It is nearing mid-afternoon when Billana wakes. The weeks in Mirkwood have made her accustomed to waking in the middle of a tangle of limbs, apparently dwarves are much like wolves in the way that they seek their family members for warmth and protection in the night. Having once spent so many weeks as a wolf during a harsh winter, and growing up with various furry companions, Billana is just as accustomed to this practice as her dwarves and aside from some early embarrassment in the mornings she has grown to love waking up surrounded as she is. It is a little bit different when she wakes up completely naked, slightly sticky and pressed between two equally bare bodies. Bodies which show the interest of her companions as clearly as the amazed and loving expressions on their faces. She hisses when they touch her, a sharp intake of breath at how tender she feels and they withdraw in understanding. She expects disappointment from them, some dark voice in her mind that sounds like Camellia Sackville-Baggins insists that they will cast her aside. They have what they wanted, they'll want her as long as she goes along with their plans and if she shies away now it will only prove just how useless and defective she is. She wants to scream at the voice to be silent, to stop, to leave her alone because there has never been any sign that either prince would treat her that way, but it keeps going, keeps whispering. She feels her breath speed up and tears gather in her eyes, she can't lose them, she can't push them away, she wants them and needs them and loves them and surely they must know it.
"Open your eyes, Kitten," Fili says from above her. She opens eyes she hadn't realised that she had closed to find them both looking down at her. Fili is calm but Kili looks like he is on the edge of panicking and that baffles her. "Deep breath in," Fili orders, "hold it. And breathe out." She follows his instructions as he repeats them, feels the despair that had tried to take her into its grasp fade back enough that she can sit up and fling herself into Fili's arms. "Get her some of that wine, Kili," Fili orders softly.
"No," she breathes, reaching out blindly to grab Kili's hand and drag him close. "Stay, please stay."
He slides in next to them, tangling his fingers into her hair for a moment and she winces when he finds a snarl. He untangles it gently and she remembers how light his touch had been the night before, how impossibly careful they had both been with her. She understands why now, her body twinging with the unfamiliar use and reminding her that with the wonder of the previous night had come the pain and discomfort her mother had always told her to expect the first time. Pain they had quickly eased and stolen and hidden with the deep and all consuming joy that their touch had called forth. Her memories ease her fears a little, remembering their words and actions and assurances, and the warm strength of them that surrounds her reminds her that they are here, they haven't left her alone or turned away.
"What happened?" Fili asks.
"It doesn't matter," she whispers, shaking her head.
"It does," Kili insists, "you frightened us, Kundith. Do you regret-"
"No!" She exclaims, pulling away from Fili so that she can stare at his brother. "No, I could never, I just- I couldn't-"
She grumbles in frustration when the words won't come. She needs to tell them, this isn't something that she wants to keep on hearing in her mind every time they come together like this. Finally the words come spilling out and the brothers listen in silence as she tells them of the poison that Camellia had dripped into her ears over the years. She tells them of the conversations that she overheard between other hobbit wives. For the most part, hobbits marry for love, but there have been plenty of occasions where love has been nothing more than infatuation on one side and skilled manipulation on the other, or necessity born of indiscretion. She confesses that before she left the Shire her grandfather had told her that he would be looking for a suitable husband for her as soon as she came of age so that she would be protected when he passed on, trapped in much the same way that her mother had been.
"Your people find that acceptable?" Kili demands. "Couples bound by lies? Wives forced to submit to their husbands regardless of their wishes?"
"It isn't so different among Men," Fili growls and turns blazing eyes on her. "One of these days, Kitten, I am going to forget the importance of this quest, go to the Shire and burn the whole place to the ground." She shrinks back from his anger and his face falls. "That would never be permitted among dwarves. When we fall in love, we do so with our entire being. I cannot imagine loving someone and forcing them to do something against their will. I cannot imagine forcing you to do anything against your will. I would cut off my own arm before I used it to hurt you, Billana. We both would."
"We love you," Kili tells her simply, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. "In case that wasn't clear last night or just now." His voice is soft in her ear but given the way he is holding her she cannot turn to see his expression.
The confirmation is on Fili's face, the way that he leans in and brushes his lips across hers so lightly that it almost isn't quite a kiss, how he pushes her hair behind her ear and his fingers linger. She leans against Kili, drawing Fili close so that he has to lie with his head on her lap and his lips brush against the soft skin of her stomach, drawing a happy sigh from her. They stay this way for a while, and Billana finds herself falling into a light doze with her princes.
"We should get up," she whispers finally, "everyone will wonder where we are."
"They've probably worked it out by now," Kili mutters, sounding as sleepy as she feels and embarrassment flares.
"It's late, Kitten," Fili points out, apparently content to stay where he is, "If they hadn't worked it out they would have already come looking for us." He yawns and sits up reluctantly. "You are, however, correct, we should be helping to get things together for when we depart. I can't imagine Uncle wants to linger long once the finer details have been hammered out." Kili groans, but the sound carries a note of agreement and Billana knows that she should be helping as well.
Billana pulls the beautiful dress that Dori made her back on, then hurries to her rooms to find her other clothes. Nori is lying on the bed, twirling a dagger between her fingers and looking positively gleeful when she sees Billana enter the room. For a moment the hobbit fears that the thief is going to ask for details about her night, but Nori only hands her a packet of herbs to soak into her bath which will help with any lingering ache. The wink as she says it tells Billana exactly what she means but the thief leaves before anything else can be added and Billana decides to take the opportunity to wash before dressing. Soaking in the tub is another way of avoiding the attention and notice of the rest of the Company, but eventually the water cools and she has to dress and join them.
No one mentions her late entrance, or asks her where or who she has been with. In truth, it looks like a miracle that Bofur is even out of bed, his eyes rimmed in red and his head cushioned on the table as he lifts his head periodically to take a grimacing swig from a large tankard. Ori isn't in much better condition and Dori is shaking his head and clucking over his younger brother while his needle flashes through the tunic is he sewing. Beside him is a completed piece with a pile of others to be started. There is no sign of Oin or Gloin, though she hears Bombur say that word that the dwarves have a healer has gotten out and that Oin has gone to do whatever he can for whatever coin that he can make. Bifur is examining an old chair with a block of wood in hand, occasionally shaving off a piece to use as a wedge while he repairs it and Bombur is writing at a small side table. Kili and Fili are both sharpening various blades when she looks over at them, a piece of parchment covered in the angular runes that dwarves prefer set out in front of them. They both smile at her and she debates joining them until her eyes land on the amount of work Dori has sitting at his feet. She offers to help him instead and the thanks her gratefully.
That offer comes to haunt her over the following days and she rapidly finds herself getting to the stage where she hopes she never sees another needle or tunic that needs mending again. It serves to keep her close under the watchful eyes of the others, however, something she is grateful for one afternoon nine days later when Nori waltzes in and announces that the Master's lackey is watching the boarding house from across the street. The thief isn't concerned, but Thorin, who has since concluded his negotiations with the Master of Laketown, is immediately alert. Billana hasn't slept in her own room since the first evening in the floating town and by this stage all of the Company know it. None of them comment, even Balin has done little more than assure her that if she needs anything he will be there to help her. She has probably become a little bit too accustomed to curling up with Fili and Kili, but from the way that Thorin reacts to the news that Alfrid is lurking nearby she wonders if it isn't a good thing that she spends all of her nights in with them. From the way that they shift nearer to her, she suspects that they feel the same way.
It doesn't occur to her that there might be a problem until late two days later. She is with Kili in the common room, though they should have retired hours earlier, curled on a loveseat that is hidden from both windows and the entrance to the boarding house. She has a book in her hand and even though it is a ridiculously contrived romance between an elf and a dwarf they have been enjoying taking turns in reading it. Fili had rolled his eyes at them a while ago and retired to bed, declaring that the story was ridiculous enough without the voices they insist on adding and the over dramatic acting that follows. He had kissed her goodnight, reminded her that she was more than welcome to abandon her amateur theatrics for a different type of fun entirely, and gone to bed with a jaw cracking yawn. Thorin is eager to be out of Laketown and he has been pushing everyone hard to gather supplies. When that is added to the restrictions upon them in this place Billana doesn't blame any of them for wanting to be on the road. She is just beginning to read the first sentence of the final chapter, already able to see that this story is going to end in tragedy, when Kili hushes her softly. She listens, wondering what he might have heard that she has missed, and is startled when he hisses for her to change. She doesn't even consider ignoring him, shifting into her preferred alternative form of a cat and he tucks her clothes behind him as he lounges on the loveseat with the book. Billana curls up on his stomach and he runs his fingers through her fur, dragging a purr from her even though she can feel how tense he is beneath her.
"Can I help you?" He asks when three Men march into the common room.
"Where's your hobbit?" Alfrid sneers and Kili nudges her gently.
"What do you want with her?" Kili replies, turning so that he can stand as she leaps to the floor. "Do Thorin and her father know you're looking for her?"
It's hint enough to go and find his uncle and she prowls from the room, pausing to wind around the legs of one of the guards with Alfrid who sneers and kicks her away with his foot. It isn't a hard blow and she simply rocks to the side, sparing him a hiss and then marching from the room with her nose in the air exuding offended pride. As soon as she is in the corridor the unaffected act vanishes and she darts up the stairs to Thorin's room. The door is closed and locked when she shifts back so that she can open it and she grumbles a vicious curse. Her vocabulary has expanded considerably during the months she has been travelling with the Company and she utilises it to the fullest under her breath. She doesn't want to bang on the door to wake him and alert Alfrid and his two guards to the fact that she is here. Nor does she want to leave Kili alone with them for any longer than she has to. A flicker of light from under the next door catches her attention, Balin is still awake and she pushes the door open quickly.
"What's wrong?" Balin demands as soon as he looks up. She's naked, she realises, and the hour is late, he must have instantly thought the worst. "You must be freezing." He throws his battered coat around her.
"The Master's man, Alfrid, he's in the common room with Kili, he was looking for me," she whispers. Balin's expression turns thunderous.
"Go to Fili," he orders, "I'll rouse Thorin and we'll deal with it."
"I should come with you," she insists.
"No," Balin snaps quickly. "They don't know about your magic and I want to keep it that way. Stay with Fili and tell him to keep you safe, do you hear me, lass?" She nods reluctantly. "Go on then. Get some rest if you can, after this development I should imagine Thorin will have us on the road as soon as the sun rises."
A.N: Sometimes it's easy to forget that Billana has suffered at the hands of the other hobbits, whether deliberately or not, and it pops up when I'm not quite expecting it to. At this point this story is basically writing itself.
