Author's note: Whoa, you bunch have been busy with ya comments! Your feedback really makes my day ^_^ Let me say you're fabulous and deserve huge shipments of your favourite food! Stay cool/warm and well-hydrated!
Tera: In my own interpretation, the Elves have a similar set of feelings and thoughts as humans, but they're greatly tempered by their perspectives, huge longevity, and the fact that they're not heavily motivated by bodily desires. Makes it much easier to reason your way through anything, though I guess everyone has their breaking point. But of course, that's just one perspective, right?
Veronica: Yeah, Thranduil's a bit of an odd character to me. He'd be a fun one to pick apart in greater detail at some point :D Hard to know how much is the insular Mirkwood mentality and how much is just him being a bit of a damn snob.
Guest: Mm, probably not the best thing for a growing baby, no, but then, humans in stressful conditions manage to evacuate rather well-adjusted infants all the time, so I guess it depends if you have genes on your side (as is the way for most things in life, really) _
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I waited for a week before starting session number two with Bregedúr, hoping that that would be plenty of time for her to make a good habit of challenging those unpleasant thoughts that cropped up.
I still had fun with Bregedúr a few hours a day in the interim, but I also had quite some free time on my hands to spend as I liked. I hadn't really envisioned myself spending a large part of it turning over the whys and hows of Bregedúr's agoraphobia in my head, but that's what happened toward the end of the week. It baffled me, though. All the phobias I'd dealt with in Middle-Earth were usually related to something scary happening that involved the object of their fear. Legolas with the spiders, for example. Bregedúr, though, hadn't done anything of the sort. Where was this sudden fear coming from? It obviously wasn't just a faulty thought pattern, so what other reason could there be for an Elf to suddenly develop agoraphobia?
Driven by curiosity and worry, I decided to do a little investigating to see if I couldn't dig up some sort of pattern, the first course of action to do some probing about the health of the other Mirkwood Elves. Naturally, I couldn't take them all aside and survey them; by my estimate, some 7,500 Elves lived in the halls here. What I needed was a very brief overview.
I found myself standing at the door to the throne room, wondering if I was about to break some sort of royal code by heading in like a nosy journalist and badgering the monarch and his progeny with questions about his loyal subjects. Shrugging, I knocked on the door and looked around as I awaited a response. What was the worst they could do, I thought to myself. Tell me to go away? My eyes landed on what appeared to be prison cells built into one of the huge branches snaking around the forecourt and I felt my mouth go dry. Perhaps this had been unwise of me.
Before I could do a ding-dong-ditch, though, the door opened fairly wide and a guard stepped out, peering at me with deep mistrust as he tried to block the very wide doorway with his body. This was not the one who had escorted Glorfindel and me to say hello to Thranduil when we arrived, and he seemed not to be aware I was one of the party from Rivendell.
"Hello," I said with a smile. "I, ah, was just wondering if King Thranduil had a moment."
"How did you get in here?" was all he asked. His voice was deep, and his dark eyes had a hint of a threatening glimmer in them.
"Via the doors down there," came out of my mouth before I could stop myself, and god help me, my hand even moved away as I pointed down at the passage where the huge atrium connected to the main entrance to this huge city.
Bzzt. That was the wrong answer, and Mr. Grumpy looked supremely displeased to have received it.
I sighed. "I'm in Mirkwood at the invitation of Prince Legolas."
He gave absolutely no impression that he had found my excuse to be plausible, but luckily for me, I heard Legolas' voice from inside.
"Rhodri! Please come in!"
The guard went deep red now and stared at me, saying nothing. I clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a nod.
"That's me. I'll just, ah, squeeze past you there," I said politely, going around him and into the room where Thranduil and Legolas sat, watching me with interest.
"Ah, Rhodri," Thranduil said with a smile. It seemed to be his favourite greeting at present, and it always made me feel as though he had been expecting me to drop in at any minute. What an odd man.
"King Thranduil, Prince Legolas," I greeted them both, nodding deferentially. "I hope I haven't come by at a bad time."
"Not at all," Legolas replied. "Things were rather at a lull, as a matter of fact. Are you well?"
"Oh yes," I said quickly with a smile. "I'm having a lovely time in your beautiful kingdom, thank you, and the Mirkwood hospitality is second to none."
"And how is Lady Bregedúr?" Thranduil enquired politely.
"I haven't seen her today, Your Majesty, but I intend to do so later today," I answered, strategically bypassing the divulgement of any confidential information. "In fact, it is related to Lady Bregedúr that I came to see you."
"Oh?" Legolas leaned forward in his throne now, surveying me closely. "Is there something we can do for her?"
"Ah, this is not a personal call on her behalf, per se. More that I am curious as to how she ended up unwell in the first place. I wonder if I might ask you a few questions regarding the health of your subjects here, if you're interested."
"I see," Thranduil said. "Well, we last spoke with our head healers a week ago, so I imagine we will have some information of use to you."
"Even your own observations would be of help," I replied gratefully. "How would you consider the overall mood and contentment levels of your populace now relative to, say, how it was some two years ago?"
Thranduil and Legolas both looked downhearted. "These have been trying times for my people," Thranduil began. "When they realised that the Necromancer who had driven us from Amon Lanc was Sauron, I believe it made them even more fearful upon his open declaration of residence in Mordor than they would have been had they not known."
I nodded. "How are they coping with the fear, do you think?"
"Admirably," Legolas spoke up with a small smile. "The fear is palpable, but so is their determination and courage in keeping their home safe. The number of people ready to go to war at a moment's notice has almost doubled over the last year, because so many are training alongside their usual roles."
Thranduil smiled and nodded at his son's explanation.
"You must be very proud," I said to them both.
"Indeed, yes," Thranduil confirmed. "They have handled this magnificently."
"Certainly sounds like it," I replied. "Just coming back to your mention of the collective fear here: you say it's definitely grown since Sauron announced his return to Mordor. Have you or the healers noted anyone whose fear has disrupted their ability to function? Aside from Lady Bregedúr, that is."
Legolas and Thranduil glanced at each other as they appeared to consider my question. After a few moments' brain-racking, they both shook their heads gently.
"Nothing like that has been reported to us, no, and for my part, I have not noticed anything," Thranduil said.
"What prompts you to ask these questions, Rhodri?" Legolas asked curiously. "Do you think what Bregedúr has is a disease that might spread?"
"My concern is not contagion, no," I answered, shaking my head. "I do, however, wonder if there are other things at play that make it more likely for others to suffer as Bregedúr does. Factors that make them more vulnerable to extra anxiety. It seems, though, that everyone else is handling all of the added stress quite well, though, so I doubt that is the case…" I trailed off as an idea strolled into my head.
"Rhodri?" Thranduil asked, regarding me with a raised eyebrow.
"Unless there is a vulnerability I missed. But it's such a long shot…" I whispered to myself.
Even though Bregedúr had said the symptoms started around the time she fell pregnant, I had discounted pregnancy hormones initially because I had seen a lot of pregnant Elves in my time, and the expectant ones were about as equanimous as the non-expectant ones. As humanoids, they obviously still produced huge amounts of pregnancy hormones, because otherwise the pregnancy wouldn't be viable, but in terms of emotional surges, there was nothing to speak of in them. But what if the increased stress from Sauron plus the huge fluctuations of oestrogen and progesterone were just enough to tip Bregedúr, an already very emotional person, over the edge?
"What is it?" Legolas urged.
"This will sound like an odd question, but do you know how many residents here are expecting a baby right now?"
"As a matter of fact, only two," Legolas answered softly. "Bregedúr and me. The healer mentioned that last week."
My eyes widened. This could mean that the issue would eventually resolve on its own, once the pregnancy was over. We still had good reason to work on the problem, but it was comforting to know that an end could be in sight.
"Right," I said. "That explains a lot. In which case, Your Majesty and Your Highness, I must excuse myself to find the Lady Bregedúr."
"Is there a problem?" Legolas looked at me worriedly.
"No, but I think I have some answers now. Until I know for sure, though, I'd like to respectfully suggest that your healers warn the populace against conceiving right now."
Thranduil and Legolas looked at each other in confusion, and then at me. "I'll follow with an explanation when I can."
They nodded and gave me leave. With a smile and wave, I ran out of the throne room and into Bregedúr's chambers.
"Bregedúr!" I shouted at the entryway to her study, banging on the door furiously. "Bregedúr, are you in there?"
The door opened to reveal Bregedúr, who stood there looking at me like I was the most colossal fuckwit she had ever come across.
"Where else would I be, Rhodri, you fool?" she said to me, shaking her head. Taking me by the arm, she walked me into the room and sat me on a chair near hers. "Anyone would think I had two children at this point, honestly."
I didn't even argue back, I was so excited. "You're the only pregnant person in Mirkwood," I said quickly.
Bregedúr nodded. "I am," she said.
"If I can be honest," I confessed to her while momentarily sidetracked, "I'm kind of surprised you still wanted to fall pregnant at a time like this."
"Oh, we didn't know at the time," Bregedúr replied with a laugh. "Goodness, we wouldn't have dreamed of having a child had we been informed. The news came the day after, would you believe it?"
"My god, that's terrible timing," I breathed as I put a hand over my mouth to stifle a shocked laugh, scarcely believing how well my theory was lining up.
"Certainly is. I'm afraid we'll just have to weather it as best we can," she said, a tone of concern in her voice before she shook her head and looked up at me. "Why did you come and inform me of my status as Mirkwood's only expectant mother, anyway?"
"Because I think I know the reason you suddenly developed agoraphobia."
She raised her eyebrows. "Tell me."
"I think it's pregnancy hormones."
Bregedúr frowned. "What are hormones?"
Shit. Did they seriously not know what those were? They had thousands of years to learn about how the body worked, and they'd never even… I sighed, wondering how far back I would have to take my explanation. In theory, Elves were probably masters of anything regarding emergency trauma surgery, but since the cure to whatever ailed them was invariably either sailing west or being reborn, I realised I would have to start at a very basic level. God, and it had been millennia since I'd done any relevant anatomy studies.
"Rhodri, are you all right? You look… haunted."
"Oh, I'm quite fine. Just finding the right words," I said before launching into a long-winded lecture about the endocrine and reproductive systems and the levels of hormonal fluctuation that occur during pregnancy. Bregedúr watched me in disbelief as I drew a myriad of sloppy diagrams outlining the various anatomical structures and functions.
"I see," was all she said when I finished up. "So you believe I will return to normal when the baby is born, then?"
"I believe the hormones that make it much worse will definitely return to normal, but I think we should keep working on it all the same so that there are no side-effects afterward. With that said, I imagine knowing it is likely to be transient must be a weight off your mind, no?"
"You have no idea," she murmured, eyes wide as she leaned back in her chair. "Do you think we should try the next phase of therapy now? I know it's a little early, but I feel somewhat... emboldened, I suppose."
I shrugged. "We can if you like, certainly. Give me an update on how you're going first, though. Have you been practicing rationalising those thoughts you get?"
"I have," Bregedúr confirmed. "It was initially hard, but I managed to fall into a routine, and I do understand at least, that those scenarios are not logical, even if they are still confronting to see."
"Excellent," I said with a smile. "That's very encouraging, and such rapid progress, too. So let's do that scenario again where I ask you to come with me downstairs for food. Talk me through what's happening in your head this time."
"My stomach is churning again, and my heart is beating hard, but not as bad as before. I still see myself lying unconscious on the staircase, but it's so unlikely to happen that I can't imagine why it's even occurring to me. It's unpleasant, though."
"You've built a very good routine for yourself when that scenario plays in your head, Bregedúr," I praised her warmly.
"The discomfort is still quite palpable, though," she added quickly. "Will that ever go away?"
"That's precisely what I want to work on today. I'll take you through a couple of relaxation exercises, and if you're feeling up to it, we might even try sitting just outside the door to your chambers, eh?"
Bregedúr looked uneasy, but nodded.
After showing her the same muscle relaxation and breathing exercises I showed Elrond, I asked again if she wanted to go out for a minute or two.
"Just to the front entryway," I said, holding up my hand to reassure her. "What do you say? We can sit there for a bit, practice those relaxation exercises, and do a spot of people watching."
Bregedúr looked like she'd rather pull out her teeth and sell them on eBay, but she consented to give it a try.
I took a chair in one hand and linked her arm in mine as we got up and slowly ambled down the hallway together to the main chamber door.
"How are you doing?" I asked as we stood in front of the closed door.
"My heart is hammering," she panted.
"Are you thinking your logical thoughts?"
"I am."
"Let's do some of that deep breathing, then, eh? In through your nose… and then out through your mouth. In again through the nose… out through the mouth."
I kept that up for a minute or two until Bregedúr nodded that things had levelled off.
"Would you like to open the door, or shall I?" I asked.
"I think I'd better," she replied, stretching a hand out and resting it on the door handle a moment. With one deep breath, Bregedúr pushed the door open and with that, the outside was ours to behold.
"This is frightening," she whispered.
"More breathing is called for, then, I think," I said with a smile. We spent another couple of minutes in through the nose, out through the mouth-ing until I could look at her neck and see a calm pulse.
"You're doing so well, Bregedúr. Absolutely outstanding," I said encouragingly. I placed the chair straight outside the door. "Do you think you'd like to try sitting down on the seat there for a little bit?"
Bregedúr, ever the brave one, nodded, took a step outside the door and parked herself down.
"Look at you go!" I beamed at her. "Tell me how you're feeling. Do you want to try doing some more breathing?"
She did, and so we did. Once she had calmed down, we were able to sit out there for a whole quarter hour before she wanted to head back to her study.
"That was amazing," I enthused as she sat back in her armchair. "How are you feeling after that?"
"Quite pleased with myself, actually," she said with a small smile. "It was quite tiring, though. It felt a little like the fear kept trying to sneak up on me, and I had to use a lot of effort to keep it at bay."
"Yes, it will feel that way for a while yet. Your mind has paired fright with being outside, so we need to re-train it to associate the world outside your chambers with neutrality again. It doesn't happen overnight, like I said before, but you're already making incredible progress. And so rapid, too!"
I didn't tell her, but I'd never had a client with severe agoraphobia make such progress so quickly. I was absolutely blown away by it, and supposed that such a quick recovery- which seemed to have occurred in most of my Middle-Earth clients- was a hallmark of the hardiness of the Elf. Apparently it was a mental feature, too. Incredible.
The next week saw us spend a little longer each day sitting outside the door, and we managed to build it up to an hour and a half before we succumbed to boredom and slunk back inside. After that, we worked up to walking the halls a short way, which we worked on until we were able to make the entire loop around, which was a goodly distance that took another two weeks of calm breathing and large doses of courage to work up to.
The biggest challenge was the stairs, and that ended up taking the lion's share of the time to work with. Many days were spent sitting on the stairs, making it a calm environment by having small picnics, reading books, and constant gasbagging. When she felt ready, we climbed one stair, and then came back down, and that was our focus for another two days. Two stairs, three stairs, four stairs, then five stairs came next, and that ate up another week and a half.
Bregedúr didn't end up feeling confident to take the stairs by herself until two months had passed, by when she got there, my golly she was pleased with herself.
"I can't believe this," she whispered to me as we stood by the dining hall on the floor below.
"You've done so wonderfully," I beamed at her. "Do you think you want to go inside and have something to eat?"
"I believe I do, yes," Bregedúr replied with a smile.
"We should eat your favourite food as a celebration. Is it still fried bread and honey?"
She confirmed that it certainly was, and with that, we went inside and crammed ourselves full of the stuff.
Another period passed in which I made sure that all of the worrying situations were handled- riding in a carriage, going into a library, wide open spaces, the whole shebang. By the time we were done, she was just about ready to pop with this baby.
And, as it happened, she did pop not too long after that. Glorfindel and I spent hours pacing a track in the ground outside the hospital wing, waiting for this infant to finally make itself known. When it finally did, we popped inside after Thranduil had visited, and saw a very chuffed-looking set of new parents holding a baby. She had a shock of blonde hair and minuscule but pointy ears. Well, everything about this child was minuscule. She was an infant, after all.
"Ooh, aren't you a delight!" my thrilled spouse sang at her when she was passed to him. "What will her name be, then?"
"Daereth, I think," replied Legolas with a smile.
"Marvellous," he enthused, passing baby Daereth to me.
"Hello, there, sprout," I greeted her happily. "So good of you to show up. Nice name, by the way."
Daereth didn't say anything. She fell asleep. That was definitely preferable to screaming, so I took it as a compliment.
After fondly taking our leave from our buddies, Glorfindel and I were back on the road again the next day. We thought it best to go straight after meeting the baby so as to give the new parents time to settle in with their living, breathing alarm clock without interruption. And, to be truthful, we were sort of starting to miss hearing Elrond tell us off for engaging in extreme sports on his property.
