-=[Isabelle Higginbotham, the present ]=-
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After showering, Bella tried nudging Edward away from the vanity and the mirror above it, because seriously, the space was not big enough for the two of them.
He wasn't having it, of course.
"Are you saying your hair routine is more important than mine?" he challenged with a raised eyebrow and a somewhat amused smirk.
She answered by reaching up and ruffling his hair and then giving him another shove towards the door. "There, done. Now, get out of here!"
"Alright, alright… I'm just checking, because I remember you teasing me mercilessly for the amount of time and effort I put into getting it ready in the mornings."
"Fine. Yes, my morning routine takes priority over yours... that's exactly what I'm saying," she agreed, re-wrapping her towel around herself, securing it with a quick fold in the front. "Also, I'm a hell of a lot faster than you with these things, so…. Don't worry, you'll get your turn soon enough. In the meanwhile, go put on some coffee or something."
He grumbled something about 'bossy women', but dropped a kiss on her shoulder as he squeezed past her, so she figured he wasn't too upset. Though, she knew, it probably bothered him to leave her alone in there, messing about with his hygiene and hair care stuff, even though he'd generously given her carte blanche to take or use whatever she wanted. Honestly, she didn't need much… some face wash, toothpaste and something nice smelling to finish it off. But gosh, he had a lot of products to choose from. There were like five different kinds of everything; soap, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body wash, mouth wash, lotion, hair gel, body spray, after-shave, and deodorant.
Shaking her head, she smiled to herself. It was so typically Edward - everything lined up in neat little rows, labels facing out.
There were no traces of cleaning supplies or disinfectant hand wipes to be found though, which she took to mean he had things under control. Not that there was anything wrong with keeping bleaches, chlorine and ammonia based products in the bathroom, it was just that she remembered stepping into teenage Edward's bathroom had been like stepping into a sanitized hospital operating theater, or maybe the surgeon's washroom or something. This bathroom felt a little bit more… "balanced", for lack of better word. She didn't want to use the word normal. That would imply that she thought of his past state as abnormal.
'Yeah, like you're always so sane and "normal" Bella,' she scolded herself…. aloud.
Because apparently, she was the kind of person who spaces out and talks to herself while standing around naked in someone else's bathroom.
Alright. She needed to stop being silly and fix the hair situation. Pronto! She could hear Edward, bustling around on the other side of the door and it was probably just a matter of time before he would decide to check up on her.
With a sigh, she picked up the comb she always carried around with her in her tote styled every day, anywhere bag.
As it turned out she got another five minutes before Edward's head appeared in the door opening asking if she'd be okay with cereal for breakfast.
"I found some Frosted Flakes and I have milk… but that's pretty much it. No bread. I need to go shopping. Sorry, I'm a lousy host.
"Yeah, you really are," she chided gently, turning her head to take in his apologetic expression.
"It's fine, Edward. I'm almost certain I'll survive on cereal and milk for a few hours if I have to."
"Almost certain?"
"Certain enough that I'm willing to take the risk."
"Great. In that case, your breakfast is awaiting you in the kitchen, madam."
"I'm almost done. I'm just gonna..." she motioned vaguely at her still somewhat chaotic hair. She'd managed to comb out the tangles and blow dry it at least semi straight and somewhat dry, but still needed to tie it back in a ponytail or something to make it a little bit more presentable.
"Take your time. I can wait," Edward answered, planting himself on the closed lid of the toilet.
"Make yourself comfortable, by all means."
It was his bathroom after all.
"Don't mind if I do."
While he'd been gone, he'd gotten dressed, in jeans and a loose plaid shirt over a concert T-shirt. And he had also fetched his iphone, which he now had in his hand.
He made a show of making himself comfortable, making it clear that he was indeed, not going anywhere.
"Speaking of time, Edward… when do you need to be in Forks? Assuming you have hoses to carry and ladders to climb today, of course," she inquired.
"Not in a long while. I switched my shift to an afternoon one, so there is no rush."
"Can you do that? Just like that?" she asked as she went about smoothing her hair back and tying it back in a low bun.
"No one has called to yell at me yet, so I guess the answer is, yes. Totally doable."
"I was being serious. I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."
"I know. But don't worry about me. Somehow trouble tends to find me whether I do what's right or not."
"Oh, I'm familiar with that one. It's a curse, only a select few of us can bear," she huffed, with a shake of her head.
After checking her hair in the mirror one last time, Bella finally deemed herself ready to face the day.
Edward seemed to agree, because he'd put his phone away and was looking at her expectantly. So much for his there is 'no rush…'
"You almost done?"
"Just about," Bella replied looking back into the mirror. "All I'm missing is some toothpaste... I can't seem to find it anywhere. Where have you hid it?"
"Right under your nose," he answered, getting to his feet. "On the shelf, underneath the mirror, to the right of the soap dispenser."
"Oh...there it is." Grabbing the spare toothbrush he had given her the night before, she loaded it up with toothpaste.
Before she stuck it in her mouth, she grandiosely gestured towards the vanity. "There, now I'm done. It's all yours."
Moving out of Edward's way, she took over his spot on the toilet seat and then went to town brushing her teeth.
She saw Edward give her a disapproving glare. He was probably nervous about getting toothpaste on the carpet or something silly like that. Or... well, she did have a bit of a habit of talking and wandering around, doing other things, while brushing her teeth. Alice had gone as far as dubbing her a 'Brushin-twalker'. She couldn't believe Edward actually remembered this about her though. Now THAT was silly.
Oh… this reminded her of something else.
"I've got a question for you," she said, taking the toothbrush out of her mouth. "Several questions actually."
"Don't you always?" he retorted rhetorically but with a wisp of a smirk at the corner of his lips.
She put a finger up to let him know she needed a minute to spit and rinse the toothpaste. Then, once she was back in her seat, she took a deep breath, before voicing her question.
"So, I was thinking... since I was kind enough to provide some answers to your questions earlier, maybe I have earned the right to ask you a personal question, or two, in return…?"
Edward, who had been about to get started on what appeared to be his skincare routine, halted his movements. "How personal?" he asked.
"Well, there are things about your childhood, your family… and you know, your OCD that I've never been allowed to ask about. You always gave me the brush-off when I tried to bring those subjects up in the past."
Edward sighed, but nodded. "I can't refuse now, can I?"
"Nope. I'll be gentle though. I promise," she responded without hesitance. "I'd like to start by asking about your sister, Edward. Are you and Alice not on good terms at the moment?"
"Why would you ask that?" She could tell from his tone of voice that he was surprised.
"Well, for starters you've hardly mentioned her at all… or, like only a handful of times, and only in reference to past happenings."
"Secondly," she said, when it looked like he was about to object. "She isn't here pounding on your door, or lighting up your phone, demanding answers, which leads me to believe you haven't talked to her lately and that she doesn't know about us two having... reconnected and spent time together."
"Oh, she knows… I'm sure of it," he snorted. "Between mom, Rosie and Jess, I'm sure she's been thoroughly briefed." He grabbed his towel and patted down his face.
"That's another thing," Bella continued. "Jess kind of spilled the beans about her and Alice being buddies and attending the same AAA meetings. At the time I thought she meant Alice was there as someone's sponsor, or support person, or whatever, but now I'm not sure what to think. I tried asking Emmett about it yesterday and he shut down that conversation real quick-..."
"Jess talks too much about stuff that is none of her business," Edward interrupted. "In contrast to my brother, who, believe it or not, actually have some morals."
"No surprise there. I mean, Em sure likes to talk a lot, but he's always had a well-functioning moral compass when it came to family, loyalty, and honor. I just didn't expect him to shut me down before I could even ask the question, which makes me think I'm right and that there is a bone buried there."
"I know it's shocking, Emmett turning down a chance to gossip, but he was right not to tell you anything. It's not his, or mine, or Jess's story to tell. If you want to know what's going on there, you should speak to Alice directly."
"I would, but… my last conversation with your sister didn't end on a positive note. I told her to leave me alone and forget she ever knew me."
"Did you? When was this?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought you said you hadn't spoken to her, that me and Em were the only ones you had run into, since being back here."
"You were. This was a conversation that took place five years ago. And it was before that whole Jasper-bomb exploded… adding insult to the injury. I'm not sure she'd even want to see me… like ever again."
"That's a load of crap, and you know it. She doesn't blame you for Jasper's shady behavior. She's smarter than that."
"She should though. She should blame me. I didn't warn her beforehand, like any good friend would have done. I have a knack for screwing up friendships until they're beyond repair."
Edward, sighed."There's probably some truth in that. What do you want me to say, Bella?"
He'd been inspecting his face in the mirror, as if deciding whether to shave or not. Now he was looking at her through the reflection with a solemn look. "If you cared at all about the friendships you left behind, you shouldn't have waited this long coming back and making contact again."
"I didn't bring up Alice because I'm looking for a way to try and mend things with her. I brought her up because… you guys always seemed so close and now you're not. And if that's in any way because of what happened between you and me…then you need to find a way to fix your relationship with your sister ASAP, because I don't want THAT on my conscience, along with everything else!"
"We are not NOT close. We're just older now… and have a different kind of relationship. It has nothing to do with you or Gracie... and everything to do with me and the person I am today."
"Right. Who's talking crap now? I'm not buying that's all there is to it." She rolled her eyes at him. "We used to tease you two all the time about having that psychic telepathy twin connection. Do you remember that?" She didn't wait for him to answer. "It was like there was always some sort of wordless communication going on between you. And I was jealous… not over the twin thing, I was perfectly fine being an only child, but over the fact that she seemed to just know when something was bothering you. Not only that, but she knew how to fix things… how to draw you out of your shell, or soothe you when your temper flared or anxiety spiked. And all I ever did was make things worse."
"Hey, that's not true." His reply was immediate and certain. "You helped me plenty just by being your quirky self."
"And look how that turned out," she laughed darkly. "No, it would have been better if our paths had never crossed. I know I've said that before and I mean it."
"Better for you maybe," she thought she heard him grumble, though she could have imagined it. Next thing she knew he had cleared his throat and was talking in his normal voice again.
"Do you remember the first night you were up in my bedroom, Bella? We were on my bed and you talked me into letting you mess with my hair, which turned into the ultimate scalp, neck & shoulder massage. Innocent touches that should have meant nothing, but actually came to mean everything. It turned out that you had a real talent for making me feel comfortable enough to push myself and my boundaries."
"I remember there being a hell of a lot more than just some innocent touching going on that night."
"I know. I'm getting to that. Do you have any idea how big of a shift that night represented for me?"
"What part? Letting someone into your personal space? Giving up control? Allowing touching and being touched? Or are you talking about the sex?"
"All parts of that night, really. Those first months when we were sneaking around, having sex on any flat surface we could find like the hormonal teenagers we were, you made me feel normal, like I could be a normal teenage boy with a quasi-normal sex life. And it was all you… I don't think that could have happened with any other girl than you. You were patient, but pushy at the same time, and brutally honest, but in the nicest way."
"Come on, you were no blushing virgin, you'd been with other girls before me."
"Yes, but none that made me feel good about myself afterwards. OCD is a bitch and no matter how turned on I got or how good it felt to get off, I'd end up feeling unclean or contaminated afterwards, which led me to hate myself for subjecting myself to it in the first place. And so the vicious circle just went on and on... "
"Okay, but Edward, you're making it sound like-..." she started to object, , but he didn't give her a chance.
"You changed that for me… suddenly, I was able to able to enjoy sex without self loathing and without having to numb myself out with weed and alcohol, beforehand, during and afterwards …. and Bella, even if everything turned to shit later on, I'm glad I got to experience that with you."
"Right. And turn to shit it did... I just wanted to add that having a... – what did you call it? Quasi-normal sex life?- Well, it did not fix or erase any of our other issues, they were still there; your issues and mine… Don't paint that part, or any part of our joint past, like it was perfect, because you and I both know it wasn't."
"Not perfect, but pretty darn good."
"You forget I witnessed your OCD up close. Before I even knew for sure what was going on… there were all sorts of signs, small things mostly; like how you'd go out of your way to avoid touching anything while out in public, like door handles and hand rails. Or the way you detested having people getting into your personal space or messing with your personal belongings. You were always one step behind me, straightening, or rearranging anything I touched-..."
"Yes. I remember," he confirmed solemnly. "When things were going my way it would ease up some, but it never went away entirely. It never really does, you just have to learn how to cope with it… And at eighteen, I simply wasn't ready to work on myself yet. Mostly because I didn't think I had to."
"I know…It was frustrating. If I tried to bring up anything remotely related to your OCD, you'd get defensive and walled-up."
"Yeah, just like you would clamp up if I said the wrong thing or asked the wrong questions," Edward reminded her. "We certainly weren't good at communicating our feelings or talking about the things that really bothered us. Then again, we were teenagers, Bella. Honestly, I don't think you are supposed to know how to fix these kinds of issues, or have all the answers, at that age."
"True, but having some of those answers would have made all the difference in the world, I think," she sighed.
"We're sorting it out now, aren't we? Better late than never..." He gave her a crooked smile before turning back to his reflection in the mirror.
"Speaking of sorting things out… " He ran a hand through his messy hair, only making it messier. "What do you think, should I stick a beanie on my head and just be done with it?"
She pretended to ponder the question. "Hm… aren't you a bit too old to get away with that?" she teased him, but then decided to cut him some slack. "Your hair looks fine as it is. Just leave it be!"
"Yeah?"
"It adds to the roguish charm you've got going this morning," she said, motioning to the scruff that was growing on his cheeks.
"I was going to tidy that up," he muttered, not entirely pleased with the turn the conversation had taken for some reason .
Oh, well… Bella had no problem changing the subject. "Edward, can I ask about your parents?"
"What about them?" he responded, fussing with a strand of hair that kept falling over his eyes.
"Did they really get a divorce when you and Alice were little, because your mother was seeing someone else?"
"What? No. Who said that?"
"Charlie, I think. Though, I've heard that from other sources as well, so-…."
"There was no cheating going on. Not that I know of, anyway. Looong story short.. like most couples, they loved each other, but were too busy with their respective careers, and us kids and all the other responsibilities they were juggling. Their marriage worked for a while, until one day it wasn't working anymore..."
"Sounds they were taking each other and their marriage for granted. You know, the standard excuse – we grew apart."
"Yeah, I guess. My dad was away from home a lot when I was a kid. After finishing medical school there was internship and residency, long shifts, little sleep etc, etc... Mom was stuck alternating between raising two children AND working towards finishing her own doctor's degree… I guess she got tired of feeling like her whole life was put on hold while she waited for someone else to call the shots."
"But wait, weren't you and Alice IVF babies? Didn't they have some sort of plan? Couldn't they just have waited a couple of years until they had the work and life balance sorted?" Bella asked.
"I know, you'd think that. Right." He shrugged. "They'd agreed to try for kids early, because…there were fertility issues, so they wanted to get started on that as soon as possible, in case IVF would be needed, which turned out was the case. Part of their agreement was that Dad would take a sabbatical year and stay home, so that mom would get a chance to catch up, but he kept going back on that promise time and time again."
"So your mom up and left your dad? I suppose it takes guts to do something like that."
He nodded. "She packed as much of her belongings as she could fit into her car and took me and Al with her. We didn't go far. We stayed with a friend of mom's for the first month or so. Dad eventually offered to stay in the overnight apartment he shared with some coworkers in Seattle, giving mom full access to the villa."
"Villa? You mean their house, or mansion, in Forks?"
"Ah, yes… villa, mansion, house… whatever… Mom didn't want to live there anymore. She said the house she had spent years making into a home had been reduced to an empty shell, a painful reminder of a failed marriage. So, she ended up renting a small bungalow on the outskirts of town."
"There was someone else, though. Right? I know from what Alice has told me that your mom did meet someone new. She was engaged to this guy, even."
She saw his shoulders grow tense. "Uhm, yeah. If you already know, then why are you asking?"
"I just-.. I've never heard your view on any of this. I assume these events were, if not life-altering, then at least highly stressful for a young psyche. You know I study child psychology and development among other things. Right?" She didn't give him room to answer. "I don't have my textbooks here to show you, but the shortened version is that environmental stress factors and significant life transitions, such as a divorce, a new home and a new family constellation, can contribute to the development of OCD. That's why I'm asking."
"Okay, yes, my parents' divorce probably didn't help my development as a child. However, I was never an easy child to handle to begin with... and neither was Alice. It's like that classic 'what came first, the hen or the egg' debacle. Between dealing with my anxiety and OCD and Alice's ADHD, I'm sure a whole lot of extra strain and headache were put on our parents and their marriage."
"You did NOT cause your parents' divorce. And, also, you didn't drive you mom into the arms of another man. That's not how it works."
"No, I know that, but-..."he cut himself off. Shaking his head a little he pointed at her with his index finger. "Damn, you're good at this."
Ignoring that last comment, she plowed right on with her questions. "You didn't like your mom's new boyfriend from what I've gathered. Correct?" she pressed.
"Honestly, no one liked him much, except mom. She thought she'd found a gem; a diamond in the rough. She met him through work, at some group session thing - grief counseling, I think - where she was the assisting therapist. He was a widower and had been so for years. His life revolved around his son, or so he said. He was working from home, I don't even remember what he did… shuffling stacks of paper around, proof reading or translating some foreign language, or something... Mom had her rose colored glasses on and thought everything was going to work out oh-so-perfectly. They would get married and they would raise us three kids together and she'd have someone on the home front 24/7, always ready to pick up or drop off kids, run errands and handle at least half of the chores around the house."
"This guy, it was Emmett's dad, right?" Bella asked for clarification. "The same guy who tried to teach his six-year-old son to swim by throwing him into deep water from the end of a pier and leaving him there? And before you ask, Charlie told me."
"I'll have to say pass on that one," Edward answered, turning around to look her straight in the eye. "I mean, yes, my mom was engaged to Emmett's dad… and he wasn't nearly as loving, caring and compassionate as he made himself out to be… Everyone saw through him, except mom. Out of respect for Emmett that's all I have to say on this subject."
"Fair enough," she reached out and squeezed his arm, reassuringly. "I know they never actually got married, because Emmett's dad passed away unexpectedly from an aortic rupture or something like that. And I know your parents eventually found their way back to one another. They got remarried and adopted Emmett... and renovated that big ass emty shell of a house of theirs."
Edward didn't say anything, didn't flinch, not a sound escaped his clenched lips. Yet, it was obvious that he had something on his mind.
He glanced up and caught her looking at him.
"What?" he said.
"Did I get something wrong?" She asked, trying to figure out what she could have missed.
"No," he shook his head.
"I haven't seen your parents in years, but I'm assuming they are still together, still going strong…. Correct me if I'm wrong, but they seem to have put in the work to build up a more healthy and supportive marriage this time around."
"Hm… Yeah, sure," was Edward's only response.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Come on, it's getting stuffy on here." He ended the conversation with finality as he straightened his back and opened the bathroom door, motioning for Bella to step outside fist. Which she reluctantly did, but not silently.
"Don't nothing me. What is it? Don't shut me out now." She didn't mean for it to come out sounding like a whine, but it did anyway.
"Bella." His shoulders sagged slightly, as if he was submitting to some kind of defeat. "I don't want to stir up too much shit when it comes to Em's dad… I mean, I don't think Emmett would mind, me talking to you about it, but still...I don't want to do it behind his back. As for the rest… I'll tell you once I have been sanctioned to share. I need to have a talk with someone first."
"Who? Emmett? Your parents? All of them?"
He didn't answer.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be pushy or nosy or anything."
"I know. There is no big dramatic secret, or anything… I mean, nothing stays secret in Forks," he sighed. "How about this, if you really want to know, if you really want to do this, I could probably get Emmett over here for another little chat, in say..." he paused to check the time on his phone. "...20 minutes. However, I wouldn't be surprised if Rosalie showed up too. I'm actually impressed Em's managed to keep her away from us this long."
Bella looked away from him and back down to her hands. "Fine," she relented. "Just Rosalie, though… no kiddies. Because, honestly, I don't think I could handle that."
"Yeah, no I get that." He nodded. "That's fine. Obviously, I'll tell them to drop the girls off at daycare first, if they haven't done that already. "
"Thanks. I'm sure they are lovely, I just don't want to-..." she trailed off without finishing the sentence.
"Listen, I can't promise Rosalie won't bring up the topic of Grace. All I can do is remind them how sensitive of a subject it is and that you're emotionally frail right now. How's that?"
"I don't appropriate being called frail!" she objected with a huff.
"I meant, because of what's going on with your dad. But okay, I'll tell them I'm the one that can't handle that particular subject right now. I'll tell them I'm thrilled you're even speaking with me in the first place and that I don't want to rock the boat by talking about Grace… How does that sound?"
"Better... but only marginally."
"So, what does that mean? Should I go ahead and make the call?" he asked.
She mulled it over quickly before responding. "Yes." And then she added, "And Edward, please, do invite Rosalie," all the while thinking, 'geez, this is going to be about as fun as walking across hot coals barefoot,' to herself.
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