I do not own Star Wars in any capacity.
Enjoy chapter 64!
Ezra was curled up in Kanan's bunk, hugging Caleb tightly as he stared at the back wall. He knew it was childish to be hiding here, snuggling a stuffed toy. It wasn't even making him feel better. Not really. But right now this was the only place on the entire ship where he didn't feel completely alone.
It had been several days since they had gotten back from the mission. Right now, they were hovering in some empty part of space. With the knowledge that the Inquisitor was coming to Lothal, they couldn't afford to use it as their main base of operations anymore. It was just another part of their life Ezra had ruined.
In these last few days, Ezra had hardly left Kanan's cabin. He just couldn't stand to face any of the rest of the crew. Even facing Kanan filled Ezra with a terror he hadn't felt in years.
Kanan was disappointed with him. He could feel it through their bond, and Ezra knew he deserved every bit of it. He had put their mission at risk. He had put all their lives at risk. Just for a chance to face his relatives. Ezra couldn't even put words to why he had been overwhelmed by the need to see them. He had approached it with no plan, no idea for what he would do if he actually did come face to face with his family…
Ezra squeezed Caleb more tightly to his chest. Regret threatened to completely consume him. He feared that he might have ruined things with his real family for good.
The cabin door opened, and Ezra felt Kanan's presence as he walked in. Ezra didn't turn over or acknowledge him. He just kept staring at the wall, even when he felt the bunk dip. "I brought you some curry," Kanan said quietly.
Ezra groaned at the thought of food, a wave of nausea rising up. "'M not hungry."
"Ezra. You need to eat," Kanan said sternly.
It was a tone Kanan used often, particularly when Ezra was being stubborn about eating. But right now, the underlying annoyance he could hear in Kanan's voice made Ezra's stomach clench painfully in fear. So he forced himself to sit up, avoiding looking at Kanan and instead focusing on the plate of food. He took the plate as Kanan handed it to him wordlessly and gave the food a poke with the spoon. He still couldn't bring himself to actually scoop up any to his mouth.
He heard Kanan give a tired sigh. "There's something we need to talk about."
Ezra froze, the empty void in his chest somehow jerking painfully at the quiet statement. Swallowing hard, Ezra put the utensil down and placed the plate aside. "A-Are you going to hit me?"
"No," Kanan said simply.
Ezra looked up at him, ignoring how his vision was beginning to blur. "I-If I asked you to, would you hit me?"
"No," Kanan repeated with the same calm tone. "Ezra, what you did on this mission - lying to us and putting yourself and your crewmates in danger - it was unconscionable."
"... U-Unconscionable?"
"It was wrong."
Ezra quickly ducked his head down again, a shiver running through his body. For a part of him, it didn't matter what Kanan said. He was still anticipating the back of Kanan's hand.
There was a warm hand on his shoulder. "But even that isn't a reason for me to hurt you. There is nothing you can do to deserve being beaten."
Letting out a shaky sigh, Ezra gave a small nod. He was pretty sure Kanan was wrong though. With this cold empty cavern in his chest, he felt that if Kanan gave him a good couple of hard smacks it would make him feel better precisely because he did deserve it.
"Not that you won't be facing consequences," Kanan went on, his tone hardening slightly. "You know that you're not going to be allowed on any missions for a while now, right?"
Ezra just nodded again, resigned to whatever fate Kanan had for him. He hated that he had screwed up so badly he was essentially useless again, but he had no one to blame but himself.
Kanan's grip on his shoulder tightened slightly. "But what happened at the Academy goes beyond all of that. You made a dangerous connection with the Force, one that I had never even considered would ever happen. Not to you."
Ezra's heart was pounding painfully, consumed by the fact that he had kriffed up so badly. That he had reached out and used the Force in the same way the Inquisitor did, the man who had killed so many Jedi, including Master Nu…
He suddenly found himself being gathered against Kanan's chest, his father's warm arms wrapping around him. "I've been meditating a lot the last couple days," Kanan said softly into his hair, his breathing warming Ezra's scalp. "And I've been looking through the holocron. I think I know what we need to do. I didn't think it would ever come to this, but after what happened… I have to help you and this is the only way I know how."
Ezra swallowed hard, shivering in Kanan's embrace. The way he spoke, it filled Ezra with dread and his mind buzzed with panic. Was Kanan going to drop him off somewhere? Abandon him to someone else? There weren't any other Jedi, but maybe Kanan thought it would be better if he were someone else's problem…
Kanan pressed a hand to the side of Ezra's head, a flow of calm warmth washing over him through their bond. Once his panic had died down, Kanan went on. "As younglings in the Temple, we would be given a test. A real challenge that's supposed to determine if we're meant to be Jedi… or not."
Ezra frowned. "You… you mean the Initiate Trials?"
"Not exactly…" Kanan said quietly. "It's a version of the Gathering. It involves going to a Jedi Temple and facing our worst fears. Before, I saw no reason to put you through it. But now…" His arms tightened around Ezra. "This is beyond me. This is about you and your connection to the Force."
Ezra was fiddling with a loose thread on Kanan's shirt. "Okay," he whispered, pushing down his fear and apprehension. He didn't really understand what was going on, but he got the distinct impression that he didn't really have a choice. He had to take this test.
"There's one thing you need to know." Kanan pushed Ezra back just enough that they were facing each other. He put a knuckle under Ezra's chin and gently raised his head so that they were looking one another in the eye. "No matter how this goes… you're my son. Nothing will ever change that."
Ezra let out a shuddering breath, mentally leaning into the statement. He could feel how earnest Kanan was, how desperate he was for Ezra just to understand this simple fact. But the prospect of a test through the Force was filling him with dread. Kanan may be able to overlook his shortcomings, to love him no matter what… But the Force would be a neutral arbiter. "W-What happens if I fail?" Ezra whispered in fear.
Kanan bit his lip. "I don't know," he said. "But I'll be there with you." He leaned forward and kissed Ezra's forehead, cradling Ezra's face in his hands. Then he pulled back, looking almost sad. "You need to wash up. Eat a solid meal. Then we'll take the Phantom."
Ezra frowned. "Take the Phantom? Take it where?"
Kanan gave a half-hearted smile. "That'll be up to you."
They were alone in the Phantom, drifting in interstellar space. Apparently it was important for them to be isolated for this to work. Ezra was sitting on one seat and Kanan had just walked back to sit across from him. "As you know, there are many outposts, Temples scattered throughout the stars of our galaxy."
Ezra nodded. He and Master Nu had visited a few in their hunt for Jedi artifacts. Well, Master Nu had visited them. He was usually left behind somewhere with P3 while she went alone. Ezra had wanted to go with her, but she would always say that he wasn't ready.
"You need to meditate," Kanan said. "Let the Force guide you to one of them."
"And this… this is part of the test?"
Kanan nodded. "Yes. You have to prove that you can trust yourself. That you can trust the Force."
Ezra sighed. "Okay…" He closed his eyes, breathing deeply and focusing on the waves of the Force. They were gentle out here, far away from any system. Beyond the nearly invisible microbes floating through space, he and Kanan were the only living things disrupting these waves for parsecs.
It wasn't easy. After what happened at the Academy, Ezra was almost afraid to open himself up to the Force again. The power that had flowed through him was like nothing he had ever felt before. In his entire life, he had never felt so sure of himself and his actions. It had been a moment of absolute certainty.
Too skittish to fully let himself go, Ezra opened his eyes again. "Where did you take your test?"
Kanan straightened in his seat. "It was different for me, Ezra," he said quietly. "My master took me to Ilum, like most younglings. But now that's not an option… What you're doing now is an older tradition. It relies more heavily on the padawan's ability to trust in the Force."
"So… the Force is just going to tell me where to go?"
"Essentially…" Kanan leaned forward and pressed hand to Ezra's chest. "The Force is always here. Always with us."
Ezra shifted in his seat, looking down at Kanan's hand. "And... only my connection to the Force can lead us to the Temple."
Kanan smiled as he sat back. "That's right."
Feeling a little better, Ezra closed his eyes again. This time, he was able to fully let himself drift. I need to take this test… Where do I need to go?
Some time passed before an image was conjured up in his mind's eye. It was a large dark area that looked to stretch out forever. Before him was a bright star, like a mass of crystal that hummed strongly with the Force. Then the area contracted on itself. He was moving through a long tunnel. At the end, Ezra turned and saw a massive stone surrounded by snow, like the structures that littered Lothal's landscape.
Ezra opened his eyes. "Lothal," he breathed.
"Are you sure?" Kanan didn't seem surprised, despite the question.
"Yeah! It's somewhere in the North. I-I can't give you coordinates but… I think I can lead you there."
Kanan smiled. "Alright. Then to Lothal we go."
Fear was leaching into Ezra's stomach as he watched Kanan get up to prep the Phantom for the jump. "But… W-What if the Inquisitor is there?"
"If the Temple is in the North, then it's far from Capital City. If we make our approach from the other side of the planet before shifting up toward the pole, we should go completely undetected."
Kanan seemed entirely too calm about this, but if he thought it was safe, Ezra trusted him. As they entered hyperspace, Ezra leaned back in his seat. He wondered if Sarah had managed to get away before the Inquisitor got to her. He felt sick at the idea of her under his clutches. But her parents had always protected her from everything. They were rich and powerful. Maybe… maybe that would make a difference.
"What is it?"
Ezra jumped in surprise. He hadn't noticed Kanan coming to kneel next to him, a comforting hand on his shoulder. Ezra swallowed and rubbed his arm. "I… I'm just worried. About Sarah."
Kanan sighed, giving Ezra's arm a squeeze. "She'll probably be okay," he said softly. "Your relatives are prominent enough that it should protect her."
Ezra nodded, refusing to look up and make eye contact with Kanan. Maybe if he had told Kanan about her the moment he heard she was at the Academy… maybe they could have done more to help her.
"There's nothing we can do now," Kanan said, his voice filled with sympathy and regret.
It only made the guilt in Ezra grow denser and more bitter. Maybe he wasn't meant to be a Jedi. Not when he spent a week putting everyone else's lives at risk for completely selfish reasons.
Kanan sighed and looked like he was about to say something when the alarm from the ship indicated that they were about to reach their destination. He got up and sat in the pilot's seat, prepping for the drop. This time, Ezra got up and followed him, wanting to stay close to him for now.
They dropped out of hyperspace, and the familiar sight of Lothal filled the viewport. From way up here, it looked peaceful enough. But Ezra knew that the Imperial presence was ramping up. And from what he learned from the Academy, their production lines were being pushed hard to accommodate the expansion.
His world was being taken over and changed before his very eyes, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Kanan was careful to keep his distance from the major cities, breaking into the atmosphere over the Northern end of the great plains. Ezra frowned as Kaan confidently guided the Phantom in the right direction. "How do you know where you're going?"
His father gave a slight cringe as he chuckled. "Alright, slight confession: I looked up the location of Jedi Temples on the holocron. I checked Lothal first because, well, this is your home. And lo and behold…"
Ezra looked out the viewport and saw the stone from his vision. A towering and twisting conical structure, it was bigger than he had expected.
Once they had landed, Ezra followed Kanan out. Old habits kicked in as he looped a finger through Kanan's belt. His face burned at the childish act, but then again, he had also spent the last few days sleeping in his father's bunk like a frightened child. With his mind teetering all over the place and with the unknown laid out before him, he would take every modicum of stability he could.
Kanan put a hand on Ezra's shoulder. "So the next step is to figure out how to get inside."
Ezra bit his lip as he looked up at the stone. It was hard to imagine it being a Temple, but Ezra could feel it. The energy, the power… it was just barely out of their reach. "How do we do that?"
"You need to go up and listen."
"Listen to what? The Force is just telling me this is the Temple."
Kanan also looked up at the structure. "To the Temple itself. Go on, and listen to the stone and its story."
With a small nod, Ezra reluctantly let go of Kanan and walked up. It was further away than he initially thought, but when he got to the base, he pressed his hands against the stone's surface. He closed his eyes and found his center. This time, instead of listening to the Force, he tried to focus on the Temple itself. The stone, the history, the energy…
It was pulling him in. Inviting him. But it wasn't just him. He could practically see the threads of Force emanating from the Temple. The structure was reachingn out to Kanan as well, beckoning him. It wanted both the master and the apprentice.
Ezra opened his eyes and looked up at the structure with a small smile. Feeling the Temple inviting him in made him feel better. Surely he couldn't be a lost cause if a Jedi Temple would still admit him. He turned around. "The Temple wants us to go in together."
Kanan smiled as Ezra walked back towards him. "Then together it shall be."
Standing side by side, they both faced the Temple and extended their arms. Ezra focused on the threads, reaching along them. The effect was almost immediate, Temple granting them access. The ground began to rumble and the sound of stone scraping against stone filled the air. Ezra concentrated on the task at hand, even as the echoes of the Temple's past began to wash over him.
When the rumbling finally stopped, Ezra opened his eyes and saw a giant doorway. It was a grand, with glyphs and patterns snaking around the carved stonework around it. "Wow…" he breathed.
"Stay focused," Kanan warned gently. "We don't want the Temple closing in on us."
Ezra nodded absentmindedly as he walked up to the entrance. His eyes scanned over the artwork that decorated its edges. While the designs were obviously ancient, Ezra realized that he recognized some of them. When he was younger he would see patterns similar to this around, but as the Empire had tightened its grip on Lothal, their native art had become more and more scarce.
They walked inside, and the doorway expanded into a larger atrium. Large columns lined the sides of it, leading to another smaller door at the other end. Ezra looked around in wonder as he walked through the atrium. It reminded him of the Great Library, if smaller in scale. It had the same weight, the same sort of Force presence. Ezra turned in his step as he took in the atmosphere. He found he was a little melancholy. He didn't realize until now, but he actually missed living in the structure of the Library. The history and life Force that echoed through the structure had always been a haven. That is, until the Inquisitor destroyed it and everything inside.
Ezra swallowed. This place was smaller and well hidden. He could only hope that would be enough to keep the Empire away from this place.
He was almost at the other end of the atrium when something caught his eye. It took a second for his brain to process what he was seeing: skeletal mummy of some horned humanoid, rotting brown robes covering its frame.
Ezra yelped and jumped away, his back hitting Kanan's chest. Kanan automatically wrapped a protective arm around him as the Temple trembled. There was a loud rumble as the entrance closed behind them.
"You lost focus," Kanan said flatly.
Ezra couldn't help but shoot a glare up at him. "There is literally a dead person!"
Kanan sighed. "I know. But in here, you're going to have to face your worst fears and overcome them. You'll have to keep your focus if you want to succeed."
Ezra sighed and nodded, looking back at the corpse. "W-Who is he?"
Kanan's arm tightened slightly around him. "A Jedi Master… whose padawan never returned."
Icy fear shot through Ezra, and he wrenched himself from Kanan's grip as he gaped at his father. "Wait, so if I fail… you'll die?"
Kanan's expression was entirely too blank as he met Ezra's gaze. "Every day, your life is in my hands. You're not just my padawan, you're my son." He seemed to almost deflate as he considered his next statement. "The test isn't just about you. It's about my ability to… to let you go."
Ezra's stomach squirmed at the admission. Suddenly this test held so much more weight. His failure would mean doom for both of them.
Kanan stepped up and placed a hand on Ezra's shoulder, and Ezra couldn't help but lean against Kanan's side as he stared at the doorway that led deeper into the Temple. "W-What exactly am I looking for?" Ezra asked tentatively.
"Nothing… and everything."
"... That doesn't really help," Ezra murmured.
Kanan let out an amused huff. "I know. But it's what my master told me."
Ezra looked up, and saw that Kanan was looking down at him with an expression Ezra couldn't read. Their bond felt muffled, but… Ezra found that he wasn't afraid. This was important. This was something he had to do. Steeling himself, Ezra took a step forward. He pulled away from Kanan and stepped through the door.
There was a loud grinding, and Ezra turned back to see a door descending. Fear gripped his heart, and he tried to run back. "Wait, Kanan - !"
The door slammed shut, and he collided against it. Ezra stared at his hands which were pressed up against the door. This was it. There was no turning back now.
Exhaling softly, Ezra turned back towards the cave. There was only forward.
Please leave a review to let me know what you thought!
