She watched him walk out of the church and watched as he stopped to speak to someone, another member from his group, at least she gathered. It was a large group, at least from what she could tell. It wasn't like she'd ever gone to AA, but it was a larger group than she'd imagined. It was late afternoon now, 4:15, and she was just glad she'd caught him here at the church.
"Andy," she called to him as he glanced her way. She gave a small wave, nothing elaborate, but just enough to let him know she was friend, not foe. He looked surprised; they hadn't spoken much in a month now, just a little here and there, but most of that had been after her huge breakdown with him. She crossed her arms and adjusted her posture there at her car. She'd parked next to his, knowing he wouldn't recognize her car.
"Surprised to see you," Andy said, walking up to her with his hands in his pockets. He gave her a sympathetic smile, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Hi," she said with a single nod as she crossed her arms. "Honestly, I didn't have some great plan to stalk you here. I just dropped the kids off down the street at my church," she indicated pointing toward her church. "I knew you'd started going here to AA when you were living at my house, and truthfully, I was driving by, saw the sign out front of this church for the AA meeting, saw your car here, and I decided that I owed you more than a complete breakdown like I had what, a month ago?"
"Sharon," Andy said, shaking his head, "you don't owe me anything."
"Oh," she said with a loud sign and a nod, "I feel like I do. I know you just had coffee in there," she nodded to the church, "but could I interest you in coffee, dessert, dinner? My kids are at a parent night out program, and I had no specific plans. Something, though," she paused as she thought about it, "drew me here, and I think it would be good for us to talk. I would like that."
"I'd enjoy it too," he said now with a small smile. "I have no plans."
"Good," she nodded. "It's either good or sad that neither of us have plans on a Saturday evening."
Andy chuckled and rolled his eyes, "True. I was going to put in a microwave dinner and watch a ball game, truth be told."
Sharon grimaced, making a face to show him that sounded horrible. She bit her lip, "Well, that sounds particularly awful, the food, I mean. There's a sports bar a couple blocks over. What about that?"
"Sure," Andy said cheerfully. "I'm buying, no questions."
Sharon considered this for a moment, but then, she finally nodded, "Okay. I'm driving."
"Yeah," Andy said, now stepping closer to the car as he ran his hand over it, "ahh, no offense, Sharon, but what gives here? Win the lottery? When did you get the new car and wow, a BMW sedan?"
Sharon blushed and quickly looked away to the car as she started to gesture, "It's not mine. I mean, it is mine, but I didn't buy it." She looked to Andy who raised his eyebrows to her. He winked.
"Found yourself a sugar daddy, huh?" Andy said with a smirk and a nod.
"It was my dad's car," Sharon said rather quickly, and Andy dropped his smirk, feeling like a jerk for saying anything. Sharon fumbled with her hands, "To be honest, I'm still not really comfortable driving it. I mean, it drives beautifully, but I've never had anything this nice, nothing brand new like this. My dad bought it just about a month before he died. He and my mom started driving nicer cars like this when they retired. I'm convinced they wanted to keep up their image, their status in the retirement community. Anyway, my mom also has a BMW, one that is a year older than this one. She loves it. Hers is white; this is obviously navy blue. My mom could have kept both cars. She could have sold one. She wanted hers because she loves hers. After seeing the sad state of my life, my house, my finances, and my car, she shipped it out here for me. Things aren't at all perfect with my mom, but I do appreciate that she is trying. It's like we can discuss certain things-anything related to my dad-but not other things. So," she gestured to the sedan again, "I get pretty close to a brand new car to haul two small children and their car seats. I'm terrified the kids are going to spill anything and everything in the car, but at some point, I know I have to just relax."
Andy ran his hand over the back of the car again and made eye contact with Sharon, "It's a really nice car, Sharon. I'm glad you have something so safe and reliable. I'm very happy to hear your mom did something to really help you."
"Thank you," Sharon said, quickly looking down after their eyes met. "Shall we go?" She fumbled with her keys, and Andy nodded, moving to the passenger door. Both got into the car, and Andy turned to look around at the interior.
"Very nice," he said, nodding at the leather interior. "Impressively clean back there."
"My mom sent the car and also sent two brand new car seats. I think she was afraid at how it would look with this nice of a car and my old seats," she sighed. "I know she meant well with it."
"She did a nice thing for you. You've mentioned your car was having some issues," Andy said.
"It was," Sharon nodded as she pulled out of the lot. "Gone now. I just got this car about a week ago now," she told him as she looked carefully before pulling out. "I just sold my old car this morning. I've been busy. Thankfully, I was able to pocket a little even after paying off the balance on the car, which wasn't much, but still."
"That's great, Sharon," he told her. "I want to ask you how you are doing, but at the same time, I don't want to intrude."
Sharon pulled through the intersection; the restaurant was in sight. She nodded, staring ahead at the road, but indicating she'd heard him. "I'm a work in progress."
"Aren't we all?" Andy said, a small chuckle to his tone. Sharon pulled into the lot next to the restaurant. He watched as she gingerly parked her new car. She turned to him before they got out.
"I'm doing a bit better in all areas. That's partly what convinced me to see you this evening. I need you to know I'm not an emotional mess all the time," she sighed and looked to her lap.
Andy reached over and clasped her hand, squeezing it, prompting her to look to him, "I know you well enough to know you aren't an emotional mess. You've had a great deal of tragedy and even trauma. I'm glad you sought me out to talk, both then and now."
"Okay," she said, almost breathless. The two looked to the bar and grill. "I'm actually starving. I didn't eat lunch, dealing with my car and all."
"Well, let's feed the lady, then," Andy said. The two stepped out, and for the next couple minutes, they went through the routine of getting a seat, ordering drinks, and studying the menu. Finally, Sharon closed hers and folded her hands on the table.
Andy looked at her from over the top of his menu, his eyebrows raised. As nice as of surprise Sharon was, he was still somewhat stunned the two were sitting here. He nodded to her, "What are you getting?"
She bit her lip, "I'm torn between a couple things. Game time decision."
Speaking of a game, Andy glanced up at the screen to see that two baseball games were going on. He could easily sit and watch these, but he turned his attention back to Sharon.
"What two items?" Andy asked.
"I'm looking at the nachos and the wings," she admitted. "Truthfully, I should get a salad, but both of those sound good, even if they aren't healthy. I just don't need all the calories," she sighed and rolled her eyes. The waitress walked up, and Andy looked to Sharon as he spoke before she could.
"Can we get some appetizers? Wings, nachos, and I think the lady wants a salad too, Sharon? Me, I'll definitely have a Caesar salad. That sounds great to eat with all the appetizers. He glanced to Sharon for confirmation. She was staring at him, stunned, but he also saw a small smile.
She looked to the waitress, "House salad with the vinaigrette dressing, please," she told the waitress, who finished writing, took their menus, and stepped away. Sharon turned toward Andy, "You didn't have to do that."
"When you mentioned the food, all of that did sound good. I had no clue what I wanted to eat. You made it easy. Perfect choices."
Sharon hummed and played with the straw in her iced tea. She turned her head toward Andy again, "Are we still on for this wedding in a few weeks?"
"Of course," Andy nodded, sounding surprised. "I wasn't going to ask you. I know you've had a lot, but if you're in, I'm in."
"I'm in," Sharon said with a firm nod. "I wouldn't let you down, Andy. That's one of the things I wanted to discuss. Speaking of them, how are things, with the kids, I mean?"
"Ahh," Andy said, tossing his head from side to side as he let out his breath, "I feel like I'm losing them. I mean, I am in some ways. House has a buyer, so they will be closing soon. I have the kids for a week after the wedding, which will be wonderful. I'm taking off work that week. I've barely used any vacation time, so I'm really looking forward to it. I think we'll do the beach some. I mean, I don't have a lot of cash to blow on fun things all week, but the beach is cheap. After Sandra and the dirt bag get back from their honeymoon, they are basically moving the next day. Dirt bag is already set up at the new place, some big, fancy house he's bought for them to live happily ever after. I'll retire here to my dingy apartment. So, basically, same old, same old," he said with a tilt of the head as he sipped his drink. "I know it's for the best, but-"
"You feel like you are losing them," Sharon said softly when he didn't finish the sentence. He just nodded.
"Enough on that," he said, glancing to her, "look, I wanted to check on you, at least if you don't mind sharing. If it's too personal, I get it, but I'm worried about you, I mean from, from," he gestured, his face reddening, as he didn't want to almost say it out loud. "Physically are you okay from the miscarriage? There, I said it; I asked. I've been worried about you, Sharon."
She let out a long breath as she glanced toward the floor. She shifted, her posture stiffening as she turned to him, her eyes locked on his, "Yes, I'm okay. My doctors says I'm okay. I didn't get into any of the specifics, and I don't think he's looked at my chart to see that I'm now divorced. The nurse had asked me that, but anyway, he was the same doctor who delivered Emily and Ricky. I was able to see him recently again, and he told me that I was physically okay and as he put it, 'cleared to try again with my husband' so obviously, I didn't get into the details," she said with another loud sigh.
"Ahh, gotcha," Andy said. "I'm glad you are healthy and okay, Sharon. I tried looking up some of this stuff, but I didn't really get an answer. Sorry, but I'm not educated on this area in particular, but do you know what caused it, how it happened? I mean, from what I read, it could be anything, not that you did anything, but these things just happen."
Sharon nodded and closed her eyes briefly, "They just happen, sadly. I try not to blame myself, to think that the stress I had caused anything, to think that my wishing the baby away didn't cause it, but the truth is there's no way to know what happened. The baby," she paused, and he could see she was fighting the tears. She took a deep breath and regained her composure, "The baby wasn't meant to live here. I know she's with my dad, and I say she because I just imagine it was a girl. My dad always said how he loved little girls, and I think the two of them are together."
"I'm sure they are," Andy said, leaning closer to her as he said that softly. "I'm sure they are, Sharon. I can't stop thinking about all of it, and I'm just so sorry."
"I know," Sharon reached over and patted his hands, which he had folded on the table. "I am too, and while I'll never forget her, I have to try and live my life here."
"So," he said, reaching over to now squeeze her hands, "did she have a name? You think of this little girl, and I'm wondering her name. That would help, I would think, to have some closure, to know that she's got a name and is with your dad."
"Cora," Sharon said quickly and looked to Andy with a blank expression on her face. That's the name that came to me. One night, I was dreaming about my dad, and he called her Cora in my dream. That was all I needed.
"Beautiful name," Andy said, his voice wavering too. The waitress returned to fill their drinks. Both sat back in their seats, which really gave them a breather from their heavy conversation. They both focused on the waitress, and when she left, Sharon cleared her throat.
"I wanted to also tell you, part of the reason I wanted to talk to you, is that I'm moving," Sharon said bluntly, so much so in fact, that Andy coughed and almost spit out his water. He looked over to Sharon who was very calm and had both of her hands now on the table. She glanced at him, and he gestured to her.
"You're going to Florida? I thought you decided that wasn't a good idea?" Andy asked.
Sharon raised her hand and met his gaze, "Hold on there, detective. It's not what you think." Andy had a perplexed look. Sharon was almost nervous, gesturing with her hands. "I'm moving, but I'm staying in L.A. for good. I've decided that."
"Okay," Andy said slowly when she paused. He was waiting for the explanation and trying hard not to prod her. She shrugged a little as she continued.
"I've decided to get rid of my house. I honestly hate it. Jack and I bought it. It's getting older by the minute, needing more and more. I once liked it, but I really can't stand it. A lot has happened the last couple weeks with my finances, and I don't just mean with my car. My mom told me that my dad specifically left money for the kids. They both will have a college account as soon as I can set up everything. That's a huge relief." She let out her breath, and Andy nodded.
"Wow, that's great, Sharon. It is a big relief. That's what I'm doing with the money Sandra won't take right now. I'm putting it back for college. I think her plan is to say that I wouldn't give the kids any money, at least tell them that. I'll have a nice cushion of money for them when they graduate. If Daddy Warbucks has money for college, so be it. I'll give them whatever I have to eventually buy a house, a car, whatever."
"That's really great, Andy," Sharon said with a small smile. "That's amazing you are going to do that for them. My dad wanted the kids to have money now to set aside for college. My mom said they'd talked about it quite a bit. He also specifically put aside $50,000 in a life insurance policy that my mom says she's turning over to me. I can't believe it; I've been shocked about it for days. She's fine with the money they had for retirement, and I guess he wanted me to have this. I feel a little like I'm under her thumb to do what she wants me to do, but at least we both think that my selling my house and buying something different is the best idea. I'm hoping to move a little closer to the beach and if that means buying something even smaller, I'm okay with it for now. I would like to keep my payments as low as possible, but I'd also like something newer. We'll see what I can find. A townhouse would be ideal, and schools-that's not the issue because they will continue at their Catholic school. I'm going to find something close to work, church, and hopefully the beach. I can get rid of the house causing me grief, find something fresh for the three of us, and hopefully, that will start a new chapter."
"Wow, Sharon," Andy shook his head. "That's a lot of change. I'm happy for you. I hope a new start is just what you need. Can I be honest?" He looked to her, truly wanting her reply. She smiled, a small smile and nodded at him.
"I'm really glad you are staying. My heart dropped when you said you were moving," he said quietly.
"Oh?" Sharon asked, sounding surprised, but the look on her face showed she wasn't. "I weighed a lot of things and just couldn't pull myself away from here."
"You aren't staying for your house. I know you like your job, but it's a job. What else is keeping you here?" Andy asked, now leaning forward as he dropped his voice.
She put her hands in her lap and looked down at them, "I'd miss some of the people here. I'd miss you for one, a lot."
Andy reached over and squeezed at her hands there at her lap, making eye contact with her, "Maybe some of the reasons you don't want to move are the same ones I can't move either? I care about you, Sharon, probably more than you want to hear. It kills me we are both at these crappy places in our lives that we are both emotionally messed up."
Andy's pager went off then, breaking any of the tone that had been set between the two. His unit carried them all the time because they were often called out to crime scenes. While the department was starting to use some cell phones and such, they were still too big and bulky for everyday use. Sharon almost jumped at the sound of his pager, and he closed his eyes, sat back, and he pulled at it, ending the chance at any real conversation. He looked at the number and gestured with it toward Sharon.
"I'm afraid I might have a case. Provenza's home number. Let me see if I can use the phone at the bar," he said, standing there at the table. The waitress walked up with their food, and Andy flashed his badge. "Hey, you got a phone I can borrow? I have a case." She gestured to the bar, Andy nodded, and he walked away while Sharon watched as all the food was put onto the table. She just sat there, staring at nothing really. She snapped out of it as he approached the table. His expression told everything.
"Look, I have to go," Andy explained. "I hate leaving like this."
Sharon shook her head and pursed her lips, "Go, it's part of the job." She flagged down the waitress, "I need to get you back to your car."
"Please stay," Andy encouraged. "It's just a couple blocks to my car. I'll walk. If you don't mind, I'll take a little of this to go and eat in the car."
"Of course," Sharon said, shaking her head again. "Take all of it if you want." Andy turned and walked to the bar, not waiting for the waitress. Sharon watched as he paid, and she finally flagged down some to-go containers. By the time Andy returned, she was a boxing up some of the food.
"I don't need that much," he told her. "You were the one who was hungry."
"I'm fine," Sharon told him. "Andy," she said as he was gathering everything. He turned, and she closed her eyes before she spoke again, "I realize I need some help. My priest recommended someone, and I've been to see her twice. I really am trying to get my life together again. I'm not used to being out of sorts. My counselor tells me that I need to heal, but that I also need to live. I'm still sorting out what that means."
"That sounds very similar to my AA group advice," Andy said, standing there at the table, his hand braced on the back of his chair. "Look, I hate that I have to run."
"No, it's fine. I barged into your evening," Sharon told him.
"Delightfully so," he smiled at her. Their eyes met. He started to speak, but she blurted out before he could.
"Would you and the kids like to get together sometime after the wedding, during the week you have them, I mean, for dinner, like old time sake?" Sharon asked.
"I'd like that very much," he said quietly. "Anything with you for old time sake."
"Good," she smiled at him. "Be careful at work. Hope it goes well."
"How about I call you in the next day or so, whenever this case calms down to iron out the details-wedding and all that?" Andy asked.
"I'll look forward to it," she said. She reached over and squeezed his hand there on the chair. He nodded to her, picked up his food, and he started for the door. She watched, and when he walked outside, she sat back in her chair, letting out a long breath. She closed her eyes, took another deep breath, and she opened them. She needed her life back, whatever this new life of hers was going to look like.
