A/N: In which Vivian takes the first step.
inkyvlaudy: Dark!Vivian is definitely incoming!
AnnaPansy: Yup Season 2 is going to be intense. Reg will be the main character of the second half. I'm really excited to write him back into the story when we get to that point. He'll be similar to the way he was in the beginning of Season 1. I won't give too much away but I will make Sirius pay a bit. The angst won't last too long though. I've been planning this part of the story since the first chapter so I think you'll like what ends up happening :)
puppyduckster: Thanks! I'm staying safe, just dying from boredom and nonstop writing lol. No complaints over here ;) Hope you're staying safe too! Regulus's actions were definitely more in line with his desire to put his brother in his place over actual concern for Vivian. I was originally planning on having Vivian find out all on her own, but Regulus ended up stepping in before she could. I'm sure she would've connected the dots without Reg's help either way. Hopefully this chapter will explain her perspective on everything a bit better
A Simple Cactus: Hmm I hadn't thought about side stories for the OCs. I'll keep that in mind though. I'm still not completely sure where Gavin is going to be in Season 2 (or 3 for that matter) but he will definitely still be in the story. I think I'm gonna send him up to Norway to continue his studies after Hogwarts, so he might be MIA for the first part of Season 2 but not sure yet
Anne J Black: All I shall say is that the angst won't last that long :)
JuniKitty4427: True true. Hopefully this chapter explains her viewpoint a bit better
Marnie Quiera: And all I shall say to that is this: James may or may not get in the middle of this again. Read 3rd scene. ;)
Guest: VCU?! I love this so much ;D I have so many ideas for these side-stories. It's the perfect way to make my life stupidly complicated and I'm all for it. As for Reg, Vivian isn't very happy with him either but some dark scenes will inevitably be incoming. It's necessary for what I have planned for Season 2. This is definitely a final wake-up call for Sirius though. Their relationship will be much more solid in the future after all of this, so even though this is a shitty moment for them, it'll end up being a good thing later down the line!
CuoreSpezzato: Thanks! :) The angst won't last for too long before things get resolved, but I won't make things easy either. Dark!Vivian needs to happen in order to pave the way for future events. The last scene of this chapter should explain that a little bit. Also Sil and Finn sigh I love them too. I'm glad people still enjoy TSN! I consider that one to be my first legit story so it will always hold a special place in my heart :)
Guest1515: Stay safe too! Things aren't too bad where I am. Only a few cases in my immediate area, but I'm sure within the next week or two it'll become worse now that the virus is starting to close in. Scary times scary times. Good thing I'm young and invincible ;) Hope you're doing alright over in India
Chrysanthemum: Agreed! :) Draco/OC story will eventually happen. It will be set post-war though, so I'll probably put that on hold for a while unless I get randomly inspired to write more of it. You never know. Charlie will be next and I'm considering a Fred story but not sure yet. Let me know if you have any other ideas!
Yvan475: Yes, that will be the first half of Season 2
a-reads: There'll be a few chapters of Dark!Vivian. I think I said that Season 1 would only be 2-3 more chapters but it'll probably be a little more than that. There are a lot of things to tie up still before I can start Season 2. But yes, Sirius does need to suffer a little bit! It'll get a bit angsty but like I've said above, I don't think it will last too long
Guest: Thank you! I agree, most Sirius/OC stories I've read make things way too easy. It's impossible not to end up with at least some of your family's beliefs when you're raised to think and act a certain way. I'm glad you think my approach is realistic. It's a fine line, making sure that Vivian has enough pureblood sentiments to make her seem believable but also making sure she has the ability/willingness to open herself up to other perspectives
remifoster1313: Your formula for intellectual success is perfect ;) Sirius's closet romantic self will have many scenes coming up. The agent plot is going to be coming to fruition soon. This chapter will hint towards that a bit more. As for Mulciber, I have plans for him. I'm really excited to write all the scenes I've been envisioning for so long! The last few chapters of this season are going to be really intense. Also yes, (without giving too much away) Regulus and Vivicendium are both important for Season 2, hence the last scene of this chapter. Quidditch plot will be tied up before the end. I will be writing another match! Sorry if that response seemed a bit jumbled together, I wanted to get to as many points as I could!
This is a shorter chapter but I will be making up for it with an early update this week. Lots of important scenes coming up in the next few chapters. I'm really excited to hear everyone's thoughts! Hope you all enjoy :)
Chapter Fifty Three | Alis volat propriis
[She flies by her own wings]
James Potter is a bastion of optimism. He likes to think that his optimism is his third best characteristic. (Coming directly after his magnificent good looks and awe-inspiring skills on the Quidditch pitch.) Well, maybe his fourth best. (He is superbly talented with dueling.) Actually, perhaps it's his fifth best. (One cannot deny that he is a most illustrious and dishonorable prankster.) Well in any case, James Potter is quite optimistic and overall extraordinary.
Anyway, concerning optimism, he fully expects that Pride will come to her senses soon enough. After all, one does not simply make it onto the distinguished list of Honorary Maraudership without possessing several key character traits. The first being, of course, that they must have some appreciation for mischief. The second being that all Official Marauders must agree to accept them into their role (as they have a very democratic system of leadership and even one veto will ruin the potential H.M.'s chances). The third being that any potential Honorary Marauders must either 1) be a fellow Gryffindor, or 2) enjoy the company of a Gryffindor. This third trait is imperative, really, because in James Potter's humble opinion, Gryffindors are the very best, which is reason enough.
Pride has thus far proven herself capable of living up to all three of these fundamental doctrines. She is appreciative of mischief (though her definition thereof is sometimes a bit scary), she has been accepted by all Official Marauders (though Wormtail had been quite wary, he still voted 'yes'), and she enjoys the company of a Gryffindor (though she would surely deny this). Yes, overall, James Potter is quite sure that with enough time, Pride will come to her senses and realize that being inducted as an Honorary Marauder is quite serious, and definitely shouldn't be brushed off or ignored.
Right. James is very optimistic. Which is why, during breakfast the morning after The Event, as his Marauding fellows have taken to calling it (Sirius grimaces whenever they say 'the night Vivian found out you started sending her love poems as a prank'), James is quite pleased. See, he is not only a bastion of optimism, but he also knows how to handle a bird – come to think of it, perhaps his optimism should be his sixth best trait – and he knows that Vivian just needs time to process that her secret admirer and Sirius Black are one in the same. It's actually all very romantic when it boils down to it, which he's sure she'll come to realize after a while. Sure, in the few brief run-ins they've had, she's taken to giving Padfoot the cold shoulder and has begun referring to him as 'the blood traitor' again, but it won't last forever. He's quite sure.
"Why're you so happy today?" Sirius mutters as James fills his plate with breakfast. He's dressed very smartly today, having actually tied his tie properly and attempted to comb down his hair. He's even whistling a Celestina Warbeck song under his breath as he reaches for some toast and starts spreading jam onto it.
James shrugs and breezily responds, "I'm happy that Vivian found out is all. It'll make everything so much easier."
Sirius's expression grows a touch stormier. Remus and Peter take one look at it and clamp their mouths shut, but James doesn't notice because he's too busy humming, 'A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love' beneath his breath.
"You're glad that Vivian found out?" Sirius demands, narrowing his eyes.
James nods his agreement and, around a bite of toast, hums, "Oh come and stir my cauldron," then seems to forget the next line and skips to, "I'll boil you up some hot strong love hmm mm – "
"So what you're saying is that you're happy I'm miserable," Sirius grits out.
James rolls his eyes. "Oh come off it. Course I'm not happy about that. You did kind of ask for this though, to be fair."
"How did I ask for this? I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this to happen – "
"You had plenty of chances to use this situation to your benefit is all I'm saying," James says around a mouthful of toast. "I mean, think about it. You could've recited a poem to her and then let her know that you were the one writing them. I'll bet she would've swooned into your arms and asked you to marry her right then and there. That's something birds do these days and I'm all for it," James nods.
He's about to say something about he wishes Lily would ask him to marry her, since it would make his life so much easier, when a voice suddenly drawls, "I don't swoon, Potter," and all four Marauders stiffen in surprise.
Peter takes one look at Vivian Blair and practically nosedives into his plate, ducking over so quickly that he looks like he's trying to hide between the layers of pancakes. Remus, who is taking a drink of pumpkin juice, stops mid-sip and stares at Vivian over the rim of his goblet, studying the expressionless way she's staring down her nose at them. James begins coughing, as he had only just shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth and her sudden presence has gotten it lodged in his throat a bit. Sirius – well, he instantly pales, whirls around to face her, and swallows tightly at the cold way she turns to stare at him.
"Vivian – " he begins, but doesn't get to say more.
"Don't talk to me, blood traitor," she breezily says. "I've only come over here to give you this."
Sirius snaps his mouth shut at the words 'blood traitor', but it isn't because he's angry. That is something she used to call him before they had properly gotten to know each other. Before their arguments had become snogging sessions. Before he told her he loved her. To hear her call him that now, after everything they've been through thus far, makes his stomach knot up in a way it never has before.
She leans around him to set a small box onto the table near his plate, stares at him coldly one more time, and then says in a low voice, "I'll never forgive you for this, blood traitor," before she sneers at him and turns to march back to the Slytherin table.
Sirius watches her go, even paler now. Remus finally puts his goblet down and Peter lifts his head from his plate. James's optimism lowers a notch.
"…Right. Um. What is it, then?" James wonders, cringing a bit when he sees Sirius's face. Merlin, he's never seen him look so…downtrodden before.
Sirius turns back around and stares gloomily at the box. He shrugs, "I don't think I want to know. It might rip my heart out."
"Don't be dramatic, Padfoot," James tries to laugh, then stops when he sees the way Sirius looks at him with those dejected eyes. Gathering his optimism, James sets his shoulders back and nods, "Okay. I'll look first, then tell you what it is."
Sirius doesn't respond; only pushes his elbows onto the table and leans over as if he's in pain. It's quite concerning, really, because none of them have ever seen him like this before. Sirius Black isn't the sort to let a bird get to him, after all.
James shoots a glance at Remus and Peter, both of whom remain silent, before he reaches over to open the box. Peter, who is sitting directly beside him, leans over to see what's inside. He takes one look at its contents before promptly grimacing and leaning back. A pitying glance is cast at Sirius, who looks suddenly very anxious. Remus does too, for that matter.
"…What is it?" Sirius croaks.
James flaps his mouth for a moment and then slams the box shut with a strained laugh. "Nothing, Padfoot. It's not important. I think I should just hold onto it – "
"Just show me," Sirius mutters. Best to rip the bandage off quickly. Or not. When James tentatively opens the box and pushes it across the table so that Sirius can see inside, his pale countenance turns as white as a ghost.
"Oh," he hoarsely mumbles, and then fall completely silent.
Remus purses his lips and puts a hand on Sirius's shoulder, but Sirius only chokes, "She hates me," before getting up from the table and gloomily making his way out of the Great Hall.
For there within the box are ashes; rejected poems burnt to their bones.
Sirius Black is not optimistic. His optimism doesn't even make it onto his list of five best characteristics. In fact, in this moment in time, he reckons he doesn't have any good characteristics at all. Vivian doesn't seem to think he does, anyway.
"Vivian," he calls once their first class of the day wraps up. After spending some time brooding in his dorm room after breakfast, he had come to the conclusion that a proper explanation is in order. After all, he hasn't actually had a chance to talk to her yet. Last night, she'd left before he could, and based on how she had acted in the Great Hall only a few hours ago, he figures that she's going to be stubborn about listening to him.
He's right. The moment she hears her name, Vivian's shoulders visibly stiffen and she picks up her pace. She's stepping back into the hallway before he even has a chance to say another word. For example: 'I'm sorry' or 'I'm an arse' comes to mind.
Shouldering his way out of the classroom, Sirius ignores the looks he's receiving from his fellow students and hurries to follow her. He's barely able to fall into step at her side before Vivian is growling, "What the fuck do you want, blood traitor?"
Then, swallowing tightly, Sirius hoarsely tries, "I just want to explain it to you – "
"Oh, you mean the fact that you've spent the entire year sending me love poems as a prank?" she cuts in coldly, staring straight ahead.
Sirius flounders, "That's what I'm trying to – it started off as a prank but it – "
"It turned into something more," she finishes for him, very sarcastically.
"You don't believe me?" he asks, a bit hurt.
"No, I believe you," is her response.
He feels the barest hint of relief – just enough to make him relax just so – when Vivian stops walking, turns to face him, and coldly says, "I believe that you're a lying piece of shite who had a good laugh at my expense. I also think that you stupidly started to believe your own lie and fancied yourself to be in love with me, because you're a fucking idiot."
She shrugs at him and then turns back around to keep walking. Sirius gapes at her back for several long seconds before hurrying to follow.
"Yes – I mean, that is what happened – sort of, I mean, the way you said it was a bit – "
"Lucius! There you are," Vivian cuts in, catching sight of her fellow Slytherin at the end of the corridor. She glances over at Sirius and sneers, "Go away, Black. I have things to do."
She begins to walk away, but Sirius, panicking now, reaches forward to take her arm and quickly says, "Please Vivian. I'm sorry. It was stupid of me – but did you really not feel anything from those poems? Because I spilled my heart into them, honest – "
Vivian's eyes flash into his, but there is no warmth in them. The sight of cold, hard fury has Sirius's words fading into silence, so completely that even his breath feels short and shallow. Panic grips him solidly and he can't seem to remember what else he was going to say.
Her voice is practically a hiss when she murmurs, "I'm not angry about the poems, Sirius. I'm angry because you lied about them for months, even after you told me that you – " and here she cuts herself off, almost as if she can't bring herself to say the rest.
Sirius can, though, and does. In a quietly pleading voice, he whispers, "Love you."
Her mouth forms a hard line.
"You should have told me," she mutters, and pulls her arm out of his grasp before marching away.
Sirius stares forlornly after her and, this time, doesn't try to follow.
A wise man once said that there are two potential outcomes which will most likely occur when Vivian Blair discovers the truth about those love poems. That wise man was Remus Lupin, but he hadn't been entirely right in the end, concerning those outcomes. See, rather than Vivian getting so angry that she hexes Sirius into the hospital wing, or becoming so heartbroken that Sirius shrivels up with guilt, Vivian's reaction to the newfound knowledge of Sirius Black's ongoing prank is to pretend that he doesn't exist at all.
After an entire day of trying to get her to talk to him in various ways (notes sent during classes, attempting to speak to her after classes, catching her before she enters the Great Hall), Vivian's latest tactic has been made astoundingly clear. In her mind, she had said her piece in the corridor that morning, and all other attempts to administer an explanation have been unsuccessful. It hasn't been for lack of trying, though. Sirius has been going crazy all day, spiraling lower and lower into a dejected panic whenever his attempts have been ignored. He's lost track of all the times he tried to talk to her, only to have Vivian tell him to piss off and storm away.
"I told you not to do it," Remus murmurs as Sirius gloomily stares into the fire in the Gryffindor common room. He seems to be completely unaware of the bustle of activity that always presides over the space after dinner is finished. He just sits on the couch and stares unseeingly into the fire with the same expression he's worn all day: heart-stricken desolation.
Beside him, James silently throws Remus a warning look and says, "I saw some of those poems, Padfoot. Sure, they started out as a prank, but Vivian must know that they ended up becoming way more than that."
Sirius doesn't respond. Besides his attempts to talk to Vivian, he hasn't said more than a handful of words all day.
"She's just angry right now. Once the anger fades away, she'll realize that you were being genuine," James tells him, though it doesn't seem to do much good. Sirius doesn't even seem to hear him.
Remus sighs again and mutters, "I don't know, James. You saw how she was today. She wouldn't even look at him."
Now this draws forth a reaction from their silent friend. Sirius grimaces and sinks lower into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest as the memories of Vivian ignoring him all day, at every turn, resurface.
James shoots Remus another warning look and adamantly fires back, "She's just angry, that's all. Like I said, once the anger wears off – "
"It won't wear off," Sirius bemoans, and the sound of his voice is so shocking that the other Marauders turn to stare at him in vague surprise. Remus furrows his brow pityingly, James exhales mournfully, and Peter bites his lip as he sits on Sirius's other side, not sure what to say as his friend closes his eyes and groans, "She hates me."
Silence falls after that. Peter isn't the only one who doesn't know what to say.
After several minutes, James sighs, "She doesn't hate you, Sirius. She's just angry. She'll come around." Sirius obviously doesn't believe him, so James bolsters his optimism a bit and confidently says, "I've been in this situation plenty of times. Lily decides she hates me at least once a week, but does it make me give up? No!"
Across the way, Remus rolls his eyes.
"So what do I do? I grovel at her feet until she forgives me, because that's what birds like. Groveling."
Remus sighs.
"Honestly, all a girl really wants is for you to sacrifice some of your dignity for her, you know?"
"James, I really don't think that's helping – " Remus begins.
"I'll train you to be the best groveler in history, Padfoot," James earnestly says.
"Prongs I don't know what to say," Sirius sighs, tilting his head back and staring up at the ceiling. In a broodingly sarcastic voice, he mutters, "A part of me wants to thank you, and yet I also want to tell you to go stuff your head into the nearest toilet."
James pauses at this and shrugs, "I suppose that's acceptable."
Remus rolls his eyes again and says, "Just apologize to her."
"I've already done that," comes Sirius's downtrodden response.
"Well what'd she say?" Remus asks.
Sirius frowns and glumly mumbles, "…She said that she isn't angry about the poems themselves but because I lied to her for months about being the one who wrote them…" He lifts his hands to scrub at his eyes.
James and Remus exchange a look. The former says, "But that's a good sign, Padfoot. It means that you've got a chance. With enough groveling, Vivian will definitely – "
"Just shut up about the groveling," Sirius snaps suddenly, and stands up with a scowl. "She's never going to forgive me. I reckon I don't blame her, either," he mutters, and then storms up to their dormitory without another word. James frowns as he goes.
"Seriously? Groveling?" Remus asks with another eye roll.
James opens his mouth to defend himself, but ends up just sighing and mumbling, "…It was just a thought. No need to go all mental on me."
Remus just sighs again and doesn't respond.
Lukas Blair has always had the ability to freeze a man where he stands with a single look, but for all of their physical similarities, Vivian has never been able to replicate the precise way in which her father's eyes narrow with bleak coldness. Over the last few hours, she's realized the reason why: it's because she's never felt furious enough to properly summon it, until now.
"Blair. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," Mulciber greets as Vivian joins him on the couch in the Slytherin common room. Rosier, Lucius, and Regulus glance her way as she takes a seat, the latter of which gives her a sharper look than the others. Why Regulus hasn't spread the latest drama about his brother around the school, Vivian doesn't know, but so far, no one seems to have been updated on the latest Marauder prank.
She leans back and crosses her legs with a scoff, eyeing Mulciber as he puts his arm over the back of the couch behind her. "That's because I avoid you, you idiot," she snarks at him, though it only makes Mulciber's mouth curl into a snide smile.
"Isn't she such a firecracker?" he drawls to Snape, who is standing in front of the green flames that dance in the hearth in front of them. Snape rolls his eyes and sends Vivian a disdainful look, but doesn't comment.
"Anyway, here," Vivian says, and shoves a roll of parchment into Mulciber's chest. "You need to test it for me to make sure it works."
Mulciber, though lacking brainpower in Vivian's opinion, is smart enough to catch on fairly quickly. He eyes the scroll curiously and begins to open it as he replies, "Why do I need to test it for you? It's your task."
Vivian's only response to this is a bitter, "Because you've been annoying me about finishing it for weeks now and you might as well make yourself useful for once."
Mulciber doesn't question her reason, of course, and just sends her a leering grin before turning to scan the parchment. Vivian just watches his eyes browse its contents, not telling him the real reason that she wants him to be the one to test it. If she admitted to him that she's wary of the thought of killing something (or someone, her mind darkly adds) and then resurrecting it to do her bidding, he'd do more than just laugh at her; he'd question whether she has the ability to follow through to the end.
"Fine, then," Adrian murmurs as he rolls the scroll back up and tucks it into his robes. "It'll be our first date."
Vivian sneers at him, lip curling in disgust. He smirks smugly at her.
"You're so fucked up," Evan drawls from the chair several meters away. He eyes Mulciber with a disgusted expression too, but the way his eyes are gleaming, it's clear that it's just a front. He's obviously amused at Adrian's idea of a perfect first date, though it certainly doesn't stop him from ribbing, "Only you would think murder is romantic."
Mulciber just snickers and crosses his arms. "Actually, I was thinking a trip into the Forbidden Forest would work just as well. Killing a rabbit isn't as messy. Less to cover up."
Vivian rolls her eyes and scoffs, "Whatever. Just tell me when you want to go. I'd like to get it over with."
Adrian shrugs, "No time like the present. We'll leave at midnight. Who's patrolling tonight?"
Vivian opens her mouth to reply, but it's Regulus who responds with a droned, "Clarke and some other Ravenclaw."
At this, Mulciber crows, "The mudblood? We won't have any problems, then. Who else wants to join us?"
Lucius merely rolls his eyes at Adrian's apparent excitement and drawls, "I've no interest. Rosier?"
Evan shrugs, "If I feel like it later, I guess."
Snape is definitely out. He sneers at Vivian silently. His dislike for her is well-known by the others, so they don't bother asking.
"I'll come," Regulus says, and Vivian raises her eyes to look at him warningly. After his stunt last night, she definitely doesn't want to be around him and he probably knows it. Unfortunately for her, he doesn't appear to care whether she wants him near her or not, and merely raises an eyebrow challengingly.
"No, you won't," Vivian snaps, annoyed at his uncaring expression.
Mulciber smirks widely at her refusal and purrs, "She wants me all to herself, I guess."
As he tries to put his arm around her shoulders, Vivian shoves him away and sneers at the younger Black brother with fierce eyes. "Regulus is a manipulative little arsehole and if he comes with us, I'll end up wringing his neck," she hisses, hoping to draw forth some sort of emotion from him. But Regulus merely raises his eyebrow higher, his expression composed and cold; iron in the midst of chilling winter.
Adrian cringes mockingly and wonders, "What'd you do to piss her off, Black?"
Regulus's response only makes Vivian even angrier. He catches her eye and coolly says, "I was just looking out for her."
Her eyes grow a touch colder, and though she doesn't fully know it, she looks exactly like her father when he's trying to put someone in their place. If Regulus feels the effects of her cold eyes, though, he doesn't outwardly show it.
Vivian lifts her chin and stands up, eyeing Regulus for another moment before she turns to Mulciber and says, "Midnight, then."
He nods at her and watches her leave. So does Regulus, but Vivian doesn't pause to waste another moment on him and just storms down to the girl's dormitories. She's still reeling with fury and has been all day, so when she slams the door open, it naturally makes her dormmates jump in surprise.
"Merlin, Blair. What is wrong with you today?" Morrigan complains, hand on her heart as she sits up from where she's lounging in bed. "You've been in a foul mood all day."
Vivian just sneers at her and grabs her towel. She doesn't bother replying as she proceeds to march into the bathroom and slam that door, too.
Rosalind huffs, "Well that was rude."
Across the room, Narcissa just stares at the closed door that Vivian had just slammed and stays silent.
The Forbidden Forest after dark is creepy, but Vivian isn't afraid. In fact, she takes the lead, marching forward a few paces in front of Adrian and Regulus, who had apparently not taken her threat as seriously as she meant it. She hasn't wrung his neck yet, but she's come close several times already, and they have only just entered the forest.
"Slow down, would you Vivian?" Mulciber drawls at her as he hurries to catch up with her fast pace. He doesn't seem overly concerned as he follows her through the dark trees, though. This isn't the first time any of them have been inside the Forbidden Forest after dark. This sort of outing is practically a rite of passage for many Slytherin upperclassmen. And Marauders, Vivian thinks darkly as she shoves a branch out of her way and storms forward. She hopes it hits Mulciber in his ugly face.
She doesn't slow down. Vivian isn't necessarily a reckless person by nature, but she's been feeling somewhat careless since the events of last night, when she had found out that Sirius Black is the one responsible for sending her those love letters. Since her moment of revelation, she's been actively trying not to think about it. In Gavin's words, she's deflecting. She thinks she's got a right to deflect this time, though.
The gall of that blood traitor. Every time she thinks about the way she let him kiss her, she burns with hot embarrassment. Sirius had tried to speak to her about it throughout the day, but that embarrassment had driven her away from him before he could even say a single word. She doesn't want to let him off the hook. Sirius Black, ever charming and charismatic, has spent his entire life wrangling his way out of taking responsibility for his actions, and Vivian is not going to bow down and let that arsehole walk all over her as well. It doesn't matter that he may have actually meant what he said in those letters, or even in any of their other conversations. She's not an idiot, after all. The fact that he had let her know about him being an illegal animagus says a lot. He wouldn't have gone that far if he didn't actually mean it, but it still doesn't excuse him from lying to her. If he really cared, he would have told her about those letters when he had the chance, instead of allowing his brother to spill his secret.
His brother. She grits her teeth at the thought of Regulus, who is yet another variable in her latest problems. Her perspective of him isn't any better than her current perspective of Sirius. He had no right to push his way into the center of her blossoming relationship. Then, to claim that he had only done so in order to protect her? Vivian really could strangle him. It's all too obvious that his real reason was to anger his brother. The feud between the Black siblings is a never-ending dispute that only seems to grow more intense with each year, but she never thought that she'd find herself in the middle of it.
"Keep your eyes out for some kind of animal. The bigger the better," Mulciber says from somewhere behind her. She doesn't turn to see how far ahead she is from the others. She just clenches her fingers around her wand and keeps walking.
It's not for another ten minutes or so that they finally find an animal that will work well enough to test her spell on. The little fox that scurries its way across their path is immediately caught by Mulciber's petrificus totalus spell, which is fired quickly and efficiently. Vivian purses her mouth at the sight of the harmless creature being lifted into the air, its legs squirming as the immobilizing spell slowly begins to wear off.
Regulus steps up beside Mulciber and crosses his arms, leaning against one of the trees as he watches the proceedings. Thus far, he's remained mostly silent, speaking only in hushed undertones to Adrian and only when he's spoken to first. He hasn't made any attempt to talk to Vivian, probably because he can see how furious she is with him and is playing it safe. Sort of. If he really wanted to play it safe, he wouldn't have come, but to be honest, a part of her is glad that he did. At least with Regulus here, Mulciber isn't being as overbearing as he otherwise would.
"Who wants to do the honors?" Adrian wonders as he cruelly lifts the fox up and down by use of his magic. The animal is going crazy now, frightened and trying to get back to the ground without success. Its paws scrabble for purchase, and, finding none, its mouth pulls back into a soundless squeal. Vivian reminds herself that this is far better than killing an actual person, and tries to ignore the guilt that's beginning to pucker through her chest as she watches it.
"Just kill it already," she tells Mulciber. She ignores Regulus, too, who is now looking at her with furrowed brows, as if he's trying to reconcile this colder version of herself to the one she was yesterday, when he had walked in on her warmly holding Sirius in the dungeon corridor.
Adrian shrugs and lets the fox drop down to the ground. He releases the levitation spell quickly. Just as quickly, he mutters, "Avada Kedavra," beneath his breath, and Vivian swallows back another sharp wave of guilt as the green light slams into the fox just as it's attempting to escape. The poor thing doesn't even have a chance. It trips into the dirt without so much as a sound, it's black eyes now sightless and devoid of life.
It's difficult to explain the emotions that spiral through her as she looks into those soulless eyes. She stands there in the middle of the Forbidden Forest with Adrian and Regulus for company, and she wonders how everything has changed so quickly. Just yesterday, she was laughing with James Potter over a mug of butterbeer, giving him relationship advice, and now she's about to test out the spell that she had spent the entirety of last night working out. The spell that the Dark Lord himself wants her to create. The spell that will essentially solidify her allegiance to the darkest wizard in history.
People react to heartbreak in different ways. For some, they fall into despair and depression, unable to bring themselves to move through their day to day lives; exhausted at the prospect of continuing on. For others, they try to gather their strength, to hold onto some semblance of themselves – to prove to the world that they are okay, and by doing so, remind themselves that a little bit of heartbreak isn't going to shatter them. It's just one of the inevitable congruencies of life, after all. Pain is a subset of pleasure.
It is always the little things that make the largest waves; tiny inconsistencies that you initially brush off. The things you don't notice. The things that seem insignificant. It's strange, how easily you can trip over them when you're not paying attention. Stranger still, how quickly they gain momentum. So you try to ignore them by shoving them into a box and burning them to ashes. You try to close the door and lock it, but you don't realize that the hinges of that box are broken and the lock on that door is rusty. Eventually, those small inconsistencies refuse to be overlooked. The heartbreak refuses to lay itself to rest. But she doesn't know this yet, because she is still trying to burn everything to ash. All she knows in this moment is this:
Vivian Blair does not surrender to despair or depression, and she doesn't gather her strength. She is not a Gryffindor who has strength in droves. She's a Slytherin, and she flies by her own wings – straight through the darkness if she has to, because she is not afraid of it. At least, she tries not to be.
There are two kinds of people in this world: the ones who fight against the darkness and the ones who embrace it. Those who embrace it aren't always evil. They only know that sometimes, in order to succeed, you have to first surrender.
She looks down at the soulless eyes that stare unseeingly into the dark forest, and in a low, clear voice, she says, "Vivicendium." It is in this moment that Vivian Blair surrenders, too.
When the fox's eyes flash with cognizance, she is not filled with relief. When the creature begins to move, she is not allayed. She feels neither joy nor sorrow; warmth or respite. No, this is something else. It is the barest edge of heartbreak before the hammer falls; the tender grip of winter darkness before the snow sets in. This is the surrendering. It is the first beginning of a fall that will take decades to be realized. The initial step into the darkness that Vivian Blair will one day become well acquainted with.
Some years from now, she will take the next step, and she will think on this moment with a sense of dark irony. For when Regulus Black steps forward to kneel beside the reanimated fox and breathes, "You did it," with a voice full of amazement, neither of them can see the consequences of this one action.
It is, after all, only a small inconsistency; the first pebble laid down in the path that they will one day tread together. The initial spark and the first cinder.
For such is Vivicendium; divine fire that will burn her world to ash.
