"Unrequited"
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Feeling unrequited simulated a noxious potion so as not to have to face the cruel reality of things.
Not being reciprocated hurt with all intensity in which the gap was widening the road and the hole increased with such intensity that the same pain seized his senses, his feelings and clouded his vision. Everything in its extension turned black.
The origin of his pain was very simple.
So simple that great explanations were not needed to put it into words.
As simple as water, as soft and fragile as glass, as light as the weight of a dragonfly, as sweet as honey and as painful as an open wound.
Feeling unrequited was a peak where feeling something again invade the body led to nothing. At an inert mass that consisted of its body that advanced and ate, a mass without joke and without content that was destroyed, slowly disintegrated.
Misfortune seemed to always follow him, because he had no consideration for even hiding from him what he should not have seen, what his eyes should not have posed, what his eyes saw to completely poison and corrupt.
However, complaining about how it all happened wouldn't satisfy his worst nightmares.
It only remained to let time consume everything.
Consume everything, his feelings, the faces of your acquaintances. Consume everything until he leave it with nothing.
Everything would simply stay in nothing.
He would be left behind in Midoriya's arms forever.
He would like, even for a second to become ashes, to mutate into the bitter color of his defeat and disappear from among his companions; somehow, he sought to be forgotten.
To be forgotten by Midoriya, above all, to be left behind by him. To allow himself to be forgotten by the only person he really wanted, and if he was forgotten by Midoriya then his existence would depend on himself and not on Midoriya's smiles; those smiles that filled his heart so much, but were now directed at someone else, and seeing him from a distance, hurt. It really hurt.
He closed his eyes, shaking his head, feeling a lump in his throat accumulate with gravity and form into a rough ball that was shadow in his eyes. Shadows that moved and lost their shape, amorphous shadows that ate his soul, simply shadows that played behind his own.
He realized that when he closed his eyes, he could see Midoriya. He could feel him, he smelled him, he watched him smile, he heard him speak, he saw him take his hand gently, he glimpsed him in his arms. That image became real, palpable. It became a bit of his imagination, and once again, the pain grew in his chest ready to break. Making fun of his misery, since the abyss of being unrequited was worse than any other abyss trodden by the human.
And so he added to the trance at the mercy of his feelings, to imagine with his eyes closed and blindly surrendering to what his heart embodied in the screen of his mind, as if it made fun of his misfortune, and perhaps yes, even his body betrayed him to make fun of things that happened to him. He mocked him, but he did something in return, something to quench his thirst for tranquility. When he opened his eyes, he saw Midoriya's body near him. Yes, he smelled him, he glimpsed him so close that if he approached his hand he could reach his even if they were insignificant millimeters away that separated him from him; he saw it so close, but he couldn't touch him.
Literally, he was there right in front of him and yet, mountains, roads, forests, seas, skies and earth separated him, from being gently embraced by Midoriya's arms.
And just thinking about the other, what he witnessed with a lump in his throat, with impotence making him digestive in the pit of his stomach, with cloudy senses, and with dense constellations clapping on the tips of his fingers; thus normalizing, adjusting to its new state. The state of being unrequited.
To the painful and cruel state of the unrequited; of being the friend next door, the accomplice whom Midoriya's eyes wouldn't see with love, rather than friendship and admiration, remaining hung by the other. The other who Todoroki repudiated, the other he wanted to take his place with an open heart and willing to be received with a tender smile.
It was only enough to remember what happened to feel a knot in the stomach, and the threads of his heart tying and tightening in an oppressive sensation that began to become normal, like everything else that made up his past.
Remembering him caused that, thinking it was worse than imagining it, and dreaming it was bleak as living it in living flesh.
Todoroki couldn't stand the fact that Midoriya was Bakugou's boyfriend, in every way! He couldn't stand it in his mind.
Midoriya, the cute and gentle Midoriya, boyfriend of the cruel and despotic Bakugou? It was too embarrassing, even to be real.
It was an unquestionable truth that he found no reason to label in fallacy, because it was so real that it didn't fit in his entire body to deny it.
How did he know about that relationship?
Very simple.
On Christmas day when he arrived happily with his combinable sweater at Midoriya's house, he was received with pleasure and respect, then went to the Midoriya's dining room and ate a delicious meal in the company of Midoriya's mother, Uraraka, Iida, Midoriya and him. Nothing could ruin that moment, until Bakugou arrived.
The explosive boy exploded in a jealousy attack when he saw that he and Midoriya both wore a combination sweater, and immediately took Midoriya's arm with such aggressiveness that he thought he would break the boy's arm; in an impulse to help him, it was when he knew that between them there was not only friendship, but another type of relationship.
He watched painfully as Bakugou snatched Midoriya's sweater, knocking him down to finish taking it off, then burning it in his hands leaving only a trace of ashes as a reminder that he burned the sweater. He also witnessed how the stupefaction of Midoriya's face turned into sadness, and immediately tears of pain fell from his cheeks.
"H-how could you, Kacchan?" He left his voice with great sadness. Midoriya's voice was broken.
Todoroki saw Bakugou look down, regretting his assignment.
"You are not ashamed of what you did!" Bakugou demanded resentfully.
Midoriya pitched pitifully, getting small between his shoulders.
"You're cheeky, Deku!" He insulted, pointing at him. "Wearing the half and half bastard sweater, when you and I are dating? Ha! Deku?" He noticed how Bakugou's anger factions transformed into helplessness and frustration. Bakugou took Midoriya from the lapels of his shirt and shook him with rage until he squandered him to the ground.
"Ah!" Midoriya shouted, sobbing, without confronting him, without denying anything. Midoriya was broken, again because of Bakugou.
"You're an idiot!" Bakugou insulted in contempt. "A damn idiot! Why don't you go out with the bastard of Todoroki, huh?"
"No, Kacchan," Midoriya exclaimed in unfortunate sobs.
"You are pitiful, damn fool!" He shouted with rage. "Die, Deku! Die you and the half and half bastard! I don't want to see your ugly face again, Deku!"
"Wait-wait" Midoriya muttered, breaking even more.
"Shut up, Deku bastard!" He roared with such rumble and hatred, that Midoriya was speechless. "If you speak again, I will explode your face!"
Todoroki didn't believe what his bichromatic eyes saw; It was a painful and shocking scene.
"K-Kacchan, please" Midoriya pleaded, scattered among his tears, lying on the snowy floor, flushed both by the effects of the cold and the uneasiness of bitterness.
"Hah? Now you think to ask for mercy? Eh, Deku bastard?" He put a foot on Midoriya's chest, returning him to the ground, not caring to see how the tender and sweet Midoriya broke into pieces. Todoroki was horrified to see Bakugou unleashed, in full rage at a sweater. "Your stupid tears won't work with me"
"Please listen to me!" Midoriya tried to shout, but his voice was choked by a sob.
"Twist on the ground like a worm!" He threw Midoriya's body completely to the snow-covered floor with his foot, and Todoroki looked at Bakugou's eyes expressing pain, clearly visible.
He gaped openly that Bakugou withdrew pestilences under his breath, closing his eyes with sadness seated in them.
How could Bakugou treat Midoriya like this? With what need did he do it?
Midoriya was shattered in the snow, crying inconsolably, shivering from head to toe in pain that he himself couldn't describe. Never in his time to meet him had he seen Midoriya break.
Todoroki, unable to bear it anymore, ran towards him and hugged him without questioning him, without anticipating who the arms around him came from after being treated with such despotism.
Midoriya gave stifled screams, he cried with such bitterness that the constellations of the universe would take pity on his condition.
"Everything will be fine, Midoriya." He made a sigh, directing his view to the white cloudy sky.
"Todoroki-kun" He muttered, extending his trembling arms and hugging him tightly. "I should never have been excited about Kacchan" He said pitifully.
"Let it go, Midoriya" He whispered in his ear, squeezing him between his grip, allowing himself to close his eyes so he wouldn't have to see him broken. "I'll be with you until you feel better, no matter how long it takes for you to be well."
Midoriya took a deep breath, imprisoning Todoroki with his small arms, hiding his head between his chest, to what he supposed it was to feel sheltered.
"Thank you" He exhaled among painful little hybrids.
"I didn't think wearing the same sweater would cause you problems" He admitted regretfully. "Forgive me Midoriya, maybe because of me you are like that, and I"
"No!" Midoriya shouted hoarsely. "I bought those sweaters, Todoroki-kun." A sob escaped, followed by a hiccup. "I deserve what happened."
"No, Midoriya." He hugged him protectively. "Bakugou is the one who got carried away by his emotions, you were only you, Midoriya." He comforted him, stroking her curly hair in his right hand. "If Bakugou doesn't accept how you are, then he doesn't love you"
At this, Midoriya let out a tearing sob, breathing shortly.
"I think I always knew it" He confessed full of bitterness, surrendering to the hug without stopping to crying.
"Please, don't think it's your fault, Midoriya" He asked, lamenting the state of the person he hugged tightly. "Please," he begged swallowed dry saliva.
Bakugou definitely did not deserve to get his way this time.
And Todoroki would take care of giving him his due, even though Midoriya's feelings were not directed towards him. He would do it in order to see Midoriya's smile until the end, if that led to Midoriya's feelings being even a little affection for him, he would do anything for Midoriya.
Anything to see hid smile fill hid heart.
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Now they were both who felt unrequited …
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P.S. A chapter of Todoroki after such a long absence. We see how he and Midoriya suffer for love, because of Bakugou and his effusive attack of jealousy.
