Internal conflicts
Lapelled
Existential crisis
His mind
A battlefield of emotions
Beliefs
Presumptions
Assumptions
His own philosophies
Clashing
With newfound views
Courtesy of a certain fire queen.
No doubt
Like a painter
She had colored him
Influenced
Changed.
Yellow and green
Bright and powerful
Sharp contrasts
To his monotony
And from a dead shell
He gained a bit more
Color.
She had taught him
Regardless
As the saying goes
There is lesson to be learned
Even from fools
Wisdom sprouts.
Indeed
He was mistaken.
She was certainly more perceptive
Than one would assume.
She showed him
How to find
Satisfaction
In the smallest joys.
Taught him
How to be
Sympathetic
To speak
With kind words.
From her
A powerful doctrine
A dogma
That he held
In high respect.
We always have a choice.
But now, even that statement.
Dangerous
Self-destructive.
By the same logic, she had chosen to destroy herself.
What am I doing, poking holes at idealist beliefs?
His cynicism certainly knew no bounds.
Acerbic criticism
All this
A wretched
Underhanded
Method.
If one would think.
People die. For attention.
Literally. Figuratively.
Indeed
What did I expect?
A Riajuu is a creature
That fed off
Attention.
Ego is always craving praise.
Dark humour.
You get more flowers
On your funeral
Than all of the flowers
Combined
In your entire life.
Source: me.
A man is loved the most
At the moment of his death.
Why?
Because when you are gone
Out of the way
No longer a hindrance
You are no longer
A pain in the ass.
Of course, your death will still be painful for your loved ones.
Such is cynicism.
He hated himself for it.
Did he?
But hate
Is acceptance
Of a grim truth
And thus
He loved himself.
Irony
Brimming with hypocrisy
The reason
Why he
Will never deserve
The privilege
Of friendship
And the ideal
Of
Love.
This is why
I am a loner
An outcast
Opposer of youth
The terrorist
Blowing up
Illusions and façades
Shoving reality
Down their throats.
The cynic. In the flesh.
The monster.
Of logic.
He had long forgotten
Disparaged
The vital reminder.
When fighting monsters
Do not become one.
To him
He was upset
Infuriated
In grief.
Through his own dead eyes
He saw
A pathetic move
Leading to the downfall
Execution
Of the monarchy
Social hierarchy overturned
Suicide attempt
A final gambit
Of the fire queen
That will make
Or break
Her empire.
Dots connect
She had lunged forward
That evening
In front of an audience
To reveal
Who is the antagonist
In the play.
But this is all
A bold calculation.
If he had miscalculated
Missed calculation
Results
Lethal.
He was sad.
Yes, a contradicting statement.
The cold cynic, sad?
Only those who have a heart can feel sadness.
How rich.
But as he drew closer to her
Brushing blonde hair aside
Wipe away
Traces of tears
On an ethereal face
Caressing her cheeks
And he planted
A kiss
On her forehead
With what sincerity
He had left.
A certain sage
Traipsed in his mind.
For the blonde fire queen
Was simply another
Nice girl.
And that is why
He must be compassionate
With her.
It is always difficult to love.
With it
Comes pain
Suffering
A long journey
Provoked by self-interests
Temptations
Human nature.
I was a coward.
Cowards survive a thousand times.
A hero, only once.
But that is it.
Genuine?
To simply survive cannot suffice.
I wanted to live.
Up until now
All I did
Survive
Evade
Run.
A hero will save her.
There was none.
So
Become one.
He nuzzled against her silken hair
And from the corner of his eyes
Though his gaze
Dead
A teardrop
The second time
Since the last time.
Because the cynic
Learned the biggest lesson
From the fire queen
Which is
To love.
Because he had learned to love her.
And because
He had learned to love her
He was saddened
Because he did not want
To lose her.
They say
Only fools
Know how to
Truly love.
If cynicism is the bitter wisdom
A pill he reluctantly swallowed
He would have to try
To love
Even if
He knew
It was priming
Another time bomb
Because nothing
Lasts forever.
And so he wept.
He who loves to a fault
Loves the fault as well.
