Author's note: CW: This chapter contains sex, violence (though not sexual violence), torture, and general awfulness.
When Elrond came in before dawn the next morning, I was relieved to see he looked a little better. His face had a little more colour in it and the rings under his eyes had started to fade.
"Hello, mate," I greeted him with a smile as I stopped my gentle strumming of the guitar. "No sleep this last night, so we sat up and had some music instead. Do you want me to fetch you two anything before I head out?"
They both shook their heads, though Elrond did so fluidly while Celebrían moved in a rather jerky, robotic fashion.
"I'll stop by this afternoon," I said to Celebrían, giving her hand a small squeeze as I got up, and with a last wave to them both, I headed out.
Elrond's lack of appetite seemed contagious. To my surprise, I found myself eschewing breakfast, the smell of stone-baked bread emanating from the kitchens not tempting me in the slightest as I made my way to my office.
At my desk, I took out Celebrían's file and started writing in it all the information about the event Elladan and Elrohir had imparted. When that was complete, I took out a clutch full of blank paper and filled page after page with possible treatment pathways.
I had not bothered to keep a track of the time while I was in there. It had evidently been quite a few hours, though, because a knock sounded at the door that I instantly recognised to be Glorfindel's. When I called out that the door was unlocked, he opened it and I could see out behind him that it was late afternoon already. Glorfindel stepped inside hesitantly, looking very subdued and nervous.
"Hey there, sunshine," I said with a soft smile, hoping to reassure him a little. A tiny smile tugged at one corner of his mouth that was extinguished as quickly as it had appeared. I took the stack of notes I had written, placed them in Celebrían's file, and returned the file to the drawer which I locked with a click.
I rose from my chair and made my way to Glorfindel, who was still standing near the doorway, watching me silently. Reaching around behind him, I gently closed the door and latched it. I took him by the hands and guided him over to the couch and sat him down, taking my own spot beside him.
"How was Celebrían?" Glorfindel asked as he gently pulled me to him.
"She didn't sleep a wink," I answered as I settled my head on his chest. "But I wouldn't have called her a hundred percent awake, either. She seems to be very numb. How was Elrond?"
"Not much better," lamented Glorfindel. "I could not persuade him to take more than a bite of anything at breakfast this morning, so I made sure the one mouthful he did have was lembas."
I shot him the thumbs up. That was a solid plan. "And what of you, then, hmm?" I continued.
Glorfindel let out a puff of air. "I did not sleep much. It is the first time in a long time I have slumbered in a bed without you in it, and I did not enjoy it at all."
I nodded. "I missed it, too," I said quietly, shaking my head at the chaos of it all. "These weeks have gone by in a blur. What a nightmare of a time it's been, and we're not even the ones most deeply affected. I don't know what I'd have done if-"
"Don't say it," whispered Glorfindel as he clutched me tightly and buried his face in my hair. "Don't even think it." His breaths grew shallower. I shifted into his lap and took his head in my hands, brushing the tears off his cheeks with my thumbs.
"We are both well," I reminded him. He kept his eyes focused on the bookcase beside him. "Glorfindel, look at me," I bid. He reluctantly tore his gaze away and slowly met my eyes, and I watched him carefully. "And even if we weren't, we would weather it, just as Elrond and Celebrían will."
Glorfindel didn't say anything, resting a hand on my face, frowning ever so slightly.
I raised an eyebrow. "You know I'm right."
He nodded and his soft blue eyes flicked down to my mouth. I smiled and rested my forehead against his, and he slowly tilted his jaw upwards, gently but insistently pressing his lips to mine for the first time since all of this had happened.
I gave into temptation and pressed back softly, which seemed to be the only cue Glorfindel needed to deepen the kiss- and he did, quickly and entreatingly. His hands didn't settle anywhere, switching from my face to my back to my own hands and back to my face again. I moved one of my own hands from his face to the narrowest part of his waist to pull him close like I was afraid he would float away, which prompted a staccato exhalation from him. The fact that we had unknowingly both starved ourselves of affection while we devoted our energies to supporting Celebrían and Elrond had, it appeared, finally come to a head.
The dangerous emotional cocktail of loneliness and arousal made our kisses uncharacteristically short, uneven, fraught, and entirely silent, not a moan or laugh to be heard from either of us. I shifted one of my legs so that I straddled him, our torsos pressing against each other, our hearts hammering through all the layers of clothing. He put a hand on the small of my back and slid me closer to him, eliciting a small gasp from me as my undercarriage gently pressed against the hardness at the front of his pants.
I broke the kiss a moment and watched Glorfindel, my eyes glancing from where our attention-seeking erogenous zones were concealed up to his face as I searched for some sign of what he wanted. Glorfindel seemed to be doing the same, his sapphire eyes wide as he cautiously scrutinised me. I gave a tiny nod, my eyes locking on his, which he returned. Wordlessly, we untied the leather straps on each other's pants and slipped them down without moving off each other.
Glorfindel pulled me into another kiss, and with his hands on my hips, guided me closer and eased into me. Our breathing snagged at the same time; he wrapped one arm around me, sandwiching me to him, the other hand supporting me underneath as he started to gently grind us together. I matched his rhythm and we picked up the pace, moving in a synchrony of quick, silent desperation as we tried to displace the overwhelming stress and anguish that gripped us. I dug my fingers into Glorfindel's back. He had a fine perspiration condensing on his temples as he rode me hard against him now. Moments later, we came together, with soft, voiceless gasps escaping us between the periods where we sought each other's lips. Minutes again after that, we were decently dressed and fast asleep on the couch, our limbs tangled in a chaotic sprawl which didn't unravel until the next morning.
Though said office couch was perfectly clean, I felt so awkward about what had happened that I ended up swapping it out that day with the one in our bedroom, which did not have emergency loneliness sex ground into it.
Celebrían asked me to come to her study the day after that, which I gladly obliged, showing up with her file and plenty of paper.
"Do you really think this will help?" she asked me again, her voice as empty as ever.
"I'd give anything to try," I repeated with the same smile. "I'll need to ask you a few questions so I can be sure of what I'm working with, but if I could, I'd like to get a little bit of background from you as to what happened first."
Celebrían looked pained at my request, brow furrowing and her eyes shutting tightly.
"You don't have to get it all out in one go," I said. "We can take plenty of breaks and do things that will help you relax. All you need to do is say when you've had enough, and we'll stop there, all right? How does that sound?"
She took a deep breath, let it out, and nodded gingerly. After taking a moment to collect herself, she began to speak.
"We had just reached the Redhorn Pass. Things had been very peaceful until then, but as if they had come out of nowhere, a horde of about twelve Orcs ambushed us. I was seized by four of the most powerful ones, who grabbed me each by one limb, and they carried me away as the others killed my entire escort. I tried to fight, but I could not overpower them." Celebrían winced and stifled a sob. "I could hear them screaming as the Orcs hacked at their limbs before finally giving them fatal wounds. They… they intentionally dragged it out to make them suffer…"
I closed my eyes for a moment in horror, but quickly composed myself, noting this all down.
"Where they took me, I do not know," she continued slowly. "They had blindfolded and gagged me around halfway through the journey. When we finally stopped, they tied my limbs together, lifted me up as high as they could and dropped me onto a hard path covered with sharp, jagged stones that I am certain broke some of my ribs when I landed on them. I could not breathe without pain, and it made it impossible to scream- not that I could with that gag in my mouth, anyway."
By this point, Celebrían was trembling like a leaf, what little colour she had now having completely drained from her face.
"If you're feeling overwhelmed, remember you can pause or end the session at any time," I reminded her gently.
Celebrían sniffed. "I have been weak enough," she rasped, evident disdain for how she had handled the situation in her tone.
"Celebrían, I don't believe you have been weak in any of this," I said, shaking my head firmly.
Her face twisted into a snarl. "Had I been even a hint braver, I might have stopped what happened next," she spat scornfully.
"I won't tell you how to feel," I replied, "but I do think it would be well to keep in mind that four against one makes for incredibly unfair odds. Would you like to proceed, or are you ready for a break?"
"Oh, there were more than four," Celebrían replied, glossing over my question. "The ones who survived killing off my escorts followed them."
"Did you ever see how many there were?" I asked.
"Not see, no, but hear and smell, yes. They all had turns torturing me, and because they came back for more turns later, the number eight is cemented in my mind."
"Tell me about what happened when they tortured you."
Celebrían leaned back in her chair, eyes focused on something far off and her voice turning hollow again as she spoke of the things she was subjected to, first while gagged and blindfolded, and then once they had removed the blindfold. My hand flew across the page as she named the atrocities committed against her, and I could honestly say that in all my years of practice, both in London and Middle-Earth, I had never heard someone undergo so much prolonged suffering and not die of it.
Among the things she listed were: repeated stranglings, being dragged over hot coals, beatings (with fists, blunt, and sharp objects), whippings, various shallow and deep knife woundings, and what seemed like a primitive form of waterboarding. All of these had been carried out over several days, without pause, wavering in intensity from mild to severe. As I understood it, they had intended to progressively wound her in various ways until her body was beyond repair, in such a way as to inflict the most pain possible in the meantime. She described the process to me as similar to dropping fruit on the ground multiple times, where it first softens, then bruises, then interiorly disintegrates, and finally ruptures. I could feel the bile in my throat as she relayed this analogy to me, and had to have a few sips of water to keep my stomach from totally rebelling.
On top of that, the Orcs knew who she was, and used it to their advantage in exacting abhorrent psychological abuse on her. They taunted her by saying that they had another band of Orcs waylaying her sons and delighted in outlining the ways in which they would be similarly persecuted and murdered. They also spoke of the ways in which she herself would eventually be killed, never failing to add that Elrond was sure to die horribly as a consequence.
What I had expected to take four sessions with breaks to cover, she did in one afternoon. Where she drew the reserves to speak for so long without passing out or attempting to harm herself was beyond me. I barely had enough in me to listen to her accounts of these monstrous acts, but I had made a promise to Elrond that for as long as she wanted my services, I would give them.
Thankfully, once the backstory had been divulged, we were able to start with assessments for various disorders, but I suggested that we start with that in the next session. Celebrían found, understandably, that she didn't have the strength to walk very far after that, and explicitly did not want to be left alone, so I opened the door into the corridor and we sat together, me strumming on the guitar, until Elrond came in half an hour later. When he arrived, I took my leave of both of them, making for my office to lock away Celebrían's file and spend a good hour sitting and unbottling all the emotions I had pent up over the afternoon.
That, however, was not to be, because when I was on the home stretch for the clinic, I espied two dark-haired figures standing by the office door. Alerted by my footsteps, they turned around.
"Hello there, nippers," I said with a small, tired smile. "Were you looking for me?"
They both nodded. "May we come into your office with you?" Elladan asked.
"Most definitely," I replied.
I opened the door and invited them inside, closing the door behind me.
"What's happening, eh?" I enquired as I put Celebrían's file in the drawer and locked it.
"We want someone to talk to," Elladan replied quietly.
"Ada is too busy looking after Naneth, and our grandparents are also quite preoccupied, it seems," Elrohir added.
I nodded. "That is quite understandable," I said. "This entire thing has been a nightmare from start to finish, not least for you two. Tell me, what is it you're after? Do you want a psychologist, or do you want an aunt?"
"Aunt," they answered automatically. I nodded.
"Come and sit with your Auntie Rhodri on the couch, then, and tell me everything." We walked over to the sofa and I sat between the two of them. They linked their arms through mine and rested their heads on my shoulders, something they hadn't done since they were children.
"Naneth is not well at all," Elladan murmured quietly.
"Well, no, you're right there, but thanks to the two of you reaching her as quickly as you did," I replied, "she is very much out of the danger zone in a physical sense, and that was the most immediate risk to her life."
Elrohir shook his head. "We came too late even then."
That was a baffling thing to hear, especially given my last remark. "What do you mean by that?" I prompted him gently.
Elrohir sighed unsteadily and said, "Had we made it earlier, we might have at least spared her some of that misery."
"We should have insisted on riding with her," Elladan insisted, smacking his knee with a closed fist angrily. "We should have known that the risk could be there!"
"Or at least gone ahead as scouts, cleared the path or made her turn back," his brother agreed in sorrowful contrition. "She didn't deserve this."
"Hey," I said, squeezing their arms in mine. "Of course she didn't deserve it, but none of what you did would have been enough to stop this from happening."
"It should have been us," Elladan said thickly. He let out a small whimper and leaned away from me, hiding his face in the crook of his arm.
"Oh, hey," I whispered as I unlinked my arm and draped it over his shoulder. "Look, you two need to know that absolutely none of this is your fault." I took the arm around Elrohir and wrapped it around his shoulder, and gently dragged them both over to me.
I didn't say anything more for a moment as they buried their faces into my shoulder, and waited for them to regain their composure.
"Listen," I said when their faces finally resurfaced. "You need to think very carefully about how you process this situation, because otherwise you are going to be unnecessarily flogging yourselves, and for what?" I sighed. "This could have happened on any of the journeys your mother took to Lothlórien over the last thousand years. She took the standard precautions, and for once, it wasn't enough."
"Exactly!" choked Elladan furiously. "We should have known better."
"What indication did you have that this would happen, hm?" I looked at them both, and they looked back at me like they wanted to argue but had nothing to substantiate a rebuttal. "Nothing, exactly. It's not like you knew this was coming and decided to ignore the warnings. Don't approach this thinking you could foresee any of this, otherwise you'll eventually believe it, and once you start believing it, you'll suffer so much more than what you already do."
They said nothing for a while.
"Do you trust my judgement?" I asked them.
Elladan and Elrohir nodded.
"Enough to believe me when I say that you're not at fault for this?"
They glanced at each other, then at me, and hesitantly shrugged.
"You won't believe it wholeheartedly at first. But you're a good team, you two. Work together in reminding each other that it's not your fault, walking each other through that logical pathway I mentioned before: if you knew, you would have stopped it, but you didn't, so you couldn't. You both showed exemplary bravery as soon as you knew what had happened, and it was precisely that that saved your mother."
I swelled with pride as I clapped them on the shoulders, scarcely able to believe that these were the same Elflings who would sit on my lap and tell me grandiose tales about the bugs in the garden. The sweet, funny kids who were now the sombre adults left reeling by horrific circumstances. "You have every reason to be truly proud of yourselves. The only blameworthy subjects were the Orcs who did this. Go over that until it sticks. Got it?"
They sighed, a more accepting look coming over their faces now. At last, they nodded. I gave them both an affectionate squeeze, and said, "Good. Now, as your aunt, I firmly advise that you make your way to the kitchens and ask for a slice of cake each. And make them big slices, too. None of this airy-fairy half a doorstop business. Eat it all and relax for the evening, let everything settle a bit, and then come back and talk more whenever you need it, all right?"
Another nod, and with amused smiles, they departed.
I heaved a sigh, feeling an awful mixture of sadness, anger, exhaustion, and despondency fill me up. There was a good reason why psychologists weren't supposed to treat loved ones, I thought to myself as I left the office to find Glorfindel and pester him to get cake with me.
