Unloading Baggage
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
As year-ending events went, the train ride back to London tended to be rather anticlimactic. It had been so the first year and was even more so the second year.
Iris had been silently conscious of the impending separation and change that summer would bring, but the reality of the situation hadn't really set in until the taxi driver helped her and Shirou load their luggage into the trunk.
Now that all pleasantries were behind them, the first of the obvious changes was taking place with Shirou transitioning from his part-time student persona into his full-time researcher persona. As their car navigated the London streets, he was already perusing a book about various forms of magical transportation and all the ways they casually violated physics.
This suited Iris just fine as she sat quietly in the back of the car. The parting at King's Cross Station had left her feeling melancholy and bitter.
Seeing each person's family come out of the crowd to embrace their child and take them away was perhaps one of the loneliest moments in Iris's life. Nothing drove home her status as an orphan like having every single person she knew borne off ensconced in familial love, leaving her to wait for parents that would never arrive.
Sure, her friends' parents were nice to her, but it really, really wasn't the same thing. And in some ways simply drove the knife deeper.
Hermione's mom had pulled Iris in for a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a promise to invite her over soon. Hermione's dad reached over to ruffle her hair, an action that conveyed just as much familiarity and affection as his wife's more intimate efforts. But, when all was said and done, they left the station, and they left her behind.
Rin and Sakura's parents greeted her and thanked her for caring for their daughters. Yet, every word they said carried a somewhat distant, formal tone similar to what Rin had employed before a traditional Japanese breakfast had enticed her into their misadventures.
Luna introduced them all to her father, Xenophilius Lovegood, who Iris had only met through correspondence before. He was… exactly as Iris had pictured him when reading his articles and letters. Old and eccentric. In fact, he looked much, much older than his age would suggest. He looked like he might have been just short of Dumbledore's age, when he was actually only a bit older than Hermione's parents.
His eccentricity made him seem standoffish, even with his own daughter. However, the knowing smiles they shared and nearly indecipherable babble they used to speak to each other showed the closeness of their relationship, even if Xenophilius did forget what year Luna was in.
He did make a number of offers to publish articles for her again, but Iris was pretty sure that was motivated more by sales figures than affection for his daughter's friend.
The arrival of Illya's parents had been a different kind of experience from the rest.
Irisviel had arrived in a flurry of motion and had been quick to entrap both Iris and Illya in a tight hug. While still holding onto the two of them, she'd then complained piteously about Shirou dodging her attempt to hug all of them.
While still holding them, she'd turned to Iris and casually blurted out words that had turned everything upside down.
"Iris!" Her eyes had practically shone with honesty and enthusiasm as she spoke. "If you don't have plans, do you want to come stay with us for the summer? Or maybe forever?" She let out an excited noise and hugged them closer. "You two are so cute!" She gasped and released the two of them from the hug so that she could clap her hands in front of her face. "I know! We should go shopping together! The two of you—"She was cut off by Kiritsugu putting his hand down on her shoulder.
"If you don't let her talk, you'll never hear her reply." His tone was dry, and could have easily been misinterpreted as somewhat scathing, but Iris had been around him enough to know that the man just didn't have a very large range of expression. Irisviel turned towards him and puffed up her cheeks in an exaggerated pout, causing the ghost of a smile to flicker across Kiritsugu's face.
"Her offer was genuine, by the way." Kiritsugu turned to regard Iris with something that might be regarded as warmth, assuming it was already a very, very cold day. "It's not the castle either, so you wouldn't have to worry about the rest of the family."
Irisviel nodded emphatically and spread her arms, as if inviting Iris into another hug. "It'll be so much fun." Her smile turned slightly wry. "I'm sure I could even find the time to teach you how to put on and take off your own makeup."
As she sat in the cab, remembering, Iris raised a hand to her face and trailed her fingers down her cheek. Feeling the location where, six months ago, a woman helped her take off makeup for the first time. It had probably been the most motherly action anyone had ever taken towards her, and it had been done by someone that Iris sorta, kinda, somewhat hated, at the time.
Her relationship with Irisviel was a bit complicated.
And, Iris actually did have plans, so, it wasn't entirely spite and complicated feelings about the Einzberns that motivated her to turn them down. Unfortunately, it certainly hadn't brought her any joy to unleash those feelings and watch the excitement in Irisviel's eyes dim down into sorrowful melancholy.
An uncomfortable feeling had been swimming in her stomach ever since, so, if Shirou wanted to wrap himself in books and pass the cab ride in silence, Iris was perfectly willing to let that happen.
Instead, she let her herself passively take in the scenery that rushed past outside as she sank into a light meditation so she could examine her mother's protections within her.
What she saw was troubling.
As she approached the two year mark of having been away from her relatives, the rate of the protection's decay had surged. For most of the year, she'd been able to keep them in good order by maintaining them every couple of days, and eventually daily. Now though, she was barely keeping them stable by maintaining them twice a day.
The point where it would be unfeasible to maintain them was approaching fast, and then she would lose them.
It wasn't even a question of protection from Voldemort, as Dumbledore had warned her of again this year. Anyone coming after her, especially during the summer, would have to go through Shirou. Iris had considerable doubts about anyone pulling that off. Not to mention, the Invisibility Cloak provided her with the ultimate escape tool, or the ultimate retaliation tool.
But, the protections were the last thing her mother had ever given her. When faced with Voldemort, her mother had literally sacrificed her life to give the protections to Iris. By letting them burn out before they were supposed to, Iris felt like she was belittling that sacrifice.
Her mind reached out and brushed against the protections again. As she touched them, she was filled with a sense of warmth and protection. When she'd first touched them, she hadn't known what that warmth was supposed to be. However, after extended exposure to Hermione and Mrs. Granger, she'd come to understand just what that warmth was.
Touching the protections within herself was perhaps the closest she would ever come to hugging her mother.
And she was going to lose it.
It was going to wear out eventually. She knew this. Shirou had given her a rough timeline based on his relatively limited ability to Grasp human bodies. Dumbledore had given her a more precise date, letting her know that the protections would last until the day she turned seventeen. This connection to her mother was never meant to be permanent, but now it was going to expire four whole years early. And it was going to expire because of her choice.
Not for the first time, Iris wondered if it would be better to go back to the Dursleys.
It had been nearly two years since she'd been back, and a traitorous part of her mind was convinced that it hadn't been as hellish as she remembered. And even if it had been, perhaps it was still worth going back for the sake of keeping her mother's warmth with her for four more years.
Then, she remembered the cupboard under the stairs. Her haven and her prison for her entire life with the Dursleys.
A shudder ran through her body and she tried to avoid thinking about it. This wasn't the first time the thought had appeared in her head, but, even if she couldn't avoid thinking about it, she could at least put off making a decision. After all, the protections weren't going to collapse right away.
She glanced around, trying to find something to distract her from her more morbid thoughts.
To her side, Shirou was engrossed in a book, with a small notebook open to the side for note taking.
In her lap, she held onto Hedwig's cage. The owl inside reflected its master's mood and sat solemnly with her eyes closed. That, or Hedwig had finally decided to act like a nocturnal creature, and was sleeping now. Either way, the bird simply sat in her cage, ignoring the numerous glances the taxi driver had sent towards her since the start of the ride.
Outside her window, she watched a car being towed by and it reminded her of a particular annoyance from the start of the year.
Iris grasped onto the errant thought like it was her last hope of survival.
"I wonder what ever happened to—" she cut herself off, wondering if saying his name would inadvertently summon him. "I wonder what happened to that House Elf that was bugging us last summer?"
Shirou looked at her in confusion, his thoughts clearly still occupied by whatever he was working on. This lasted for all of a second before his eyes widened as he realized that they were in a taxi and the last time they'd heard from that particular elf he'd blown the tires on their vehicles multiple times.
He began to look around, as if he might be able to perceive the invisible elf before he ruined their day. "I don't know. But I'll definitely have to talk to the Einzberns about what we can do to make sure he can't get into our new place."
Iris leaned back in her seat and double checked her seatbelt, just in case the car came to a sudden, tire-less stop. "I wonder what the whole 'Danger in Hogwarts' thing was about too…. Do you think he knew about Lockhart?"
Shirou gave her a disbelieving look. "Or maybe the basilisk."
At this point, the cabbie, who had been listening with half an ear, scoffed and stopped paying attention to the imaginative children with strange pets in the back of his car.
Iris's lips formed into a small circle. "Ohhhh~ Huh? Would you really consider that a threat big enough to keep me out of the school?"
"Isn't it considered a 5-X rank beast?"
"Well, yeah, but so is a dragon, and no one tried to keep me out of school last year. And dragons aren't instantly killed by rooster noises."
Shirou rested his cheek against his hand and smirked at her. "I think you may have been spending too much time around Hagrid and his creatures."
"Thanks, Rin." Iris rolled her eyes.
Shirou smiled at her jab. "Well, we'll have to see if something interferes with your mail again this summer." Even as he responded to her, his gaze was invariably dragged back to his book.
"Be sure to hold onto him this time." Iris attempted to smile, only for it to fall from her face when Shirou only hummed in agreement, no longer engaged in the conversation.
Wilting slightly, Iris turned back to her window, trying to find distraction in the world flying past.
"Are you alright?" Shirou's voice snapped her attention back to him. This time, he had put his book down and was looking at her with more intensity.
"Yeah." The muscles of her face complained as she strained to smile despite every iota of her existence not wanting to do that. This wasn't an issue she could bring up to Shirou. He'd already put himself at risk by living with her when she hadn't gone back to her relatives. Even suggesting that she might go back there felt like it was an insult to the risks he'd taken for her sake.
He also had his own issues to work on. Every minute he spent coddling her was a minute he could be spending trying to get back to his own home and the people he loved.
Not knowing of her internal struggle, Shirou simply raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing her answer.
Iris silently cursed at him. He couldn't figure out the feelings of all the girls who obviously fawned over him, but he could immediately tell when she was lying. Out loud, she tried to sell another story. "I miss everyone already."
"We'll see Hermione soon," he reassured her with a smile.
"True." Iris smiled more naturally at the thought, which would hopefully help sell her lie. "But everyone else is in different countries, and we probably won't see them until the end of the summer."
"I see…" Shirou's lips pressed together into a thin line.
"It's not a big deal." Iris immediately tried to backpedal at seeing Shirou's distraught expression. "I'm just so used to seeing them all the time. It's weird to think that I won't see them for awhile. I'll get over it soon."
Shirou watched her for another moment, his eyes evaluating her. "… If you're sure." It was clear that, while he wanted to help her in some way, he wasn't quite sure what he could do about it. Still, the way he spoke, you'd think teeth were being pulled out of his mouth instead of words.
"I'm sure."
Shirou spent another few seconds evaluating her before he finally gave up and went back to reading his book.
Quiet once again settled between them, and Iris felt no need to break it and potentially invite his scrutiny again. Instead, she went back to staring out the window and tried to sort through the worrying thoughts that swam through her head.
