39. Beyond Home
9:38 Dragon
Asher yanked her staff that leaned against the wall. The grip tightened harshly as her heart raced a million beats. Her thoughts exploded in every direction. Could she take on an assailant? Could she take on multiple assailants? Would it be better to draw them away from the cabin so that the child would not be threatened in this scrimmage? What if they hear its cry? What if they decided to forego the brawl and light the entire cabin ablaze, locking them both inside?
Before she could will her brain to return to the present, a muffled voice from the other side spoke up over the pouring rain.
"Hello? Is anyone home?"
It sounded vaguely familiar. Asher halted in her step, stunned at this realization as she searched her mind to match the voice to a face.
"I'm just looking for my friend. I mean no harm."
Her fingers shook as Asher reached for the door. She was willing to risk all of this to figure out who was knocking on her sanctuary. It could have been a ploy to get her to open up before assaulting her home. Or it could have been a traveler genuinely searching for someone. Giving the knob a gentle pull, Asher opened the entrance to greet her plausible doom.
The warm hazel that she looked into for years had stared back as Bethany looked up from beneath the oversized hood of her cloak. They looked at each other for a moment, both too shocked to come up with a reply as emotions overwhelmed them. Swinging both arms forward, Bethany collided into Asher, holding onto her in a tight embrace as they stumbled back into the cabin.
"Sweet Maker, it's you!" Bethany cried out with glee spilling in her words, "It's really you!"
Asher attempted to readjust her balance, holding onto Bethany and getting completely soaked in the process. Her eyes shot up as soon as she noticed a second figure that stood behind her. Wearing a similar cloak, this stranger stared with distance at them without uttering a word. His eyes were vibrant against the darkened skin. The scowl to match was unprecedented.
"I still cannot believe it." Her voice was breaking. "I was afraid that I'd never see you again."
Bethany pulled back, still keeping her grip over Asher's waist, as she smiled through the tears.
Asher nodded in return, her own smile appearing for the first time in a long time. "I'm so happy that you're here… that you found me."
She glanced over Bethany's shoulder. Taking the cue, Bethany released her from her grip to turn around for an introduction. "Oh, yes… so this is Fenris. He is the… person I was writing to in secret while we were in the Gallows."
Fenris gave a short bow, stepping into the cabin and closing the door behind him. He kept a careful watch over Asher.
"After the Mages and Templars went at each other and we parted ways, I went to find Jaron." Bethany began her explanation, following Asher's motion to take a seat at the table. "He was with his friends, helping the Mages. I managed to get to him in time."
Asher paused, holding the cups she was ready to pour tea into over the open flame. Her heart dropped to her stomach. "In time? Are you saying that Jaron..?"
"Heaven's no!" Bethany exclaimed, quickly aware of her words. "Jaron was in the middle of another brawl with the Templars and I managed to find him before anything serious happened. I helped him fend off against Orsino when he turned into an abomination to enact revenge on the fallen Mages. But afterwards, Jaron faced Meredith without my help. He wanted me to be prepared to flee should he lose."
Her thoughts raced as Asher attempted to process this news. Orsino's fate was an unexpected turn of events for her.
"But it never came to that." Bethany shook her head. "He defeated Meredith and we all left Kirkwall with Cullen's promise that we wouldn't be followed."
Asher gripped the cups tighter.
"Unfortunately, after some time passed, we all realized that it would be best to split up." She looked to the floor. "Jaron left with Anders to head north while Fenris and I went west to search for you. We wanted to reunite together once everything died down."
Focusing on the kettle once more, Asher poured the tea to offer to her guests. She remained quiet as her mind settled down with this new information. It seemed that the plague that hovered over Kirkwall was finally eradicated with both Orsino and Meredith out of the picture. But despite that, Asher still felt pain deep within to mourn the loss of people who each had ambitions to create a better world even if their reasoning was faulty. It was still sad news to process.
Clearing her throat after placing the cups on the table, Asher straightened her posture. "H-have you heard of anything on Kirkwall since leaving?"
Bethany took a sip as Fenris stared into his cup silently. "Aveline sent us a letter not too long ago. She says that there is still so much that needs to be repaired but that Kirkwall is slowly getting back on her feet."
"I see…" Asher released a breath.
Before she could ask the question, Bethany continued, "The Templars elected Cullen to serve as their Knight-Commander. I hear he is shoulder deep into the restoration. And knowing him, he's probably getting little sleep while stressing over the repairs."
"You're probably right." She gave a small smile. "It's a shame that I-!"
Suddenly, a weak wail erupted from the back room, cutting off Asher. Bethany and Fenris jumped from their seats but it was Asher who leapt into action. Twisting toward the source, she glided across the cabin towards the child in the back room. She noted how her instincts were growing quicker, reacting to its cries much sooner with every bout.
Coming around the bend of the wall, Asher extended her hands to scoop up the bundle of blankets wrapped around the child. Bethany's arrival finally awoke it as tears rolled down the cheeks to dampen the cloth. She held it close to her chest, her hand circling over its back, as she cradled back and forth.
The short gasp she heard behind her made Asher freeze in her spot, instantly aware that her secret was exposed. She turned around as the sobs at her chest ceased to a gentle snore. Bethany looked back at her without any color in her face, stunned at the scene before her.
"Well that would at least explain why we couldn't find her in Nevarra." Fenris spoke up to fill the silence from behind.
Bethany took two long strides to come up to her side. Her eyes were wide, her brain still adjusting to this revelation, as she peered over to get a better view. Asher flinched at the hands that she felt around her elbows that gave a gentle squeeze.
Her voice was barely above a whisper. "There are little hairs on its little head… and they're so blonde."
Asher bit the inside of her cheek, unsure what to say.
"Is it a boy or girl?" Bethany looked up with unexpected warmth in her eyes.
"A boy." She nearly gulped the words.
"Is he yours?"
Asher fought through her panic as her heartbeat hammered in her ears. "Y-yeah…"
Giving her another squeeze around her elbows, Bethany moved in to give her a loose hug around the child. "Is he Cullen's?"
The question stung as tears swelled. Asher bit back to keep them from spilling. "Yeah…"
Bethany tilted her head, examining Asher's reaction, as her brow scrunched. "But Cullen doesn't know about him?"
She did not need to vocalize the answer. The truth was painfully obvious.
"Of course he doesn't…" Bethany murmured low, "If he did, Cullen would have dropped everything to be with you. And of course you could not tell him because you knew that Kirkwall needs him now more than ever."
"He doesn't need to know." Asher squeaked out a reply.
"I get it, I get it…" Bethany gave another hug as she tightened her hold. "No one is going to tell him. Only you have the right to let the father of your child know."
It was such an odd statement to hear, especially coming from someone else. Asher flinched at the words. She knew that this was serious. She fretted over her own abilities to become a decent mother but hearing that there was another person associated with this child only made her sink further into her insecurities. No matter how much she wanted to separate herself and this child from him, Cullen was still, very much so, the father.
"So," Bethany beamed from ear to ear, "What's the little one's name?"
That was the fatal punch to the gut as Asher lost control over her tears. Both Bethany and Fenris stiffened at the shocking response.
"I…" She fought through the hiccup that lodged in her throat, "I don't know…"
The persistent guilt that scratched at the corner of her mind for months now flooded her senses as Asher reddened deep with shame. Not only did she fear her inability to provide a decent life for this child, but she could not muster enough courage to give it a name. She was afraid of the potential her family lineage would provide to this baby. She knew the likelihood of it growing to become a Mage and the thought horrified her because Asher was fully aware that there would come a day when they'd be submitted over to the nearest Circle to a life of prison. If she did not name it, perhaps that was her way of avoiding the future for as long as possible. Perhaps...
"It's alright." Bethany's voice brought her back to reality. "My parents did not name Carver and I until we were almost three months of age. Sometimes a name comes clear as day. And other times you just have to wait a bit longer."
Asher gave a small nod, ducking her head low.
"As long as he's healthy and happy, that's all that matters." Her smile beamed bright. "Right?"
"Right…" She whispered a reply.
Why was she such a mess? Why was it that none of this came natural to her? She knew how to handle her apprentices and yet she was a complete idiot when it came to her own child. Even Bethany knew more on how to take better care of it than she did. But the thought sunk in deeper the more she thought about it.
Here it was - her own flesh. An actual human being that she delivered, all on her own, that was to resemble something between her and him. She stared at it in fascination, finding new details practically every day that hinted at its likeliness to Cullen. The blonde strands on its head began to curl, mimicking the same unruly hair that she longed to run her fingers through. When it cried, the brows scrunched similarly to his, bunching in a tight line to show its dissatisfaction. But the eyes were still hers. The deep green that ran in her family continued down the tree as it stared back at her with wide curiosity. She deemed herself lucky that this baby did not make a lot of fuss. Most anything would amuse it. Yet when the cries began, it would not take Asher long to calm the frustration as it preferred to cradle in her arms, quickly dozing off again without a care in the world.
She took a step back as Bethany released the hold over her arms. Asher walked around to place the baby back onto the bed before the three slowly walked back out of the corner. She observed the young man who went to stand at the corner once more. Bethany explained who he was but it was only now hitting Asher the nature of this relationship and what purpose she had served while they were still in the Gallows. The bright red of her cheeks flashed back in her mind as memories from their time in Kirkwall played before Asher when Bethany was too embarrassed to admit the letters she wished to write to her secret lover.
Now this secret lover was no longer a secret as they travelled Thedas together while fleeing the foreboding eye of the Chantry. Bethany was finally free again and in the company of someone she held dear, even if her brother was not with her. Nevertheless, the happiness practically radiated off her skin.
Bethany cleared her throat. "So… now that we've found you… the plan was to reunite with Jaron and the others."
Asher lowered herself in the seat opposite across the table. Her thoughts buzzed as anxiety started to settle.
"He said he needed to look into something without us but to head north once we were ready." She tapped a finger to the wooden surface. Her stare remained steadfast, watching her carefully.
Before Bethany could continue, Asher flinched up to catch her gaze. The dry sensation overpowered her throat but the pressing issue at hand was more dominant as she croaked out a statement. "No."
Bethany's expression twisted in confusion. "No..?"
Taking in a deep breath, Asher steadied herself. "I cannot go north with you to find Jaron."
Silence filled the room.
"I cannot travel very well with a baby and we'll only slow you down." Asher attempted to formulate coherent phrases, fighting the stress that was building in her gut. "I know that you're going to fight me on this… but it will be impossible for us to cross the sea."
Making it across to Ferelden was already difficult enough while Asher was pregnant. She did not want to imagine the trip back to Nevarra over the raging waters or crossing the vicious mountain paths to Orlais with the baby strapped to her back. The irony was that she birthed this child in the homeland of its father and the place she once hoped to permanently settle while in the Circle. Now it was the only place left for them to hide.
"Alright." Bethany spoke low as her fingers laced together over the table. "I won't force you anywhere you don't feel is safe for your child."
There it was again. That statement. Her child.
"But you cannot remain here." Her voice grew stern with each word. "Winter is upon us soon and the Storm Coast is not a safe place for you two. You have to leave this place."
Asher frowned slightly. "Where do you expect us to go? We can't exactly leave Ferelden."
"You won't go alone." Bethany reached out to place her palm over her hand. "Fenris and I will escort you two to a safer location. We just need to figure out where that is."
She turned her head to him, looking for some guidance.
Fenris inhaled deep. "It's far and the journey wouldn't be simple… but you could always seek refuge in the Brecilian Forest. The Dalish wouldn't be much of a bother and it would be difficult to find you among the woods."
Asher shook her head. "The forest is also prone to host mercenaries and thieves. We may hide for a moment but if we're found, there is no one around to help. And you're correct, the Dalish wouldn't bat an eye or let us into their community."
He leaned to one foot, head tilting to the side. "What would you recommend then?"
She paused, mentally scanning the map for a safe haven. In truth, the Storm Coast was probably their best solution to avoid unwanted eyes. But Bethany was also right in assuming that they would not fare well over the winter months what with their scarce food supply.
"I know this may sound insane but please hear me out." Asher tensed as her shoulders hunched. Both of them stared at her with weariness around the corner. "I think it would be best to avoid the Bannord. In fact… I think we should steer clear of the east side of Ferelden altogether."
The idea was beyond irony at this point.
"The Frostback Mountains aren't any better in the Winter than the Storm Coast. However, there are less travelers down that way which means mercenaries have no prey to target." Asher sucked in a breath, feeling Bethany squeeze her hand at the proposal. "Just south of Redcliffe we can find a place to camp out at the foot of the mountains while still residing in the Hinterlands. Sure, there are people around, but most are farmers… which means that the soil is viable to live off the land. If we stick close to the Frostback, it'll be enough out of the way for the occasional passerby by still close to civilization should we need it."
It was far yet close enough to his hometown. Cullen's hometown in the southwest of Ferelden. Without intending to, Asher was choosing to go down a path that could lead to him. Or at least, remnants of him.
"The only flaw in this plan would be your passage." Fenris spoke up again. "We'd be taking the Imperial Highway around Lake Calenhad… where the Circle Tower is patrolled by Templars. In fact, most of the highway around there will most likely have Templars crawling around to keep an eye on runaway Mages."
"He's right." Bethany lowered her head, reality setting in to crush her hopes. "And we can't afford to go off the main road so late in the season. Passing Redcliffe won't be an issue, but before that, we'd have to avoid getting caught by Templars around Kinloch Hold."
Asher could sense the knot in her stomach tighten. She knew what had to be done and who was the final actor in this grand scheme. But the fear of being betrayed still posed a threat that made her question every decision from that point on.
Straightening her shoulders, Asher solidified her resolve. She had to take her chances if it meant even a small possibility that they'd be alright. "I'll get us a safe passage around Lake Calenhad… but it would have to come with great risk."
Both Fenris and Bethany looked to her with the same bewilderment, completely unaware of what was to come.
"I need to send a letter to someone in the Tower." Asher bit her lower lip harshly, feeling the blood rush to the surface. "He may be the only way for us to make it to the Hinterlands."
She was ready to face the horror and anger Ser Greagoir would rain down on her for her mistakes.
She just hoped it was worth everything.
Oh man... I had been sitting on an idea for 9:39-3:40 Dragon for these past couple months that has drastically changed course from the original plot. I don't know if I should just play it safe or go full-on 1000% angst. There are (maybe) 5 chapters in 9:38 Dragon and then it gets complicated. I'm hesitating so hard! ; - ;
