Chapter 38

BPOV

I could picture it.

My mother and my father. Together. Again.

I'd changed out of my wedding dress and was descending the stairs to find them sitting together on the sofa with their backs to me. Talking quietly. Not touching.

And I could see it. Even when the possibility of it had presented itself in the past weeks, I'd never truly considered it possible. Until now. Charlie, handsome and awkward and responsible. Renee, beautiful and outgoing and spontaneous. With Charlie it was easy to picture, ease to read. That he'd never stopped loving her for a single moment was so transparent to me there was to be not a scrap of doubt. Renee was trickier. But something had changed. She was exactly the same loving, reckless Renee I'd come to love, and yet she also...wasn't.

"Sometimes people just aren't...ready," Edward had said.

My mother had always told me I was an old soul. Charlie was too—I'd gotten to know him enough to see it. Renee was the opposite. What if the timing had just been off for her all those years ago? What if she'd just needed time to...grow up? What if now the timing was right? Right for both of them?

I could picture it.

I could picture it with a clarity that sent my world teetering on an axis.

Charlie would ground her, take care of her. Make her laugh with that little bit of silliness in him. Renee would bring back all the color and brightness in his life, break down all the walls he'd built around his own happiness. Bring him out of his shell the way no one else could.

It would be all I'd ever wanted for them.

Better than I could ever hope for.

For them both to have someone to love. To be taken care of. To be happy. To be loved. Together.

All I'd ever wanted.

They'd build a new life together with love, laughter, happiness.

A life without me.

The pain I felt in that instant closed in on me, shaking the air around each breath I took. I squeezed my eyes closed and fought to dispel it. I could see it clearly now. They were both still young. I could see them. Happy. Holding a baby in their arms. Their second child.

A child that would stay.

A child that would grow up and take care of them.

A new life.

A new life without me in it.

The sound of Edward's footsteps coming down the stairs behind me had me swivelling around to face him. He took one look at me and his expression dropped; he looked slightly panicked, and he halted on the stairs for a moment, holding a suitcase in each hand.

Crap. Crap.

I shook my head at him. Tried to shake off my moment of weakness.

He made quick work of the remaining steps, set down the suitcases. Then I was hugging him to me, turning my face into his crisp white shirt.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, somewhat desperately.

I shook my head again. Squeezed him tighter, because this was why. Because I had Edward. I could get through anything as long as that were true.

"Bells?"

Charlie. He sounded worried too. I really needed to get a hold of myself. I turned around in Edward's arms to face my parents. They'd stood from the sofa and were facing me now. They were still wearing their wedding attire.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?"

Renee now.

Darn it. I choked out a laugh. Took in their worried faces. Swiped once at my eyes with the back of my hand. "Sorry," I said. "Having a moment here. It's just...I'm going to miss you both."

Renee stepped forward and hugged me. "Don't be silly. We'll see you in a week."

It was true. I still had time. We still had time.

Charlie better understood. "Door's always open, Bells," he told me as he hugged me.

I blinked again. Then I stepped back and gave them a smile, albeit a wobbly one.

Edward, of course, understood better than the both of them combined.

When we were outside, car piled with my suitcases, ready to go, he took my hand and pulled me aside. "Are you sure?" he asked, and there was much complexity in the question. It wasn't clear if he was referring to our honeymoon travel plans or something much more significant.

It didn't matter. The answer would be the same.

"Yes," I told him.

I was never more certain of anything than I was of him.


The wait for our flight at the Seattle Airport was long, but that was okay. I'd quickly recovered from my lapse back at the house, and the feeling of euphoria had taken hold once more. I felt dazed with it. Awed. Floating with happiness. And I made sure Edward knew it.

"I can't believe we're married," I marvelled to him as we sat waiting in the boarding terminal.

"It's extraordinary, isn't it?" he answered.

"It's the best," I told him, reveling in my happiness.

His answering smile was too perfect for words.

I picked up his hand, looking down at the ring on his finger. "You know what one of the best parts is?" I touched the ring. "Now everyone can see that you're taken."

Edward raised his brow. "Is that all? And here I was thinking there were more notable advantages."

I grinned sheepishly. "Yes, those too."

He chuckled.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed. "Are we there yet?"

His chest vibrated beneath me as he laughed quietly. "Not even close."


The flight itself was...a bit harrowing. At least the first half of it was. It wasn't bad. It was just...a combination of things.

First of all, we got a lot of turbulence, which made me a bit queasy. Or at least, it didn't help matters. Admittedly, my unsettled stomach was likely due to more than just turbulence. Okay, it definitely was, but the turbulence made it worse. My anxiety of what was looming once we arrived at our destination had crept back to settle in my stomach, along with what little food I'd eaten when the flight attendants had brought a late dinner. It was an overnight flight but sleeping proved difficult. I drank too much soda as a distraction—and as an attempt to quell my churning stomach—which in turn resulted in me having to leave my seat multiple times to empty my full bladder. I had originally taken the window seat but ended up switching places with Edward so that I could traipse to the on-board toilet more easily.

And that was the other harrowing contributor. Maybe even more than all the rest. It might have been the tightly packed space, or the forced closeness of other people all around me, or perhaps just simply that I hadn't gotten out much since Before, but twice my trip to the on-board bathroom brought on varying degrees of abrupt, harrowing panic—once while I was navigating through the cramped aisles, and once when I reached my destination to shut myself in the tiny toilet stall. It was the kind of panic that came from no where and made no sense at all. The kind I'd battled in the weeks following my rape. Even more distressing than re-experiencing that panicked feeling in a public place once again was the crushing realization that I wasn't completely recovered from my ordeal in the way I'd desperately hoped. And there was one awful moment, standing there in the claustrophobic toilet stall, where I wondered if I ever would.

When I arrived back at my seat, Edward picked up on my lingering panic instantly, but then, I wasn't trying to hide it from him either. Without any hesitation, I climbed over my own seat and curled up in his lap, where he stroked back my hair and kissed my temple.

The funny thing was, the panic episode had negated the rest of my anxiety, and finally, finally, I was calm enough to sleep.


A/N: Only 3 more chapters to go [cries]