I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you: this is not one of the one-shots that I already had written. However, my brother was watching "The Tales of Ba Sing Se" and of course I was there for Iroh's Tale. The song proceeded to get stuck in my head, and instead of shake it off and do something happy, I started thinking of Grayson, and lo and behold... this.
Obviously the song is not mine. I had to listen to the song so many times, and it is sad every time. This fic feels similar to "How to Love Again," but hey, can you blame me? I had to write something for this ruddy uddy song for Chuck's sake!
Let's Go On An Adventure
Little Soldier Boy
There was no pain like losing his son, his only son, and in the two years since their deaths, the pain never faded. It was still as fresh as it was the day he was too late to save them from the hangman.
Grayson didn't need a calendar to know what today was, and his heart compressed and burned. He couldn't bear it. He refused the plate offered to him by Mia, finding himself without much of an appetite. He spoke little, and instead of cleaning up the campsite, he slunk off to find a place where it could just sit alone and undisturbed.
Leaves fell from the trees, and as he watched them, this subtle movement felt so slow to him that he could catch one if he tried. If he did, the fragile leaves would crumble to dust beneath his fingers. He remembered a time before he lost his son where he had taken him into the forest, and he could still hear the boy's laughter as he played like he was there beside him. However, when Grayson looked (because he still looked for them despite knowing that his family was dead), he was alone. No one was there. It was just him and the silent trees and whistling wind.
"Happy birthday, my son," he whispered to the earth, and he traced his fingers through the dirt absently. He didn't know what he was drawing at first, it was just spirals upon spirals turning up the loose dirt. "If only I could have helped you." Tears welled up in his eyes, and as he knelt his head in grief, they rolled down his nose and cheeks into the otherwise dried dirt. Angry splotches of water were all too noticeable in the light dirt, but Grayson didn't notice them.
Leaves from the vine
Falling so slow
Like fragile tiny shells
Drifting in the foam.
He gasped for air, a rare sign of pure emotion that otherwise he would have kept under wraps. He pressed his forehead to the rough tree bark and used his hands to hold himself in place. His whole body was shaking from his sobs as he released his grief. Tears slipped past his defenses, and he didn't care if Mia or Drake saw him crying if they came to look for him. He had refused to talk to them when they asked what was behind his bad mood. Even if they had both lost people that they cared for, it was nothing to his loss. The pain he felt was too real. If they asked, he wouldn't be able to tell them.
Little soldier boy
Come marching home.
Brave soldier boy
Comes marching home.
His son would have been three years old today if not for him, and as he so often wished, he wished that he could have taken everything back. He shouldn't have stolen the egg. He shouldn't have trusted the wrong person. He should have been there to protect his family from the Empire.
Grayson stayed where he was for a long time, but the pain didn't go away. Never again would he be able to hear his son's laughter. Only he was around who would remember his son's birthday, and Grayson knew that he could never forget it. It was tearing him apart inside and out knowing that he was gone, that nothing could bring him back.
He thought that he heard heavy footsteps in the leaves, but he didn't turn around to look at his friends' pity. Only when he turned back to camp, Drake was avoiding eye contact, and Mia was being too nice. Grayson still said nothing to them, and he accepted their offers of dinner with brooding and silence. He picked at the food in the bowl before deciding that he wasn't hungry enough to eat it. The food would have long since gone cold by the time that he touched it.
His friends never questioned him if they knew that something was wrong. Sometimes they pressed him for answers, but not now. For once they were keeping their distance, and he was glad for it. Never would the pain of his son's death easier, but he poured into his body his will to protect his friends so he wouldn't have to lose them too.
He didn't go to sleep that night. He stared through the leaves into the stars, and two stars seemed to shine brighter to him than the rest. One for his wife, and the brighter of the two for his son. Tears continued to glisten in his eyes, and even as morning came, the deep grief that he always carried with him would never go away.
Little soldier boy
Come marching home.
Brave soldier boy
Comes marching home.
"I'm sorry," he whispered into the air, and the wind carried his words away from the camp and through the forest. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry."
Stories were told from tavern to tavern of the man who stole the last dragon's egg. Some portrayed him as a dangerous criminal who sought ruin. Some more rebellious accounts portrayed him as a brave vigilante. It didn't matter because all tales forgot about the sacrifices that Grayson had to make to keep the dragon's egg out of the Empire's possession. His son, his only son, would go forgotten. If Grayson were to die, it would be as though the boy never existed. There was no one left who would remember him as that brave little soldier boy that Grayson would have raised him to be.
"Grayson?" He froze at the sound of his own name, the only movement being the light shakes of his shoulders. He didn't look at Drake, he couldn't look at him. His eyes were fixated on the black of night around them. "I know that you're awake."
Grayson didn't answer him, but the tears continued to burn his eyes and soak his cheeks.
He heard Drake sighing, and he prayed that Drake wouldn't come his way and sit beside him. He wouldn't be able to share this with him. "You don't have to talk, just listen to me, all right man?" There was a pause. "I know that I haven't been the best friend to you, and I know that you suffered a lot during these last four years. What the Empire did to you was wrong, but it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known what would have happened."
Grayson should have known. He had been prepared to risk his life for the dragon's egg. He clutched at the fabric of his sleeping bag, still not replying, but he listened to what Drake had to say. He owed him that much.
"Don't blame yourself, man. They wouldn't have wanted you to." The next part was softer. "I'm sorry."
But what was Drake apologizing for? He had done no wrong. Grayson already knew this. He croaked out, "Drake, I…" But no more words could come out. He released another fragile tear for his dead son, and then he choked out a sob instead.
Now he could feel Drake upon him, and his friend was sitting next to him. Grayson could feel him at his back, and the shakes of his shoulders became more violent. A large hand steadied him, and fingers wove through his hair. His sobs were still audible, and Drake sat in silence with him, just listening to him.
"It would have been his birthday today," he spoke softly. He could feel the way Drake tensed even though he didn't look. "He would have been three years old if he…" Grayson choked. "I wanted to protect them, but I couldn't help them."
"You did everything you could." Drake's voice was low. "It wasn't your fault."
Grayson wasn't reassured, but he was nodding at what Drake was saying. The tears slowly stopped, but his face was still wet. "Stay here with me?" Drake was going to leave, he knew that he would, so he was surprised when he didn't.
"Of course." And he didn't leave, and he was still there as Grayson slowly drifted off, terrible memories of his family's deaths turning into happier dreams where they were still alive. Then, when he woke up, Drake was still beside him.
Leaves from the vine
Falling so slow
Like fragile tiny shells
Drifting in the foam.
Little soldier boy
Come marching home.
Brave soldier boy
Comes marching home.
They'll be okay.
There we go you're happy I'm happy we're all happy hallelujah!
So, there you have it, I guess? Really sad, but I wanted to leave it on a happier note despite the content.
Go cry your eyes out. I did.
~Lya200~
