Thursday, 4.02.09
In the two days her quasi-date with Logan, Rory had been forced to confront a series of truths:
1. She was not going to be getting back together with Logan Huntzberger any time soon.
After watching the rest of the movie with Jess she'd taken a long shower and collapsed into her bed, if only to stare at the ceiling. She'd imagined calling him and asking if they could make solid plans to go to breakfast or lunch before he left the city, if they could talk about things moving forward. What would she say? What would he say back?
She'd noticed a light in his eyes, something that must have come with the distance from his father. He was happier than he was in her memories, something that wasn't particularly hard to beat considering the rejected proposal. While she was happy for him and excited to hear about the things he was doing for work, her hindsight made clear that the comfort of being with Logan existed within the bubble of their memories.
To be with him was to move to California and be 'Logan Huntzberger's girlfriend'. She would find a job on some paper that had nothing to do with the Huntzberger fortune - a feat, with their expansion in the West - and she would still receive special treatment in the hopes of gaining her beau's favor.
And lastly, the issue of marriage. The reversion she'd gone through just being in his orbit had made her very aware of the ways she'd changed in the last two years. She'd finally branched out and become independent to a certain degree, shit, she lived a few hours from anyone she shared blood with.
Rory wasn't ready to be Logan's girlfriend again and she definitely wasn't ready to be Mrs. Huntzberger, heiress-in-law to a fortune.
Logan wasn't willing to wait around for her to be ready.
2. She wasn't going to ignore-away her feelings for Jess (in the near future).
This was a more abrasive thing to think about; admitting that she had lingering feelings for Jess was similar to scrubbing at her skin with the green part of a dish sponge.
After all, she was very aware that she was going to have to get out of bed and act as though she didn't feel anything at all. The two of them had finally reached a homeostasis, something so new that the fragility was palpably wafting off of the tone Jess used when he asked about her date.
The nonchalance in his voice felt so much more meaningful than anything she'd heard before that moment - yet another reason she knew she couldn't choose Logan for the time being, he didn't deserve that from her - and was the focus of almost half of her spiraling thoughts.
Did he ask her because he was just being kind? Did he ask because he was interested as a friend? Or because she looked stressed? Did his tone only sound different because she wanted it to?
The feelings themselves were negligible up until this point, she told herself. She liked his crooked smile and the way his voice sounded when they were debating the merits of a plot or an author or something equally irrelevant. She thought that the time it took him to do his hair was a little funny, especially now that he'd let it grow out a bit. She had fun bitching about the way that he would burrow his freezing feet under her legs when he sat on the couch.
The fondness that she had for him had grown, fed by proximity, but on some level it was only fondness. She'd tried to deny her feelings to stunt the rapid development, but that had only allowed them to grow unchecked and now she was stuck dealing with something that no longer qualified as fondness. Instead of simply over-appreciating their time together, she craved more.
Letting go of Logan had broken some sort of Jess-related-dam in her mind. The reasoning she came up with was: she must have put a mental block on Jess-feelings to save her relationship with Logan and now that the relationship was placed on the shelf next to Wheezy the penguin and the Magic 8 Ball, the block disintegrated.
Where she had accepted the gentle drive to look a little better around Jess before, she now was second guessing every outfit, wanting to know what he thought looked better on her. Instead of arguing over possession of the remote, she was more than happy to let him choose the channel. Yes, she still bitched about his icicle-toes being pushed under her legs, but that didn't mean she didn't feel the want to be closer to him more acutely than she had the entire time she'd lived with him.
All-in-all, she had managed to avoid being completely comfortable with Jess by mere inches, trading in that comfort for an overawareness of everything that he did.
3. She was incredibly worried that her mother would catch onto this the moment they make eye contact.
To call Lorelai Gilmore a socially-savvy woman was to call Stephen Hawking a 'smart dude'. It's true, but it doesn't show the scope of the discussed prowess.
After the many blunders included in the Dean and Rory saga, Rory had been finding herself keeping only one type of information from her mother: the boy-type information. She didn't want to be the kid that got swept up in foolhardy romance and lost her virginity to a married man. She didn't want to be the girl that got crushed like a soda can and ran away from college to live as a DAR member in the shelter of her grandparents' mansion. Rory wanted to be Rory Gilmore, an established professional that didn't need romance, especially when she had work to do.
She'd had the same apprehension to see her mother after she'd visited Jess's open house, after the last time they kissed. While, yes, Lorelai might've sensed something was wrong, they never discussed her feelings on the Jess in question in enough depth to be truly honest. Rory never wanted to discuss Jess with her mother, there was no way the woman could be objective.
The tension between Jess and Lorelai was probably the number one reason that she didn't want to give her mother an insight into the developing situation. Even if Rory never told anyone about her feelings, Jess would always be a part of her life. Holidays for the rest of her existence would include Jess, every major event in Luke's life at the very least would have a Jess-related-tint. She couldn't give her mother a reason to see him as an outsider after all of the healing that they'd seemingly managed.
No, instead she would suffer in silence and search for a way out.
Maybe the only way out was to sit tight and wait until they could, again, go their separate ways. After all, that was the only way their relationship had ever cooled off in the past. If Jess hadn't left Stars Hollow in 2003, they might have never broken up...
God, that was too much to think about in the moment.
"Green or pink?" Rory shouted at her mirror, a hanger in each worrying hand. She'd tried on both blouses and still couldn't decide, which was very on trend with the way the last few days had gone for Rory. She hadn't been able to make a decision on anything, a very irritating thing on its own when one wasn't meant to be writing opinion pieces for a living.
The response that she was waiting for was hidden behind the chorus of 'Red Hot Moon', drawing an exasperated groan. She paused the music and, standing in front of the mirror again, shouted for confirmation.
"... shoes!" was all she heard. Another groan and she had to cross the room to reach for one of her doors, cracking it open to hear whatever that was meant to be.
"Repeat again?"
"I said, it depends on the shoes," Jess responded, his voice muffled even with the cracked door.
"The nude ones," Rory glanced at the shiny shoes sitting on her bed.
"We're going out after. You're not gonna want heels like that," he reminded her. The responding grumble was a response to the fact that the only decision she'd managed to make was overwritten in next to no time.
"The black flats, then. With the strappy-things."
"Pink."
Rory slid the door shut and returned to where she'd left the shirts, unbuttoning the salmon colored silk blouse and slipping into it. She knew that Jess didn't really care what she was wearing, but he had had to accept that he was a poor-Rory's Lorelai for such advice.
Either way, he was right. The green top was too dark.
She brushed out her hair one last time, adjusting her bangs and pulling a few strands into a neat thin braid down the back as a last minute flourish.
Perfect, she hoped.
After straightening up, putting away the nude heels and flattening her blankets, Rory slipped out into the living room... only to see Jess trying to shovel Oreos into his mouth over the sink so as not to get his dress shirt covered in cookie crumbs.
"You do know we have three minutes until we're supposed to be out the door, right?" Rory asked, her eyebrow cocked.
Jess nodded, picking one last Oreo from the package before sealing it and sliding it over to sit next to the microwave - not where it belonged.
As he walked past her toward the hall, presumably to brush his teeth, Rory collected her cellphone from the coffee table and checked the time.
"Make that two minutes. And tighten your tie in the mirror."
"Fank-oo maw."
"Don't call me mom," Rory rolled her eyes, moving to stand next to the door while she waited.
Once Jess had finally emerged from the bathroom, one minute behind schedule, Rory handed him his jacket and opened the door.
"Do you have my-"
"Keys?" Rory asked, dangling the carabiner off of her index finger. "And I have an extra charger in my purse."
"You're verging on Poppins territory, Rory," Jess laughed, leading her into the hallway and then turning to lock the door behind them. Rory, who had only ever enjoyed the movie for the chimney sweep sequences and the book for its window into a time period, did not understand the reference for once. "You know? With the tape measure? No?... Disappointing," he finally sighed, heading to the stairs.
"I'll re-watch the movie if it's really that important to you," she shrugged, sneaking a glance at him to appreciate the way he'd dressed himself up. She wasn't sure why he'd worn a tie to this open house and not to the last one, but either way she appreciated the effect. Sure, he was wearing it with jeans, but they were still nice jeans.
The effort was probably to hook a client.
"Eartha might come with us to the bar afterwards, do you think anyone would mind?" Rory asked, breaking the silence.
"Definitely not, we still need a third," Jess grinned, flashing her a smile. The Truncheon bunch had found a trivia night at a local bar- it covered everything from literature to the golden age of television to international politics. Eartha, the girl who sat kitty-corner from her in the cluster of desks she belonged to, was an environmental activist who generally despised the puns that came with her name. She was Jess and Rory's clincher as someone who minored in biochemistry at the University of Toronto.
Rory and Jess had spent the last few days joking that they'd be banned as a team, like the card counters in Las Vegas.
Rory liked the way that Jess's eyes looked when he felt mischievous.
"Stop it," Rory hissed, trying not to laugh at the things Louis was whispering to her. She was about ready to push him off his stool, really. He kept discretely pointing at people and joking about how certain guests were like Seinfeld or Popeye or Marmaduke.
"It's true and you know it," Louis insisted, nodding toward the Marmaduke in question. Rory wouldn't admit it, but he was right.
"We should be paying attention. We're gonna get in trouble," she hissed, scanning the crowd for Matt or Chris.
While they were goofing around in the back, there was an artist on the steps reading a passage from their in-progress novel. Jess was stood closer to the front of the group, actively listening as though he were a competent and responsible man with a job.
"Besides, he doesn't really remind me of Marmaduke," Rory said, trying her best to keep her mouth from moving. "Sure, he's tall and he's got the square face. But he reminds me more of that actor we saw-"
"Claw-dee-ooh?"
"Claw-dee-ooh," Rory confirmed, suppressing a smirk. Louis snorted so loud that it prompted Rory to jump a little in her seat, prompting a handful of people to look back at them curiously. She smacked Louis's shoulder to make him stop laughing, pursing her lips into an unnatural expression to stop the giggling.
They'd gone back and seen another Shakespeare play, Much Ado About Nothing. The actor had god awful pronunciation, the worst being the way he pronounced 'Claudio'. The two of them had been trying to emulate whatever accent it was for almost a week. It was irritating to most of the people that weren't the two of them.
As the final reading came to a close, Louis and Rory had to separate so that they wouldn't ruin the author's moment. Instead, Rory planted herself by the picked apart carcass of the snack table. As all baked goods and sandwiches were gone, Rory took the time to gorge herself on baby carrots until the room started to applaud the end of the reading.
"What's up, Doc?" Rory looked up to see Jess leaning against the table with his arms crossed.
"Just lining my stomach. We don't know the trivia to booze ratio of the night yet," Rory explained, holding up a baby carrot.
"Yeah, yeah. We've still got at least a half hour before we get to leave, Matt's psyching himself up to do the 'thank you for coming' speech right now," Jess said, nodding toward the spot by the stairs where Matt was shifting from foot to foot like a boxer getting a pep talk.
They listened to the beginning of the speech in near silence, only the crunching of carrots between them.
"What was so funny?"
Rory tore her eyes away from Matt, having been tracing the patterns in his sweater instead of really listening. "I'm sorry?"
"With you and Louis," Jess said, nodding toward his scruffy friend, still sitting next to Rory's empty stool. "What was so funny?"
"Oh, it's nothing," Rory said, reaching out to fix the collar of Jess's shirt before she could think to stop herself. "I didn't realize that you heard that. It was just an inside joke from those plays we went to go see?"
"Hmm." He looked back up at the makeshift stage. She wondered for a moment whether he was upset with her for something, maybe being too loud or disruptive. He was pretty serious about the night, after all. Someone important had to be there, judging by the tie he was wearing.
"Do you think I could nail Matt in the chest with a baby carrot?"
"Do you think we could do it all the way down the staircase?" Gen asked, looking up to Rory. Even with her heels on, she was only up to Rory's shoulder.
"If he has his glasses on," Rory nodded, handing her another grape.
The two of them had been taking turns throwing grapes for Tim, one of the Truncheon coworkers that worked mostly from home. He was surprisingly good at catching the grapes, he'd even managed to catch a few of the poorly thrown ones from Rory. Now that they'd started successfully throwing the span of the office, they had to look for new territory.
"We probably don't have enough time, do we?" Gen sighed, watching as the last two desks were slid into place by Jess, Matt, and Chris.
"Probably not," Rory agreed, walking to the coat rack by the door and pulling off her stylish new Emily-approved peacoat. "Are you riding in my car?"
"I was going to ride with Tim. I think you've got Matt and Chris, though," Gen nodded, waving Tim over to her. "We're dropping Louis off at home on the way there."
"Alright, I'll buy your first round," Rory smiled, leaning against the door frame and watching the boys start to slowly migrate toward the door. Jess was trying to explain how he'd managed to do something with a distributor that was impressive, Rory wasn't really tuned into the conversation. She noticed that his tie was loosened. He must have been hot.
"Everyone ready to go?" Rory asked, stepping toward the door. A chorus of confirmation later and Rory lead the group out the door, briefly waiting for Matt on the stairs while he locked up and then continuing to the street. They were dividing into their two car groups, Rory taking Matt, Jess, and Chris in her car (Chris called shotgun) and Louis riding with Tim and Gen, when they were interrupted.
"Hey, guys. Where're you going?"
They all turned, not dissimilar to a crowd of meerkats, to find Nadia crowded under the awning of the bakery below Truncheon. She looked cold.
They all murmured their greetings.
Jess stepped forward. "We're just going to a bar. It's trivia night. Are you alright? Do you need a ride somewhere?"
"Oh, no," She laughed, waving him off. "My ride's just running a little late. My roommate's boyfriend had to jump her car, it's really not a big deal."
"You can wait upstairs if you want, where it's warm?" Jess offered. While Rory agreed that it was probably the kind thing to do, she felt the need to check her phone screen for the time. She really didn't want this to make them late. Nadia said she was fine.
"No, really. I'm okay. Have fun," she insisted, gently pushing his shoulder. The playful gesture made her intentions clear to Rory, not that she really minded. It's not like she had real stake in Jess, after all. She had a crush. She'd had crushes before.
"But... wait one sec," Nadia paused, stepping toward Jess and reaching up to grab ahold of his tie. It felt almost too intimate for Rory to watch, instead she turned her head and ended up catching Louis's eyes. They both did the 'widening your eyes slightly to say "did you see that" thing before Rory turned back.
"Alright well... you have my number if you need something, alright?" Jess offered, stepping backwards toward the group.
"That I do. And one day you'll regret giving it to me," Nadia teased. "Goodnight, Jess."
"Goodnight, Nadia."
Goodnight, Nadia.
Friday, 4.03.09
"In the name of all that is holy, someone, please, let me into this damned- Oh, thank god."
Lorelai had dropped her bag by the door, stepping past Rory and into the living room of the apartment.
"Bathroom?"
"Down the hall, last door on the right," Rory advised, leaning over to drag the duffle into the apartment. She'd taken the afternoon away from the office to help her mother settle in, then they planned on going out for dinner and drinks. She figured that they wouldn't be back until eleven at least. She wouldn't have to worry about any interactions with Jess and her mother until the next day.
By the time Lorelai had returned, Rory had her bag at the foot of her bed. They were planning on sharing the full sized mattress.
"So," Lorelai said, dropping onto Rory's bed. "Philadelphia. Phil-lay. The City of Brotherly Love. Quaker City. The Big Scrapple. Sorry, yeah. One too many."
"A few too many."
"Nonetheless, we're in the city. What secrets do you know?"
"Secrets?" Rory laughed. "I've lived here for a month and a half. I don't know any secrets."
"That's exactly what someone who knows secrets would say," Lorelai accused, flopping back on the newly laundered duvet to stretch out.
"I know where we can get a semi-decent bagel," Rory offered, pulling her hair back. "Does that count as a secret?"
"Outside of a 2-hour New York radius, it might," Lorelai smiled. "I want to go out, enjoy myself. It's the first time in four months that I haven't had to wipe anyone's butt buy my own."
"That is a luxury that you don't think about until you lose it," Rory said.
"You're damn right it is. I love your brother with all my heart, but the kid is a poop machine."
"How do you think Luke is handling being alone?" Rory asked.
"Like a champ," Lorelai nodded. "He got a baby bjorn. He's very excited about it because now he can bring Will to work. Show him the family business, all that fun stuff."
"Very fun stuff."
They rested in their spots, drinking in the calm quiet and the muffled sound of the outside that seeped through the walls.
Saturday, 4.04.09
They'd spent the morning walking around downtown Philly, buying things they don't really need, and after lunch Rory had been convinced to show Lorelai her little office space. She sat down, took the place in and made many references that made Rory glad to know that her boss wasn't around on Saturdays after two in the afternoon.
A lot of the references had to do with Rory being a 'working girl'.
They'd made the last minute decision to stop in a video store to rent a handful of movies for the night: The Godfather, The Godfather II, and The Godfather III, as well as Cool Runnings and Blades of Glory.
Jess, surprisingly enough, didn't put up a fight when she texted him that the line up had already been decided for the night. Technically, it was his turn to be couch commando.
"You know, I never actually noticed the oranges," Jess admitted. He was leaning against the right arm of the couch, in his usual spot only more upright than he usually was. Rory had been re-arranged to the center of the couch with her mother on her left, eating Chinese food and communicating all the tidbits she'd told Rory back when she was eleven.
"Oranges are the smell of death, I'm telling you. It's like my Nana used to say," Lorelai declared, raising her fork like a staff or a scepter.
"Your Nana? Who is your Nana?" Rory laughed.
"You know, you know. The one that lives by the crick."
"The crick? When have you ever been anywhere close to a crick?"
"When I visit my Nana I am right next to a crick."
Rory let out a deep sigh, glancing at Jess. He offered a smirk.
"Did we show you the shirt we got for Luke?" Rory asked, turning toward Jess and raising an eyebrow. She wriggled out of the blanket she had wrapped around her, crossing the room to the bags by the door. A few seconds search and Rory pulled out cheap white t-shirt that read 'Someone who loves me very much went to Philadelphia and got me this shirt' with a few accompanying cartoons.
"I think it'll really up his fashion game, don't you?" Lorelai asked, smiling at Rory.
"Definitely, definitely," Rory nodded, holding it out to Jess. "And what do you think?"
"I think it's a necessary addition to his wardrobe."
"We have a matching one for William."
"Definitely necessary, then," Jess laughed.
Rory carefully shoved the shirt back into the bag, making her way back to the couch when her phone buzzed. She knew it was the pizza guy before she pulled it out and checked the number.
"We got the lazy one," Rory sighed, trekking to the door and sliding her feet into Jess's sneakers. "I'll get the pizza. Don't pause it, I want to get to the explosion faster."
"Yes ma'am."
"And don't take my blanket," she demanded, her eyes narrowed to accompany her pointed finger. Lorelai tended to hog blankets.
An awkward silence settled over Lorelai and Jess in the moments after
As she reached for the remote, Lorelai told herself that she did try not to do it. She muted the movie.
"Hey, Jess." He looked at her, clearly apprehensive. She could definitely understand why. "I just... I wanted to say thank you."
"Thank you? For what?"
Lorelai shifted her position so that she could face him full-on. She'd run through this speech in her head while she was stuck in traffic the day before. Since then she'd only had time to refine it.
"I just wanted to say thank you for everything you're doing for her, for Rory. I know you guys are friends and I just... I know I haven't helped that at all in the past. I was protective - over protective, really. And judgmental. You were a kid when you got shipped to Stars Hollow and I know that you must've had a lot going on and... I didn't help. I think I had a hard enough time knowing that Rory was interested in boys, let alone more than one boy being interested in her. And you just didn't seem- well, in some crazy part of my head you didn't seem as safe. And you've never done anything to hurt her, I know that."
Lorelai felt as though words were spilling out faster than she wanted them to, so she took a breath before she continued.
"Whatever feelings I had, justified or not, were not on you. You were a kid. You didn't deserve to be in some sort of weird feud with someone twice your age and I wanted to let you know that I know I was wrong. And since you're stuck seeing me on holidays for the rest of time, I thought I should tell you that I have no hard feelings. You're always welcome. So... Yeah. To summarize: thank you for helping Rory and sorry for everything else."
Jess, never the most emotionally predictable, surprised Lorelai with his response.
"There's no hard feelings on my part either. I'm happy to help a friend," he said, shifting as though he would rather not be having the conversation he was having. "And that's all we are, friends."
"I know," Lorelai agreed, decidedly not noting that she hadn't said anything to the contrary.
Her shoulders lighter, Lorelai unmuted the TV. When Rory came back, she didn't seem to notice the shift in temperature between the two, instead focusing on telling Lorelai and Jess about how she'd negotiated the price down because the pizza was a little cold.
Rory didn't need to know about their conversation, anyway. She'd see the effects later on.
