A/N: Hi. Well, it's been a while since I posted and wow, what a world we currently live in. I have struggled with my desire to write, hence why this chapter has taken so long. For that I apologize but I'm finding it more difficult to want to write these days. Stuck in the house 24/7 though has given me a bit of whoomph to try and get this finished and as I almost have another chapter written I thought it be okay to post. I hope everyone is doing okay. I have never lived through anything like this in my life, it's an unprecedented pandemic and I send my love to all. Take care, look after yourselves and your family. I hope the chapter gives you ten minutes of enjoyment. Thanks as always to calim for the beta and much love xxx

Chapter 50

Grissom blinked through the darkness, not focusing on anything. He'd been awake for a while, his arms securely wrapped around Sara who lay atop him. She felt good, her flesh against his, and she was the best hot water bottle ever invented.

He heard a quiet moan and looked down, watching as she rubbed a hand across his chest.

Stretching out, she moved her foot down his leg. "Why are you awake?" Sara mumbled sleepily, barely even awake herself.

He smiled. Her sixth sense must be working. "How did you know?"

She inhaled deeply. "I know you."

Hugging her a little tighter, he kissed the top of her head. "Just thinking. Can't seem to stop."

"Do you want to share?" Sara asked.

His chest rose as he took in a deep breath. "Just lots of things," he said. "The past, the future."

"I was thinking about the past today," Sara admitted on a yawn.

"Oh?"

"Hmmm." Her hand rubbed over his chest again, the roughness of his skin prickling against her fingertips. "Our first Christmas."

"We're you having nice thoughts?"

She giggled, tickling his flesh with her warm breath. "Absolutely. I couldn't wait for shift to be over. I think I broke the world record for looking at my watch that day."

His eyes worked around as he thought back. "I recall Catherine probing," he said. "She wasn't happy I wouldn't tell her my plans."

"You loved it when she got stroppy and she hated it because you were always so calm."

He smiled. "True. Oddly, the roles have reversed a little now."

"I don't recall you getting stroppy," Sara teased.

"I meant the calm side of things, my dear."

"I know," she replied, dropping a gentle kiss to his chest. "And stop knocking yourself. You're more capable now than you give yourself credit for."

"Maybe."

Dropping another kiss to his chest, Sara smiled against him. "You remember that night?"

His eyebrows rose. "How could I forget?"

"Not sure I could ever forget," Sara chuckled. "I can still feel the carpet burn."

A throaty laugh left his mouth. "Hey, that was your fault."

Raising her head, she attempted to find his eyes through the darkness. "My fault?" she pleaded innocently. "How was that my fault? You tackled me to the living room carpet and screwed me like the world was going to end."

His lips twitched then formed a cheeky smile. "Then you shouldn't have stolen my brandy."

Now Sara laughed. "I must make sure we get brandy tomorrow."

Replicating her laugh, he hugged her again and her head dropped back to his chest, a happy sigh falling from her lips.

"So, what were you thinking about?" she asked, the tip of her finger gently sliding across one of his small scars.

"Honestly," he began, "my attention span on each subject lasted about ten seconds before I moved onto something else. But it wasn't anything too bad. Just lots and lots of things spinning around."

Sara could tell by his avoidance to her question that he didn't really want to get into anything, so she left it. For now.

"Are you still feeling okay about your therapy tomorrow?" she decided to ask, moving them away from the subject.

"Yeah. I do wonder how many more sessions I'll have though."

Yawning again and feeling her eyelids becoming heavy, Sara tilted her neck and kissed his chin. "A few more yet but, right now, how about you try and sleep? We have a busy day ahead and I don't want you struggling if we're at the mall. It won't help your head."

"Okay," he agreed. "I feel a bit more tired now anyway."

"Good. Now close your eyes and sleep."

He kissed her head one more time. "I'll do my best."

As Sara closed her eyes, she suddenly felt something she hadn't felt before. "Oooooff," she said in surprise.

Grissom's head immediately shot up. "What? Are you okay?" In a panic, he scrambled for the switch on the lamp, finally finding it and managing to turn the light on.

Scrunching her eyes together at the sudden imposing light, Sara giggled. Grissom frowned at her when she slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him. He looked so confused. It was cute.

"We have movement," she said only for his frown to deepen. Smiling brightly, she took his hand. "Here."

Pulling, she placed his hand on her belly and watched his face. A few moments later his eyebrows soared. Then he smiled.

"She's kicking," he whispered, his voice cracking.

"She sure is," Sara replied happily. "Although probably just moving."

Grissom's eyes twitched as a few more jolts came and then all settled again. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

Sara's head shook. "No. Unusual but not painful."

"It can be painful, though, right?" he questioned, his hand softly rubbing over her stomach.

Lips pursing, Sara entwined her fingers through his, being careful to get the right angle and not hurt him.

"From what I've been told – yes. It depends if she decides to press her arm or foot into my ribs or abdomen."

He grimaced a bit and she let out a soft snort. Lifting herself up a bit, she dropped a soft kiss to his lips.

"We'll both learn a lot more when the antenatal classes start in the New Year. But don't worry about it, okay? I'm bringing a human being into the world, so some things are going to hurt."

"We haven't really talked much about it yet, have we?"

"Because we've had a lot going on," she replied. "But now most of those bridges have been burned, we can concentrate more on madam."

"Does, um, labor scare you?"

Another smile hit her lips and she gave him another kiss.

"How about we go back to sleep? Because as I've said, I'll worry if you're too tired tomorrow. And, if we get into this, we might not stop. I'm really glad you want to talk about it, and we can talk when we get back from shopping if you want to."

He gave a nod. "Okay."

Kissing her forehead, he flicked off the light and encased his arms around her as she settled back on his chest.

"Love you," Sara whispered.

Grissom smiled. "Love you both."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

This was only the third time Grissom had gone to the doctor's office for his sessions. They'd discussed it over a week ago and he'd been confident that James didn't have to come to their house anymore. His fear of going outside (most of the time) was lessening each time he went out. His confidence growing more and more each day. Yes, there were certain places that made him nervous and too many people still bothered him, but Basderic wasn't ruling his every step anymore.

As they stepped into the doctor's office, Grissom decided he would sit with James on his own. If he needed Sara, he'd call for her. She couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered, kissing his cheek, joyful that he was confident enough to be seen without her there.

Settling into the waiting area, they watched Grissom and Buddy head into James' office as Brass headed toward the bathroom.

"So, Mom," Catherine said, facing her friend. "Now that dad's out of the way, how are you feeling?" Sara's eyes narrowed and Catherine smirked holding up a hand. "I meant as a whole, not just after yesterday. You're almost halfway there now, you know."

Dropping a hand to her belly, Sara smiled. "Yeah, I guess I am. And it's really odd you calling me Mom."

Catherine tapped her knee. "Get used to it."

"Still such a surreal thought even now," Sara admitted. "I don't think anyone ever expected this. Especially us."

"Did you expect to almost get divorced? Or spend the better part of the last year supporting Grissom from a state that almost killed him? Life is all about the unexpected and you of all people should know that by now."

"Wow," Sara said a little surprised. "When did you get all philosophical?"

Catherine gave a shrug. "I guess Grissom finally rubbed off on me."

Snorting, Sara gave a quick glance towards the door. "Yeah, he has a habit of doing that."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

As James made his way to his desk, Grissom headed to the sofa.

"You're looking really good, Gil," James commented with a smile as they sat.

"Thanks," Grissom replied. "Feeling good."

Smiling, the doctor crossed his legs. "I think back to when we first met and how nervous you were. You looked scared to death."

Grissom nodded. "That's probably because that's the way I felt. But when you started coming to the house rather than me coming here it made things easier."

"Do you feel scared coming here now?" James challenged.

Leaning back, Grissom tried to relax. His eyes, as they always did when he sat in this office, flicked to the fish tank for a moment. He liked the fish.

"No," Grissom replied. "Uneasy but not scared."

"So, you still feel nervous?"

Grissom's head tipped from side to side. "I'll always be uneasy when I'm talking about myself. It doesn't matter who I'm talking to."

James closely studied his patient. "Even Sara?"

"Depends on the subject matter. We've gotten much better at talking since all this happened. We're not perfect but we're certainly better than we were."

"That's great," James said with a smile. "And I'm sure things will get better still. You improve every single day."

"Trying my best," Grissom said modestly.

"And how do you feel now that your statement is over with? How did that go?"

Letting out a breath, Grissom looked down at Buddy as he dropped his chin onto his foot. "It was tough," he admitted.

James nodded. "Considering you discussed your entire ordeal outside of hypnosis for the first time, I don't think anyone thought it would have been anything but."

"Yeah," Grissom agreed. "I was surprised I got through it."

"Why did you get through it?" James challenged. "Tell me how."

Taking in a deep breath, Grissom let it slowly out. Even though he'd gotten past that huge obstacle, it was still hard talking about him. It would get easier and easier, he knew that, but he also knew he'd never be the same because of it. He definitely needed to keep his emotions under control now that he'd come this far.

"Because I was determined for it to end. At least from one specific perspective," Grissom said confidently. "I really needed to be able to move on and not only for myself but for my family. Sara being there certainly helped me through it. Without her…I'm not sure I would have made it."

"You have quite the relationship together, don't you?" James dared ask.

Grissom smiled. "You can say that again. We always have. Although she scared the hell out of me yesterday."

The doctor frowned. "Why?"

"We were taking a walk in the park and she slipped on some ice."

James looked surprised. He'd seen Sara in the waiting area no different than she normally was. "I would never have known," he said. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Grissom replied with a hint of relief in his words. "She got checked out at the hospital and, thank God, nothing to worry about. I think her pride was hurt more than anything. Not that that helped me any when it happened."

"We're you on your own?"

Nodding, Grissom reached for a glass of water. Concentrating on the glass to make sure he had a firm grip, he picked it up. "Apart from Buddy, yes."

"Must have been pretty scary for you."

Puffing out a breath, Grissom nodded again before taking a sip from the glass. "Definitely. I'm just very thankful that both Sara and the baby are okay. Luckily for me my friend Catherine wasn't too far away, and she rushed to the park to help."

"You don't like giving yourself credit, do you?"

"What do you mean?" Grissom asked, concentrating on putting the glass down.

James scratched behind his ear. "Did you panic when Sara fell? Shy away? Have a seizure?"

Grissom frowned a bit. "No. Well, my heart was thudding a million miles an hour, but I kept control if that's what you mean."

"For such a stressful situation that's such an amazing achievement for someone in your position and with your history. You really need to start feeling proud of yourself for accomplishing things like that."

"I've never been a gloater," Grissom countered.

"I'm not asking you to gloat," James hit back. "I'm just asking you to feel proud of yourself inside because I'm pretty sure Sara's proud of you."

Grissom smiled. Yes, that was true and when he thought about it, it did feel good.

"So, Sara has no issues after the fall? No need to go back to the hospital?" James continued, wanting to keep things flowing.

Shaking his head, Grissom let out a relived breath. "No. She was examined, had an ultrasound and all is good. She was just a bit sore in places although she seems okay today. And, on another happy note, we finally found out the sex of the baby."

James' eyebrows rose. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Grissom said smiling. In fact, he was beaming. "We're having a little girl."

James smiled back. "Many congratulations."

"Thanks," Grissom replied bashfully. "She moved for the first-time last night, too. It felt pretty amazing."

"You don't sound as afraid about the baby now," James began. "Well, compared to how you sounded three months ago."

"I'm not the same man I was three months ago," Grissom said swiftly.

Another smile found James' lips. "I love that, Gil. Your confidence in yourself is a wonderful thing to hear." Grissom blushed a little. "Tell me how you feel about your abilities to be a father now compared to how you felt then."

"I'm still nervous," Grissom admitted, shifting positions as his butt started to feel numb. "But there are so many things to be nervous about."

"Very true," James agreed. "Are you nervous because of your hands?"

Looking down at his hands, Grissom slowly moved his fingers. "Partly." He looked back at James. "Although physio is going really well, and I think everyone is surprised how quickly I'm being able to use my hands. Myself included."

"I hope you're not pushing things too quickly," James swiftly warned.

Grissom laughed. "With Sara watching me like a hawk, that's not an issue because pushing too much isn't really an option with her. Plus, I'm not that stupid. I really don't want to end up back at the beginning again. I simply couldn't get through it. And, I know if my nerve bursts again I won't be getting a third chance. So, I know my limits."

"Good," James praised. "So, tell me what worries you about your hands if your recovery is going well."

Giving a light shrug, Grissom's eyes worked as he thought. "I don't know. Maybe after everything I'm just expecting something to go wrong and my recovery will slow down. Or I can't use my hands as well as any normal person should."

"You are a normal person, Gil," James said sternly.

A quiet sigh left Grissom's lips. "Am I?"

Eyes narrowing slightly, James rubbed a hand over his mouth. How did he talk Grissom around this one?

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Both Sara and Catherine laughed as Brass told them another story about a Hodges blunder at the lab. Just as he finished, James' door opened, and Grissom and Buddy stepped out.

Hearing her husband's voice, Sara smiled, stood and walked toward him.

"I will see how after the New Year, Gil," James said. "But if you need me before that you have my number. Okay? Please call me if you need anything. Even if you just need to talk."

Sara frowned. James sounded extremely serious with the out of hours offer. Hadn't Grissom's session gone so well?

"Thanks," Grissom replied, looking at Sara who he noticed looked concerned. "Relax," he said to her. "Everything's all right."

Talking her husband at his word as this wasn't really the place to call him out, she nodded and looked at the doctor. "Have a nice Christmas, James. Thanks again for all that you've been doing."

James smiled. "My pleasure. Have a great Christmas yourselves. Relax and enjoy as much as you can. You both deserve it." He patted Buddy on the head. "You too, big fella."

Wagging his tail, Buddy's ears suddenly spiked and then he pulled away, yanking his dad a little harder than he should. Grissom, for the first time, struggled to hold him and winced.

Sara swiftly reached for the lead. "Hey, no," she commanded, pulling the dog backwards. "What are you doing, Buddy? You know you don't pull your dad like that."

Whining, Buddy sat down, both his parents looking confused at his actions.

"I'll let you sort him out," James said. "Enjoy your shopping trip." Smiling at them, he then backed away and closed the door.

Instantly, Sara took Buddy from Grissom and took her husband's hand. "Are you okay?" she asked concerned. "Did he hurt you?"

Grissom shook his head as he watched Sara closely inspecting his fingers. "No. I'm okay. He didn't pull too hard thankfully."

"He shouldn't be pulling you at all," Sara said back. "Why did you pull, Buddy?" she asked again. "You've never done that before."

The dog just whined again and looked very sorry for himself.

Brass and Catherine joined them.

"You guys okay?" Catherine asked.

Looking at her, Grissom nodded. "Fine. Just an over eager dog, I think."

"Maybe he needs to pee," Brass suggested.

"He's never acted that way when he needs to pee," Sara argued. "But unless someone speaks dog then I guess were not going to find out."

Brass held out a hand. "Want me to take him just in case he decides to pull again."

Sara knew she was quite capable of holding a pulling dog. But as she liked to focus more on Grissom when they were out of the house, it would be easier.

"Sure," she replied, holding out the leash to Brass. "Thanks."

"Well, shall we get the shopping show on the road?" Catherine asked. "Or do you need a bit of recovery time, Gil? It's gonna be hell when we get to the mall."

Blowing out a breath, Grissom flashed her his trademark sarcastic smile. "Well, I've already been to hell and it doesn't hold me back anymore so let's go."

A/N: Keep safe xx