"Putting my feelings aside"

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The situation with the near death of Midoriya corrupted those closest to him; broke them in misery.

Having seen him alive brought back the sanity with which he guided himself to solve his affairs, to deduce problems, to say the coherent things that came from his mouth.

Witnessing Bakugou break at the mere sight of Midoriya languid, limp in his arms, but alive; it was enough to declare defeat in a war that perhaps was never in their favor. A war that was always tilted to the side of the explosive boy, as if fate had a condescending preference to provide him with the best conditions and people to grow.

To see Bakugou's teary eyes pouring out intense bitterness, squandering each other to embrace Midoriya's lifeless body or dive into the possibility of bringing him back to life. Either one would have been valid.

Overall, if Midoriya hadn't returned, he was unaware of the effect that might be produced in the explosive boy and, just imagining it, terrified him.

The very idea of seeing Bakugou pleading with Midoriya to return to him with such desperation and strength added to his theory that Bakugou loved Midoriya intensely. He loved him so strongly that he would break the stereotypes that his classmates had of them. He loved him more than anything else alive that his red eyes saw.

Who was going to say that Bakuguo had a gentle side? No one would have imagined it, not even thought in consequence of his constant screams, his grumpiness and his incessant insults wasted throughout the room.

Bakugou's inconsolable screams as he said "I love you" to Midoriya destroyed his heart. His words "Open your eyes" ,"come back to me" All those were repeated in his mind when he heard him beg him to come back to him.

Such was his desire to have him with him to love him always? Such was the intensity of his feelings for Midoriya?

It hurt much more than Todoroki believed tangible, because the pain cracked his entire heart until he cut a cut that would permanently heal his chest.

It hurt worse than anything palpable, it burned like sulfuric acid penetrating his skin, tearing his mask seriously, leaving him naked in front of the world.

It hurt as much as possible, it hurt with such a reality that fairy tales would not describe in a worse way his cruel suffering, his cruel suffering, his insatiable state of rupture, of his blood spilled on the ground of that land, of his bed of loneliness, of the insufferable mount that his feet would submit from now on.

It hurt, it really hurt a lot.

Todoroki wanted to cry, but he stopped himself. He used all his power to restrain himself from breaking apart in front of his friends, in front of Bakugou and especially in front of Midoriya.

It hurt to an unbearable degree, before his new reality:

Midoriya will never love him as he loves Bakugou.

Midoriya will never fall in love with him.

All the torpor in his eyes turned opaque black, emptying interspersed with the excruciating pain that came from knowing he could never have it. Because he never had him to start with.

It hurts a lot, Midoriya, do you know? He thought when he saw him lying on the hospital gurney a few hours after he was admitted to the clinic with Recovery Girl.

It hurts that you don't love me the way you love Bakugou, he referred to him with burning sadness, it hurts so much that I can't sleep easy. He was clutching his hands and busily freezing the entire room and being forever alone with Midoriya by his side; Despite all the pain, he still yearned to stand in the same place as his.

Todoroki still thought that Midoriya was a beautiful, almost heavenly being.

And when Bakugou entered the room, he resigned himself and left without speaking to him. Bakugou did the same.

They could not see each other even from behind because they would beat themselves to death.

Todoroki felt his Quirk's fire explode in incandescent bursts of heat ready to dispel the explosive boy. Flames of fire informed of his state, flames that protected him from all the evil that surrounded him.

But those were mere wishes on Todoroki's part and his bitterness.

Simple bitterness fanning his recurring thoughts, his constant ruminations, his bichromatic eyes that didn't know where to see, or where to daydream.

Her eyes wept silently, shed tears that no one could see, but they felt as real as if they were palpable. They were tears with real sensations with lethargic speed. They poured out everything that their being had longed for in vain.

They spilled out and muffled themselves. To his new anatomy.

They clung to his life, embedded themselves in his memory. His whole being ached.

And it was clear that nothing would ever be the same.


"Todoroki-kun?" Uraraka's worried eyes were searching.

He looked up, nodding.

"I know that this situation with Deku has affected you a lot." She began to wander, taking a seat in front of him, who was in the cafeteria fighting with his lunch, since he was not in a way to eat. "But, I think now that he's recovered, you can see him"

"I'll think about it" He muttered sourly, gulping modestly.

This didn't seem to please Uraraka, who interlaced his fingers, watching him intently.

"You are his friend" She admitted indignantly. "Deku loves you very much, you are very special to him"

That said, Todoroki closed his eyes suspiciously, tightening the grip of his chopsticks, feeling the edge of the wood brush against his skin.

"If you don't get close to him" She warned, arching her eyebrows. "He will chase you until you speak to him, you already know him very well as he is and he will not give up until he gets an answer from you"

"Enough" He admitted frustrated. Uraraka fell silent, attentive. "You guys and Bakugou know that I am in love with Midoriya, and everything that happened hurts me"

"Todoroki-kun" She spoke after a brief pause. "I know" Dhe said sympathetically. "I know you love Deku, although we already know that he loves Bakugou, but if we don't tell Deku things, maybe he will never understand them and will let them pass by" She smiled friendly. "So I ask you to go see him, he would appreciate it very much." Once saying that, she left the cafeteria without saying more.

It did not take long for Todoroki to leave, since he was not hungry, he also left his plate half eaten and went to look for Midoriya.

He was perfectly aware that at some point he would have to confess his feelings to him, but he didn't know the day or the situation in which he would do so. However, if Midoriya already had his decision to love Bakuguo in mind, he would have to accept it even if he disagreed with the explosive boy as Midoriya's boyfriend.

He gripped his right hand, determined to put his feelings aside and tell them to Midoriya, because if he didn't do it now, perhaps he wouldn't have the courage to do it formally again.

If that love shouldn't have happened, he would throw it away with all the weight of his bloodied and cracked heart from so much feeling.


Todoroki went to Midoriya's room, taking advantage of the fact that he had been discharged the previous afternoon. Immersed in his feelings they would not help him exert enough force to knock on the door, and being so, he raised his closed hand in a firm fist and knocked on the door. His body tensed.

A few seconds later, the door opened, revealing Midoriya in pants, his hair matted, his eyes exhausted. His face lit up at the sight of him standing outside her door.

"Todoroki-kun!" He greeted him happily. "Come in"

"Thank you, Midoriya." He thanked him politely, ready to face him once and for all.

"I really wanted to see you and talk" Midoriya confessed, closing the door behind him, rubbing his exhausted eyes with his thumbs. "To tell you the truth, I didn't think we would see each other again after the battle, but I'm so glad that this wasn't how things happened." He went behind him, offering Todoroki a seat in his bed, he taking a seat in his chair desktop.

"Good to see you again, Midoriya." He forced himself to smile sideways. The aforementioned nodded, laughing.

"May I ask you something" He said doubtfully, placing a hand on the hem of his green sweatshirt.

"Sure"

"Why didn't you visit me at the clinic yesterday?" Todoroki visibly tightened his jaw, opening his eyes slightly. "I'm not claiming you!" He clarified between nervous giggles.

"Midoriya" He burst out in a louder voice. "The reason I don't visit you is because of"

"It's Kacchan, right?" He interrupted hitting the target, as always.

Todoroki saw no need to argue, so he nodded. However, this made Midoriya uncomfortable.

"Kacchan spoke to me" He counted vehemently, in a slow gesture. "And he said he loved me." A powerful thrust landed on Todoroki's wounded chest. "I, too, feel the same way… I've always loved Kacchan, you know?" He saw him smile brightly, tirelessly. A stabbed in the right side. "So, Kacchan and I are dating" He confessed, blushing, or rather, an adorable and cute blush rooted on his cheeks.

Todoroki was tempted to allow his accumulated crying to detonate in front of Midoriya, since he could not bear to hear her account any longer. He couldn't bear the idea of Bakugou and Midoriya being a couple.

"That was why, wasn't it?" Midoriya pulled him out of his train of thought. "You hadn't talked to me because of Kacchan, had you?" He looked concerned. In those green eyes he could see the great urgency that both continued to get along, that the friendship that united precisely Todoroki and Midoriya was unbreakable, but it was not like that. Midoriya was breaking with each of his confessions to poor Todoroki. It tore at his feelings and he was unaware of his action.

"Todoroki-kun?" Midoriya moved closer, catching up with him, thus increasing his concern for him.

Todoroki decided that he had enough of that suffering; He shot a sad look at Midoriya, who was shocked by his behavior.

"W-what's wrong, Todoroki-kun?"

"I've had enough." He emitted pain, but being polite.

"Enough?" He repeated without understanding.

"Midoriya," he said her name with a lump in his throat.

"Y-yes?"

"I've kept these feelings inside of me for a long time" He related, putting an open hand on his chest. Midoriya looked at him confused, but attentive. He didn't take his eyes off him. "Since the sports festival I have not stopped feeling how these feelings grow and have not stopped growing inside me" He stopped, standing up from the seat, approaching him in a hurt attitude. "After harboring so much for this feeling, I have decided to end my suffering and say it now"

"W-what do you mean?"

"I love you, Midoriya "He confessed in ardent devotion.

His eyes widened, her mouth trembled as he opened from the shock. In truth, Midoriya was shocked.

"To-todoroki"

"I've loved you since the sports festival" He continued in the same way. "And I swear to you that every time I see you near Bakugou I get jealous." He swallowed. "Forgive me, Midoriya, if my feelings disgust you, but I can no longer hide it from you." He returned to his seat in defeated aura, an atmosphere circulating around him in grim allusion. "I thought I could save them, but I couldn't, not when Bakugou hurt you countless times and you forgave him"

"Todoroki-kun," Midoriya whimpered, petrifying him who stood up when he saw him like that.

"Midoriya" He breathed out in amazement. "Why are you crying? What's going on?"

"Forgive me" He sobbed lightly, writhing to the ground. "I am a horrible friend"

"What? No" He was alarmed at his deductions. "Of course not, Midoriya, on the contrary, you are the best friend one can have"

"But I hurt you!" He proclaimed insatiably. "That's not being a good friend! I'm sorry, Todoroki-kun" He sobbed, followed by gasping breaths.

"No, please don't blame yourself." He rushed to comfort him in his arms, which received him joyfully, grateful to inhale the aroma of mint and forest coming from the freckled boy.

"I can't reciprocate you" He sobbed regretfully. "I'm so sorry, Todoroki-kun, I'm really so sorry!"

"Okay" He said in a whisper, stroking his head with his hand. "You didn't do anything wrong from the beginning, on the contrary, I was the one who got excited and figured that we could be a couple, when your heart had already been taken by Bakugou" His throat tightened in disappointment, but above all, in imminent defeat.

"I was so inconsiderate with you" He expressed guilty, hanging his hands from his sweater, clinging to him.

"You never were" He denied fervently. "You have always been the best thing that could have happened to me"

"We will no longer be friends" He declared in anguish, trembling.

"Midoriya, I don't think I was clear." He separated from him, outlining his serious face. Seeing the sadness settled on his features. "I love you, but I love you enough to be your friend, because what I want most is to be with you… always with you" He conjured, sure. "I don't mind being your friend, if that means I can stay by your side forever." He smiled politely. "So please don't say those things, because we'll still be friends"

"Re-really?"

"I just wanted you to know my feelings, Midoriya" He clarified. "But everything will remain as it is, don't worry about that." He gently stroked his head, tangling his fingers in his curly hair. "You be happy with Bakugou"

"You are very kind, Todoroki-kun" Midoriya smiled totally grateful to him "And I am very sorry that I never noticed your feelings, surely you must have thought that I was cruel"

"Never"

"And" He choked on a slight sob. "I never want to lose your friendship"

"Neither do I" He admitted determinedly. "I don't want to lose your friendship for nothing in the world, Midoriya"

He coughed, regaining his normal breathing.

"It's a promise" Midoriya whispered tenderly, smirking.

That was the last thrust that his cracked heart had to receive at that moment. A cruel and firm stabbing that would break hid feelings; the final thrust nailed firmly into his funeral interior.

"Yes." He inhaled and exhaled, setting his feelings aside. "It's a promise"

Nothing in his being in love would ever be the same, because everything was already colored blue painted with sadness.

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P.S. Hoping you liked this chapter