A/N: Well I almost forgot I needed to post this heh. Hope you like this chapter, I actually really quite like this one.
2 Days Later...
Aang's POV:
I clench my fist repeatedly, trying to distract my body from the pain but it's no use the pain runs through me like a wildfire. My fist clenches again. 'This is like having Azula shoot me with lightning a hundred times.' My eyes wander around the room. White walls. White sheets. Even white doors. 'It's bad enough that everything from my capture is a blurry haze, I don't need the constant reminder of total blankness.' I put a hand to my forehead and rub it earnestly. 'Why can't I remember?! And why isn't anyone telling me anything?! I've been surrounded by hospital staff day and night and I'm fed up with it.' Just as I think that the door of my room opens and I'm ready to open my mouth to send them away until Katara pokes her head around it causing me to snap my jaws shut.
"Hey." The Waterbender greets meekly.
"Hey." I repeat back. I watch as Katara shifts awkwardly before finally deciding to step foot into the room and closing the door behind her with a soft click.
"I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not..." She starts but I shake my head slightly.
"A bit hard to do when my spine feels like it's been ripped out and then been seared back in." I say bluntly which elicits a flinch from Katara. I sigh. "Sorry, it just really hurts." The Master Waterbender takes a seat on the chair by my bed and takes hold of my clenched fist.
"What else is bothering you?" My Sifu inquires softly and I raise an eyebrow in amusement before letting it drop when I remember what's bothering me.
"Why isn't anyone telling me what happened? I've hardly seen any of you." I question, trying to keep my irritation at bay.
"You were drifting in and out of consciousness a lot. Every time I was here you were asleep." Katara states as she gazes seriously at me.
"Oh." I let out.
"And what happened is that you got hurt. What else do you want to know?" I open my mouth, but close it again, taken aback by Katara's abruptness.
"Are you ok?" I ask pointedly which causes her to sag her shoulders slightly.
"I'm sorry, I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I didn't mean to snap." I frown and give Katara's hand a squeeze. "No, don't apologise. I'm just frustrated and I'm letting it out on you."
"No, I shouldn't have been so tight lipped. The last week has been tiring and I'm a little worn down. Now, tell me what's up?" I flicker my eyes away from Katara's attentive ones.
"It's just...I can't really remember anything. It's all hazy after I was knocked out with that cloth. I get the feeling Xiu is good and he might have talked to Toph and I, but aurgh it's all mixed up." I say as I massage my temples.
"You don't remember? Probably as a result of the trauma, tends to happen, but I'll need to check myself to make sure. Toph said that Xiu was against the idea to start with and that he was apparently horrible to you to help build you up as an Avatar. She says he wasn't lying, but he's still being questioned and might get away with a light sentence for helping us. He was the one who left the cloth with his signature in the garden as a clue. Though Kyla was the one who worked it out. We went to Xiu's office and discovered a locked trap door. By the time we found you and Toph you were already in the Avatar State. It seems they were using an electric probe on your back to force you in it." I frown, 'that might explain why I can't remember anything then, but...'
"Wasn't Toph in the prison with me when I went into the Avatar State? Is she ok?" I ask as fear crawls up my spine.
"She was, but she's fine." I raise a sceptical eyebrow at Katara's response. 'Nothing is fine when I'm in the Avatar State.' Katara must've taken note of my disbelief as she releases a small breath. "Ok, she did hit her head with the initial air burst. She's fine now, barking out orders to her officers as usual." I can tell that Katara's not being honest with the true extent of Toph's injuries when her eyes flickers briefly away from mine before returning back.
"After you leave send Toph in, I want to see she's alright." I announce and I'm surprised when Katara nods without hesitation, 'that means Toph is fine otherwise Katara would be more reluctant.' I clear my throat.
"What happened next?" I prompt.
"Zee came along, we fought his rebels, Kyla came with the police and bloodbended Zee unconscious. She went with the police. Xiu found a bomb and we managed to get you and Toph out of the cell just in time." I nod at the quick retelling until I play back the words in my head.
"But how did you break me out of the Avatar State?" Katara shifts slightly, her eyes unreadable.
"Like I usually do. Now, let me do a session on your back." But I can sense something's off and grab her by the elbow but she flinches and pulls away from me. I narrow my eyes at the action and upon further inspection I see a dark patch on her top at the shoulder.
"What happened?!" I demand. Her eyes glances down before releasing a low growl of frustration.
"Shoot! I forgot to go out and buy a new one."
"Katara." I emphasise sternly which causes the Waterbender to sigh and drop back into her chair.
"I got a small nick on the shoulder by one of their arrows, but nothing I couldn't patch up." She replies with an encouraging smile.
"Then why did you flinch?" I probe relentlessly. Silence. I watch as she runs a hand through her hair.
"We were a bit late in getting out before the bomb went off." She releases a deep breath. "I dislocated my shoulder, so it's still a bit sore, but I'm otherwise fine, honestly." My heart plummets at hearing this and I close my eyes. 'She got hurt because of me.' But no sooner do I do that I feel a hand on my cheek.
"Aang look at me." At her coax I re-open my eyes. "Don't you even think of blaming yourself. It's bad enough that Toph's blaming herself." But I shake my head.
"I was the reason Toph was captured in the first place!" I protest but I'm surprised when I see Katara start shaking her head.
"No you weren't. Do you remember what the rebels' end goal was?" I blink twice. "They wanted to get rid of everyone who played a part in ending the war." I frown, still not getting it. "But that was before we knew Zee was involved, why would he want to kill you guys when all you did was help end the war?"
"Because he believed we failed him and his family since our actions weren't quick enough to save them. Sort of like twisted pay back. That's why he captured Toph as well. He was going to take us down one at a time, but since Toph was already with you, he took the opportunity and captured her too." Katara explains.
"How do you know that?" I ask, still taken back at how crazy that plan sounds, 'although Zee did seem a bit on the unstable side.'
"The police found it in a bunch of files they managed to save before the bomb went off in the underground hideout."
"That still doesn't change the fact that I put you all in danger." I say, my tone deflated.
"And this is why I didn't want to tell you anything because I knew you would blame yourself!" The Waterbender responds in frustration.
"Because it's true!" I shoot back.
"It's not true! We won didn't we? Besides, I'm fine." I grind my teeth slightly at Katara's insistence.
"Don't say you're fine when you're not!" I shout. Katara watches me closely before leaning back on her chair.
"Nice to see you now know how annoying it is when someone says their fine and clearly aren't." I open my mouth at Katara's retort but close it a second later in stunned silence. I drop my eyes down in embarrassment.
"Yeah...that is quite annoying. Sorry." I mumble out, as I realise how much of a pain I must have been to Katara and Kyla. Her hand returns to mine.
"I appreciate how much you care, but I'm alright. I just have to keep away from any strenuous activity for a couple of months." I sigh and sag back onto the mattress.
"Of course I care. I don't know what I'd do without you." I say honestly which causes Katara to flush as her eyes flicker away from mine momentarily. She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Same; I was really scared, but I'm glad that's all behind us. Now, let me have a look at your back." My Sifu quips with a smile as she rises from her seat and rolls me gently onto my side. She pulls the duvet down and only now do I realise that I'm just in my trunks. I look down and stare at the scars crisscrossing all the way along my arms. I hunch my shoulders slightly and close my eyes.
"Aang?" I open my eyes reluctantly at Katara's probe to stare straight into her concerned oceanic orbs. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I swallow back the ball of emotion lodged in my throat and shake my head slightly. She frowns and I observe as her eyes run up and down my scarred body. I shift uncomfortably which causes Katara's eyes to snap back to mine, as understanding dawns on her.
"Sorry, I should've asked if this is alright with you...I can go and get Kyla if you'd prefer?" She asks softy but I shake my head again.
"No, it's alright." I say, trying to keep my voice level. I watch as Katara purses her lips and shifts closer towards me.
"They still bother you." The Waterbender states, more as a fact than a question. I sigh.
"They do. I just...the memories...they get too much sometimes." I choke out causing Katara's frown to deepen.
"We'll work on changing that, together." My Sifu answers softly and wraps her arms gently around me. I shiver slightly before sagging against her. We stay like that for a while until Katara finally pulls away.
"Ok, healing time, if that's ok with you?" I give her a small nod and she goes round to the other side. But when the water touches my back, I flinch hard and images flash before me.
"Why did you leave?" Gyatso.
"How could he leave us behind?" The gang.
"You're worthless. You don't deserve to be the Avatar." Yon Yu.
"You'll suffer just as my family did." Zee. I pull myself into a foetal position.
"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry." Apologies tumble out of my mouth.
"Aang! Aang! Aang!" The flash of images come to an abrupt stop and I become aware of hands clutching my biceps tightly. My eyes drift up to Katara's panicked face. "What happened?" She asks.
"I'm such a failure. It seems all I ever do is mistakes and worry everyone." I mutter out subconsciously and only realise that I've voiced my thoughts out when Katara reels back in shock at my venomous words.
"No you're not! Where in the world did that come from?!" She questions outright.
"I keep getting these flashes of all my mistakes. It just shows me how much of a screw-up I am." I reply with downcast eyes, but Katara lifts up my chin, forcing me to meet her eyes.
"I don't know why you're getting these flashes. But you need to know that you're wrong. You are not worthless or a failure or a screw-up. You are brave, selfless and valuable. You are so much more than what you think and believe. I don't know what poisonous thinking these rebels have fed you or forced you to feel but they're wrong. You need to remember all your successes, all your victories, every time you saved the world and us. I just wish you could see yourself the way we see you."
"But I've hurt you all, I never seem to listen..."
"And I've hurt you! No one is perfect. Everyone is flawed and makes mistakes but that's what makes us human. It teaches us to learn and it teaches us to grow. You've had a lot to carry on your own, but you've got through it. You've won. All the remaining rebels have been caught and are in prison because of you." Katara's words pierce through me strongly and I want to believe her, but part of me can't, part of me just seems to keep circling around my self-doubt.
"I don't know." I finally settle on.
"You might not, but I do. Why do you think we all care? Why do you think Kyla and I have hardly slept a wink since you came here. Why do you think Sokka chooses to sleep on the floor by your bedside during the night? Why do you think Toph has been standing guard all day outside your door? Why do you think Zuko refuses to go back to the Fire Nation until he sees that you're ok? If you were so faulty why would we all do that?" I'm about to refute Katara's words when I realise I have no points to argue against. 'I know they care. But maybe Katara is right. Maybe I should stop pitying myself and putting myself down, especially when everyone thinks of me so highly. I'm just as important to them as they are to me.' And after so many years of holding onto that toxic thinking I finally decide to let it go. I look up to Katara's anxious face.
"You're right. I need to let it go. If you all can think that highly of me then maybe it's about time I start to think the same of myself." I say and it's like a burden is lifted off my shoulders. Katara beams at me and I find myself beaming back. 'Its time to start anew.'
A/N: So our favourite little Airbender is finally starting to realise that these negative thoughts aren't good for him. Heh bit of a depressing chapter now that I think about it, but hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think! The next chapter is one of my favourites, so I look forward to posting that one next week! Hope you all are having a lovely weekend.
8/3/20
