Hey guys! I suck at posting chapter, haha. I decided to get back into writing FanFiction even just a little bit at a time. Idk how many people still write or read BTR FanFiction anymore, but it's something I've done for years and years and I love doing it, the characters and all. To those of you who still read my stuff, thank you. I really appreciate you guys who stuck by me and help me out! This story series is something I feel very strong about (if you want to read the first one that comes before this sequel, it's "Screams of Silence").
I understand this chapter is short, but I wanted to have a good start to where I left off, and I wanted you all to get the feel of what happened after the appointment, the emotion that comes after. Anyway I hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you think.
Chapter 9: The Drive Home
The drive home was total silence. The two of them stared straight ahead, barely a sound escaping their lips except an occasional muffled sob. As they pulled up to the Palm Woods, James swallowed hard and parked the car. Neither of them said a word; they just sat there in the parking lot for a few moments. No sound, no movement.
James finally broke the tension by exiting the car and making his way over to Lilliana's side, opening up her door for her and letting her out. She didn't look at him, she just hurried out of the car and headed towards the building, folding her arms into herself. James just stood in one spot and stared at her, his heart breaking into a million little pieces for a million different reasons.
He hurried after her and walked by her side, his hands shoved in his pockets and hers still wrapped around herself. They hurried towards the stairs, not wanting to be seen or interact with anyone. Lilliana stared at the floor the entire time, her expression blank. James stared at her with worry.
"Hey guys!", a voice called out. The two stopped dead in their tracks, James's hand instantly reaching out to snatch Lilliana's. They immediately plastered fake smiles on their faces and spun to face the voice.
"Hey, Christie." Lilliana said. Her voice shook as she spoke as she greeted her friend, but nobody seemed to notice except for James, who clenched his free hand into a fist to keep his emotions in check.
"Carlos told me earlier you had an appointment today to look at the baby. How's he doing? Or she, but I've got a strong feeling it's a he. Sorry, Lily, I know you always wanted a girl in school, but I'm always right." She winked.`
"Great," Lilliana replied through clenched teeth. "Just great. Everything's looking good. I gotta take a nap after being at the doctor's office all day, ha ha. So tired." James raised an eyebrow at her. If there was one thing his wife was good at, it was pretending everything was ok when it really wasn't.
"I'll let you to it, girly. Call me later. Bye!" Christie said before spinning on her heels and heading in the opposite direction. Lilliana waved a goodbye and then turned and sprinted for the stairs, leaving James behind.
He dashed after her, but she was too quick for him. She ran and ran until she reached their apartment, throwing the door open and nearly slamming it shut behind her, but James caught it and ran inside, slamming it shut before her.
She collapsed onto the floor and just started wailing. She hugged her knees close to her chest and buried her face into the carpet, crying so loud you might think the entire building would crumble down. James rushed to her side and collapsed with her, hugging her from behind so tight. He nuzzled his neck against hers and cried with her, the two letting out all their emotions and crying until there were no tears left.
"I'm sorry," she yelled into the carpet, her voice barely recognizable from her cries. "I'm sorry, I-I-I'm so sorry. I'm, I'm so sorry I can't give you a baby."
"Stop," he said, brushing the hair out of her face. "You stop that right this very fucking second. None of this is your fault."
"But it is!", she screamed. She bolted up and wiped her face to no avail. The tears just kept coming. "I can't get pregnant, you heard the doctor. She said it was impossible, that it just wouldn't happen. No way possible. We wanted kids, we tried and tried and tried and tried. For over a year. I should've known something was up when it just wasn't happening. You would be so happy talking about babies and finally becoming a dad; so, so, so happy. Now it can't happen, it won't ever happen, and I am so sorry I fucked everything up and made you unhappy, unhappy to be with me."
"Don't you dare say it."
"I understand if you don't want-"
"Lilliana."
"I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore."
James slammed his fists against the floor, startling Lilliana. "Enough." He said. He gently took her face in his hands.
"Listen to me, and I want you to listen good. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. None of this is because of something you did or because you are a bad person. These things just happen, ok? Its unfortunate, it's horrible, but it happens. You are ok, we will be ok. And you know what? I don't care if you can't have kids. I don't care if you go mute or deaf or blind or have no arms and legs or have purple skin or are too tall or short or have two heads." Lilliana smiled.
"I don't care what happens to you or what you look like or whatever the fuck happens. I married you for you. Your smile, your laugh, the way you twirl when you wear dresses. How you sing quietly while you're making breakfast, or how you belt out a song on the car radio as loud as you can. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you smell something terrible and how you blush and look away when I tell you you're beautiful or how much I am in love with you.
"I love you, I am so in love with you I could burst. I love every single thing about you. Every flaw, every inch, every piece. I don't care about your past or cuts and scars and bruises or how many times you've tried to kill yourself. When I met you that night on the bridge, I saw something special in you. I wanted to help you, to get to know you, to give you a chance to know what it's like to have someone know you, actually know you. I knew right from when I looked into your eyes that we had something special, that we were one in the same and we could complete each other. I fell in love with you because I got to know you, and God damn did I fall hard and fast.
"You saw a part of me that nobody else did. I knew we were meant to be together, that's why we met. I knew you were the one for me and when we got married I couldn't believe a wonderful, talented, beautiful, amazing person like you could fall in love with someone like me. I promised you for better or worse, sickness and health, good times and bad. We will get through this, the two of us. We can adopt, or try treatments, if you want them. I won't stop until you are happy."
He gently kissed her and pressed his forehead against hers. "Everything will be ok, I promise you that. I will always protect you, always, always, always. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you."
Lilliana let out a sob and collapsed onto his chest. "I don't know how you ended up with someone as damaged as me."
"You are not damaged." James said. He pulled her close and hugged her tight. "You are mine and always will be. You are perfect, absolutely perfect."
Lilliana smiled. "You are something else, James." She said. "I am so lucky. The luckiest in the world."
He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. "No way," he said. "That would be me."
