Aizawa frowned, and watched as Midoriya tiptoed around Shoji carefully. Shoji lunged, and Midoriya was a second too low in sidestepping, which resulted in him being caught. The green haired boy didn't even struggle as Shoji easily restrained him, walking to the side of the box and carefully depositing him out of bounds.
Midoriya had easily beaten Shoji before, and he currently had access to all of the same equipment, which were his regular hero costume, and the white strips of cloth that were wrapped around the bandages on his arms; he had apparently taken Kaminari's suggestion into consideration. Aizawa wasn't even sure that Midoriya had heard him that time; he had assumed that the boy was preoccupied with his arms after straining them too much.
Then again, it wasn't too surprising; Midoriya had always been a perceptive person, if the five pages of notes he had made on every student said anything. Plus, if Midoriya was able to discern the details about the League's quirks while they were torturing him, or just talking to him, then surely he would be able to capture Kaminari's comment about him using the bandages as a makeshift capture weapon. He did not want to question how on earth Midoriya knew how to use it as a capture weapon either; Aizawa already had way too many questions, and if there was one thing he knew about Midoriya, it was that one question would become two, then four, then eight, until eventually there were just too many questions to even count. It would just be easier to accept that Midoriya just... knew things. Then again, he was a vigilante; he had to learn fast. and know all sorts of things in order to survive.
Aizawa was worried at how dazed and lost Midoriya looked. No matter what happened, Midoriya never gave up, not against the League, or against Stain, or against the Nomus, or even against Muscular. It was uncharacteristic of Midoriya to just... stop trying. Midoriya was one for action, not words, but now, he spent a lot of time thinking, the period of time when he dismisses the students to practise their super moves on their own to him actually moving and making a move getting longer and longer as the days went by. His expression hadn't changed the slightest, always emotionless, stoic, calm, but it seemed like Midoriya had just... given up. He knew that trauma from his kidnapping and being at the mercy of the League would linger, and while Midoriya didn't seem to suffer from any normal symptoms of emotional and psychological trauma, Midoriya did have a tendency to hide all of his pain. Just because he wasn't showing it... didn't mean that he didn't feel it.
And that was scary, seeing a strong willed, determined, stubborn child like Midoriya just falling apart from all his pain, all his inner turmoil.
Being quirkless and bullied for most of his life was bad enough, losing his parents and subsequently being forced into the foster system did absolutely no favours him. Midoriya was already closed off, and it had taken Shinsou, Uraraka, Iida, Todoroki and Koda months of slowly easing their way into Midoriya's life to understand him and learn where the boundaries were. Months of knocking gently on the solid metal vault to Midoriya's heart, slowly getting him to open up.
And now, it seemed like Midoriya had just welded the door firmly shut.
And Aizawa wasn't sure how to help him. Midoriya was pushing all the teachers out; he noticed the subtle glares that the green haired boy shot at him out of the corner of his eye, Midoriya trying to do his best to stay out of his line of sight, being quiet and mild as usual, trying to not draw any attention to himself at all. He knew he couldn't help Midoriya at all; he could only hope that Nezu, Reiko, Ryuto, and his classmates would somehow get through to him.
Midoriya stuffed his english worksheet into his bag, before flopping down on his bed.
He was tired, but there were so many thoughts running through his head that it was just impossible for him to fall asleep.
Nobody cares about you, you worthless child.
"I can't breathe... let me out... please..."
He was doing his best to block everything out, but the more he tried to shove his thoughts away, the more they rushed back, stronger than before.
They don't really care about you, you know, the voice in his head whispered, They're just like everyone else. Playing with you, manipulating you.
Shut up, he tried to shove the voice away, Leave me alone.
You feel safe around them? You feel comfortable around them? You're falling into their trap. They just want to rip you apart, just like all those "friends" you had in elementary school. How many times do you want your heart to be broken?
Shut up. They're not like them.
How do you know? They were nice as well. Until she told you to "take a swan dive off a roof and hope to gain a quirk in your next life". And you actually did that.
I did not jump off a building that time.
Poor little Izuku. You really believe that you "fell off" by accident? You may not have consciously thought about jumping off a roof, but the thought was still there, lingering. She was right, they're all right; No one cares if you live or die, everyone is better off without you.
Midoriya pressed his pillow against his ears in a fruitless attempt to block out the voice in his head. Ryuto shuddered, and ruffled his feathers, before pressing himself against Midoriya, nibbling his ear comfortingly, as Reiko purred, licking Midoriya's cheek.
The green haired boy let out a faint whine, and closed his eyes. His entire body, from head to toe, every single ligament and tendon, just seemed to ache for absolutely no reason at all. They didn't even have any training sessions today; Yagi had just given them some kind of old report about heroics, and was trying to teach something about quirk laws. He talked for around ten minutes, and Midoriya was sure he wasn't the only one who had absolutely no idea what was going on until Aizawa had shoved the thin, frail looking man away and pretty much took over the entire lesson.
And even then, he couldn't stop the guilt from pooling in his stomach as he watched Yagi out of the corner of his eye, the thin form of the former Number One hero flipping through a book titled "Teaching for Dummies".
You worthless, useless child.
It's your fault he's in that state. If only you weren't so pathetic and useless...
Shut up... please... leave me alone...
Midoriya stood, looking around blankly as his classmates continued working on their super moves. He felt oddly... empty... inside, and it wasn't because he hadn't eaten anything at all the entire day.
He stared at the punching bag, irritation bubbling in his gut. He still hadn't forgiven the damned thing for smacking him in the face a week ago, even though he knew that it wasn't the punching bag's fault that it followed the laws of physics.
Midoriya clenched his fist. The Provisional Licence exams were coming up soon, he knew that at the very least, but as his classmates continuously got stronger, all he was doing was getting weaker, more pathetic.
He glared at the punching bag, some part of him wanted to give the damned thing a good hit, just to vent out his frustrations, but another part of him was stopping him. He could feel an icy feeling against his neck, threatening to strangle him, and Midoriya closed his eyes, pondering, as a chill ran down his spine.
Pathetic. You can't even hit a punching bag? How are you supposed to protect anyone now?
Can you even protect anyone now, you useless quitter?
Leave me alone.
He didn't know how to fight, he didn't want to fight.
That's all you are, right?
How could he fight an invisible enemy, an enemy that wasn't even corporeal?
A quitter, just a quitter. A pathetic quitter who can't do anything right, who can never do anything.
An enemy that wasn't himself, and yet, was simultaneously himself?
You should have died that day, don't you agree? Would make things much, much easier now. You're searching for something that can't be found, something that no one would ever give you, something that you don't deserve. The voice spat, Why do you even bother trying? No one cares about you, no one would ever care about you.
Midoriya bit his lip, and sighed, before he turned away, walking away from the punching bag. Walking off the tower of cement that Ishiyama had made for them to train on. Walking away from his classmates, who were all training to better themselves and their quirks.
You're right.
I should have died that day.
Shinsou noted that Midoriya was eating less and less. He wasn't the type to eat a lot in the first place; Shinsou had honestly never seen Midoriya eat anything more than soup, but lately, he was barely able to eat one or two mouthfuls, sometimes looking sick by just looking at his soup before he pushed his bowl away, not able to drink it. Yamada was worried that Midoriya wasn't eating enough, stealing a couple of Aizawa's jelly packs and shoving them under Midoriya's desk, but Midoriya just looked at them and gave them back to Aizawa, much to the Erasure Heroes confusion.
Midoriya was also seeming to get irritated much more easily. He had never been one to tolerate Mineta, especially when he was verbally harassing his female classmates, but unless Mineta was actually doing something, Midoriya would usually not do a thing until he had gotten to the point of being insufferable. Mineta had only said once sentence before Midoriya stared at him with what must be a much more potent version of his death glare, because Mineta had promptly hid behind Sato, and refused to even glance in the direction of a female for the rest of the day when he was in the same room as the green haired boy. It was amusing the first time it happened, but it was just uncharacteristic of the normally mild Midoriya to be so hostile.
Shinsou, Uraraka, Iida, Koda, and Todoroki had been around Midoriya enough to know when they were pushing Midoriya's boundaries, but the others in 1-A and 1-B didn't. He seemed to get irritated by Kirishima, Kaminari and Ashido. Granted, those three were energetic, and trying to befriend Midoriya, and the greenette usually tolerated them for thirty minutes before silently excusing himself. Ashido had tried to invite Midoriya out for one of their usual cafe outings, but Midoriya had just outrightly avoided them, or just subtly glared at them until one of them pulled the trio away. But he even seemed to get irritated by Yaoyorozu and Jiro, who just constantly asked him if he was okay, or if he slept well.
He could tell that Reiko and Ryuto were doing their best to try and cheer Midoriya up, to try and snap him out of his slump, but nothing they did seemed to work.
He wasn't even sure that Midoriya was sleeping right. Midoriya had always been pale, but now, he looked even paler than usual. His eye bags were worse than usual, standing out much more prominently than before, and he often looked like he was about to fall asleep or doze off in lessons. He did rest his head on the table before lessons started, in between lessons before the next teacher arrived, and during lunch, and he did seem a bit more sluggish in training sessions, if he even participated in them at all.
Midoriya was pushing them all away, and Shinsou didn't know how to help Midoriya.
Or rather, if Midoriya wanted to be helped at all.
