I only wake up because I feel the bed move when Rachel gets out of it. I usually sleep like a log through everything, and when Mom comes in to wake me up for school in the morning, she usually has to put her hands on my back and physically shake me. It's weird that I wake up as soon as I feel Rachel get up, though.
I don't know what I was expecting when we slept together, but it wasn't anything like last night. I guess I was trying to base my thoughts off what sleeping with her has been like in the past, and both experiences are really nothing to compare to. We slept in the same bed the night of my sleepover, and we were both so exhausted after having sex in the shower that we both just kinda passed out when our heads hit the pillow. Then, when we slept together in the hotel at sectionals, it was right after we had sex for the first time, and we kind of slept close, snuggled up into each other back then.
Last night was more natural, if I can say the least. Last night, she slept on her side of the bed and I slept on mine. Sometimes, we'd wander into each other's territory when we stirred and changed positions in our sleep, but for the most part, we stayed separate and during the times where we did wander, we adjusted and kept to ourselves. Maybe last night wasn't what I expected when I slept with Rachel. Maybe I was expecting us to lie close together with our hands interlocked and our legs intertwined. Maybe I was expecting it to be like everything you see on TV and in the movies.
But last night seemed like it was a glimpse into my future, like maybe the way we slept last night is the way we'll sleep when we're older and married and still loving each other.
"Go back to sleep," she whispers to me after silencing the alarm on her phone. I feel the palm of her hand resting against my cheek, and a sleepy grin tugs at my lips when I feel the tips of her fingers gliding through my hair.
Yawning, I roll onto my side from my stomach and stretch out my legs when I face her. She climbs out of my bed and softly pads over to the bag beside my dresser, which she packed her clothes in. It takes a moment for my vision to clear of that hazy post-sleeping fog, but I can see her — in nothing but her baggy t-shirt and black underwear — kneeling so she can rummage through the bag of her things.
"Don't you wish we could just lie in bed all day?" I mumble, still waking up. "Just you and me, all day, doing nothing."
"Watching Extreme Couponing?" she giggles and unfolds her black skirt.
"You've got the right idea." I sit up and smooth my tangled and unruly bed-hair back. "Why don't you just come back to bed?"
"Because my dads would kill me for starters," she wiggles her shirt up onto her hips and fastens the gold buttons down the side. "You don't understand. I narrowly avoided being killed while you were in the hospital."
"You did?"
"I've never seen either one of my dads that angry." She turns so her back is facing me and she takes off her t-shirt to put on her bra. I wonder if she's being so modest and secretive and private because she knows my parents are in the house. Because I mean, it's not like I haven't seen Rachel topless before. "They threatened me and everything. I'm not sure how I'm still living, to be honest."
"They threatened you?!" Her dads don't seem the type. Both of them seem so gentle… I don't believe it. "What'd they say? Why'd they threaten you for?!"
"Because I wouldn't leave!" She tugs her ponytail out of the maroon sweater she puts on and adjusts it so that it's tucked neatly into her skirt. "They told me not to leave the house and go to the hospital in the first place, so while you were at the hospital here in Lima first, I kept calling Mercedes for updates. Then she said they life-flighted you to Dayton and I took the keys and left. They called me the entire time I was driving up the highway and I ignored them until I got there. When I called back, my dad told me that I was dead… deader than dead."
"Why didn't you just go home?! I'm sure they would have let you come up the next day or something! Why'd you go that night even when they told you not to?!"
"Gee, I dunno, Quinn," she sits down on the edge of my bed so she can work her legs into the sheer black tights she's putting on. "Maybe because I thought you were dying and I didn't care that I was in trouble?"
"So like, are you grounded?" I scoot closer to her and reach out so that I can untie her ponytail. "Or are they just letting you go?"
"I don't really know honestly," she shrugs. "I think I'm probably grounded, but it's weird because it's not really being enforced. Like if I had asked to stay the night here last night, they probably would have said no. But I didn't ask. I just went home, got some clothes and said I was staying at your house. End of discussion."
"Rachel…" I gasp, not because I think she's being anything more than a rebellious teenager, but because she's not being… Rachel. Rachel would NEVER disobey her dads. She would NEVER do anything against their wishes and she would most certainly never just go anywhere without their permission. She's acting out… and I want to stop her and tell her that it's going to be okay with her dads and that she needs to just relax and work through it all without being a rebellious kid, but how can I say that if I don't practice what I preach?
So I say nothing instead.
"It's kind of weird to say and I feel kind of ashamed to admit it, but…" she pauses everything for a moment; pauses speaking, pauses rolling her tights onto her legs, pauses moving. "...I kind of like it," she whispers.
"Yeah, but Rachel, you shouldn't —"
"Look, I know, okay?" She stands up and finishes dressing herself except for her shoes. "I know I shouldn't be doing… whatever. I know it's bad. I know. But it kind of helps to get my mind off it and I don't need you to tell me how terrible I'm being."
It's too early to argue… and I can't really give her any advice and tell her how she should and shouldn't be acting. I mean, who am I to tell her what to feel and how to deal with it? Who am I to tell her that she's being irrational and that her dads will work everything out? I don't want to make her feel like she can't confide in me. I don't want to make her feel like I don't understand her and don't care.
"Okay," I mumble and stand up as well.
"Okay?" She raises her eyebrow at me.
"Yeah," I shrug my shoulders and grab the brush off my dresser. "Let me do your hair today."
"You want to do my hair…?" She looks at me like I just spoke a totally different language to her and it makes me want to laugh. "Like… style it? Why…?"
"Just sit down," I put my hand on her shoulder and make her sit back down on the edge of my bed. "Anything interesting happening today in school?"
"Not really," she shakes her head and I gently yank on her hair to remind her to be still. She huffs when I pull her hair, though. "I guess we're working on stuff for nationals in Glee Club, but that's about it. And we have that fire prevention assembly in fifth period."
"That boring one where they just put the PowerPoint on for an hour and let us basically go to sleep?" I brush her bangs back and away from her forehead. "That assembly?"
"Yep, that's the one."
"I always go to sleep. It never fails." I use the brush to make her hair as smooth as possible, then tie it back in a low ponytail. "Me and Mercedes lay on each other and are usually knocked out within the first ten minutes."
"I know," she laughs. "Remember the drinking and driving assembly we had during the first week of school? I was laying on Finn and then the next thing I know, boom. Sleep."
I wince at the mention of Finn's name, and I'm pretty sure she notices. Her laughter stops all at once when she realizes what she just said, and silence falls deaf between us. I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I can hear Finn's name and not feel like I want to throw up. I don't know if I'll ever be able to think of him and not picture the way he got to kiss her before me and love her longer than me. Maybe someday I'll be okay with him and Rachel's past together. But that day is not today.
"Sorry," she mutters and looks down. She pretends to be really interested in a ball of lint stuck to her sweater, but I know better. I know that she feels bad for saying what she said.
"It's okay," I rub her shoulder then fix a loose strand of her hair that I missed out on putting in the ponytail. I don't know if I really want to know the answer to the question I'm about to ask her… but I have to ask it. I HAVE to know. "Rachel?"
"What?" She stands up since I'm done with her hair and goes back to her bag in search of her toothbrush.
"Can I ask you something?" I sit down to prepare myself. "And you have to tell the truth. No matter what, you have to."
"Of course I'll tell you the truth," she puts her toothbrush down and starts to pack her nightclothes back into the bag. "Ask me anything."
"...Did you have sex with him?" As soon as the words roll off my tongue, I immediately regret asking. My stomach starts to ache and my palms are a little sweaty.
Rachel freezes in the middle of packing her clothes away. Her back is turned toward me, so I can't see her face. But I know for a fact that she's pale right now and probably has the look of sheer terror painted on her face. Her shoulders slouch when she takes a breath, and I already know my answer just based off that.
My stomach hurts a little more. And for some reason, I feel like crying. I feel like lying down with my head on my pillow and pulling the blankets over my head so I can cry, and I know it's weird of me to feel that way. I know I have no right to feel that way because what Rachel did before we started dating isn't my business. But still… I kind of wish I was the only one who had the honor of making love to her. It seems silly, I know. But I can't help thinking about the fact that she's the only person who ever made love to me. So why can't I be the same?
"That's not important, Quinn." She zips her bag and grabs her toothbrush before standing up. "I'll be back, I'm gonna go brush my teeth."
"You said that you'd answer! You said that you'd tell the truth!"
"Yeah, but that's a stupid question! Ask me something important, not something stupid. That's the stupidest question I've ever heard."
"Doesn't matter, you said you would answer it." I sigh hard, trying my best to brush away the sadness I actually feel from knowing my answer. "You did, huh? I kinda figured."
"You didn't figure anything because it didn't happen," she kind of snaps at me which really takes me aback. "Why do you want to know this stuff for? Huh, Quinn? What does it even matter?"
"It's the same reason you wanted details on me and Santana when I told you what we did. It's the same thing. I just need to know."
"No, okay?" She rolls her eyes at me.
"No?"
"No. I didn't have sex with Finn. Can you let it go now?"
"I know when you're lying to me, Rachel." I roll my eyes right back at her. "You can't look me in my eye when you're lying to me. And you get super defensive, too."
"Except I'm not lying," she laughs in that real sarcastic kind of way and as much as I feel like crying, I equally feel like I want to punch her. "I did not have sex with Finn."
"Did you do anything sexual at all with him, though?"
"Oh my god, Quinn! Does it matter?! It's in the past!" She keeps her hand on the door jamb like she wants to leave but I'm physically keeping her hostage or something. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?!"
"You know about me!" I feel like a seven-year-old with the way I just said that with so much whiny-ness behind it. "You know everything! But now you won't tell me about you? That's not fair, Rachel."
"Oh my GOD, fine!" She sucks her teeth and throws her head up to the sky. "It was just stupid stuff that we did. Okay?"
"Stupid stuff like what?"
"You know…" she looks down at the floor and her cheeks are flushed, so I can tell she's probably just embarrassed to admit. "Stupid stuff. Stuff that doesn't really count."
"So… what? You two went down on each other and you don't think it counts?" I can feel the anger bubbling inside of me, but I do a pretty decent job keeping it at bay because I don't think this needs to be an argument between us. I think we can discuss this calmly and rationally. "You don't think sucking him off is worth telling me about?!"
"I mean, of course I would tell you if that's actually what I did," she laughs in that sarcastic way again and she's really getting on my nerves. "You think you just have it all figured out."
"Then what did you do?! If that's not what you meant, then what did you mean?! Enlighten me."
"Use your frickin' imagination. You have it all figured out already, so just go with what you think. That's how little what me and Finn ever did matters to me."
"Okay, but it matters to ME, Rachel! It might not matter to you, but it matters to me. How would you feel if I told you that I did something with Finn, too? Back when we dated?" As soon as I say that, her face changes. She looks deeply uncomfortable now, and I know that I've got her right where I want her. "And I did something with Mercedes, too?"
"Mercedes?!" Her eyes get so wide that they basically pop out of her head. "You did WHAT?! Quinn, I will KILL you. Don't joke with me like that. I will HURT you, physically! That's not funny! You know how I feel about her, you know I have to basically fight her for everything! And I had to fight her for you in the hospital! That's not funny, that's CRUEL! You did something with her?! You —"
"No, I didn't. But how would you feel if I did and I didn't tell you?! It's the same thing! I just want to know!"
"That's not even funny! That's not even close to being funny, you can't joke with me like that! You —"
"So tell me what you and Finn did." I interrupt her with my matter-of-fact kind of tone. "If it wasn't oral, then what was it?"
"It was oral…" she mumbles and I spring up off my bed in complete disbelief.
"WHAT?! So you lied?! You —"
"I didn't lie! It wasn't me who did it, it was… the other way around. It —"
"So he went down on YOU. Great," I roll my eyes up to the ceiling and fight off the urge to cry again. I really do have Finn's sloppy seconds… "Jesus Christ…" I whisper to myself.
"Quinn," she sighs and rubs her hands along her face. "It wasn't anything though, okay? It wasn't fun, I felt uncomfortable, and he wasn't… you know… good at it."
"Oh, he wasn't? Gee, thanks for that mental image."
"Well you wanted to know!" She throws her hands up. "It was bad. Really bad. But I thought it was okay. I thought it was good."
"You can just stop now."
"No, let me explain," she walks over to me and grabs onto my hands. "I thought it was okay. Like I know some girls don't like it and so I thought I was just one of those girls, you know? Because it didn't feel great and I wasn't crazy about it. So I just assumed that I was one of those girls who preferred not to have that going on down there. But then you came along. And you did it. And then I realized that it wasn't me. I realized that it was him and he just really sucked at it. Because you did it and it was life changing."
"So you didn't do it back? You didn't do it to him, too?"
"No, God, no," she shakes her head fast. "He tried to get me to. He tried to pull that whole 'I did it so now it's your turn' but i was just like… no. That's not who I am. I couldn't do it. The whole idea made me want to throw up. He made me feel like I was an uptight prude or something and I guess maybe I thought I was too. Uptight and stuff, I mean. I thought I was just someone too shy to have sex. And I was tired of feeling like that, so we were making out one day and he tried to go further so I just let him. And one thing led to another and it led to that." She strokes my hands. "I'm not a prude, by the way. I just wasn't sexually attracted to him and it took me forever to realize that I'm only sexually attracted to you."
I hate how she can do this to me. She can make me so angry one minute and then feel like I'm floating on cloud nine the next. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel like I can't afford to lose her and knows exactly how to make me feel like I'm wanted by her. God, she's mesmerizing. She knows just how to make me realize what's worth fighting for and what's not…
"So," I smirk at her and shake my hands free from her grasp. "Are you telling me that I'm good?"
"I'm telling you that having sex with you made me realize why I hated being sexual with Finn," she mumbles, but grins back at me. "And I'm telling you that I love you."
"So… yes? I'm good in bed?" I frame my face with my hands just to make her laugh and I'm successful because she laughs hard and loud and it makes me forget that it's six in the morning. She grabs my hands again and I know we're about to kiss.
I forget that it's six in the morning for only five seconds, though. Because seconds later, Mom appears in the doorway of my bedroom and for the first time since she's been catching me and Rachel being physical together, I don't feel the overwhelming need to stop touching Rachel. I feel like I'm able to keep my hands interlocked with hers.
"I was just comin' to make sure you was up for school, Rachel," Mom says. "But then I heard that laughing and I figured you was both up."
"I'm almost ready, Mrs. Jones." Rachel replies, using her best fake polite voice. "Just have to brush my teeth."
"Mmkay," Mom nods once and looks at both me and her. "Quinn?"
"Yeah, mom?"
"Why ain't you getting ready for school?"
"I'm not…" I start but as soon as I start to speak, I realize what she's trying to say. She winks at me in a playful way and heads away from the door, leaving me to get dressed and ready.
I can't believe she's letting me go back to school today.
Let me just say right off the bat that I know it kind of makes me sound like a brat, so I apologize in advance. But I'm a little bit disappointed in everyone's reaction to me coming back to school… or lack thereof, shall I say. I wasn't expecting everyone to roll out the red carpet and play trumpets to announce my arrival, but I was kind of expecting something a little more than what I've gotten.
I hope it doesn't make me sound like a horrible person, but I kind of wish it was the old days when I would strut around in my Cheerios uniform and the crowds in the hallway would part like the Red Sea to make way for the one and only, Queen Quinn Fabray. I've been out of school for over a week and nobody's even batted an eyelash acknowledging that I'm back. In fact, I think someone might have bumped into me and stepped on my foot while I was at my locker after breakfast. It would be the only way to explain the large gray scuff on the toe of my white heels.
That's right. I even wore heels today because I was so sure that people would be staring, and I wanted to look my absolute best. I dug deep into my closet and found my powder blue blazer, and thought that it would look nice if I wore it buttoned up over my favorite white lace tank top. My skirt is dark brown with light brown swirly patterns all over it and my heels aren't extremely high, but they're high enough to make a statement. I even let Rachel use the wand to put a few curls in my hair.
I saw it all in my head before I even walked through the double doors. Hello everyone, I would say. Yes it is me, Quinn Fabray. I am back and ready to grace the halls of McKinley High with my presence again. What's that, you say? You heard I was hospitalized? Well, yes. The rumors are true. I was saved from certain death by one Mercedes Jones. Yes, I know I'm the strongest girl you know. Yes, I know I am an inspiration to you all. Now please, make room for me. I mustn't be late to my first period.
You see? I had it all planned out in my head, I knew exactly how the whole thing was going to go down. I even rehearsed for the way I'd smile when everyone was chanting my name. Shoulders back, eyes up and chin to the ceiling. Smile wide enough to show teeth, but not so wide that your eyes crinkle at the corners. Quinn! Quinn! Quinn! Quinn! Quinn! Everyone would chant and I would just wave.
Yeah, I had high hopes.
Okay so maybe I was expecting something a little dramatic. Maybe I was expecting a little too much. But shouldn't they be saying something…? Anything? Surely they noticed that I was gone for an entire week and a half… didn't they?
With my chemistry book in tow, I round the corner to my first period classroom and settle in to my empty seat near the front of the classroom. The rest of the class filters in around me and since I sit at the front of the classroom, I can't really see their eyes on me. I can't feel them staring at me either, so I'm not surprised when I do look up and find that everyone is acting as though it's a normal day. Even Mercedes, who sits a few rows away from me, just opens up her book to the current chapter and flips to a clean sheet of notebook paper.
I haven't even gotten a warm welcome back from Tina or Santana. Mercedes and Rachel didn't even stay with me in the cafeteria at breakfast. Mercedes rushed off to the library to go print her English paper off and Rachel had to go to the choir room and do something for Mr. Shue. I guess Santana was late today because I didn't see her in the cafeteria, but I saw her coming out of the office with a tardy slip as I was walking to my locker and I waved at her but she didn't wave back. Tina wasn't in the cafeteria for breakfast either. I know it sounds a little whiny and needy for a seventeen-year-old to feel this way, but I kind of wish they would make a bigger deal about me coming back. It feels like my friends don't care about me and maybe they're just trying to let me ease back into things, but I was kind of looking forward to the attention just a little bit.
The door shuts, so I know that class is about to start and while I am still a little bit bummed about the fact that nobody is reacting to me being here today, I am mostly just glad to be back in school and learning. So I follow Mercedes' lead and flip to chapter 12 of the book.
"Good morning, guys. Now we have our fire prevention assembly this afternoon and our periods are slightly shortened and we don't have much time, so I'm just going to jump right in. Now if you recall from yesterday, we started talking about carbon chains. And the thing we learned about just before wrapping up yesterday is that when carbons have long chains, they have very low reactivity," Mrs. Odenthal starts her teaching for the day and to my surprise, I'm not completely lost in the lesson. I know what she's talking about.
While she waits for us to write down the notes she has pulled up on the whiteboard, Mrs. Odenthal takes a sip of coffee from her red thermos and looks at me with a soft grin. She raises her eyebrows at me like she's saying "hello", and I just smile back.
And that's the extent of her "welcome back" to me.
New iMessage
Thursday, December 19
2:55 p.m.
RACHEL: Where are you?
RACHEL: You didn't forget about glee club did you?
ME: hallway. watson took us to the computer lab for last period, so i have to walk up from the basement. i'm on my way.
RACHEL: Okay! I was going to wait for you at your locker so I was jw. I'm going to head to the choir room now though. I'll save you a seat.
ME. okay.
I stuff my phone into the pocket of my blazer and use the railing to guide myself up the stairs. I would never admit this to anyone, but I don't think I was ready to come back to school.
Aside from being moderately disappointed that virtually none of my friends cared about me coming back to school today, I had a really busy day and even with me using the fire assembly to rest and take a nap, I still ended up finishing out my day being exhausted and wishing I had my pain medicine that I had to leave at home.
I sat with Rachel, Tina, Santana, Brittany and Mercedes at lunch today and everyone was eating the rigatoni that the cafeteria served today except for me. I tried to take one bite out of it, but the red sauce made my throat burn so bad that I almost started crying in front of everyone. I played it off like I just wasn't all that hungry, but Mercedes shot me a really weird look, so I tried to calm her nerves drinking some iced tea. The iced tea burned really bad too when all I've been drinking is chocolate milk and water at home lately. The iced tea burned so bad that my eyes watered, but I didn't want Mercedes to go home and tell Mom that I didn't eat my lunch. If Mom hears that I didn't eat, she'll hold me down and force food down my throat and I'm not in the mood for that, so I knuckled down and powered through the iced tea just to keep Mercedes at bay.
I still have glee club left to get through and all I want to do is go home. I'm really tired, I'm really hungry, I'm in a lot of pain and I don't think I'll be able to sing anyway. If I wasn't responsible for getting both Mercedes and Rachel home after glee club, I would just take my keys and go home so I can eat some of Mom's potato soup and drink my chocolate milk. I would go home and take a warm shower and go straight to bed.
But instead, I'm stuck playing chauffeur for my girlfriend and my best friend, so instead of going home, I'm opening up my locker and shoving my books inside so I can go to the choir room.
And I usually have a very strict rule against drinking from the water fountains in school because I find it to be disgusting and unsanitary, but water and milk are the only two things that don't hurt, and since I don't have access to milk…
I pin my hair back with my hand and lean down as I press the button with my torso. The water sprouts up into the air and I take a few long sips. Believe it or not, the water feels really good running down my throat. There's no sugar in it to burn me and no acid to make me want to cry. It's just pure, clean, filtered water and it feels like a full course dinner to my empty stomach right now.
I could probably stand here and drink every drop of water this fountain has to offer, but I don't want to be late to glee club on my first day back, so I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and head off in the direction of the choir room.
And I'm a few paces away from the door when I stop in my tracks because I see them walking in my direction, totally lost and wrapped up in one another.
At first it kind of scares me to see him, because I sort of forgot about him. For one marvelous week, I forgot that he existed and forgot that he was something else on my list of things that I have to deal with. He hasn't been in the back of my head, flying around like some sort of gnat that I can't seem to squish. He's been gone, erased from my conscience. So seeing him kind of takes me aback for a moment. And seeing her with him makes me shudder.
She has a genuine smile on her face and he has one on his, too. They look happy together… he looks happy with her and she looks happy with him. He makes her happy…
He leans down and kisses her right on the lips and she kisses him back, smiling through it like he's making her the happiest girl in the world. And I know, I know I can't fault Lauren Zizes for liking him because he very well might treat her with some level of respect that he never treated me with. He might have never done anything to her. He might treat her kindly, with courtesy and everything they do together could most certainly be done out of love. Maybe he was a monster to me. Maybe he is just the bad guy in my story.
Maybe… maybe on some level, he deserves to be happy just as much as I deserve it as well. And maybe someday, I can learn to accept that.
I keep my head down when I pass them. My head is down, facing the ground when I round the bend and trek my heels into the choir room. It's not until I'm actually in here that I realize how much I missed it. I miss the feeling of safety, unity and sheer calmness that washes over me as soon as I cross the threshold. Even though nobody in glee club really acknowledged me all day in school, I'm still happy to be here amongst them. So when I pick my head up and finally face everyone that I missed so terribly while I was out of school, I —
"WELCOME BACK, QUINN!"
I nearly jump out of my skin when they all scream in unison and my heart is thundering like someone just tried to kill me! Oh my god, I almost died… you can't scare me like that! You can't…
"Oh…" I whisper to myself and my voice kind of cuts out before I can actually say the "my god" part that I wanted to say. Tears sting the corners of my eyes and my jaw starts to tremble because they didn't forget about me. They didn't forget about me and they didn't ignore me…
The banner hanging from the ceiling shows that they didn't forget about me. It's made from the same roll of white paper the Cheerios use while making signs for the pep rally. And it looks like Rachel and Mercedes painted WELCOME BACK across it in pink and purple letters. I know it was Rachel and Mercedes who painted it because it's a mixture of both their handwriting used as the outline for painting. Is this where they went this morning during breakfast? Instead of printing out an English paper like Mercedes said? Is this what Rachel went to the choir room for?
When I feel like I have my tears under control, everyone in this room makes it that much harder for me to not cry because they all run over me. And they run over to me fast, too. Like… like maybe they've been waiting to hug me again. Like maybe they really are happy to see me and have me back in this room with them. Chairs flip over because everyone ran up with so much excitement, and people actually push their way to the front of the crowd. I'm not sure how I'm still standing on my feet. I'm not sure how the force of everyone ambushing me doesn't knock me over.
"We missed you!" I can hear Blaine's voice over everyone else's voice, which is kind of weird because he's not usually the loudest in the room.
Tears are rolling hot and thick down my cheeks and I want to open my mouth. I want to speak up and tell everyone thank you and I love them and that I missed them too, but every time I try to speak, words won't come out. Only more tears come out, so I give up on trying to say anything at all.
"It was literally so boring without you," Santana uses her elbows to force everyone away from me. "I kept looking to my right every time someone said something stupid — which is like, more than 100% of the time in here — and you weren't there. I was losing my mind."
"You know you can just admit that you missed me, Santana," I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her in for a more personal hug. "You can just say it. Say 'I missed you, Quinn.' It won't hurt."
"I'd rather shit in my hands and clap," she rolls her eyes at me, but counters it with a devious grin and God, I really did miss her.
"Allllllright, we've chocolate with vanilla frosting and vanilla with chocolate frosting!" Mr. Schue is the last one in the choir room, and he comes in balancing two trays of cupcakes on his hands like a waiter. "Sorry that they're mini cupcakes guys, it's all that the bakery had left since it was the end of the day."
"Ooh, I call dibs on all the vanilla frosting!" Brittany raises her hand high in the air and makes me laugh. I missed that goofball too. "I need it for toothpaste, so you kinda have to give it to me."
"You got me cupcakes?!" I use my thumbs to wipe my tears and walk over to Mr. Schue with outstretched arms. Even though he's not always the best person in the world and I don't always like him, he really does mean a lot to me. And I did miss him a whole lot.
"Of course! It's your first day back, if that's not cause for celebration, I don't know what is," he pulls me into a side hug and pats my shoulder. "Welcome back, Quinn. It sure was lonely in here without you."
"And sorry that it's not in an envelope," Tina approaches me next, and she has a giant piece of poster paper in her hands. "We couldn't find one big enough. Me, Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes tried."
"You guys…" I take the paper from their hands and open the giant homemade card up. All it says inside is "we love you and you're special" written in Mercedes' neat, loopy cursive handwriting. But in various colors and forms of pencil, pen and marker, everyone wrote little notes to me.
You don't understand how amazing it is to share the planet with someone like you. I love you forever and ever, babe. Never forget it. All of my love, Rachel.
To the most special person on the planet, thank you for being my best friend. Blood couldn't make us any closer. Love you to pieces girl. -Mercedes
I'm so glad we got as close as we did. I miss you so much and love you a ton. You're gonna pull through this stronger than ever! Love, Tina
Miss you tons in this choir room. Get better soon so we can rock it at nationals! From Sam
The world would be so much less glamorous without you. Feel better. We're all rooting for you. ~Kurt.
You already know how I feel about you. I don't like a lot of people but somehow I like you. Stay strong. -Santana Lopez
Get well soon Quinn. You are important to all of us and we need you here. Sincerely, Finn + Puck
I want to stand here and read everyone's sweet little messages to me, but I can't anymore. I can't stop crying and my vision is too blurry with tears, so I just close it and wipe my eyes hard so I can will myself to stop blubbering like a baby.
"Thank you so much," I sniffle and put the card on top of the piano for safekeeping. "You guys are so awesome," I look at each and every single person standing before me, even Puck. "I don't feel like I deserve this… you guys are incredible."
"We know you've had a rough time this past like, year and a half," Finn stands front and center and says, and I think it's really nice of him to address me so kindly when we've been unofficially fighting over Rachel since like September or something. "And we just want you to know that you're… like family or something."
"All jokes aside, you mean a lot to everyone in here, Quinn," Santana says next, and everyone is starting to filter away from me so I kind of feel like they're about to sing to me.
"We've been working on this ever since Mercedes told us that you were in the hospital," Blaine says. "And we finally get to sing it to you."
I nod my head and sit down in an empty seat. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to keep myself from falling apart and crying too much when they start singing.
"Maybe we're all different, but we're still the same. We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins." Finn starts the song and I feel goosebumps prickling up on my arms…
"I know sometimes it's hard for you to see. You're caught between just who you are and who you want to be." Kurt sings next and passes the song off to Blaine.
"If you feel alone and lost and need a friend. Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end…" Blaine sings and even though I've never heard this song, I know the chorus is coming..
"Welcome to wherever you are…" Everyone sings together and I really can't even describe how I feel. I don't have words for it. It's almost like being lifted up into the air and feeling weightless and supported by everyone around you. It's the purest form of feeling like you're with someone who cares. "This is your life, you made it this far. Welcome… you gotta believe that right here, right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Welcome… to wherever you are…"
Mercedes is up next to sing a portion of the song, and she's the only one to come over and give me a hug while she's singing. I squeeze her back as hard as I can.
"When everybody's in and you're left out…" she sings in her pretty pitch. "And you feel you're drowning in the shadow of doubt."
"Everyone's a miracle in their own way. Just listen to yourself, not what other people say…" Rachel bookends Mercedes' verse and I don't know how I've never realized how beautiful their voices sound together. "When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down… Remember everybody's different. Just take a look around…"
"Welcome to wherever you are," they sing the chorus again and this time… well… this time, I join in too. I stand up and start singing as best as I can even though my throat hurts. "This is your life, you made it this far. Welcome, you gotta believe that right here, right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be."
"Be who you wanna be… be who you are!" Santana handles the next part and I think she's going to share this with Brittany from the looks of it.
"Everyone's a hero… everyone's a star!" Brittany sings next.
"When you wanna give up and your heart's about to break…" To my surprise, I don't even feel like the moment is ruined when Puck starts to sing this next part.
"Remember that you're perfect… God makes no mistakes." Mr. Shue gets in on that last part.
"Welcome to wherever you are. This is your life, you made it this far. Welcome, you gotta believe that right here, right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And I say welcome…. I say welcome…
"To wherever you aaaare…" I sing the last part by myself.
And it doesn't even hurt my throat when I do.
A/N: Hey guys! Practicallyaprincess here! :) I just wanted to thank you for still reading and also apologize that it's been taking me a little longer than usual to get these last few chapters up. I'm trying as hard as I can to get them up quickly so I can really focus and get you guys to fall in love with my new story (The Keeper) because it's super unique and I think you guys are going to love it because it's unlike any other Faberry story I've ever seen in the fandom. So I'm really trying here, just bear with me. As some of you guys know that I write my chapters on my phone. I use the google docs app on my phone and write my chapters while I'm lying in bed at night, before I go to sleep. It's comfortable for me, but it's not practical for my hands I guess, because now I'm battling carpal tunnel syndrome that I might need surgery to correct, which sucks! haha. So anyway, that's why it's been taking me a little longer than usual. My fingers go numb sometimes and it's getting harder for me to type my chapters. I'm going to have to start using my laptop! Lol. I just wanted to keep you guys in the loop and informed about the delay between chapters.
Thanks guys! All The Best is still almost over! :(
~ Raechelle. (me and Rachel share a name. It's pronounced like Rachel, actually :b )
