Does It Matter
Natsu was silent when he drove me to my condo. He immediately went home after dropping me off. He's busy after all, so I did my daily routines again at home. I just slept earlier than usual because I need to go to work tomorrow even if it's a weekend for the project.
My phone rang because of mom's call while we're busy designing. I quickly answered it. I don't know the reason for her sudden call but I'm happy and my heart is racing.
"Hello?"
"Lucy, how are you?" mommy started.
"I'm fine, mom! How about you? I'm in the office right now."
"I'm fine too. You're still working on a weekend?" she asked.
"Yes, mommy. We're quite busy these days," I let go of my computer mouse and rested my head on my swivel chair. My neck is stiff.
"Did Natsu already send the invites? I'm worried because no one is confirming yet."
I sighed and massaged my temple. It's about Ashley's exhibit, "Next month, mom, right? I'm gonna send it personally to Drakes, Dreyar, and Mr. Fernandes."
"No. No… Ask him first if he already sent it. It's embarrassing if the invites would be repeated. It would make Ashley's exhibit look desperate for big companies. Go now. Ask him, dear…"
I nodded, "Okay, mom… I'm gonna call him now."
I stood up to make myself a cup of coffee while trying to connect to Natsu through a phone call. I know he's overseas right now. It's a good thing we're connected on a phone application and his number quickly registered there. If he's online there, then, I can call him.
He answered my call on the first ring. I didn't speak yet, trying to listening first to the background.
"Hello…" he sounded formal.
"I'm sorry I called. Mommy called me and she wants to know if you already sent the invites. Don't worry, if you still haven't, I can send them instead…"
"Already did. All the companies agreed so don't worry about it."
"Natsu…" a gentle voice of a woman was heard on the other line.
I almost dropped my coffee. He's with a woman. Is it his secretary? I already painted a scenario about his secretary's long legs in his table. My cheeks burned and my heartbeat raced.
"The room you got – "
Natsu cut the woman in the background, "That's fine, Touka."
"Uhh… Okay. Thanks, I'll tell my mom," my voice cracked before I quickly ended the call.
I stared at my phone for a moment before taking a huge sip on my coffee. I moaned as the thick and hot liquid touched my mouth. It burns! I almost cursed as I placed the mug on the table.
So what, right? If Natsu's with a girl? Our agreement clearly stated that there shouldn't be other parties involved. But then again… I myself do not follow that rule. I have Sting. Even if I told him that Sting doesn't count, it still can't erase the fact that Sting's there as my boyfriend.
I placed my phone in my pocket before returning to my table. I continued my work. Architect drops by on each table every now and then to check the state of our assignments.
Days passed. Natsu texted me that hell go home this Wednesday. I didn't reply. What should I say? He informed me and that's all. My mind wondered to the girl he's with. Who could it be? From what I remember, Touka is not his secretary's name and her voice certainly doesn't sound like that! Who is Touka?
I walked towards Sting's black Escape. He's leaning at it's door and staring at me. His eyebrow is curved upward, eyes pitch black. He's wearing his usual coat and tie, maybe he just came from work where dad and his dad invested in.
He grabbed my waist when I got closer. I immediately swatted his hand away. I never thought I could dislike him this much. That even his touch disgusts me.
"Oh, Lucy…" he smiled.
There's nothing funny. I only agreed on meeting him because we will eventually meet for the ConFAP.
He opened the car door and gestured the front seat to me. I gave him a sharp look before proceeding inside.
"To our house or your condo? I can cook your favourite beef goulash," he softly said.
"We're eating in a restaurant, not in your house or my condo," I said.
It shut him up. We're now both staring at the road. I don't feel anything for him anymore.
"Look, Lucy. I know these past days, our relationship isn't getting any better – "
"Good thing you know, Sting!"
"Tss… Please, Lucy. I know you're only staying because of the business."
I turned to him, can't stop myself, "Aren't you staying for it too? Huh? Because I know if only we can break up, you've done it years ago already. You would rather be with the girls you are…" I couldn't say it.
"Believe me, Lucy. I love you. I love you, okay?"
I grimaced, "You know what? I'm tired of hearing all your bulls. Can we just talk about the event instead? I didn't agree to meet you to fix whatever is left in our relationship. As far as I know, we're both in this relationship to maintain our company's partnership."
"Can you hear yourself? Since when did you become like this? You're usually very… what happened to you?" Sting sounds disappointed.
I opted not to reply to him because my blood is already boiling. I don't want to suddenly burst into madness and punch him in the face. I no longer feel any emotion towards him.
We were both silent as we entered an Italian restaurant. I quickly ordered a pasta and wine. He did, too. He stared at me and I guess he wants this meeting to be slow and thorough. Bad for him, I'm disgusted by him so I want this to be fast.
"Fetch me at my condo at six PM this Saturday."
He nodded, "Your dress – "
"I can find myself a dress and a pair of shoes so no thanks. You don't have to worry about it."
"Lucy, you sound so bitter. Seriously, what happened to you?" Sting shook his head.
I rolled my eyes at him.
"Do you have someone else? Are you seeing someone else?"
I abruptly chinned up and glared at him. How dare he sound like it's offending him?
"What do you think about me, Sting? You think I would put up with you? You're a cheating fucker and you think I'll be hoping you'll be back in my arms? Sting, it's been so long since my patience for you disappeared so don't even dare to hope that we can still go back to what we've used to."
The apparent disappearance of Sting's colour is amusing. He became pale of what I said and I just felt relive to voice out every thing I was carrying for years now. For the first time, I gained confidence to say these.
"Like what you said… we're both staying for the business – "
"So you're seeing someone else, Lucy?" he asked.
"No! You are seeing someone else! And don't even try to twists the facts. You love me but you're with another girl? You have needs that I can't satisfy? No! If you really love me, you'll wait!"
Sting swallowed. I can still see how he wants to protest but he couldn't voice whatever is it that's bugging him.
Our orders came and I shut up to respect the food. In the middle of eating, we started to talk about the event.
"How much will Uncle Jude donate?" he asked in the middle of conversation.
"He's donating five hundred thousand for ConFAP, and I think Uncle will donate half to so for the both of us, a million," I said.
He nodded and stared at the letter from ConFAP intensely. He's staring the list of invited guests.
I don't know why I became uncomfortable while he's staring at the list of names. Natsu's name is written there.
"These businessmen, they would donate two million for ConFAP?" Sting is laughing while skimming the invitation.
I sharply glared at him, "What's your problem? They want to donate, so..?"
"They won't donate for the well-beings of the children. They're donating for their reputation and their own benefit."
"Isn't that what dad and Uncle is doing?"
I know all of these. I am not sure if Natsu even cares for the children in that foundation. Most businessmen are like that. They donate for their own reasons. It's good when they genuinely care for the foundation but most of the times, it's for their own selfish reasons. I despite those in the beginning, but as time goes by, I felt nothing for those people who mask being helpful for their own benefit. Their end is to help other people. Do I need to question it? The important thing is that they were able to help.
"So we'll see each other this coming Saturday. What time would the event end Do you want to go somewhere after the event?" he smiled.
It doesn't affect me any longer. If in the past I cans till pretend that I want to be with him, now I'm disgusted.
I shook my head, "I'll go home after it. We have an upcoming project, I'm busy…"
His smile dropped and sat up straight.
"Okay, then…"
That ended our casual dinner with my so called "boyfriend." I didn't even let him drive me to my unit. I called a cab even before he could offer to drive me home.
After arriving at the condo, I did my usual routine. I changed my clothes to jog outside. My earphones are plugged in and the music is in shuffle when someone called.
"Lucy…" Natsu's voice enveloped my ears.
"Natsu…" I panted, catching my breath.
"What are you doing? Where are you?" he asked.
"I'm jogging here in Santivus. Why?"
He took a deep breath and didn't speak.
"Natsu? You there?"
"No… I'm just checking on you."
I pouted and stared at my shoes. Is this clingy? I don't know…
"What about you? What are you doing?" And who the hell is Touka? I decided not to ask that.
"I'm packing. My flight is tomorrow. I can't meet you when I'm home. I have an event in Caelum – "
I cut him off, "That's okay. I'm busy anyway."
I can't understand why my chest is starting to tighten. I can't swallow the lump in my throat. No… I'm not going to lie. I'm hurt and I don't know why. I hate that he's so far and I hate that we can't see each other when he got home.
I crossed my arms and sat on one of the benches there. I stared at the people passing by.
"We'll meet on Friday," he said.
"I can't. I'll be out that night."
"And where would you go?" he asked.
"I'll hunt for a gown with my friends. I wasn't able to hire a designer for it so RTW would do."
"Friends? Cana and… Levy?"
"Wait… This is one of those personal questions you are talking about," I said.
"It's necessary. I'm asking you about your plans on Friday since you said you can't meet me."
I shook my head, "Okay… now I can ask why are we not meeting this Wednesday. What are you going to do in Caelum?"
"Well, Jellal, my cousin, is there with his fiancée. Something about their upcoming wedding."
Even with a rational reason, I still can't stop myself from being disappointed. I tried to push those emotions away from my system. I don't need those with me. I don't need to feel it. I entered this agreement for the physical things, not to fulfill my emotional needs. He is a monster who can do it with anyone and I need to stop thinking that I could change him. Whatever we have now and whatever he can give to me right now, it's the only thing I should accept from him. It's all lust and I would fucking enjoy every moment of it.
"Jellal, the one with the tattoo, right?" I asked.
"Yup, you know him?" he asked.
"He's a model, and… the world we're living in isn't that huge, Natsu," I replied.
He couldn't speak for a moment, "Well, he already has a fiancée."
"Yes, I heard you earlier. What about it?"
"Nothing," he coldly answered. "You're jogging? Can you send me a picture of you in your jogging clothes?"
I was shocked because of what he's asking. I laughed.
"I'm completely clothed. What would you do at it? This won't provoke any sexual thoughts to you,"
I said.
I was thinking is he just wants to fantasize with it so he wants to see me now. He should just asked for my picture in my undies or bikini, then.
"Just take a photo and send it to me, will you?" he replied, voice snob.
"Fine! What else now?" I asked.
"So we'll see each other in the ConFAP?"
"Yup. Wait, how much are you going to donate?"
"I'm donating five million, why?"
"Why are you donating?" I kicked the pebbled on the group while talking to him.
"Does it matter?"
I knew it! He's one of those heartless businessmen. They don't really know why they're donating. But then again, whatever their reasons are, the important thing is they helped other people. The end is still beautiful, anyway.
"Anyway, I'll be with Sting just like Loke said. Who are you going with?" I asked.
Though I wish he goes alone…
"Let's just see each other there," he coldly replied.
"O-Okay…"
I felt cold after our call. I placed my free hand on the pocket of my jacket while raising the other one to take a picture of myself. He said he wants a picture of me so I'll give it to him. I send the picture to him before locking my phone.
I need to remind myself. I can't be emotionally attached. It's only been a month since I met him and he made it clear what he wants in this arrangement. I will give it to him and I am going to receive what I want happily too. I won't make a mistake. I sighed and continued jogging.
