The trek back to Headquarters took literal days. If it wasn't for the fact that they had decided to get to this particular Hydra base on foot without any of the trucks or bikes to remain completely hidden it might not have taken so long.

Frostbite was soon taking over her feet as she trenched through four foot worth of snow, whilst helping carrying Falsworth on a stretcher. Not that the boys allowed her to help carry it – something about it being disrespectful if they let her help carry a man. Whilst initially put off by the clearly sexist insult (she could see Bucky trying to hide a snigger as he waited for her have an outburst and give Dugan a lecture) she also really didn't want to carry the stretcher; her energy being lost in the day through the mile-long trek.

Mostly, she tried to stay away from Bucky.

But she really didn't want too.

She wanted to take to talk to him endlessly. Tell him all of her secrets and worries and stop the lying. Kiss him senselessly. Warn him about the freight train and Hydra.

It didn't help she kept catching him staring at her and he would have to awkwardly look away with a blush. How she would also blush, and smile at the affectionate look he passed her when he thought she wasn't looking.

But the basic truth was… they couldn't have a future. Not here. Not in this time. Not ever.

She was lying to him.

What would her Bucky say? She couldn't sleep at night trying to work out whether by kissing this Bucky, she was cheating on her Bucky. They were the same person, but different. It hurt her head in the end and she fell asleep with guilt staling her mind.

Most of the time her days passed thinking about Brooke. She kept reaching into her bag to pull out her picture, and gulping back tears when she found it wasn't there. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember what Brooke's face looked like. How she smiled. She would smile too when she remembered it, but her facial features were slowly slipping from her mind. She was sure she could never forget what Brooke looked like completely but certain details like the light freckles on the tip of her nose or how her ears pointed out ever so slightly over her hair, were getting less and less distinct.

And it terrified her.

What she really needed was a cigarrete, but their supply had gone dry before Beatrice had even got the chance to have one. Even if they were still there, it would feel way too odd smoking so obviously in front of Steve when she'd gotten so used to him lecturing her about it.

"Whose idea was this again?" Dugan loudly complained from the front of the group as he made a path for them to all follow, his huge form waving a path for them through the snow, "I'm soaking from the cold."

"Next time we'll bring the truck."

Dugan huffed, "No idea is ever good if it requires walking a distance."

"We're only a few days walk away now." Steve told them. The snow was beginning to lesson and it was making it easier to carry Falsworth by hand. The men might even let Beatrice help carry him, soon enough. "And it was Falsworth's idea."

"Well I can hardly blame him. He got shot."

Falsworth laughed as he lay down comfortably. Now the medication had kicked in, his groans of pain were few and far between, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"It's official, you are no longer allowed to come up with ideas."

Their banter continued back and forth for the next hour. Sometimes Beatrice would find herself listening but not joining, as if she pretending to watch one of the Howling Commandos famous propaganda videos. Then she was snap out of it when someone called her name, remembering she was actually walking beside them and not watching through a television screen.

"Beatrice, you happy to be going back to camp?"

She shrugged and teased, "means less time with you boys. Sounds wonderful"

"What's our next move after Headquarters?"

"I don't know," Steve considered for a moment, "I'll update Colonel Phillips and see if he has any updates on where Hydra are moving and we'll go from there."

"You're a terrible leader," Bucky teased, "you don't even know where you're taking your team next."

"Give me a break. I'm new at this."

Beatrice watched from the side-lines, smiling at their natural banter. This was Steve and Bucky before the world tries to force them apart. Their laughs came so naturally and weren't layered in years of fighting a never-ending war.

An hour passed of continuous walking and without any disturbance when Steve planted his feet on the ground where the snow was beginning to diminish, looked at the falling sky and decided, "We'll stay here tonight."

Glad they weren't trying to sleep in four feet worth of snow anymore, Bea settled Falsworth's bags down and began to help with the camp set up. Starting a fire. Checking they were alone. Laying down sleeping bags. She still hated it, but camping wasn't as bad as she first thought it would be.

"Bucky, Beatrice. Do you want to check make sure the area is secure before we put anything else down?" came the voice of Steve Rogers in an overly suggestive tone. She frowned and saw Steve prodding Bucky in the back towards her and winking – actually winking – at him.

A nervous bundle of butterflies started to flutter in her stomach. Anxiously, she tapped her foot waiting for Bucky to follow her and go 'secure the area'. Steve knew they were safe. They hadn't come across another person for miles and she highly doubted that by circling where they would be sleeping, they would come across a stray Hydra agent who had followed them all this way. Sometimes she wanted to punch Steve Rogers – she knew what he was doing.

Her and Buck hadn't been alone together since their kiss. She couldn't be trusted to be alone with him. All rational thoughts would leave her head. Her mission forgot. Her Bucky forgotten.

"You ready?" Bucky knocked his knees at her side. A slight tremor in his voice.

She really wasn't, but nodded nevertheless.

They both tried to ignore the giggles of the men behind them as they walked off with only each other and their guns strapped around their wait. She half wondered what Bucky told them and if this was normal? Her first relationship with Bucky had been kept between the two of them. Which was probably due to the fact he was considered a terrorist and deadly assassin by literally everyone.

The teasing. The knowing looks. The edging for them to be alone together. It was all new to her and she didn't particularly enjoy the attention.

"Sorry about them."

Purposefully, she faced her back to him. She really couldn't face him right now, "it's alright… let's just secure the area and we can…"

"Did I do something?"

Did he do something? No of course he didn't. He was perfect. Perfect in every single way. How could she be mad at him? In an effort to remain looking away from him, she paced off, her shoulders heaved up and down with extra effort to emphasis her frustration. She wanted something to be wrong, just to make it easier.

She spun and almost bumped into his chest, not realising he'd been following her so closely as she stormed away but she couldn't let this detour her. She needed to do this. She needed to not lead him on. Not to let him get hopeful for a future. This was the good thing to do. The right thing.

"Is… is this some sort of joke you boys all have?" Bea practically stuttered out, trying to force out anger that didn't even reach the tip of her tongue, "to- to… to get me out here. Make out. Then you can go back and tell everyone. Clearly Steve and the others know that we had a moment!"

Bucky jutted to a stop behind her. The colour draining from his face, like he'd been stabbed with her words.

"Do you really think that low of me?"

She couldn't bare to have him look at her with such hurt. "No." She exclaimed quickly, taking it all back, "I don't. I could never. I- I…" Why did she have to open her bloody mouth? "I think the world of you, Bucky."

Bravely, Bucky stepped forward and took her hand in his own. His hands, warm and soft, felt like a bliss in the cold air. "Then what's wrong?"

"N-nothing," She urged, wishing nothing had been said and they could go back to the gang, sleep and forget anything had even happened. Maybe she'd wake up back in her bed at the Avengers base, waiting for a text from her mum about Brooke. Not this complicated mess she had tangled for herself. "nothing's wrong at all."

Bucky sent her a doubtful stare and squeezed her hands reassuringly. "I haven't said anything other than to Steve, because he's my best friend. The others are just guessing, mainly because I don't think I'm very good at hiding my feelings for you but I can try. If that would make you feel better. And I wasn't bragging when I told Steve, either. You know what I did tell him? I told him I met this beautiful woman who made my heart race more than any girl I've ever met and how I want this war to be over, so I can take you on the highest rollercoaster and ask you to be mine." He smirked, "and maybe I was bragging a little, but how can I not when it's you that's next to me."

Stunned, her whole body froze in place like he'd struck her with a paralysing dart. The thoughts that did follow weren't ones she needed to be thinking. She was a fool to think she could break his heart without breaking her own.

In a fleet to get rid of the hurt puppy look from his face, and erase the words she had just spoken in an attempt to turn him away from her, she grabbed his jacket and tugged him towards her. Their lips connecting and she fuelled into it, five years of missed birthdays, missed anniversaries, the birth of their child, their wedding. Five years of missed memories.

Taken of guard, Bucky paced a few steps back, hitting a tree. But she didn't let him go and he didn't want her too. His hand reached around the back of her head keeping her in place-

A sudden cold splat of snow was egged in her face. Like a scorching sting, she flinched backwards, shaking the remains of snow from her face.

"What the bloody hell?" She exclaimed, her voice raising an octave as she did a dance trying to become snow free. Hearing Bucky's boyish chuckle, she looked up and glared at the culprit. "May I ask why you just threw a snowball at me?"

"For making me worry," He teased, sticking his tongue out.

Choosing to play along, she slammed a hand on her waist and pouted. "That wasn't very nice."

"Wasn't it?" He began to bounce another snowball in his hand. Bea's eyes widened in fear and she dived for cover. The snowball missed her by a breath, hitting the trunk behind her.

"Oh! you are so on!"

Taking her gun off from around her waist, she reached down and scrunched up snow in her hands. The mittens Dugan had made for her seeped the cold onto her finger tips but she didn't mind as she peered up from her cover and found Bucky had disappeared behind a tree.

"You can't hide forever!" She leapt up, seeing his arm poking behind one and running around to get a better angle.

"You think?" he lunged around the tree and tackled her to the ground. She was just able to slam a face full of snowball onto him before her back landed on a soft pile of snow, that felt like she was laying on a cloud. Bucky pecked her twice over, missing her mouth as she teased him trying to get another snowball together in her hands. But before she could manage to scrunch one up, Bucky gripped her hands and pinned them down.

His lips curved upwards and her heart fluttered at the beautiful sight. It didn't help they were barely an inch apart. She could feel his breathe tingling against her mouth. "You doing me dirty, Richardson?"

"Would I ever?"

With no more snowballs being thrown about, Bucky captured her lips. Despite the screaming in her mind telling her how wrong she was for doing this, it felt so right. When she felt his hands gently caress her face, the coldness of the snow melted away. Her head span uncomfortably and if they'd be standing up, she wasn't sure she'd have managed.

When he pulled away, she reached in for more as Bucky chuckled and delivered a few more pecks onto her lips.

"Hey," he tapped the end of her nose and she scrunched her nose up at the insanely cute gesture, "If you ever feel like something is wrong… about anything. We can talk about it."

"Is that an order Sergeant?" she mocked his title, emphasising it but she kind of liked the way it rolled off her tongue. She'd never called Bucky by his rank before, always being known as the Winter Soldier… deadly assassin. She preferred this much better.

He chuckled. She loved the sound. "Yes it is."

*~it started with Pizza~*

Finally, they made it back. The Military Headquarters was a friendly sight to see as the familiarity of it compared to endless forests and hard concrete walls of Hydra bases, made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Eyes followed them as the Howling Commandos walked it, like a parade as people literally moved out of the way for them. A few men tapped Beatrice on the arm and said 'thank you'. Though, noticeably she received a lot less praise than the men of the group as they were haloed heroes whilst Beatrice got more flirtatious winks being cast at her. Some hands got a bit too grabby.

Dugan noticed and like a reflex, quickly nudged Beatrice into the centre of the group as they walked in, cushioned safely between the shoulders of Dugan and Mortia.

"If they give you any trouble, you come and find me girlie," Dugan nodded seriously, glaring at the crowd like he was warning them, "I'll straighten it out for them that no one touches our girl."

But they didn't stay together too long as when they reached the Headquarters base in the centre of camp, Steve and Bucky rushed inwards whilst the others went to find their own beds.

Left alone, Bea didn't know what else to do other than to go back to the room Peggy had given her in the base, hoping that it hadn't been given to someone else. She'd spent months camping with Men (and they were disgusting at the best of times), she really was looking forward to having her own room again.

When she reached the door, she pushed it open, expecting it to be locked but found Peggy Carter sitting on her bed. Her legs crossed as she sat up straight as if she'd been waiting for her all this time.

"Finally," Peggy brushed herself off impatiently as she stood to greet a bemused Beatrice, "I'm missing a meeting for you."

Bea frowned. She couldn't remember asking Peggy to wait for her. "Sorry?"

"Never mind now. How is the mission going? I'm assuming you haven't found the tesseract?"

"Wouldn't you have found this all out if you'd have been at the meeting with Steve?"

"You have a very different mission to Steve," Peggy reminded her pointedly, "A much more important one. Not that he knows it."

Before she could even begin to answer, Beatrice moved past Peggy and collapsed down onto her bed. The mattress was awfully bumpy with weird creases that dug into her back uncomfortably but she shifted around trying to get relaxed. When she could find the right spot, she let out an aggravated sigh and sat back up again.

"I'm never going home," She let out fiercely, "I don't think Steve comes across Red Skull until the very end."

"The very end of what? The war?"

Beatrice bit her lip. She had meant the very end, before Steve fell into the ice and crashed the plane, but she couldn't reveal that information to Peggy.

"It doesn't matter," said Beatrice, "I'm going to spend my whole days here and then maybe when I'm old and grey I'll meet my younger self and I can tell her exactly what not to do."

"And what exactly is that?"

Don't fall in love with Bucky Barnes. That was her biggest mistake on this mission. As Natasha would say 'she is compromised'.

"Maybe don't fuck up your first chance at getting the tesseract would be my advice," She said matter-of-factly, "Anyway. How have you been, Peg?"

Peggy started rambling about the day to day running of the camp. Openly complaining about some of the male soldiers and praising certain ones that had gone above and beyond. In her ramblings, Beatrice got the sense that Peggy didn't get to talk about her day much to many people. When she was finished, Peggy gave a puff of frustration.

"Sorry about that," she said, "I had a few things on my mind."

"Gotta let it out somehow," Beatrice shrugged, glad she was able to help in some way. Her stomach rumbled and she clutched onto Peggy's hand, "I find food helps clear an overthinking head."

Peggy didn't hesitate and the two women walked arm in arm back down the hallway.

Though she really wasn't at all excited about the food here as it was mostly slop on a plate in small rations, but she could hardly deny her stomach food. She just wished there was a Chinese shop down the road that could appease her hunger.

Before they'd even reached the entrance, Peggy was called away. Her popularity and experience meant she was everybody needed her all at once, but she clutched onto Bea's arms tightly and told her, "I'll meet you up there later?"

Doubting that Peggy would be able to get away until the late evening and the curfew would be implemented, she nodded her head once and set off on her own. Her hunger drowning out any other thoughts.

She collected her ration of food and sat on her own by the training grounds and watched the last few men do their daily workouts by crawling under prickly barbed wire and climbing walls of rickety rope. She could hear Dugan the other side of camp, loudly bragging a story of one of their many Hydra exploits. A few details he made up here and there but she listened on entertained. There wasn't much else to do.

Her vision of Dugan from the other side was suddenly disrupted by a familiar man. When she looked up, she blinked rapidly, a smile lit her face when she saw it was Bucky.

"Hello there. Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with Steve?" She looked around as if expecting to see him. It was an odd sight to see one without the other.

He shrugged, "Should be, but who wants to be sitting around in meetings when there's the great outdoors to be explored."

He was being sarcastic. The camp was anything but the great outdoors. Musty and enclosed, after weeks of camping and travelling, Bea felt trapped by the sudden barbed wire fences that surrounded the camp and guards constantly on duty patrolling.

"I know," she nodded, "I think I'm going numb with boredom right now. Any advice on something fun to do around here?"

The tesseract was like a side project she had shut away. There was nothing she could do about it now. Not in this camp. Not without Steve. There was no harm in having a little fun along the journey.

Bucky clucked his lips looking around, before settling on the training course and his eye lit up mischievously.

"I bet I can beat you," he smirked. Not the kind of smirk that Alex gave her. It was more lopsided and was only on his face when he was feeling competitive, or flirtatious or both at the same time. The kind that filled her stomach with flying butterflies.

"Beat me at what?"

He pointed at the training course where obstacles were set up. A hole of barbed wire where she had seen soldiers climb under, a wall of rope, hurdles that Bea knew she would struggle to get her legs over, something that looked akin to money bars. The last few soldiers of the day were only just finishing the obstacles, leaving it completely empty for the night.

"oh, great. A way to make me embarrass myself."

"Yep." He said, popping the 'p'.

"It's curfew soon, we'll get in trouble."

"We're the Howling commandos. What are they going to do that Captain America can't undo. We'll be out of here in a few days."

Holding her hands, he walked backwards. Unwillingly, she was pulled along unable to take her eyes off of him. Her mouth hanging slightly ajar. This was a new side to Bucky she'd never seen. Her Bucky had always been so set on doing things within the rules. 'Don't draw attention to yourself' he would tell her repeatedly, completely paranoid that Hydra would find them. She remembered a time he wouldn't even go outside without five layers of clothes and a baseball cap to keep him covered.

With this Bucky, a mischievous twinkle glinted in his eye. She could hardly say she didn't like it.

At the start of the obstacle course she pretended to do some stretches. For intimidation purposes.

"So, first one who gets there wins?" She nodded determinedly, coming up with tactics in her head. "What do they win?"

"Seeing as it's going to be me that wins. I guess you'll have to wait and see."

Determined more than ever she got herself in a running position as Bucky began to count down. "3…2…1…"

They set off. Bucky already ahead of her, as his legs doubled what she could do. Reminding herself that he had literal super soldier serum running through his blood, he moved with complete ease whilst she was already panting from the first stretch of running. She threw herself on the floor and clambered through the wire. It was easier than she thought, in movies it always looked like men struggled. Even Bucky was wheezing and she managed to catch him up being much smaller and able to easily tummy crawl her way through the thin gap and get out on the other side without a single scratch on her. With difficulty, she clamped a leg over the hurdles. Bucky managing to jump over them easily.

"Show off." She begrudgingly said, moving on to the rope wall. Her hands already felt tight around the material. The rope wobbled as she climbed, and even more so as Bucky already at the top, made it harder for her by wiggling the rope below him. "Jack-ass." She mumbled and continued to climb, her fingers stretching trying to reach the next bit of rope.

But the rope wobbled too much and suddenly it slipped under her. Unable to hold on, her whole body tipped backwards. The air whipped around her and all she could do was scream and flail uselessly in the air until she was upside-down. Only hanging on with her legs.

Bucky practically jumped off from the other side and ran around to check if she was okay.

"How did you manage that?" He laughed, after seeing she hadn't broken anything.

Beatrice crossed her arms. Feeling the blood rush to her head as her hair stuck up from gravity. "Oh, I don't know… some of us just aren't that strong. Might have had something to do with the fact you kept wobbling the bloody rope."

"It was a competition and you were catching up," He shrugged, moving closer now at perfect eye-level with her. If wasn't for the rush that went to her head making everything look swirly, she would of thought it was quite romantic.

"As romantic as it would be if you kissed me right now," She said when she noticed his eyes lingering down on her lips, "I think I might puke if I stay in this position much longer. Help me up?"

"Sure thing." Looping his arm under hers, he picked her up with ease until she was able to reach the rope above her and pull herself out.

When she was safely back on the ground, she had to take a moment to recover. Her lungs felt as if they were about to collapse.

"I did hear one thing from the meeting."

"Oh yeah?"

"We're leaving tomorrow. So, don't get too comfortable here."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she said, "We heading to a Hydra base?"

"Apparently not. There's a train heading North. It's back in the snow unfortunately, but… we're used to it now I guess."

Her heart pulsed. "A train?"

"Yeah." He nodded as if he was tired of the whole thing. "It's a wonder when it'll end, right?"

Her lips sealed shut. The pulse in her head felt as if it was going to explode all of a sudden. The train… it could be any train, right? It didn't have to be the train.

Who was she kidding? There was only one mission the howling commandos had done involving a train, and one mission that didn't end well. She found herself squeezing his hand tighter than necessary.

Bucky continued to talk but she could barely concentrate. "Mortia got hold of a Hydra radio. It's how we know. Zola… that crazy scientist that was jabbing me with needles. He's supposed to be there."

Was she supposed to stop this? All she wanted to do was drag him into her tin bedroom underground, lock him in there until this was all over. He would be safe. This wasn't her timeline. Things could be different. He could live.

She blinked out of her panic and noticed Bucky staring off, a lost look on his face. She gripped him tighter and pecked him on the cheek. "Zola will never get his hands on you ever again. You got that?"

"Loud and clear, ma'am."

She immediately scrunched her nose up in distaste, "Ew don't call me that."

"Whatever you say ma'am."

She loved him.

She loved him so much.

And she couldn't lose him. Not now. Not again.

That night, she couldn't sleep in her own room. The room felt as if it was about to collapse in on her any second. When she did finally fall asleep, she woke up quickly. Sweat dripping off her forehead, recalling the nightmare where Bucky would fall off the train and she would jump after him. Not caring that she didn't have the super soldier serum in her veins to protect her from the fall.

Mindlessly, she wondered the halls. Stepping carefully as the night patrols would only direct her back to bed, lecturing her about breaking curfew. She hardly cared. Why should she care? Nothing mattered anymore.

The outside air froze her bones. She'd forgotten to bring a jacket. It didn't matter.

She passed the soldiers in the night tower where they were supposed to be shining a spotlight on the rest of camp to check no one was awake, but it seemed the soldier had fallen asleep. If she cared, she should go wake them up. A German army could approach. But she'd read nothing in the history books about this place being attacked. Not that it mattered. Bucky was going to fall and become a slave to Hydra. A fate worse than death. Why should she care about anything else?

She found his bed. Amongst a sea of other soldiers. A few men were still awake and she heard them whisper 'what's the bloody hell a girl doin' in here.' 'you're not allowed here.' 'warm my bed up will you'.

Bucky.

He was fast asleep.

He had no idea tomorrow his whole world would crumble.

"it's just Barnes's girl," Someone said and the whispers settled down.

Carefully, she curled up next to him. He mumbled something in his sleep about it being too early to wake up, his eyes fluttered open.

"Bea," he frowned, sleep dazed, "what you doin' here?"

"Just sleep." She said.

On the small bed, she managed to squeeze herself on. Without any complain, he draped an arm around her and pulled her closer, and his heavy breathing told her he'd already gone back off to sleep.

She was determined. She was not going to lose him again.

A/N sorry if there was any confusion last chapter when I also uploaded a lost chapter (chapter 31) at the same time. It took half an hour or so for it to be edited to the right order but it's there now. Also thank you to the reviewer who told me I've been spelling Dugan's name wrong (I'll go back and edit those last few chapters) for some reason I always thought it was spelt Dogan.

Anyway, we're heading for the train next chapter. I've given you a dose of fluff and now I'm taking it away, back to tragedy my friend. It just might not be the tragedy you expect :P next update; Saturday.