Chapter Forty-Five: Relationships are overrated
(March 5th, 2018, Monday Afternoon)
"Fuck yeah! I feel like a new person!"
Natsu pushed his face into a towel, letting it soak up the drops of water on his skin before running it over his head. While it was the coldest and most uncomfortable shower he had ever taken, he considered it the best. He swore he was five pounds lighter now that dirt wasn't clinging to him.
The only good thing about a cold shower? Literally everything after that felt warm.
He walked out of the shower area, which used to be functional for truckers before the outbreak. Now it was just an empty room with useless stalls. However, Alzach rigged the camping shower up for the survivors to use. There was plenty of water left in the shop since few people had raided the gas station prior, allowing all of them to take the showers they required.
"Think I'll take these," Natsu said as he worked his way through the gift shop, the towel now wrapped around his hips. He didn't care about modesty at that moment, relieved he was clean.
"This'll do," he said as he picked up a shirt that said 'Hargeon' with a large fish on it, putting it on before looking for more clothes. Since the outbreak occurred during the summer, there were only shorts and flip flops out, but after some digging, Jet had found some boxes of winter wear in the back.
Natsu ignored how the neon yellow hoodie clashed with the navy blue sweatpants, happy he was comfortable. He didn't advertise it, but part of him cared about matching his clothes, but after the outbreak that urge had greatly diminished.
It wasn't like he had many options anyway.
His plan was to go commando since he had no more clean underwear, but thankfully after some snooping outside, he found a suitcase in the trunk of a car that had some clothes he could take.
It wasn't like they were being used anyway.
He went back inside, passing a pair of boxers to Jet before looking for Gray. They hadn't spoken all day, and now that Natsu was feeling like himself again, he wanted some fun. It had been ages since they fought for sport, and seeing as they were relatively safe now, he saw no better time for a sparring match with his best friend.
The large windows all around them allowed natural light to pour in, but he knew it would be a disadvantage come nightfall. It would make it easy for any outsiders to see them if they used any artificial light, which was something Natsu planned on mentioning to Laxus when he saw him next.
However, he had more pressing matters, his excitement doubling when he saw Gray in the fast food area of the truck stop, sitting on a table with his feet in the seat. He was just about to tackle him, but before he could make a move he came stuttering to a halt.
Smoke flowed through the air from Gray, the trail wispy and unpredictable. A second later a large puff of smoke pushed outwards near Gray's head, letting Natsu know exactly what was going on.
"What do ya think you're doing? What happened to quitting?"
Natsu rounded the table, expecting a retort or comeback, but Gray's eyes were distant, his friend barely reacting to Natsu's presence. He furrowed his brows, annoyed at being ignored.
"Hey, what's your problem?" Natsu's eye twitched before he reached out, stunned when Gray smacked his hand away. "What the hell?"
"Is it not obvious I want to be left alone?!" Gray growled, eyes like daggers as he crushed the cigarette between his fingers. "Just fuck off!"
Instead of retailing with anger, Natsu's jaw dropped, his hand falling to his side as his eyes widened. "Gray?" No traces of humor or teasing could be found in Natsu's voice, genuine concern filtering through him.
While they had said some harsh things to each other in the past, there was always a certain tone that let them know they weren't serious. They hadn't had a real altercation since Gray ran Lucy off that one time, but at least then Natsu somewhat understood where his friend was coming from.
This however, made no sense to him.
"What'd I do?" he asked, frowning when Gray clenched his teeth, his dark eyes closing as he pressed a hand to his temple.
It took thirty seconds for Gray to answer, but Natsu swore it felt like minutes of them remaining silent, waiting for something to happen.
"Sorry," Gray finally breathed, fingers weaving into his dark hair before tightening, as if wanting to cause himself pain. "I just..."
Natsu hesitated before reaching out again, surprised when Gray jolted as his hand rested on his shoulder. Gray's eyes snapped open as he looked up, only to see Natsu's face softening.
Natsu didn't know why Gray was acting that way at first, but after recalling the events that happened between the last time they talked and now, it was becoming clear to him. While Natsu's life wasn't in danger earlier, Gray had faced his own mortality.
When Natsu's gloved hand had gotten bitten months ago, he thought he was going to die. He could only imagine it was the same when Gray was held at gunpoint.
He didn't know why he didn't realize it earlier. Of course Gray would be on edge. Brushing that close to death wasn't something to just shake off.
"You don't gotta explain yourself," Natsu said, giving his friend a soft smile. "Are you okay? You can be honest with me. I'm not gonna make fun of you or anything like that. Not this time anyways."
"No, I'm alright," Gray started, but Natsu didn't buy it. He saw the pain in Gray's eyes, recognized the fear for what it was. Gray had been fearless since they were kids, only showing true terror once when he was taken in by an abusive foster family, but even then Gray didn't look as bad as he did now.
"You sure?" Natsu asked, leaning in an inch, showing Gray he was there for him.
With a catch in his voice, Gray mumbled, "I'm fine. I—" His eyes watered before he closed them, stopping the tears from falling.
Natsu's throat tightened as his chest constricted, not liking someone he cared about in so much pain. There was nothing he could do to make the past better, but he could show Gray he wasn't alone, that he had someone to lean on if he needed a helping hand.
"Can I hug you?" Natsu asked, almost relieved when Gray looked up with a bizarre expression, one that said 'what the fuck are you talking about?'. His friend was still in there. Sure, he endured trauma, but his core personality hadn't wavered.
Natsu rolled his eyes, figuring if he asked for Lucy's permission for hugs, Gray might want the same treatment. "Just hug me, you stupid stripper."
Gray almost snorted as Natsu wrapped his arms around him, but before he could come up with a witty reply, a choked sob came out. The crack in the dam widened until he stopped trying to be strong, crying in his friend's arms as he replayed the horrific event in his head, over and over until even he wasn't sure what actually happened and what parts he exaggerated or forgot.
It wasn't as if he was in his right mind when it happened, his memory twisting the more he went over it.
"It'll be okay," Natsu whispered, his heart hurting for Gray. "You're still here. You're still kicking."
"I'm gonna k-kick your ass if you ever tell anyone about this," Gray mumbled, Natsu merely shaking his head.
"You're good. There's no shame in feeling what you're feeling."
"When did you get all sensitive?" Gray asked, pushing against Natsu's stomach.
Natsu backed off, eased when he saw some emotions in Gray's eyes that weren't all pain. "Honestly, I think it's from being around Lucy so much."
"Don't tell me you're going soft," Gray joked, forcing a chuckle, but it lacked any humor. He was still hurting, but Natsu knew that wouldn't just go away after one crying session. He would need time to heal, maybe even someone to talk about it like Lucy had Natsu to talk to.
'When she felt comfortable opening up.'
Natsu shrugged, fighting off a blush as he said, "I don't mind being soft around her."
"What the hell is even happening anymore?" Gray asked, forehead in palm as he sighed. "I need another cigarette, or a drink. Fuck, I could really use a—" He cut himself off, shaking his head. "I need to clear my head."
"You're really gonna keep smoking?" Natsu asked, eyeing the pack beside Gray. He couldn't deny the urge to grab one too. 'Just one couldn't hurt. I've had a long day, and it's not like there's much to do anyways.'
However, he stayed strong, even when Gray offered him one.
"Nah, I think I'm done for good."
Gray nodded, crushing the box and remaining cigarettes inside. "Me too. They're not helping anyways." Gray pulled his arm back, aiming towards what he thought was an empty gift shop.
He chunked it as far as he could throw, both Natsu and Gray snorting when they heard Laxus yelp from somewhere in the shop.
"Oh shit," Natsu whispered, barely holding back his laughter as both men crouched down to the floor, not wanting to get caught in Laxus' rage when he realized what happened.
"Fuck, I need to go by there to take my shower," Gray groaned, trying his best to walk low without making any noise.
"See you later," Natsu said, staying put. "Good luck."
Gray gave him a thumbs up before scurrying along, barely missing Laxus when he came charging out, looking for the culprit who hit him.
Natsu had already made his way back to the entrance of the gas station where Jet, Kagura, and Millianna were sitting, the girl leaning against the register's counter after taking some ibuprofen they found. It helped with inflammation and mild pain, but it didn't help fight her infection.
While they had found some antibiotics, they were useless to the girl. She was allergic to a certain type of antibiotics, which so happened to be the type they had. Natsu hadn't seen her wounds personally for the past few days, but if the way Millianna winced from barely moving said anything, they weren't getting better.
"Think we'll be safe here," Jet said, eyeing the entrance. "As long as we keep a good eye out, we should be— Oh for fuck's sake."
"What?" Natsu directed his attention to the glass doors, his heart dropping when he saw the walker shuffling by. It didn't seem to notice the survivors, moving at a leisure pace in front of the station.
Normally Natsu wouldn't have any problem dealing with the undead, but when that walker happened to be a child, well, it ate away at him inside.
However, leaving them like that was a far worse fate than being put out of their misery.
"I got it," Natsu mumbled, swallowing before grabbing the knife on his waist. The belt didn't sit well with his sweatpants, but he didn't feel like searching trunk after trunk just to find some jeans that fit. He was lucky enough to find some clean underwear.
"They're already dead," Natsu whispered to himself as he quickly walked behind the zombie, knife already in position. He wished he could close his eyes and do it, but with his luck he would end up stabbing himself, and that wasn't an option.
Natsu's stomach twisted when he grabbed the zombie's head of hair, holding it still before driving his knife into the base of its skull, severing the spinal cord.
Its body went limp before he had a chance to pull the knife out, Natsu suppressing a gag at the dead weight he held until his knife was free.
"Sorry kid," Natsu said, looking around before realizing there was nowhere close to put the body so it wasn't out in the open. He didn't want to be disrespectful, but he had already showered, so dragging the body across the parking lot was out of the question.
After a few minutes, Natsu came back with a towel he found, laying it over the body before making his way into the station. He was on the hunt for two things after that.
A way to sanitize his knife.
And a place to puke in private.
It didn't matter how many of the undead he killed. He would never get used to it.
And he hoped he never did.
"This is gonna sound really fucking weird, but I don't think I could eat another bite," Natsu groaned as he set his bag of chips on the ground, food wrappers littered all around them. While there wasn't much real food around, there was plenty of junk food.
Most of it was expired, making it stale or giving it an odd texture, but if it was edible, they were eating it.
Natsu looked over to see how Gray was managing. Last time he checked, his friend had grabbed five candy bars with the promise to finish all of them. However, at some point Gray had slipped away undetected, leaving behind a few candy wrappers.
Shrugging, Natsu reached for his soda, feeling the bite from the acidic drink as he gulped it down. His tolerance had dropped significantly since they mostly drank rain water that had been boiled.
Every once in a while they received bottled water, but Fairy Tail liked to save them for Grandeeney. It seemed more practical to use them for medical needs.
"Wonder how everyone's doing back at base," Natsu said, earning a sigh from Jet.
"I bet Droy's flirting with Levy right now. That guy's shameless when it comes to her."
Natsu didn't bother holding in his snort, wanting to call him a hypocrite, but he held his tongue. "Think they're planning another search and rescue mission for us?"
Laxus shook his head, sitting directly across from Natsu. They always ate in a circle, that way they could watch each other's backs. "Gramps and I agreed they wouldn't send anyone unless we were gone for two months." He furrowed his brows before taking a swig of his bad beer.
Natsu didn't know if it was expired or not, but he personally hated the brand. Even when it was fresh it tasted like moose piss.
"Didn't think we'd be gone this long," Alzach said, saying what everyone was thinking.
They planned on being back within three weeks, but Natsu had hoped it was closer to a week or two.
"Tomorrow makes it twenty days," Jet said, a frown pulling at his lips. "I'm not complaining, I promise, but like, what if we can't even find Gildarts?"
Natsu clenched his teeth, not wanting to face that fear. 'What if this whole trip was for nothing? What if Gildarts isn't even in Hargeon?' For all they knew he was a mindless zombie wandering around somewhere.
"Do we have a game plan?" Natsu asked, keeping his voice steady.
Laxus nodded, but he didn't sound confident in the plan. "We're going to go through town, checking out the Navy base first. If anyone's alive, I'm sure they made it there."
"Makes sense. There should be weapons and gear there," Alzach said, giving a nod before looking at Millianna, who was fast asleep beside him. "As long as it wasn't raided yet, they should have some medical supplies that could really help her. We might encounter other survivors. Hopefully they'll be friendly if so."
Laxus hummed in response before leaning back on an arm, resting his beer against his chest as he thought. "I say... we can probably drive back to Magnolia in a day since the roads are clear. Two maybe if we run into any trouble. That means we can search for Gildarts for up to a month before having to retreat, otherwise Gramps will send others to look for us, and we can't keep thinning our numbers on base."
"A month," Natsu whispered, stomach dropping at that news. He loved Gildarts like an uncle, and he wanted him returned, but the mission was taking far longer than anyone expected. He didn't know if he had it in him to be away from Fairy Tail for that long, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.
He agreed to see the mission through, knowing they were risking a lot by accepting.
"I'm gonna take a leak," Natsu said, deciding he needed a break from the conversation. He frowned as he walked away, wondering what his friends back home were thinking. Did they think he was dead already, or did they know he was still breathing? Were they expecting the group back any day, or were they being patient?
'Hope Lucy's alright. If I find out anyone gave her a hard time while I was gone—" Natsu had to stop himself from knocking over a display, anger sparking at the thought of anyone messing with her. She had made a lot of progress since he met her, but he still considered her fragile.
He wouldn't stand for anyone hurting his friends, but especially not her.
Natsu swallowed when his chest tightened, uncomfortable with the feeling spreading through his torso. It wasn't like his normal anger, something closer to fear mixed in with it.
"Maybe it's the expired food," he mumbled, dismissing his feelings as he searched for a bathroom. The toilets wouldn't work, but it was better to pee in an empty urinal than on the ground.
Natsu had to use his flashlight when he ventured further into the store. Moonlight dripped in from the large windows, but towards the back it was close to pitch black. His relief when he found the bathroom was quickly dismissed when he saw a pair of jeans right outside, a little lock clipped on the belt beside it.
Shaking his head, Natsu entered the bathroom, thinking Gray had stripped like normal on his way in. However, as soon as he opened the door and heard the first moan, he panicked.
His first thought was a zombie got in and Gray was in trouble. He pointed his flashlight towards the sound, jaw dropping and face paling when he saw a lot of flesh, but none of it was rotting.
"What the? Get the fuck out!" Gray yelled, followed by Kagura squeaking before trying but failing to cover herself.
Natsu immediately shined the light upwards so they weren't on display, his face crawling with heat as a blush set in. "I'm sorry! I didn't see anything!"
An obvious lie, but what else could he say?
Natsu ran out of there as fast as he could, wondering why the hell they didn't use the women's bathroom since it was more likely a guy would go in the men's restroom.
'Why do I always walk in on people doing it?! Why! Am I cursed or something?! Do I need to start wearing a damn bell around my neck so people hear me coming?!'
While Natsu was trying to get the image of Gray's pasty white butt out of his head, he entered the women's restroom, only to immediately leave while trying not to gag.
Dead zombies, piled inside.
"This can't get any worse," Natsu muttered, wishing his brain would forget the last two minutes. The image was burned in his brain and the stench was ingrained in his nose. So far, that was the most uncomfortable Natsu had been during the entire trip, and that included all those stinky nights cramped up in the van.
"Fuck it," Natsu grunted as he left the store through the back entrance, ignoring the frigid air as he unzipped. He would rather deal with a little cold than be trapped in there for one more second, needing some distance from what he just experienced.
A minute outside turned to two, then into thirty minutes. Before he knew it, an hour had passed with him sitting outside, staring up at the endless sky and thinking about their journey. If it wasn't dangerous, he would consider staying out there all night, but he knew Laxus wouldn't allow something so reckless.
Sighing, Natsu went inside, locking the door behind him just in case anyone tried attacking them. While it wouldn't take much strength to smash the windows, at least it would create enough sound to give their group a warning someone was trying to invade. They had to use everything to their advantage, especially since they were far from their own territory.
"For probably another month," Natsu moaned, face sinking as he sulked back to the entrance where everyone was gathered.
He didn't bother looking at Gray or Kagura, unable to face them after what happened. Luckily for him, they weren't in a chatty mood either. Kagura was already laying beside Millianna, getting ready for bed while Gray finished his food, both pretending like nothing ever happened.
Natsu listened to the conversation held between Laxus, Alzach, and Jet until the latter went to sleep. Gray followed after when Alzach volunteered for the first watch, finding a way on the roof to give him the best vantage point.
Laxus wanted to keep guard, but their leader was buzzed, speech slowed and body swaying. Four empty beer cans rested around him, a fifth in his hand as he mumbled the words to a song Natsu didn't recognize.
Or maybe he had heard it before, but Laxus was butchering the lyrics so bad it became unrecognizable.
After a few minutes, Laxus grew silent, Natsu thinking he was finally about to pass out. However, just as Natsu decided to get up and stretch his legs, Laxus spoke, keeping him grounded.
"Couldn't find any motion sickness stuff."
Sighing, Natsu offered a shrug. "Yeah. That sucks."
"You want one?" Laxus asked, holding up the sixth beer from that pack.
Natsu shook his head, almost cringing from the thought of tasting that. His night was already less than ideal. He didn't want to make it worse.
"I'll see what else they have," Natsu said, using his flashlight to guide him to the coolers. The drinks were room temperature and probably expired, but he picked up a case of strawberry wine coolers anyway. If he was drinking, he wanted something that tasted halfway decent.
Laxus didn't comment on his choice, raising his can so Natsu could cling it against his glass bottle. "Cheers!"
Natsu chuckled when Kagura grumbled in her sleep from the noise, but she didn't wake up. He downed his first one quickly, trying to catch up with Laxus. Jet had the shift after Alzach, so neither men needed to worry about staying alert.
It would have been smart to be cautious, but they needed a break.
By the time Natsu was on his third wine cooler, it was already pushing past midnight. Time didn't seem to hold as much significance when they were on the road, not like it did on base.
"I'm kind of glad we haven't seen any stray cats. I don't think I'd be able to resist bringing one home."
Laxus snorted before shaking his head. "You really wanna go in quarantine again?"
"For a cat? Probably," Natsu said, shrugging. What could he say? He loved animals. "Happy would probably love a buddy."
"Who's looking after him now?" Laxus asked, to which Natsu responded, "Lucy."
Laxus hummed before nodding. "Oh, right. I forgot you two share a room." He paused before clicking his tongue. "You know, there were some rooms open in the annex last time I checked. Ever think of moving her into one of those rooms?"
"Nah." Natsu smiled, crossing his legs before taking a gulp of his drink. "I like havin' her around. She's pretty funny, when she's not being all shy." He didn't want her moving out. As long as she was okay with it, she was welcome to stay with him.
"She doesn't talk much," Laxus mumbled. His shoulders shook as he suppressed a laugh, giving Natsu a crooked smile. "Hey, it's none of my business, but do you two ever..."
When Natsu raised a brow, Laxus made a crude gesture with his fingers. It involved sticking one finger straight out while the other hand made a circle. Natsu couldn't fight off the blush that consumed his face as he shook his head, refusing to think of Lucy in that way. He had never even allowed himself a thought like that.
They were friends, and he was going to leave it at that.
"No, we're— It's not like that."
Laxus nodded, his smile slowly slipping before his eyes dulled, which said something considering how dark it was. "Probably better for her. She seems like she's been through a lot." He closed his eyes before whispering, "I still can't believe it."
"Hmm?"
"Not saying she's lying," Laxus started, his head hung low. "I just can't believe he did all those things to her."
'Ah,' Natsu thought, not needing to ask. They were now talking about Ivan, the sadistic fuck who tortured Lucy.
"I don't want to believe it, actually." Laxus cast him a glance before running a hand through his disheveled hair. He rested his palm on the back of his neck, looking ashamed despite not doing anything wrong. "What are the odds their paths crossed? Or that she ended up at Fairy Tail?"
Natsu didn't answer, instead taking a long swig of his drink, finishing his bottle. He opened another one, making sure to look up every once in a while so Laxus knew he was still listening.
"It's just so fucked up."
Natsu nodded before frowning, his voice a whisper despite no one else being awake. "That stuff, about Ivan and Lucy, it's a secret."
Laxus nodded without hesitation. "I know. Gramps told me not to tell anyone. Only people who know are me, him, and Erik, but that's just 'cause he works with the clearers and guards. If anyone's gonna run into them, it'll be him when they're out there."
"Okay," Natsu said, breathing a sigh of relief. He already felt bad enough for telling Lucy's secret. He didn't want it spreading through base like all the other gossip did. He didn't know how he would handle it if he lost Lucy's trust.
'I really should have just told her then and there, that way she could have told Makarov with me. Fuck, it's a little late for that. I know, I'll tell her when I get back... Whenever the fuck that is. I—'
"I saw," he said, almost growling with anger as he cut through Natsu's thoughts. "I saw the damage he did to her." Laxus shook his head before taking a few deep breaths, calming himself down. "She didn't deserve that."
Natsu watched as Laxus clenched his fist so hard his knuckles turned white. "I swear, if I ever get my hands on that asshole, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from choking the life out of him."
'Get in line,' he thought, but didn't comment. He knew Laxus had to struggle with what his father did. None of it was his fault, but it was obvious the man carried some guilt over the actions of his blood.
'Can't imagine Igneel being that cruel.' Natsu's heart panged with guilt, realizing he hadn't once tried to leave notes for his father to find during their trip. Which was stupid considering how much ground they were covering.
'I haven't given up.' He didn't know if he was trying to convince himself or not, finding it hard to believe. It had been approximately eight months since he last saw his dad.
The odds of finding his dad alive...
Natsu chugged his wine cooler without any breaks, needing to drown his sorrows and take his mind off his worries.
Laxus spoke up after that, pulling Natsu away from his pessimistic thoughts.
"Man, I gotta say. I'm so sick of saying the word hope," Laxus started, voice drawn out as exhaustion set in. "But I hope we find that bastard quick so we can get back to Fairy Tail."
"We're talking about Gildarts now, right?" Natsu asked, making sure Ivan wasn't the subject anymore.
After a quick nod, Natsu sighed. "Me too. Pretty sure my friends are worried by now. Freed's definitely missing you," he said, not a doubt in his mind. "Gramps too, of course."
Laxus nodded. "Of course. You know, between you and me, I thought this trip was only gonna take a week." He shook his head as he groaned. "So stupid. I didn't expect all the roadblocks."
"Literally," Natsu laughed despite the grim subject. "I didn't think it'd take this long too. Thought we'd just find him immediately, but now I'm thinking it won't be that easy."
"We might not even find him," Laxus said, taking another sip of his beer.
Natsu followed suit, frowning at the thought. "Hope we do."
"Yeah," Laxus mumbled, downing the rest of his drink. "Hope, hope, hope."
Shrugging, Natsu looked over at the other survivors, heart pained when he saw Millianna's pale face. "Part of me thinks we shoulda just turned around that night. She'd be better off at Fairy Tail."
"I think about that every day too," Laxus said. "She needs real help. We're just prolonging her agony."
"There's a chance we find some antibiotics she can take tomorrow." Natsu's optimism was shut down when Laxus shook his head.
"We keep saying that, but it's only been hurting her." He looked at the girl too, brows darting together. "Think it's too late to bring her back now? Like, say we wake everyone up and just book it back to Magnolia?"
"Honestly, I don't think Millianna would even agree to that."
"You're right. I wouldn't," the girl muttered, head peeking up to look at the two.
Natsu's eyes widened, wondering how much of the conversation she heard. If she heard anything about his talk about Lucy, he hoped she wouldn't repeat it.
"I'm fine, really."
She seemed more concerned with herself than the fact that Insane Ivan was on the loose, meaning she had to have just woken up.
Natsu wanted to believe Millianna was okay, but he could hear her speak through clenched teeth. "The pain's gotta be bugging you," he said, studying her reaction.
She shook her head, half smiling, half grimacing. "I want to stick it out. We have a mission to accomplish."
Natsu wasn't going to say it, not wanting to be rude, but Laxus had no problem telling her what he thought. "There's not much you can do now anyway. It'd be easier, better for you if we sent you back to Fairy Tail where you can get some proper medical treatment."
Millianna pouted before resting her head. She yawned, eyes sliding shut. "Let me tough it out for a few more days. I can do that much."
Before Laxus could protest, she added, "It's Monday, right? Give me until Friday. If I'm not helpful by then, send me packing."
"Promise you won't fight me on it?" Laxus asked, causing the girl to raise her fist, little finger extended.
"Pinky promise."
"Oh shit, it's serious now," Natsu chuckled, watching as Laxus hooked their pinkies before shaking.
"You better not die on us."
"I'll try my best."
"You know, you're kind of a pain. Now go to sleep. It's late," Laxus grumbled, grabbing a wine cooler from Natsu's pack before twisting off the top.
"Can I have a drink?" Millianna asked, popping her head back up.
"Not a chance in hell," Laxus said, shaking his head. "Not only are you healing, you're only eighteen."
"Well damn," Natsu started, holding back a laugh. "I didn't know we're still following the law. I'm only twenty."
"What?!" Laxus snatched Natsu's drink, glaring at the man. "No more fer ya!"
Natsu chuckled as he shrugged. "That's fair. I should probably try to get some sleep anyway."
"Good idea. You too, Millianna."
"Already on it," the girl said, adjusting beneath her blanket beside Kagura. "Night."
"G'night," Natsu said, nodding at Laxus before moving a few feet away to the 'bed' he made earlier. It consisted of tourist shirts and beach towels. While it wasn't the most plush thing he had slept on, it beat the cold hard floor.
He laid his head down to rest, but sleep didn't come easily.
The day's events plagued his mind, everything from their encounter from the strangers to the horrid image he saw in each bathroom. At least it didn't smell like death in the gas station anymore. They had grabbed every good smelling spray and car air fresheners and set them all around their sleeping area.
Natsu almost forgot about the makeshift necklace he made when he was getting dressed after his shower. It was just a string and an air freshener, but it helped dull the other smells around him. His sensitive nose was only a downfall in the new world.
After a few moments, Natsu found himself thinking about the people they left behind in Magnolia again. Bisca and Freed had to be missing their husbands. He understood what it felt like missing a friend, because he felt that every day of the trip so far, but he figured a significant other had to weigh heavier on the heart.
'Wonder if I'll ever have that,' he thought, still feeling indifferent about the subject.
He had offers for physical encounters, but recently no one had expressed interest in trying to date him, not that it sounded enticing.
Love seemed messy, like something to distract him from everything else.
'Sometimes distractions are good.'
He frowned, eyes unfocused as he gazed at the ceiling. 'Maybe I should take up some of the offers for a fling?' If he wasn't lying down, he might have shaken his head. Having sex for the sport of it didn't sit well with him.
'Maybe I've just put it off for so long it'll never feel right? Maybe I just need to loosen up?'
Now was the worst timing for such thoughts. There weren't exactly a lot of fish in the sea anymore. Before the outbreak, he always thought he had time. He planned on joining the military to travel, so getting a partner before leaving Magnolia seemed like it would put him and someone else through unnecessary stress.
Being single seemed easier, but maybe easy wasn't better.
Natsu thought about his friends, happy at least Jellal and Erza found each other before all hell broke loose. 'Levy will probably settle down with either Droy or Jet, not that either seem that great for her. Cana... well she's still focused on partying to really find someone. Dunno if Gray is trying to date Kagura or anything, or if they were just blowing off steam...'
Shivering at the memory again, he wished it could be scrubbed clean from his brain. He once again found himself asking, 'Why must I always walk in on people doing it?! Why me?!'
Natsu was about to go back to his earlier thoughts before sighing. 'Why am I even worrying about this shit? Shouldn't surviving be my only priority?'
His stomach dropped, air feeling colder.
'Then again, what's the point of surviving if I'm not living?'
Natsu hated thinking about his own situation. It was something he actively avoided. He was twenty and still hadn't had sex, hadn't even had his first kiss. If he actually tried, he could probably find someone at Fairy Tail to fool around with. It wasn't like there was a lot to do in their free time anyway.
'Maybe it could be fun, but it doesn't seem like a good idea.'
Sure, he enjoyed porn. While it had been ages since he last masturbated, he wasn't above treating himself to some self-love when he needed that itch scratched. While it was possible the act would be more fun with another person involved, the idea of being so vulnerable with another person, with allowing them control over his emotions...
It didn't seem worth it.
Natsu felt satisfied with the platonic love he shared with his friends. He didn't need anything else right now.
Shifting onto his side, Natsu reached a hand out, frowning when he only felt the tile floor. His brows furrowed as his chest ached, wishing he was back at Fairy Tail.
He would love nothing more than to be curled up beside Lucy and Happy like he should be.
'This mission is taking too long, and it's looking like it'll take even longer now.'
He swallowed before rolling on his back again, trying but failing to get comfortable.
It wouldn't be long until they reached Hargeon. A day or two, maybe three if they encountered more roadblocks. Then they just had to search the city, which put a weight on Natsu's chest, adding to his stress.
'It'll be fine,' he thought, stomach giving a slight jerk at the lie. 'We'll be home soon.'
Home.
Such a strange word.
After the outbreak, Natsu always thought of home as his apartment with Igneel. It had been like that since the beginning, but now that he was away from Fairy Tail, away from his friends, away from her, he could see clearly now.
His heart yearned to be back in that old Mythology classroom, where he had made himself a home.
—::—
The next morning Natsu woke up cold and alone.
It wasn't unusual, but he hadn't grown used to it yet.
He almost suggested they head back to Magnolia anyway, just to recuperate before trying to dive into Hargeon. However, he kept his mouth shut, especially after witnessing Millianna help carry bags of groceries to the van.
She was a fighter, even if the girl was in obvious pain.
Deciding he needed some artificial energy, Natsu walked over to the coolers, grabbing a soda before chugging it in one go. He barely dropped the can before burping, the loud noise causing Kagura to make a snide comment about his behavior.
Natsu couldn't help but scoff, a teasing grin on his face as he asked, "How can you be grossed out by that after what you did last night?"
He thought it was okay to joke about, but as soon as he saw Kagura look all around them to make sure no one else heard, he realized she wanted it kept a secret. When she set her gaze on him again, her face was red, hand grabbing the sheath of her sword before narrowing her eyes.
"I suggest you forget what you think you saw."
While Natsu knew he was in no danger, he still gulped. Nodding, he rushed out, "Yes Ma'am! Sorry Ma'am!"
Before she could say anything else, he scurried off to join the others, helping them pack up the van with as many supplies as they could fit.
They even stuffed the space under the floorboards with snacks, not knowing if Hargeon was picked clean or not.
"Come on," Laxus shouted from the van, rounding up the survivors. "Let's see if we can just squeeze through these cars! We might be able to make Hargeon by nightfall if we're lucky!"
"Yeah!"
"Let's go!"
Everyone was tired of the word, but it was undeniable.
They were filled with hope, unaware and unprepared for the obstacles that awaited them at their destination.
So, I decided to have Gray and Kagura hookup. I purposely left out any details about the act because 1. I'm not into writing smut at the moment, and 2. I don't personally ship them, so I wouldn't have wanted to write a scene like that. Right now their lives are fragile and Gray thought for a moment he was going to die and I imagine that messes with a person. They both needed a distraction, and they found that with each other. There won't be a relationship between them, but people really do have casual sex every once in a while. It was more of a convenience thing.
I'm not expecting any hate from anyone over the decision to have Gray hookup with someone who isn't Juvia since you all seem mature. He hasn't even met her yet, and I established in the beginning of the story that Gray did do casual hookups before the outbreak, so it's not out of character for this version of Gray to do the same. Especially since him and Kagura are just using each other for sex, absolutely nothing more. (Which is off 'camera', but they already discussed it's a one time thing and they're not to speak about it again)
I've been asked before if I took any classes on writing, and the answer is no. My education ended after high school. I wrote short stories in middle school and high school, but I never took any writing classes, though I would be interested in taking some in the future!
I said it in my last FTGO! update, but I'll say it here too in case some of y'all don't read that one. Shout out to Doginshoe! I just started reading her work and OMG it's amazing! Go check her out! I'm dying to find out what happens in 'What You'd Do To Me Tonight'! It gives me the feels! Check them out!
Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews!
Shout out to those amazing people who reviewed last time: Doginshoe, stranger1999, valerioux, CathJorda, Wolfcry77, sofiesticated, fairytailfanatic0703, Lodemai04, AthomeinFairytail, shootingstarssel, SistershoOk, Stavroula99, Mandapandaa, iaga. isabella, BearPlusCat, CrazyZaika, Sashiee27, ElementalMiko12, car213, theunseengirl147, deboome, Xfangirl123X, Sam, Duchixx, dareaderreads, abauers14, FlameDragonHime, Guest, Poprock2363(x3), XxxNaxxxx, ReynaSofy997, Kleiho, Lady Otaku bish, heyitsmeduhnat(x4), Wynterlace, Lexi1994, and Natsuko457!
Let me know what you thought! Lots to digest this chapter, but I feel happy with how it came out. :)
Up next, Chapter Forty-Six: Ink
