Maybe, Add thinks, maybe just this once I've gone too far.
Ara hasn't spoken to him since he went to find her after Elesis told them about the change in plans, and that's okay, he knows Ara needs her time. She's made it clear that she has her limits, and Add has trespassed them more times than he cares to admit.
But this is uncharacteristically quiet for Ara. To go virtually two days without speaking a single word—even to Lu, who she usually chats with all day; even to Elesis, who she loves—is out of the question. There's a thoughtful furrow in her brow as they walk through the wasteland, and for a while Feita seems even colder and lonelier than it could have been.
The bleak ruins of the city aren't the only unwelcoming environment, though; Add's mind is not a pleasant place to be wandering around. As they search through rubble and rot for some hint to their location, anything that can make their task a little less tedious than it already is, the thought of the apartment that haunts Rose and Lu so much keeps flooding back to him.
He thinks back, to a childhood almost forgotten, and remembers that apartment. He wasn't the only child there, after all, and he hates that the other faces can't come back to him. Perhaps that's for the better.
The city feels drab, even as they search for Ebalon's lab. Add remembers hearing about the guy's work from some of his high school friends who attended the University of Feita. It seems his meteorology work is probably the reason why he was recruited for the virus project—to ensure that it would stay in the environment for long enough to cause significant damage to humanity, without being wiped out by inclement weather.
And speaking of inclement weather…
"Aw, dang," he mutters, feeling the first drops of an incoming storm splatter on his nosebridge. "We're going to need to find shelter."
Ara doesn't say anything, but nods once. She seems to be focused on something far, far away, even as the rain picks up the pace and starts to come down in sheets. He points in the general direction of a building, and they make a run for what remains of the awning.
Typically, if they encounter a locked door as a group, Lu is the one to pick it; she's a lot handier with small tools and hairpins. Add's not bad himself, but his hands aren't quite following his thoughts as he pulls the steel toothpick out of his pocket and gets to work. It's hard to breathe when Ara's pressed so close to him in the doorframe, guarding his back as he's crouched like this.
Try as he may, he lets his guard down next to her naturally. He trusts her, and trust is far too hard to come by in the ruins of their world. He knows she'll be his undoing someday—pushing her out of the way of a snapping zombie, getting dragged away into the darkness while she gets away safely. Death has been wavering at his peripherals for years now, but since he met Ara, he feels like he might just dedicate his life to her.
(Of course, this all banks on the idea that he could actually save her life somehow. He's done it once, in the Core. He doesn't know if he can do it again.)
The lock finally clicks, and with a deft twist of his wrist Add pushes the toothpick in and undoes the mechanism. "That wasn't too bad," he murmurs, pushing the door open to let Ara in. She slips by wordlessly, ever a soundless shadow as she immediately pulls the flashlight from her pocket and starts to scan the store.
It's a bridal shop, Add realizes, with all its silks and taffetas preserved perfectly in the darkness of the store. There aren't any zombies in the store, but because of its tiny size and lack of actual useful materials, no one's raided it yet. Mannequins stand in the one window, still dressed to the nines, and if Add closes his eyes he can imagine Ara wearing each one of the flowing dresses, radiant and smiling and—
(He can't.)
"The door still locks," he says out loud, "so we should be safe in here for now. I'll keep watch by the window."
If Ara hears him, she doesn't respond.
The rain doesn't look like it's about to let up anytime soon. It's been rainy since they got to Feita, and they really haven't had many dry days. Lu says it's because of the geography, something about relief precipitation and mountains. Add remembers tuning out because Ara had been turning a knife around in her hands, and her hands had looked like dancing butterflies, and he had been very, very distracted.
So they sit around, waiting for the rain to stop. Ara goes into the storeroom in the back and returns with a giant wad of white fabric, which she then uses to build a nest of sorts at the feet of the mannequins in the storefront. Water patters off the remains of the awning and splatters on the glass ceaselessly. The minutes seem to drag into hours and days and eons, and Add hates that it's so horribly quiet.
It's not silent; the rain is far too loud for that. Add tries to find words, platitudes, anything he could offer to Ara, and comes up with nothing. She just sits there, looking like the most lonely person on the planet, and Add knows he's a damn fool for not being able to do anything.
"It doesn't seem like it'll stop, huh," he murmurs, finally breaking the painful quiet. "We might have to spend the night here at this rate."
Ara sighs, and Add's about to turn around and go back to staring out the window when she finally says something. "We might as well," she mutters, voice hoarse and haunted. "I don't want to head back anytime soon."
"Yeah, it's starting to get tiring being cooped up indoors all day."
"There's a lot more I'm tired of." She meets his eyes, and he's surprised to find anger in her gaze. "I feel like I've been losing control over my own life for a while now, and I hate it. I hate it, Add."
And this is probably the part where Add should just shut up and take a nap and wake up, because this is so unlike Ara that it's almost painful to watch, but she's just as in pain as he is and she's the one doing something about it. "I'm not gonna just sit around and wait for her to feed me more lies," she says, getting to her feet. "I'm done with pretending that things are okay. This world is going up in fucking flames, and I deserve to have some happiness before it fucking burns me down with it."
"What," Add blurts, "are you talking about."
Ara strides across the mannequin platform with fire in her eyes, and in that moment a good number of things happens: she steps on the train of a shimmering satin gown and slips with a yelp; Add catches her in time, but doesn't anticipate the momentum that sends them toppling down anyways, and manages to put one hand protectively behind her head as they fall, fall, fall.
To their credit, they don't fall off the platform. Add keeps his eyes shut until Ara coughs, and he realizes he's kind of crushing her, and rolls off her. "Sorry about that," he says, and finds that the rest of the words on the tip of his tongue are far gone already.
Ara looks so small, almost engulfed by the white fabric. Even as the flashlight rolls away, what little light there is still illuminates her as the brightest star in Add's skies. He reaches a hand out, as if to touch her and make sure she's still there, and reminds himself that this is horribly inappropriate, and jerks it back.
She catches his hand in midair as easily as if she were pinching a dragonfly. Her fingers slot between his, and wordlessly she clasps his hand in hers. "This is what I mean," she says, and then she's kissing him.
It's almost electric how they come together so easily, drawn together despite the thin veil of we shouldn't, we can't. Despite everything, it's still the two of them, magnetized together the same way they were back in the Core, except instead of a fleeting nightmare it's a waking dream. Ara's lips are puffy when they pull away from each other, and Add doesn't waste a moment's thought before he dives back in and drinks her in.
"Ara," he says when he's able to think straight again, when Ara's touch isn't turning his mind to jelly. "We can't. We can't. I can't do this to you."
Ara stares at him inquisitively for a good second, before she tips his chin up with her free hand and kisses him again. The burning feeling in his chest fades. "You make me happy," she says breathlessly. "Isn't that enough?"
"More than enough," he whispers, and drowns in her again, and again, and again.
A/N: heya! i have been summarily nerfed by midterms and seasonal depression, not necessarily in that order
the original version of this scene had Ara being a lot more aggressive, and the two of them in a house instead of the bridal store. i just thought it would be neat and also kinda painful if i did the bridal store instead, lmao. also because everyone and their mother knows i'm the biggest fan of these two on this side of the planet, and i couldn't just give them a good scene - it had to be perfect.
sorry for the long delay between chapters. i'm not sure if i'll be able to put one up next week, seeing as i have two midterms this week. best of luck to everyone else who might be conquering their midterms!
~Marg
