hoping to head straight there after picking up Logan from school."
"Of course." Logan joined them shortly dressed for school and ready for breakfast.
"Mom, Cody and I have basketball practice this afternoon," Logan reminded her as he kissed her cheek.
"I can pick them up on my way home if you want to head straight to Abigail's after your errands." Jack offered and Elizabeth nodded,
"That would be great thank you. I offered to help with baking cookies for a catering gig she has this weekend."
"No problem. Do you have anything on this Friday night?" He asked,
"No, have I forgotten something?" She asked,
"No, I thought maybe we could go out on a date." He asked almost shyly,
"Sure Jack, let me work out kids."
"Sounds great." They we're both trying which seemed foreign to them but they were also both willing to work on it to get back some normalcy.
"You ready bud?" Jack asked standing to his feet. Logan took his last spoonful of cereal nodding as he got up. Logan hugged Elizabeth goodbye before heading out to the car to wait for his Dad. Jack walked over to Elizabeth and placed a kiss on her cheek. He turned to follow Logan out the door when he stopped and turned back gathering her in his arms as he kissed her passionately. Surprised it took Elizabeth a moment to respond. After a few minutes they both reluctantly and breathlessly parted. Jack placed his lips to her forehead,
"I love you," he murmured softly with urgency. Elizabeth nodded placing a hand on his cheek,
"I know Jack, and you know I love you. You just need to give us time okay?" Elizabeth hadn't called him anything but Jack since that night and he missed her terribly.
