Ben Solo walked the dry Jakku desert back to his small camp after a long day. He had traded every piece of his fighter for food and supplies, making sure there was nothing left of it within a few days. He couldn't have anything to identify him. He had taken to wearing a dark hood anytime he went to town, being sure to keep a low profile and talk the least amount possible. No one here seemed to pay him any mind. They were all too focused on survival. It made him feel sad for Rey having to grow up like this and have to scavenge just to eat. He now understood why she acted the way she did sometimes. You don't grow up fighting to survive and become weak. No, she was stronger than he could ever be.
He walked back inside his tent and took his hood down, the heat almost too much to bear. He decided to take the hood and his shirt off and cool off on his cot for a moment. He lay back and stare up into nothingness. Rey...he wondered how she was. If everything was okay with the baby and if she was being taken care of. Ben had completely cut himself off from the force, not using it to do anything and putting up a mental barricade so no one could contact him if they wanted to. He would have to let Rey know that he was alive somehow, but through the force would be much too dangerous with Palpatine still at large. He would have to find another way. He had to admit his plan hadn't gone the way he expected that day. When he decided not to detonate the bomb on his ship, he had just been about to head back to the flagship when he saw a resistance fighter hit it in just the right place, setting the bomb off and leaving no hope for the poor man inside. Ben felt ashamed for a moment but had decided to follow through with the original plan after that and quickly jumped to light speed when the other fighters were busy firing at someone. He had disabled the tracking device on it as soon as he got away and went straight for Jakku and here he was. Hot, tired, sad, and lonely. Wondering if he had really done the right thing after all. This was no way to live. Not one he wanted any part of anyway. But for now he didn't have a choice. He'd have to, quite literally, sweat it out.
About a week after the fight, Rey was pacing the camp. Her back had started hurting the last few days and she could never seem to get comfortable. So she walked. Sometimes Rose, Leia, Poe, or evening Bb8 would walk with her but today she walked alone. She had her staff she could use if she needed to but she never wandered far enough away from camp to cause anyone to worry. She got that weird tingling feeling creep up her spine and knew Palpatine was going to bother her again. She didn't look around or even stop walking this time.
"My dear granddaughter...how are you?" He said in a creepy tone that didn't reflect his words.
"Fine."
"You don't seem fine...you are troubled. I can feel it. What troubles you?"
"Nothing."
She insisted on keeping this forced meeting short and sweet. Not speaking unless she had to. The less he knows the better.
"I must admit, I contacted you to see if you know what happened to your dear Ben..."
Her heart sunk but she grit her teeth.
"Yes."
"Oh not happy about it are we?"
"I don't care. He means nothing to me."
"Nothing eh?" He laughed his creepy laugh. "The new life growing inside you begs to differ."
Shit, how did he know?
"He didn't tell me if that's what you're wondering...I can sense it. But you know what I can't sense? Your boyfriend..."
"He's not my boyfriend and he's dead that's why you can't sense him." She said angrily.
"Oh no...I've felt many a Jedi die in my day...he has not died, but disappeared. Cut himself off from the force."
"You're lying," she said now stopping her walk and balling up her fists. She didn't dare let herself feel a spark of hope like she so desperately wanted to.
"Why would I lie?"
"Because you're a horrible person and that's what horrible people do!" She spat loudly. He laughed his maniacal laugh and slowly faded away. Rey waited until she could no longer sense him then sat down on the dirt where she was. He knew about her baby...great just another thing he could use against her or threaten to destroy...but Ben...did he really not think he was dead?
No, stop it Rey he put that cruel thought in your mind to drive you crazy. Don't be stupid. She sat there a long moment trying to collect her thoughts. She wanted nothing more than to be able to keep Palpatine from entering her mind like this but she was clueless as to how to stop it. She thought about asking Leia but knew she wouldn't exactly know. She knew some about the force but not enough...no she would just have to suffer through this alone.
Later that night when the sun had gone down and there was only the glow of a campfire and torches for light, Rey sat alone at the fire. She poked at the burning embers with a stick just for the hell of it. Poe was on night watch that night and she couldn't sleep so she decided to hang out for awhile while he made a round to check all perimeters. After a few minutes he came and sat back down beside her on the piece of dried out log.
"Okay so tell me again what you were talking about before?" Poe asked, taking a sip of water from his canteen.
"This guy Palpatine, who just happens to be my grandfather, keeps somehow getting in my head and communicating with me through the force. He knows about the baby and that's bad news. I don't know what he would do if he could get his hands on it...probably the same thing that happened to Ben and I refuse to let that happen. This baby will be good and not struggle with the dark side...I'll make sure of it."
"Rey, everyone struggles with the dark side at some point in their life..."
Rey looked over at him. His face was handsome and warm in the low glow of the campfire. His hair messy and facial hair looking a bit rugged and in need of shaving. Stop, Rey, pay attention. You're just lonely.
"What do you mean?" She asked trying to distract herself from his attractive face.
"You know exactly what I mean. Everyone has to struggle with something dark inside them at least a few times in their life. It's what you let win that makes us who we are. And this baby?" He laid a hand on her belly, "is going to choose good. Just look at its mother..." he said staring into her eyes. Her face was so close to his...she could easily just lean in and...
No, you don't like him that way, you need to calm down. She internally argued with herself. What was happening to her?
But those deep brown eyes stared at her like she was really something special...and those curvy lips just looked so tempting...
Poe glanced down at Rey's lips, then back up, her eyes dark and wanting. But she remained still, almost afraid to move towards him. Well he guessed he could solve that problem. He leaned in and gently moved his lips against hers. She obliged and her lips parted to deepen the kiss. Their mouths moved together a minute but Poe broke them apart and kind of looked her up and down a moment. Thank god she spoke first because it was getting too quiet.
"That...was awkward. I'm sorry...but I don't think I enjoyed that," she laughed and Poe relaxed a bit, smiling as well.
"Thank God, I didn't want to say anything but it was a bit like kissing a sister or something." He laughed.
"Let's agree to never do that again," Rey said and looked back into the fire grinning.
"Agreed." Poe said.
Rey lay her head on his shoulder until she finally got tired and decided she should probably start making her way to her bed. She was so glad Poe felt the same way about her. She had to stop letting these crazy hormones make her do weird things. She never would have kissed him if she wasn't pregnant, she was sure of that. He was attractive and everything a girl could want but...they just weren't meant to be. She knew that. Her destiny lay dead and she determined she would simply remain single forever. Poe and her could play house in front of others but no one would have to know what their private life was. No one would really even care anyway. Rey stood getting ready to head to her tent, but the burning question she had been dying to ask him finally came to a boiling point and she couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Poe...you were there when Ben's ship exploded. Do you really think he died? I know that's a stupid question and no one could have survived that explosion but it's just something Palpatine said...it makes me wonder..."
Poe knew he had a choice to make in that moment. Should he tell her the truth about what he saw? That Kylo wasn't the one in that fighter? Or should he lie to protect her? He looked down and messed with a hole in his pants for a moment, thinking.
"Rey..." he began. But sighed and stopped.
"It's okay...I know he's dead you don't have to explain...it was stupid of me to ask..." she looked away sadly and walked back to her tent before Poe could decide what to tell her. He wanted to tell her the truth, to give her that small bit of hope and see her happy if only for a brief moment...but he feared she may try to contact him again and put the entire resistance in danger. Or worse yet try to go find him. What if something happened to her or the baby? He would never forgive himself. He knew how reckless she could be and it just wasn't a good idea. He decided to continue to let her think he was dead even though he was nearly positive he had made his escape that day. Rey's happiness just wasn't worth her safety.
That night Rey lay in her cot and desperately tried to see Ben through the force. She knew he was dead...but that tiny sliver of doubt in her mind was enough to make her try one last time. But it was strange, everytime she thought she could nearly feel him, it was as if she was pushed back into her own mind by an invisible shield. Like there was a strange boundary that she just couldn't break through to feel him. She supposed this must be what happened when you died and chalked it up to that. She stopped after a few minutes and lay there frustrated. She supposed it was real...she would just have to move on and figure out how to live without him...
She placed her hands on her belly where the baby was moving around almost excitedly. She wondered if it could sense her using the force. How weird it must be to be a tiny baby and feel something in your mind like this and not know what's happening. Well she would explain everything to it when it got older. Teach it everything she could about using the force properly and for good. This tiny being was all she had left of Ben and she would treasure and love it unconditionally. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she lay there with her eyes closed feeling her baby kick around in her womb.
"It's going to be okay," she whispered out loud. She didn't know if she was talking to the baby or herself.
"Everything's going to work out somehow."
