It was odd being on missions with him again and not being able to hold his hand. They'd been on mission for a month now. It was becoming a day to day routine to fire at Hydra agents.

On the way to their next Hydra base, the truck that was taking them there jittered up and down and their shoulders bumped together. He breathed in deeply, resting his head on the back of the truck in deep concentration.

He was nervous. Bucky never showed he was nervous before a mission. At least not in the time that Bea knew him. This was pre winter soldier – she had to remind herself – this was a completely different man.

"It's going to be fine," She tried to comfort him but he still looked like he was about to be sick. She wished she could tell him that she was from the future and that she knew today wasn't the day he went down. No trains were where they were heading. He was safe.

For now.

Taking down the Hydra base was easy enough. With a few well-placed bombs. Well aimed shots and a Bucky covering them all from a higher position.

Every time they broke down the gates of a Hydra base the men would start firing, whilst Bea pulled out the energy reader on her wrist, to check if the Tesseract was nearby. Every time it would prove fruitless and the little dash of hope she had would be lost. She'd been here weeks now and her picture of Brooke was beginning to wear with the amount of times she'd opened and closed it.

"I tell you one day we'll come face to face with Hilter himself!" Dum Dum Dogan cheered drunkenly after another successful mission. His drink sloshing down his clothes.

The sparks of flames sparkled into the night sky and the Howling commandos circled the fire to keep warm. Snow melted across the forest floor and Bea hugged herself tighter to keep out the cold. She'd never been one for camping – she much preferred the crisp sun and sunbathing on a beach compared to the cold murkiness sleeping on the floor offered.

She sipped the whiskey Dogan had given her. The taste unbearable, but it kept her insides warm at least. She'd kill for a cup of tea right now.

"One day Dogan, one day!" The men cheered around him.

"I tell you, we're going to go down in history for this." How right he was, "and Beatrice! Gosh darn you were incredible out there. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

She rose her cup in thanks to him and smiled, "and here I was thinking you supported me coming along from the start, Dogan."

"Well I was never going to say no to a beautiful woman, was I?" She giggled at that. Dogan was not one to shy away from some flirtatious banter but she knew he never meant it seriously. She'd heard him talk dearly about a woman he had at home waiting for him.

"and I'm sincerely sorry I doubted you at the start," Falsworth apologised in his extreme British accent that always sounded like he was putting it on, "After seeing how you shoot, I have no intention of getting on your wrong side – here, as a fellow English person where are you from and why have we not met before?"

"I haven't lived in England in years I'm afraid."

"She lives in Brooklyn," Bucky added with a tight smile.

Steve lifted his head, "You do?"

"Yeah."

Steve looked back and forth between herself and Bucky before finally settling on the fire, a knowing smile threatening to break off the ends of his lips. Beatrice wondered what they were thinking-

"When this war is over, we're going to go back to England and I'm going to marry you!" Falsworth proposed drunkenly slurring over his words. She knew it was only the alcohol talking and with the whiskey pumping through her own veins she raised her flask and giggled an agreement. Her mind stirring with laughter.

"If we get out of this alive, for sure I will!"

"I'm engaged, my friends!"

Dogan chuckled, "Don't you already have a wife?"

"Ah well. Shit."

Falsworth collapsed soon after. His snores ricochet off the trees and face planted deep in the snow. The liquid that was left in his flask stained the fluffy white cloak laying the forest floor. Steve was the only one with any sense to grab him by his feet and drag him to a bed roll before he froze to death.

"Want another drink, Steve?" Bea offered her flask to him, "I probably should stop drinking before I agree to another marriage proposal."

Steve took it and swigged it in one. He gagged at the taste, "I don't know why I bother. I can't get drunk."

Oh.

Oh right.

She'd forgotten about that.

"How come?" She played dumb.

"It's the serum. My metabolism is too fast."

"Yeah," Bucky stared at his empty flask, "I'm not feeling much from this either. Guess I'll take first watch then. You guys should get some sleep – missions not over yet."

Bucky took his gun with him, and left the bubble of camp. She'd just watch him drink a whole flask of whiskey and still felt nothing – of course he had no idea that the serum was already in his own system.

She got up to follow him but almost stumbled into the fire as she wobble when she stood. Steve barely caught her.

"You should probably get some sleep," Steve encouraged, guiding her to her own bed roll and making sure she lay down safely.

"Thank you Stevie," She smiled happily, "For letting me come join."

"Don't mention it. Just get some rest."

*~It started with Pizza~*

She really hated camping. The crooks of the forest floor edged into her back like pine cones were literally under her arse. Wiggling into a better position didn't help as if she slept on her back she had the blare of the moonlight slashing across her eyes, and she felt much safer on her side where she could easily reach her gun.

Not that she needed to be worry. Bucky should still be keeping watch – Bucky?

Groggily she opened her eyes and aimed her sight at where she remembered Bucky sitting when she had closed her eyes. He was still there but his back turned to her and he looked to be carving something into the tree beside him.

The warmth of the fire was slowly dying away and she was hesitant to leave the cocoon of her sleeping bag. It's okay. I'll just get up and keep the sleeping bag around me – The whiskey was talking for her as she attempted to balance carefully whilst keeping the covers around her.

Bucky must have heard her shuffle as he turned to face her. His gun raised but he dropped it immediately when noticing it was only Beatrice.

"What the hell are you-"

She only took one hop and forgot about the foot of snow they were currently staying in. With no free arms to catch her, her whole body toppled straight into the snow. Suddenly all she could see was a white mound of earth in her face and a prickly cold sensation tingling on her cheeks.

"Beatrice!"

"Shit that's cold," She shivered. Bucky hooked an arm under hers and hauled her up. "I- I was just trying to stay warm but come and sit with you too and- and I tripped and n-n-now we're here."

"Whiskey really hit you hard, hey?"

Wiping her mouth, the alcohol still felt like it was staining her lips, "I don't drink very often truthfully. If I did, I have a fear I'd become a full time alcoholic."

He chuckled that sweet laugh again. She could listen to it all night but he took her arm and tried to steer her around, "Take my sleeping bag over there."

"What about you?"

"I'm keeping watch."

"We're meant to take it in turns."

He shrugged, "I figured you could all use the rest. I'm not that tired anyway." But a sudden and well-timed yawn betrayed him, "not that tired."

She'd offer to swap with him now but her head was still dizzy and some trees looked like they were doubling. If she looked at Bucky at a certain angle the edges of his head became a weird blur – yes, she was too drunk to keep watch and Bucky knew it.

"I'd rather keep you company than go back to sleep," She said, reminding herself why she even got up in the first place, "and I could use the company before I accidently stumble myself into the fire."

"Well if it keeps you from hurting yourself I suppose it wouldn't be too bad," he jested, even guiding her to sit down next to him. She was stable enough to manage but didn't stop him.

God she missed him.

Maybe it's her still drunk state or the fact every time she looked into his blue eyes, she felt blessed. Lucky. Grateful she even had the time to do so, but she wanted to learn everything about this version of him. He was still the same man she was in love with but he had memories her Bucky couldn't hope to retain.

She knew her Bucky still didn't remember everything from his past. Maybe this was the time to get to learn so when she got back and found her Bucky again, she could tell him – or at least that's what she told herself.

Really, she just missed him.

But in this very second, she couldn't think of any topic to talk about.

"Where did you learn to shoot a gun like that," Bucky saved her from stilted silence with a question about herself. She didn't really feel like talking about her past when the answer to his question was; Bucky Barnes taught me how to shoot a gun.

She couldn't exactly answer that, could she?

"Brooke's father," She settled on finally, not able to bring herself to lie, "he was a soldier."

Bucky looked off into the distance with a complex look on his face. She couldn't understand it. She wasn't used to Bucky showing this much emotion on his face, it was almost overwhelming.

"I'm sorry he left you like he did."

"You shouldn't be. It's not your fault," she whispered and he gave her a curt nod. He had no idea how much she meant those words.

It wasn't his fault.

How could it be his fault?

"Can I ask you something?" His head whipped around to face her and she nodded quickly, "you don't talk about him like you hate him. He left you and you still sound like you… love him?"

"It wasn't his fault he… disappeared." How was she going to explain this? "He just – he loved me," She shrugged like it was nothing, but the feelings she'd pushed down in her chest for the past five years swam to the surface like an avalanche had suddenly struck down on them, "I don't even know why. I was nothing important and he was… he was… the best person I knew. He'd gone through so much, and still wanted to do good despite it and all I wanted was him to be happy. I don't know if I managed that. I hope he was…" before he disappeared right in front of you, "I think he was."

His face, much older than the one beside her came at the forefront of her mind. The haze of a distant memory and she no longer saw the forest in front of her, but they were standing in the middle of a Wakanda hallway. He smiled at her, pulling her close Bucky said, "You sure? It's not too late to get your butt down to a safety zone"

"Together or not at all remember," She had whispered in response. A smile she barely recognised blazing across her face.

She remembered this conversation.

"You're going to be distracting… вы выглядите жарко в этом снаряжении," his eyes were danced with happiness. His fingers wrapped around the cloth on her waist. She remembered the look in his eyes.

Happiness.

"You made a mistake teaching me Russian," Bea had flirted back. She could feel the redness of her cheeks. She enjoyed it but she always felt embarrassed flirting in public, "It used to be cute when I couldn't understand what you were saying…продолжайте говорить так, и позже вам повезет"

"that better be a promise," Bucky had winked. Oh how she loved him-

Bucky nudged her shoulder and the snowy white forest came back into her view, "How could anyone not be happy being with you?"

… Maybe he was happy.

She hugged herself tighter.

"You know you never answered me before," she quirked an eyebrow, "You never told me whether there was someone special waiting for you at home."

He suddenly coughed on air, "I did never answer you, you're right."

A moment stalled between them.

"Are you going to answer me now?"

"I – No. No there's no one at home waiting for me," He tinged a colour red… was he… was he embarrassed? "I usually just try and have fun, but… you know how it is, this war has made me realise how precious life is and hearing all those men back there talk about how much they miss their wives. Just makes me feel like I'm missing out on something great. You know?"

So, he'd never been in love before? – No, he never said that. He just said there was no one waiting for him currently.

Why did that fill her with a sense of joy? God she was heartless – she should want him to be happy. But the jealous green monster inside of her refused to admit that Bucky could have loved someone else before her.

Don't ask it, Bea… Don't ask.

"Have you ever been in Love?"

Bucky breathed out a laugh, "Never been that lucky I guess. Anyway, I'm still young. Give me time."

"Twenty-seven…" She scrunched her nose up, "Hm. I don't know… you're getting on a bit."

Oh, she was enjoying this. For the first time in her life, she was older than he was.

"Oh, am I?" Bucky raised his eyebrows challengingly, "and what does that make you if I'm old? Ancient? You're basically an old maid now, right?"

"Ouch," She touched her heart in mock-offense, "You hurt my very core with that one."

"Don't clutch your heart too tightly. You might have a heart attack. Old maid."

"An old maid who can still pull off a mini-skirt," She winked.

"Yes you can."

She paused, and the silence of the night filled the space between them. She could feel his shoulders leaning against hers. Somehow they'd moved closer together.

He didn't deserve to fall off that train and have Hydra ruin his whole life. He didn't deserve to lose everything he knew – his family, his friends to serve a hate filled organisation that made him believe he was a monster.

What he did deserve was to get out of this war, go home to Brooklyn, settle down and have a family. That was the simple life they always dreamed about. Even in the future, Bea couldn't offer him that. Together they had spent their life running from the law, hiding under protection and the closest thing to the illusion of a simple life as they could muster but it was still all an illusion.

This Bucky didn't deserve any of that. He deserved the real thing.

Not some illusion.

"Any girl would be lucky to be loved by you Bucky Barnes," She said finally.

"One day, maybe…"

One day.

But he gazed at her softly, and she knew he didn't believe her.

A/N As you can see, double upload this week. I'm going to start uploading on a Wednesday also. I've just finished writing Endgame which is probably why I want to get through it.

I'm actually really happy with this chapter. I thought it would be hard getting the two of them to connect and get to know each other again as usually making two characters realistically 'fall in love' so it feels natural is really had, but really I find the two of them together so easy to write and think I'm doing okay so far. What do you think (feel free to be brutally honest)

Reviews:

NeoMulder: It's actually so sad writing Bucky and Beatrice interact at the moment because one half doesn't even understand the impact of the things he's saying. It's killing me. Haha, but yes… as a responsible adult I should really tell you to get on with your homework.

SilverIce523: Thank you so so much for reviewing! I love it when new people find my story. With the whole Tony dying and granpa Steve, I will spoil that I'm not technically going to CHANGE any of that but at least in the case with Steve, it's going to make a lot more sense for him to go back because at least for me, when watching Endgame I hated how Steve spent all that time saving Bucky and then just ditched him and then went back to a time period where he was still under the ice. I'm hoping at least, you guys won't hate what I have planned for that storyline… thanks so much for reviewing! It made my day.