Despair.
Powerful catalyst
With deadly results.
For a moment
He felt suffocated
Denied of breath
Staring in disbelief.
Alas, it was reality.
Panic
Like water
Rapidly filed in
Threatening to drown him.
Mind over matter.
It would do no good
To stall any further.
Snapping out
From a lethal daze
He came to his senses
Desperately
Searching.
Seizing the nearest object
On a desk
Masking tape
Crude
But better
Than nothing.
Damned.
Cursing his predicament
He inwardly grimaced
Sweating profusely
Gasping for air.
Carefully
Avoiding
The grisly scarlet liquid
Reach for her arm
Pressing his fingers
With a strip
Mask over
Painful
Incision.
Any second now
He might faint
From exhaustion
And stress.
Her crisp white blouse
Stained
Smeared
Drops and lines
Crimson.
Even her cheeks
A faint trace
Of red
Mixed
Tears.
Blonde hair
Drooped down
Cascading
Veiling her face
In a curtain of silk.
Keep the arms up.
Weakly
He lifted her body
Her arms
Draped over his shoulders
Propping her
On the rugged carpet
Cushion of pillows
Her face
Ever so beautiful
Sleeping.
Her hands
Seemed
Cold
Yet
Tears
Still wet
Lips
But
Now
Not the time.
The bleeding
Certainly stopped
Yet it was a gruelling affair
It was a bloody business
Literally.
He stumbled backward.
Aghast
Eyeing the sight
Before him
The blonde woman
Lay
On a pile of pillows
Sleeping.
She was sleeping.
A daring assumption.
One that he hoped true.
He was drenched
Cold sweat
Fatigue
Yet
Prominent state of mind
Situation normal
All fucked up.
Frustration
Stress
Saturate
Fear and panic.
Poking a finger
Against her neck
Warmth
Pulse.
Not yet.
Moment of relief
Deep breath
Much needed
Cooldown.
It had never occurred to him
What can drive a person
Into destroying
Themselves.
The answer seemed obvious
But it was inconclusive
Illogical
Severely
Counter-productive.
He stood up
Gazing at the scene
A morbid caricature
Having read literature
This was a method
Depiction
Of desperation.
Restrict himself
Screaming does no good
Nor will crying.
There is a mess to clean up.
Literally, figuratively.
His mind
A fierce warzone
Chaos and confusion
At a moment
Too much.
Scanning his hands
Visible contamination
Of the dreadful fluid.
Such a horrible predicament.
Proverbial saying
Holding true
But it cannot be!
Her blood on his hands.
Whose fault was it?
Now is not the time
To delegate
Responsibility.
Even now
His rotten cynicism
Knew no bounds.
On the other hand
It offered him
Mental fortitude
Times like these
Knee-deep
In hell.
Downstairs
Scrummaging
Rags and towels
A pail of water
Bottle of alcohol
Equipment
For a disturbing task.
Cleaning up after a crime.
Quite unbelievable
Certainly
Horrid
Perhaps it was a wrong analogy
But the point gets through.
Never had he anticipated
Possibility of such
Event.
Yet hindsight
Always clear
The picture
Certainly formed
A shattered portrait
Of a broken girl.
Another flashback
Dreadful.
He cannot fix her.
For He was broken too.
Is He?
Perhaps
Once
He was indeed
Destroyed.
But at that moment
Never again.
How can you kill
Something
That is already
Dead?
Unkillable.
Perhaps that
Is his
The flaw
Of Hikigaya Hachiman.
Killed heart
Resurrection
Dead
But
Undead.
That may be the reason.
Even in this moment
He could feel
No pity
No pain
No compassion.
Heartless.
Respect.
He will not pity her.
Never.
