"Why on earth would anybody need that many boxes of fabric softener?" Rachel asks me, never taking her eyes off the tv screen for even a minute.

Her voice sounds like she's in some kind of trance, like she doesn't actually want me to answer the question and break her concentration, and I think it's safe to say that I've turned her into an Extreme Couponing fan. She's not even blinking, her hand is just mindlessly resting in the bowl of potato chips and her mouth is slightly hung open. See? I told you this show is addicting.

I still don't think this is the way she should be spending her birthday. She shouldn't be sitting cross-legged on my bed, wearing pajamas, her hair tied back, with potato chip crumbs clinging to the corners of her mouth. We should be stuffing our faces with birthday cake or out to eat dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Shelby brought Beth over a little while ago and she was asleep when she handed her off to me. She hasn't woken up yet and I've been pretty successful at fighting the urge to wake her, so we've just been hanging out in my room (with the door open) watching TV while Beth sleeps on my lap.

When I asked Rachel what she wanted to do, she said all she wanted for her birthday was to be with me. She told me to pick something I like to watch on TV and we could cuddle and watch it. There's been a marathon of Extreme Couponing going on all week, so I turned that on and she hasn't looked away from the screen ever since.

"She just paid eight dollars for sixteen packs of meat, that is CRAZY." She whispers and mindlessly brings another potato chip up to her mouth. "What do you mean she can't double her coupon?! She just doubled the last one!"

"If she can't double it, the Excedrin won't be free. Her husband's gonna flip." I mumble, and I catch myself leaning closer to the TV screen like I can't see or something. I catch myself, though. Because leaning forward means I might crush Beth.

I almost cried when Shelby first carried her through the door. In fact, I probably would have cried if Mom and Rachel weren't standing right there. She just looked so much bigger. Shelby put her car seat down right next to the steps and then unzipped that little pink cover she has over it and it was the first time I saw my baby in a while. It felt like the first time I saw her back when I had her; that magical feeling of just being overwhelmed with so much love.

Her hair got longer. Her blonde curls come to the middle of her forehead now, and her cheeks are much chubbier. Even as she was lying asleep in the car seat, I could see her chubby belly spilling over the waistband of her pink and white striped pants. Her pants were a little tight, I could tell by the way the rings of fat on her legs were showing through the fabric. She looked adorable as can be in her fuzzy white hoodie with the rabbit face on the front, but what really melted my heart was the way her pacifier bobbed as she sucked on it. I could have cried right then and there, could have easily woken her up to kiss her lips and squish her toes. I left her asleep, though. I couldn't resist taking her out of the car seat so I could cuddle her, but I did find the strength within to not wake her up.

"Oh, wait. She's just gonna do a separate transaction," Rachel pops another chip in her mouth. "Smart move."

"I would've done the same thing…" I nod my head in agreeance with Rachel, then look down at my perfect baby still sleeping on my lap.

Her cheek is all smushed against my belly and her arms are wrapped around my waist. I took her pants off because they were tight and I wanted her to be comfortable, so now her diaper is sort of riding down and her butt crack is hanging out, but it's the cutest plumber's crack I've ever seen, so. She's even snoring a little bit, which I think she gets from Russel because he snores.

Beth's sleeping on me, and then there's Rachel sitting next to me with her hair all tied up and messy. She's wearing a loose t-shirt and fuzzy pajama pants, and she washed off her makeup a little while ago, but I think she still looks pretty. She's watching the TV and I'm watching her, and I have to admit that I'm slightly in awe that she's a real human. Her silhouette is flawless, from the way every strand of her hair lies perfectly, to the way her nose curves down to her top lip. She is ethereal… and she takes my breath away.

The only person who could make this any more perfect is Mercedes. I have Beth, who is single-handedly the most important person in my life, then I have Rachel who is the most special person in my life, and all I'm missing is Mercedes, the closest person to me in my life. She's downstairs watching TV with Dad. I think she thinks that me and Rachel want to be left alone and while it's nice to be alone with Rachel after we finally worked through most of our crap, I wouldn't mind if Mercedes was here too. She probably wouldn't watch Extreme Couponing, though.

"Hey Rachel…" I sit up straight and gently move Beth off of me and onto my bed. She shuffles a little, especially when I roll her over so that she's laying flat on her back instead of on her stomach, but she stays asleep for the most part.

Rachel keeps her eyes glued to the TV screen until the show cuts to a commercial. Only then does she grab another handful of chips before looking at me. "What?"

I grab my remote off the nightstand beside my bed and mute the TV. Rachel wrinkles her eyebrows at me, but she's too busy chewing the chips to open her mouth and ask me why I did that.

"You said you wrote me a song." I put the remote back down and busy myself with covering Beth. I lay my blanket across her chubby legs and press a soft kiss to her forehead. "In the hospital… remember?"

"Ooh god," she grumbles with her mouth full. She twists the cap off her bottle of water and takes a long sip before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "You remembered that?"

"Of course I remembered it." When she puts her water down, I pick it back up because I'm thirsty myself and I drank all of mine about an hour ago. I take some slow, steady sips because even water burns my throat. "Will you sing it?"

"Now?!" Her eyes grow about two sizes wider. "You want me to sing it now?!"

I nod my head, "Why not? You told me you would."

"B-But, we're watching TV… aren't we? I need to know if the manager overrides her coupons…" She whines and dare I say it, but I think Rachel Berry is nervous.

"I'll pause it, we can finish the episode after." I grab the remote and press the "pause" button. "Come on, Rachel. Please. Please, please, please. I wanna hear it."

"Quinn…" she sighs and sucks her teeth. "Can't I just send you the lyrics? They're in the notes app on my phone, I'll send them to you."

"No! It's not the same as hearing you sing it!"

"But Beth is sleeping! I'll wake her up if I sing, I'll —"

I grab onto Beth's chubby little hand and lift it up. When I let it go and drop it, it flops down on the bed like a lifeless rag doll's hand, and Beth doesn't even move a muscle. She continues to snore like she didn't even realize someone touched her. I do it again just to prove a point.

"See? She's out like a light, she's not waking up."

"Ugh!" Rachel closes her eyes and sighs really hard and really dramatic and really loud. "You're not gonna shut up until I sing it, are you?"

"Nope," I flash her one of those obnoxious, I-know-I'm-getting-on-your-nerves smiles, and make sure all my teeth are showing. "So you might as well sing it."

"If I sing it, can we PLEASE finish watching Extreme Couponing?" She picks up her phone and begrudgingly unlocks it. "And will you PLEASE leave me alone?"

"Cross my heart, I will." I hold out my pinky for her. "Pinky promise."

She holds her pinky out and starts to interlock it with mine, but she hesitates for a second. "And pinky promise you won't make fun of me if the lyrics are stupid. Just keep in mind that I wrote it in ten minutes while I was in the hospital waiting room, waiting to see if you died or not. So be easy on me."

"I would never make fun of you." I lock our pinkies together. "Ever."

She sighs again, lighter this time, like she's trying to shake her nerves or something. She unlocks her phone, opens up her notes app, sighs one more time, then closes her eyes like she can't stand to look at me.

Rachel always says that she doesn't get nervous, but I think she's nervous right now and I can understand why. I'm not that great at writing songs, but if I were, I don't think I'd want to sing them in front of the person I wrote them about. I think that would make me more nervous than performing in front of hundreds of people.

"I don't think I've ever told you, I wouldn't be me without you, no…" She starts singing very softly and it's a tone that is absolutely beautiful, but Rachel never sings in it. She's a belter. She usually sings higher pitched and more powerful, but this is gentle. This is… smooth. This is soft. "And I want you to know… you're my strength and you're my weakness, God knows what could come between us now… To try and break us down… 'cause…"

I close my eyes so I can get the full effect. She has the voice of angels…

"Even if the world stopped turning, you'd be in my heart still burning, keeping it beating. And as long as I'm breathing then I… will never give up on us." She pauses and I can tell that she's put this song to music inside of her head. She knows what it's supposed to sound like. I wonder if it's piano or guitar…

I shiver because I get the chills when she sings the last line of what I assume is the chorus.

"If you fall then I will catch you. There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do… do anything for you. 'Cause you healed me, you made me better. Brick by brick, you built me from the ground… now we're never coming down… 'cause… I don't think I've ever told you but I wouldn't be me without you, no… no, no, no…."

She takes a deep breath and I know that means she's about to belt, which is my favorite thing ever. I love it when Rachel belts. I could listen to it for hours.

"Even if the world stopped turning, you'd be in my heart still burning, keeping it beating. And as long as I'm breathing, then I… will never give up on us, no…. Never give up on us. Never give up on us."

Only when she stops singing do I finally open my eyes. I have goosebumps all over my arms, chills still rolling down my spine, tears in my eyes…

She wrote that for me? In ten minutes? She wrote that…? Like, actually wrote that?

"And… that's…. all I've got, or whatever," she bites her lip and looks down at her crossed legs. "It's not that good, but it's… it's… yeah, how I feel…"

"Wow…" Is all I can say. She probably thinks that I think it's horrible because my stupid brain can't muster up any word other than "wow", but I can't. All I can say is wow… I'm… speechless…

"I still have to, like, work on it and change the —"

"No," I hold my hand out to stop her. "No, don't change a thing, don't you dare change a single thing it's brilliant, I…" I shake my head at her in awe. "You are incredible…"

She licks her lips and closes her eyes tight, then tilts her head back to the ceiling. I feel my eyebrow raise in curiosity.

"...What are you doing?" I ask her.

"Trying to take my mind off of you for a second, do you mind?" She keeps her eyes closed and her head tilted back and it kind of looks like she's meditating. "We're not together, we're working through our issues. Not together, working through issues. Not together, working through issues. Not together, working —"

"What in the hell is your problem?"

"I want to kiss you, that's my problem, and since I'm not your girlfriend…." She blows air out of her nostrils hard. "I'm taking my mind off you."

"What if I wanted to kiss you too, then what?" I lick my lips the same way she just licked hers because even though we're technically not girlfriend and girlfriend currently because we're still working out our crap, there's no way we're not going to kiss. And I want my lips to be wet and ready when we do actually kiss.

"Then I'd say hurry up and do it before I combust…" She mutters.

Only when I'm scooting closer to her to close the space between us do I realize just how much I missed kissing her. We kissed in the hospital if I remember correctly, but we haven't kissed since then and I wanted our first kiss in a while to be exactly like this. I wanted us to be comfortable with each other and kissing out of love. I wanted to get closer and closer to her and admire how beautiful her skin looks. I wanted to close my eyes and press my lips against hers and feel how soft they are. I wanted to feel that white hot electricity — that same current I felt with Bailey — only stronger. I wanted my lips to be against lips that they belong against, not lips that I settle for because I'm in such a messed up state of mind.

Kissing Rachel again is everything I needed it to be. It's everything that kissing Bailey wasn't. It's right, it's real, it's love. It's everything I needed it to be so I could realize why I don't want to kiss any other lips besides Rachel's... it's what I needed to clear my head about kissing Bailey.

Our tongues meet somewhere in the middle and smash together like they missed each other's presence. Rachel cups her hand against my cheek and I accidentally moan into her mouth, partly because the sucking and swallowing while we kiss hurts me, but mostly because all the feelings I have towards her are all rushing through my body. I feel alive. So much more alive than I've felt in a very long time.

I don't think I ever want to stop kissing her. In fact, I don't think I ever will stop kissing her…

So I'm a little relieved when two hard knocks on my open door make me and Rachel pull apart like our lips just caught on fire.

Even though I know nobody in this house will judge me for kissing a girl, I still feel like we were doing something shameful and wrong, so it's needless to say that I hang my head when I see that it's Mom who did the knocking. Me and Rachel don't look at each other, but we don't have to to know that we're both about to pass out and die of humiliation.

"Ehem," Mom clears her throat real dramatically like you see in the movies, but the look on her face isn't angry or irritated. It's… playful? "I 'preciate you two following the open door policy in this house, but let's try to keep it PG."

"Sorry," I mumble, licking my lips from the kiss and pretending to be very interested in Beth's tiny sock.

"Sorry Mrs. Jones," Rachel apologizes in a tone slightly louder than a whisper.

"Ain't nothing for you to be sorry about, Rachel. You oughta be glad you kissin' Quinn. Child's on so many different antibiotics, one kiss'll knock all the infectious diseases outta your body."

Me and Rachel both laugh when she says that and in one instant, all the tension and awkwardness in the room totally just melts away. Mom rests her head against the door jamb and looks in on Beth with an easy smile. She's clearly only interested in Beth, but it's me and Rachel that she continues to talk to.

"Rachel, you got any nightwork that needs done before school tomorrow?" Mom asks.

"No ma'am," Rachel shakes her head. "I finished all of it in my study hall today."

"Mmmkay," Mom nods. "I dunno what your night routine is like but 'round here, Quinn and 'Cedes is usually in bed by nine, nine-thirty."

"Same here," Rachel replies.

Mom and Dad are definitely starting to feel bad that these are my last few days here, because they agreed to let Rachel stay the night on a school night, AND sleep in my bed. Granted, there are so many rules that I almost had to write them all down, but still. I'm certain they only agreed because they feel bad I'm leaving here soon, and probably because they only feel bad for Rachel, too.

I told Mom about Rachel's dads. I know it really wasn't my place to tell her, but I kind of had to. Rachel came over really early, like immediately after school, and Mom was wondering why because she usually only comes in the late evenings. I tried to lie and tell her that Rachel just wanted to come and help me with my swallowing exercises, and it really wasn't that big of a lie because she did help me. But then Mom wanted to know why Rachel agreed to stay through dinner when she always eats at home and I felt really bad lying to Mom, so I told her the truth. I told her that Rachel's dads are fighting a lot and she doesn't really want to be home and sad on her birthday and I think Mom's big bleeding heart just opened up to her.

She said Rachel could stay on her own, I didn't ask. I knew better than to ask. So when Mom told me that Rachel's welcome to crash here for the night, it's needless to say that my jaw dropped. We have to sleep with the door wide open, and there has to be a nightlight on in my room tonight and Rachel has to sleep at the bottom of the bed while I sleep at the top and there has to be a pillow between us and we have to sleep with the TV off so no noises are being masked. I think that's it. There's a laundry list full of rules that we have to follow, but I still think it's pretty neat that they both agreed to let Rachel stay. I'm just glad that she doesn't have to be in a broken home on her birthday.

"Mmmkay, so lights out at nine thirty. It's only six now, so you got some time. I'll come in the morning and get you up for school… maybe make some breakfast for you and 'Cedes." Mom continues. "Well, if you two hungry, the pepper soup is done. And Quinn, I need you downstairs right now because —"

"Can I go to school tomorrow, too?" I ask while the question is fresh on the tip of my tongue. I already know the answer will probably be no, but I really do feel like I'm ready…

"You outta your mind, child?" She laughs and shakes her head. "That's a good one."

"No Mom, seriously. Can I? I'm feeling so much better and I can pack leftover soup for lunch. I just wanna go back to normal… please, Mom? Please, please, please. Why can't I just go?"

"Well, Quinn, I think —"

"Please. I wanna feel normal again, I wanna stop sitting around and thinking about how I almost died." I poke my lip out and give her puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

"I…" She sighs. "We'll discuss it a little later, okay? Right now, I need you downstairs. The social worker's here to talk to you."


I'm not sure how it looks to the social worker for Beth to be all over me the way she is, but I think it's working out in my favor. She woke up when Rachel picked her up off the bed to come downstairs so this lady can talk to me. She woke up and started crying immediately when she looked at Rachel, but Rachel reasoned that she was probably crying because she woke up in a different place than where she fell asleep, and I guess that makes sense.

Rachel picked her up and she started screaming her head off, so I thought maybe me taking her would be a bad idea since she was already cranky and she probably forgot who I was since I haven't seen her in a while. But she took one look at me and held her arms out and screamed louder. I took her off of Rachel and as soon as she was in my arms, she put her head on my shoulder and stopped crying instantly. Rachel tried to take her again so I could talk to the social worker, but Beth screamed. She screamed when Mom tried to take her, screamed when Dad tried to take her and screamed when Mercedes tried to take her too. The only person she wants is me, and I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't feel good.

She keeps looking up at me. Every so often, she'll pick her head up off my chest and look at me like she's trying to make sure I'm still there. She'll look at me, I'll kiss her on her little lips, then she'll put her head back down until the next time she wants to make sure I'm still there. Like I said, I'm not sure how this looks to the social worker, but I think it looks good because she keeps smiling at Beth.

"So Lucy," the social worker says as she opens up a file folder on her lap. "We met briefly in the hospital, I don't know if you remember. I'm Courtney, Courtney Kirkland and I'm with Child Protective Services here in Allen County."

"I remember," I nod and run my fingers through Beth's soft curls. I know it probably sounds really weird and probably even a little crazy, but I really think I can sense what Beth is thinking sometimes. It's like she and I have this connection. Right now, as her tiny little fingers trace the curvature of my lips and chin, I can tell she's trying to refamiliarize herself with my face and how I feel. I can tell that she missed me. "This is Beth, by the way. She's my baby." I introduce them just because I feel like I should.

"I can tell. She's your little twin," She smiles and I can see the crows feet by her eyes. She's probably been doing this for a very long time. "Now she doesn't live here, correct? I recall your mother saying something about adoption. Is it open?"

"Um, yeah, I guess you could say that." I adjust the way I'm holding Beth because my arms are starting to hurt. "I watch her from time to time and we have a good relationship. She knows who I am."

"Okay, let me just document that…" She uses her index finger to type something on an iPad. "Your mother mentioned the adoption being closed and not having any contact. When did that change?"

"Um…" What is she talking about? Mom wouldn't have said that. She knows I watch Beth… "My mom said that? About the adoption being closed?"

"Yes, when we spoke in the hospital, she mentioned that part of the reason for the dissection in your relationship is because you chose adoption and —"

"Oh, you mean Judy… my mother… okay." I wasn't aware that she and Judy talked. I wonder what they talked about. "Yeah, she wasn't happy that I chose adoption. But I think it worked out well. I'm happy."

"That's good to hear, Lucy," Courtney smiles one of those very fake smiles. "So um, I just have a few questions for you in preparation for the court hearing next week if that's okay?"

"Sure."

"How are you feeling since being discharged? Do you feel better, worse or about the same?"

"Better. Definitely better."

"Have you returned to school yet?"

"Not yet."

"And Mrs. Jones is home with you during the day?"

"Yes ma'am. Mr. Jones, too. He took family leave to be home with us."

"Mhm," she types with her index finger again. "And how do you feel having their constant supervision? Do you feel like that helps you? Do you feel like it hinders you and your ability to regain independence? Do you like the constant reassurance of having someone in the house with you? Does it not really matter to you?"

"Um…" Well she's asking some pretty messed up questions… "I think it helps me to know that I'm not always alone, actually. It does feel kind of reassuring to know that there's someone in the house with me. I like it."

"Okay. And who is in charge of your care while you're here? Mrs. Jones, Mr. Jones, or do you mostly care for yourself?"

"What do you mean?" I ask before I answer because I feel like these questions could be trick questions. I don't want to say anything that might make it that much easier for me to go back to Judy and Russel. Beth's getting a little fussy, so I pick her pacifier up and hand it to her.

"I mean who administers your medicine, makes sure you're following up with your doctor's orders, makes follow up appointments, etcetera…" She explains a little better.

"Pretty much everyone. It's kind of like a village mentality." I shush Beth by rocking her a little and she calms down pretty easily. "Like Mom will give me my medicine in the morning, Dad will make sure I get it at night. Mom made the appointment with the nutritionist. Mercedes and Rachel both help me do my swallowing exercises."

"And Rachel is your romantic girlfriend, correct?"

"Yes."

"And do you feel confident that when you are placed back with your biological parents this so-called 'village mentality' will continue?"

"No." Easy question. Absolutely not. I'll have to take care of myself. "Rachel won't even be allowed to step foot in my house when I go back there. And Judy's not that hands-on to help me with my medicine."

"Um… okay, so. Can you give me a quick rundown of how your days go here?" She looks up from her iPad.

"Like, from start to finish? With school or without school?"

"You can tell me both."

"Well… on school days, Mom wakes me up. She wakes me up, I get dressed, me and Mercedes eat breakfast, then I drive us to school. I go to school. If it's a Tuesday, I see my therapist in school. Then after school, I have Glee club. After Glee club, I drive me and Mercedes home. I do my homework then I take a shower. We eat dinner as a family and talk about our day. Sometimes we sit in the living room and watch TV. Then we go to bed."

"Okay, good. And describe a day now, now that you're not in school?"

"Um… Mom or Dad will wake me up so I can take my medicine at nine. I eat breakfast. I watch TV with Dad until lunch. Then I watch more TV with Dad after lunch or sometimes I'll take a nap until Mercedes comes home. I do my homework that Mercedes brought me home. I take a shower. We eat dinner. I'll hang out with Rachel or something for a little. Then I go to bed."

"And do you feel like this steady routine helps you?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she closes her iPad and smiles at me. "That's all the questions I have for you right now, Lucy. Thank you. You can go ahead on with your night."

"Okay," I nod once at her then stand up.

I hope I did okay. I hope I didn't say anything that'll make her not want me to stay with the Joneses… it seems like she has her mind made up that I'm going back, but if there's any hope in the world that I can stay here, I hope I didn't say anything to slash it…

I shift Beth onto my hip and head for the kitchen as the social worker stays behind to chat with Mom and Dad in the living room for a little. Mercedes and Rachel are in the kitchen together and it doesn't sound like they're killing each other…

I know it's wrong to eavesdrop, but I can't help it. I stand next to the archway that leads into the kitchen but around the corner so they can't see me…

"I guess I just have to trust you," Mercedes says. "I guess I just have to trust that whatever you do, you're doing it with Quinn in mind."

"And I guess I have to trust you, too. We both love her, Mercedes. And she loves us too." Rachel replies and it actually sounds like they're having a civil conversation... wow.

"You, I'm really sorry I hit you. I was just worried about her, that's all."

"It's alright. I kinda deserved that," Rachel chuckles but it's a sad chuckle. "Just think of it as payback for trying to steal your solo."

Mercedes laughs and I never thought I'd see the day where those two would work it out…

I don't want to interrupt them when it seems like they're actually getting somewhere and making peace with each other, so I walk back towards the living room to see if I can hear what Mom, Dad and the social worker are talking about next.

And all I hear between them are the words "custody" and "returning her back to her natural family is best" before I can't listen anymore…

I can't sit here and think about going back to that house. I… I can't. I just want to take Beth and… run.

So I quietly put Beth inside her car seat, strap her in…

And not even Whitney or Bobby hear us when I take her and slip right out the front door.


I didn't think I'd actually make it. I thought that I would just put Beth into the car and sit in the driveway. I didn't think I'd actually turn the ignition and start the car and drive it.

I didn't think we would actually end up here. I didn't think I'd be sitting in my car, staring at the menacing cobblestone driveway that leads up to the grand staircase and the front porch.

It looks a little different here. The driveway is still that same gray and black cobblestone, the gate is still that clunky white plastic. The yard's neatly groomed as always, but the carnations are just weeds in place of the pink flowers that bloom in the spring. That ugly yellow wreath with the honeycombs and bumblebees has been replaced by a green one with red poinsettias hanging proudly on the front door, but there's still a chunk of the gold number three that marks the address missing from the time Frannie and I kicked the soccer ball at it. It's the exact same house on the exact same street in the exact same neighborhood of the exact same city of Lima. And it feels so much different.

Beth coos in the backseat and that's when I remember that she's there. I didn't think I'd actually make it here and I certainly don't think I'll get out of the car.

But my stomach hurts as I pull the latch to open my car door.


A/N: If you're a super close and observant reader (like pretty much all of you are), I just want to say that yes — the third to last paragraph is the exact same paragraph Quinn used to describe the house in the very first chapter of this story. It was done intentionally to bring it all full circle. :)