Day one
They hadn't had time for a proper burial. They hadn't had time to slow down, to say nice words about the most beautiful soul the world had lost. They hadn't had time to even really believe what had happened before they were on the run again.
Rhiannon's tears hadn't stopped at all. Her throat ached from screaming her terror and sadness. She hadn't recovered from the sight that left her feeling broken. Everytime she closed her eyes she saw Beth falling to the floor, blood pouring from her forehead, her lifeless eyes.
It was terrifyingly haunting to remember.
They'd managed to find a place to lay low as midnight fell upon them. It wasn't safe to be wandering around in the dark and it was even less safe when everyone was so emotionally wounded.
Rhiannon looked around at the desolate cabin, the walls splintering, the roof almost caving in on itself. It probably wasn't the safest of places to reside in, but it was better than any open space. She turned on her heel, her eyes searching for Daryl.
She wanted him close, she needed him close.
She'd seen how gentle he'd been with Beth, his own tears steadily falling as he carried her. She remembered his words, she's my sister too. She knew he was affected by this, that Beth had changed him, her innocent view of the world had changed him, made him more optimistic.
But now, what did they believe? How could they possibly have any hope for humanity if Beth, the sweetest, most kindhearted soul had suffered? It didn't make sense.
It didn't make sense to Rhiannon that she remained standing and breathing and baby sister was six feet under.
None of it made sense.
"Hey, I just wanna say again-" Tyreese started, making Rhiannon flinch out of her thoughts. She was quick to raise a hand, making his sentence trail off.
She just shook her head, her face creasing as she tried her hardest not to break down again.
"Please don't." She whispered, her voice cracking under the emotional weight. Tyreese nodded, looking down sadly before he quickly stepped forward, wrapping her up in his humongous arms.
Rhiannon squeezed her eyes shut, her bottom lip beginning to tremble. The second that sniffle was let out, against her will, Tyreese was holding her tighter, listening to her as the dam broke once again.
Rick watched from across the room, her own eyes swimming with tears. His heart raced at the memory of Beth falling to the floor. He'd wanted to tear his own skin off, the feeling of her blood on his cheeks was like flames burning to the bone.
"Stay with her tonight. I'll keep watch." Rick told Daryl quietly, giving his shoulder a squeeze comfortingly.
Daryl nodded his thanks, already feeling on edge from the short distance between them. He was more than worried about her, he didn't even have a word for how worried he was for her. He remembered what she'd said to him in Atlanta, that she'd never recover if they didn't get to see Beth.
He didn't know how they would possibly move past this.
He began to make his way to Rhiannon. Tyreese had finally let go of her, moving back to his spot to give her some space. Daryl watched her with a frown as she laid her things down on the floor in the corner of the room, away from the others, her hands occasionally reaching up to wipe the tears on her cheeks.
He spared a look over at Maggie who was still crying steadily, Glenn's arms wrapped around her tightly, Carol in front of her on her knees, whispering words of comfort.
He felt a chill down his spine at the sight and averted his gaze. It was hard to watch, hard to know how much pain the two sisters were in, how much they'd lost in such a short amount of time. It wasn't fair.
Daryl dropped his crossbow at his feet, moving to sit next to Rhiannon on the floor. She immediately curled into his side, her small form seeming even smaller in her state. He wrapped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her in closer to him.
He placed a kiss to the top of her head and closed his eyes in resignation when he heard her breathing unsteadily, trying so hard not to cry. He knew he'd failed and was still failing as nothing he said would ever be enough to make up for what happened.
Daryl held her tightly for a few minutes, before the room turned dark, everyone turning in for the night. It was quiet, save for a few snores, Maggie's crying and Glenn hushed words of love.
Daryl gently moved the two of them so they could lie down on the hard floor. Every part of her body pressed against his, as if she refused to even be an inch away from him.
Rhiannon's breathing was still uneven and her face was tight with concentration, he knew those wicked thoughts running through her head, he knew she was just reliving it over and over again. He sighed deeply, brushing a strand of hair from her face, making her jump back instinctively as she was torn out of her mirage of brutal memories.
"Sorry." He whispered, his heart aching at the action, but was reassured when she leaned into him, her fingers entwining with his.
He could feel that her hands were still trembling. It made his chest tighten and that cloud of despair that hung over him refused to move at the knowledge.
"I can't stop seeing it." She whispered shakily, Daryl barely able to understand her words. "It won't stop."
Daryl tightened his grip on her, his face tight with agony. He hated that tone in her voice, so sad, so hopeless.
"I know. It's gonna hurt for awhile."
"It should've been me." Rhiannon whispered. Daryl's heart stopped and he shook his head, feeling tears spring to his own eyes at the thought. "I deserved it more than she did."
"Stop it." Daryl said forcefully, his voice shaking slightly. He was unable to mind his tone, the thought made him angry, it was too much to fathom. The images his mind conjured of her laying on the floor of that hospital, her lifeless eyes made him feel sick. "Don't wanna hear that shit come outta your mouth again, you hear me?"
Rhiannon frowned deeply, feeling regret over her words. She should've known how Daryl would react to that and she should've known it wouldn't be good. But she couldn't help it, she couldn't stop what she was feeling, she couldn't stop feeling guilty or stop feeling absolutely, irrevocably broken.
She leaned into him, her nose nudging his. He sighed shakily, his hands holding onto her tightly, as if that would keep anything from taking her away from him.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice thick with emotion as tears began to fall down her face yet again.
"Just… I don't want you sayin' that again, or thinkin' it. You did nothin' wrong."
Neither did Beth, she thought to herself, but she didn't say it, she didn't see the point in saying it. Everyone knew. Beth had done nothing wrong her entire life and this was how the universe repaid her.
The thought of never seeing her again had her throat closing up tightly.
"I miss her so much already." She whispered, burying her face into his strong chest.
Daryl felt as if his emotions were being pulled on a string about to snap at any moment. He was so close to losing it too, but he couldn't, not when Rhiannon needed him. He needed to be strong for her.
He held her tightly, his lips pressed to her forehead as he let her cry.
It was all he could do.
Day two
Rhiannon watched as the others got their stuff together, practically scarfing down their breakfast so they could get back on the road and keep moving.
Her stomach turned at the thought of food and she'd refused the many pleas Daryl had given her to eat, to keep herself healthy. She couldn't stand it and she didn't want it to go to waste.
She sat in her spot on the floor, her head rested against the wall behind her, her eyes drooping slightly. She hadn't slept much, practically at all, the night before. She couldn't get Beth out of her mind and it left her unable to relax.
Maggie was sat next to her, the bags under her eyes matching her own.
Rhiannon looked over at her, her heart dropping to her stomach at the sight of her red-rimmed, puffy eyes. She knew her younger sister had been crying all night and she had little hope that today would be any different.
"Hey, come take a walk with me?" She asked quietly, startling Maggie out of her reverie. She looked at Rhiannon with wide eyes, surprised that she had spoken at all, given how distraught she'd been the day before which had led her to close herself off from everyone, even herself who was grieving along with her.
Maggie nodded and reached out, taking Rhiannon's hand in her own as they stood and began to make their way out of the cabin.
"Hey, where you two goin'? We ain't ready to head out yet." Daryl called out, his hackles raising the second he saw Rhiannon and Maggie headed towards the door.
"We just want some fresh air. We won't go far, promise." Rhiannon said, giving a stiff smile that wouldn't even fool a blind person.
Before anyone could protest, could make the argument that the two of them were too emotionally distraught to be out there alone, they were walking out of the cabin. Daryl sighed, his shoulders sagging when the door closed behind them.
He flinched and sent an instinctive glare as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He relaxed, only slightly, when he saw it was Glenn.
"It's ok. Just give them some time, they haven't talked at all, they need this." He explained and Daryl was hard pressed to argue, no matter how much he hated to watch Rhiannon walk away.
Rhiannon and Maggie, true to their word, didn't walk far, just leaving enough distance between them and the cabin where no one would hear them.
The silence between them wasn't what was uncomfortable, they were sisters, it would never be uncomfortable between them. What did make it unbearable were the unspoken words they didn't have the courage to say. They didn't want to talk about grief, they didn't want to make the losses they'd suffered real by speaking about them.
"I don't know what to say." Rhiannon mumbled, her fingers fidgeting in her lap nervously.
"I don't either." Maggie whispered, sniffling softly as her memories caught up to her, causing another emotional bout to overtake her. "It doesn't seem real."
Rhiannon nodded in agreement. "I know. I feel like I'll blink and she'll be there and I'll realize everything was just some sort of sick joke."
"But it's not."
"No… it's not." Rhiannon stated sadly, her casting down to the ground. "I don't know where we go from here, how we move on."
"We just do. The same way we did with Daddy. We face every day, we cry as much as we need to, and eventually we'll feel better." Maggie said softly, her hand squeezing Rhiannon's tightly.
Rhiannon winced, her face creasing with derision. That didn't comfort her in the slightest. She didn't believe it in the slightest. The slight glimmer of hope she'd gotten after she lost her father and her baby was swallowed up in the darkness this new world brought. She couldn't allow herself to think about feeling better, feeling hope again because she knew there would be another tragedy. It was only a matter of time.
At the silence that followed her words, Maggie looked up at her sister and the blank, unseeing expression on her face had her blood turning to ice in her veins. It scared her completely because she'd seen that look before. She'd seen it after their mother had died and only months later she was shipped off to boarding school for her bad behaviour.
Rhiannon was pulling away and Maggie was watching it happen before her eyes.
"Rhi, look at me, please." Maggie whispered, her voice breaking.
Rhiannon sighed, hesitating for a few seconds before gaining enough strength to lift her gaze to her sister.
"I know what you're doing and I understand that people grieve in different ways, but this isn't right. You can't pull away. You can't do that to me." Maggie said sternly, though the way her voice cracked and the tears that rolled down her cheeks made her a lot less intimidating. "You're all I have left." She cried, her head bowing as she tried to regain what little control she had on her emotions.
Rhiannon cried softly, quickly reaching out and pulling Maggie into a tight embrace. She felt her shudder against her, beginning to cry harder which only made Rhiannon tighten her grip on her.
"You have to promise me." Maggie cried and Rhiannon squeezed her eyes shut, almost as if she were in pain. She hated to hear her sister like that.
"I promise." Rhiannon said quietly, crying along with her.
Day eight
She had tried. She had tried so hard. But Rhiannon hadn't kept her promise.
She couldn't help but close off from the others, she couldn't help but ignore them as they talked, such trivial things seemed so wrong to talk about when grief still weighed heavily on her shoulders.
That numb feeling she couldn't shake left her unable to try to act cordial with everyone, to try to converse and try to move on and be happy.
She knew she was walking a dangerous path, that pushing everyone away would come back to bite her in the ass and cause trouble she didn't want to deal with. But she didn't know how to change.
Everyone could see it, but they were helpless to stop it. She was too.
"Hey," Rosita called out to her. "We're heading out now."
Rhiannon nodded wordlessly, pushing herself off the tree she'd been leaning on to make it to the cars that were finally filled up with gas again and ready to go.
She barely spared a glance at anyone as she climbed into the back seat. She didn't want to see their weak smiles, their concerned glances as if to make sure she wasn't going to burst into tears.
She wasn't. She hadn't cried since that second day. She made the argument to herself that she was just dehydrated and didn't have any tears left, but she knew better, she knew she was closing off everything, including her own emotions.
A heavy sigh escaped her and she leaned her head against the window as everyone got into their seats. She noticed Daryl, having just slammed the hood down, looking around in confusion, his eyes searching for her.
When they locked with hers through the window, she looked down, feeling shame overcome her. Carl, holding Judith, had taken the spot next to her and there were no seats left in the car.
Knowing she hadn't waited for him, had been the first one to take her seat as if to avoid him, left a pit of dread settling in his stomach.
Daryl grit his teeth in annoyance, his hands clenching into fists and he quickly made his way to the other car, slamming the door shut behind him more forcefully than necessary and ignoring the looks of sympathy he earned from everyone in the car who knew what was going on with Rhiannon.
As they drove, Carl kept shooting glances over at Rhiannon. He was worried for his friend. He'd never seen her like this before. For as long as he'd known her, she'd been like this unstoppable superhero to him.
She'd saved his life before he'd even met her and she continued to months and months later.
It was almost frightening to him to see her so blank, so numb, so different than what he was used to.
Judith squirmed in his grip, but he made sure to keep his grip on her, to stop her from crawling over to Rhiannon's lap. He knew she was still grieving the loss of her own baby and he knew she still had reservations over holding Judith.
The sound of the baby whining made Rhiannon wince and she kept her gaze out the window, refusing to look over at the child that demanded her attention. Her chest tightened when she heard Carl sigh at her refusal to even look over at them.
The knowledge that she was now hurting Carl and Judith made guilt wash over her so greatly it felt like it would suffocate her.
The drive was agonizing, they had driven for hours, finally making the choice to stop in a residential neighbourhood once it began to get dark, deciding to spend the night and continue their trek to Richmond in the morning.
Things were awkward as they cleared the house in silence and settled down in the living room with little words being exchanged as Carol handed out the canned food they had stocked up on in the past week.
Daryl's steps slowed as he walked into the room, his eyes instantly zeroing in on Rhiannon who was sitting by herself. He felt sadness wash over him and, swallowing his pride, he stepped forward, moving to her side and taking a seat on the floor next to her.
Rhiannon stiffened slightly, she didn't know why she did, why she suddenly felt tense around him, but she knew she hated it and she didn't know how to stop it.
"Does someone have a knife I can use?" Rhiannon called out, realizing she had nothing to open her can with.
"Oh, so you're talking now?" Maggie responded without looking up from her meal, her tone vicious and stern.
"Maggie." Glenn warned in a harsh whisper. He'd been hearing Maggie complain to him about her sister for days now and he knew a blowout was inevitable. He was dreading the day it happened and he definitely did not want it to be today.
Rhiannon clenched her jaw and averted her eyes down to her lap, feeling like she was on the verge of tears as she felt everyone's eyes on her.
"Can use mine." Daryl mumbled, holding out his pocket knife to her without looking up at her.
The rest of the night was awkward for everyone as they tried to get back to casual conversations, but Rhiannon knew their eyes kept falling over to her every few minutes, as if wondering if she was going to retaliate with Maggie.
She watched as Rick came back from watch, nodding to Abraham who stood from his seat to take his shift for the night. Rhiannon bit her lip in contemplation, barely giving a second thought to her idea before she was getting to her feet, not noticing how Daryl's eyes followed her out of the room.
"Hey, Abe." Rhiannon caught his attention before he could open the door. He looked surprised at her appearance. "You mind if I take watch?"
He paused for a moment, thinking over her request. He wanted to refuse, to tell her to get some deserved rest, but he thought better of it, he'd seen the glares she'd send Daryl and Rick whenever they'd say that to her.
"Sure, I won't say no to gettin' some sleep." He said with a constrained smile, trying his best to seem upbeat. "Good luck out there, half pint." He placed a hand on her shoulder as he passed, immediately removing his hand and wincing slightly at himself when she flinched away from him.
His face fell and he looked at her with empathy he hadn't shown to anyone in a long time.
Rhiannon swallowed thickly, cursing herself for her reflexes she had no control over. Without another look in his direction, she moved past him, opening the door to the front porch.
She finally felt at peace as she sat out in the darkness by herself. She finally felt like she could breathe without everyone hovering over her, just waiting for her to break.
Inside the house, Daryl was nervously tapping his fingers against the window sill he was leaning against, his eyes barely able to make out Rhiannon's form in the darkness outside.
He desperately wanted to go talk to her, to sort things out. He hated this distance between them, he hated that she was pushing everyone away. It wasn't like her to be so careless. He was beyond worried after everything she'd been through, everything she'd lost in such a short amount of time.
He knew she wanted to be alone, clearly, by the way she'd been acting the last few days, but she meant more to him than to oblige her unhealthy coping.
He moved to stand up but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned to face Merle, his face clouding with anger slightly and he abruptly shrugged out of his brother's grip.
"Don't think that's a good idea, brother. She wants to be alone." Merle warned.
"Don't care, it ain't good for her." Daryl muttered and moved to leave again before Carol spoke up, stopping him once again.
"Daryl, maybe you should just give her some space. Let her come back to us on her own terms when she's ready."
Daryl hesitated, his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as his mind raced wildly with confliction. Fuck this, he thought to himself and stormed out of the room, ignoring everyone's advice.
He didn't care if she didn't want to see him, he needed to try and snap her out of whatever she was putting herself through before it got her killed or screamed at by Maggie, which he was sure Rhiannon would classify as the worse option.
He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nervous as he opened the door slowly, trying to keep his face neutral as he stepped out onto the porch and not show just how worried and anxious he was. He knew she would hate that.
"Hey." He said softly, moving to take a seat next to her. She looked surprised to see him and she could barely force a smile, it was just a twitch of her lips.
"Hey, what are you doing out here?"
"Wanted to talk to you."
Rhiannon stiffened at his words and felt dread overcome her. She just automatically knew this wouldn't end well.
"About what?"
"You know what." Daryl said softly, not wanting to be apprehensive at all, he knew that would lead to nothing with her.
"What do you want me to say?" She said with a sigh. "I lost my dad, I lost my baby, I lost my sister, I don't know what you want me to do, I don't know how to pretend to be the girl you want."
"Don't want you to pretend anything." Daryl shrugged. "Just want you to be honest with me."
"Ok, I'll be honest. I'm fucking heatbroken. I'm the most heart broken I've ever been in my entire life. I don't know what you want me to say, I don't know what you want me to be, but this obviously isn't it."
"Would you stop?" Daryl scolded her, hating to hear her doubt his love and devotion to her. It tore him up that she believed he wanted her to change.
"Stop what?" Rhiannon argued, feeing annoyance rise within her. She didn't know what to say to Daryl, she didn't know what to do to stop the fight they were headed towards. For once, she was fearing that she wouldn't fix it, that they would cause a scene.
"You've been pullin' away for a week now. Haven't talked to anyone since it happened. And I get it, believe me I get it. You lost your sister and I'll never know what that feels like, but you can't push us away. We love you and we're here for you and you're hurting us." Daryl explained. "Only Maggie knows what you're goin' through but that doesn't mean you can push us away, you definitely can't push her away."
"Daryl-"
"No, you listen to me." He interrupted. "Maggie's pissed at you, I'm pissed at you, and I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's how I feel. I know you get mad when I'm not completely honest with you so this is me being completely honest… I'm so fuckin' angry that you're hurting, I'm so angry at myself for not having the answer, and I don't know what to do to make it better. "
"You don't have to fix it." She whispered, staring back at him, her eyes wide as if she were stunned to silence. "No one expects that from you."
Daryl shook his head in disagreement. "She'd still be here if it weren't for me. I didn't find her in time, I let those pricks take her… it's my fault." He said softly, mournfully.
"Daryl-" Rhiannon started, her tone of disbelief cutting off before a scoff escaped her and her face twisted with anger. "Jesus christ, I can't do this right now." She muttered.
Daryl looked over at her with furrowed brows. That wasn't the response he'd been expecting.
"What?"
"I can't deal with you right now."
"Deal with me? The fucks that supposed to mean?" Daryl asked sharply, his anger getting the best of him as he began to lose his temper.
Rhiannon sighed in annoyance and she leaned back, her eyes squeezing shut briefly as she tried hard to stop her mind from running with vicious thoughts.
This is Daryl. He's only trying to help. He loves me and I love him, she said to herself, hoping it would be enough to calm herself down.
"Look, I'm trying not to start shit, I just-"
"Are you?" Daryl interrupted, staring at her intently, his face hardened into a scowl. "You've been ignorin' everyone for days, brushin' us all off, that's you trying?"
Rhiannon felt anger was over her and she leaned forward, brushing her hands over her face and through her tangled hair.
"I just… things have been hard for me. I can't stop thinking about her and it's really hurting." She explained quietly, the fire in her tone completely gone.
Daryl sighed heavily and reached over, grabbing her hand in his, squeezing tightly.
"I'm so fucking sorry. I should've done more, I should've protected her."
Rhiannon felt anger flare inside her again and she pulled her hand away from Daryl's, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes. Daryl startled at her action, looking at her in confusion and feeling slightly offended.
"Fuck, how are you not getting this? This is exactly what I can't deal with right now."
"What?" He asked, his tone sharp with anger again.
"You! You always get this twisted sense of guilt and I'm always supposed to be there and get you out of it."
Daryl's face creased in anger and he shook his head, almost in disbelief at her words. He opened his mouth to retaliate, but she continued, not letting him say anything.
"I just lost my sister. You get that right?" She snapped angrily, letting her suppressed emotions bubble over in a range that was unjustified. "I'm so fucking upset and I don't have time to coddle you, to make you feel better about your goddamn need to shoulder every fucking thing that happens with this group. I can't deal with it right now."
Rhiannon let out a breath as she finished talking. Regret rolled over her instantly as she realized what she'd said and how she said it. She pressed her lips together as if that would prevent her from saying anything else that was out of line.
"Fine." He said gruffly and got to his feet, moving to leave the porch.
Watching him walk away was hard and she felt tears burn in her eyes.
"Daryl, wait, I didn't-" She called out, but it was no use, he was walking fast, disappearing down the street before she could plead and beg for his forgiveness.
Rhiannon pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily, immediately starting to shake her head. She felt appalled at her own behaviour and it sickened her that she'd spoken to him like that. He was the man she loved, her everything, and he didn't deserve any of what she'd said.
She'd really ruined everything. She knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, she just expected the blowout to be with Maggie, not Daryl.
"Fuck." She whispered, the feeling of self-hatred settling deep within her.
Day thirteen
Rhiannon stared at the grave in front of her, the numb feeling that blocked her heart growing even worse at the sight.
Tyreese was one of the sweetest people she'd ever met. He deserved so much better for everything he'd done for every single member of the group. But his kind heart was no match for this world.
She looked up at Sasha who stared blankly at the fresh dirt where her brother was just buried, almost like she didn't believe it had actually happened.
Sasha looked up, her watering eyes meeting Rhiannon's. The two women had an understanding of each other after the shared trauma they'd experienced. Rhiannon gave the woman a slight nod, letting her know in the slightest of ways that she was there for her, that she understood that numb feeling she was sure Sasha was feeling.
Sasha's face creased and a tear slipped out of her eye as her attention moved back to the grave in front of her.
Rhiannon swallowed the lump in her throat and averted her eyes. She looked around at the group who were all mournfully looking at the grave.
She looked at Daryl, who she hadn't spoken to since their fight. It broke her heart that she didn't even have him in her corner anymore. What hurt more was that she only had herself to blame for it.
He looked up, as if sensing her gaze, and his face hardened almost instantly as their eyes met. It was like a punch to the gut as she watched him be the first to leave the group, the others following momentarily to give Sasha a moment alone.
Rhiannon let out a shaking breath and followed behind the group, her stride slow and lazy, not having enough energy for anything else.
She let her mind wander as she walked, thinking about Beth, about Daryl, about Maggie and the cold looks she'd been throwing her way.
Rhiannon jumped slightly when she felt a hand suddenly hold hers. She looked over with wide eyes, the fear that had washed over her fading immediately when she realized it was only Carol.
Carol smiled down at Rhiannon, though it was strained, like she was worried how Rhiannon would react to it. Guilt seeped through her when she noticed it and she bowed her head.
Carol looked at Rhiannon intently and she wished she could ask all the questions that were running through her mind, but now wasn't the time. Her heart ached for Sasha and grieved for Tyreese. Now wasn't the time to grill Rhiannon.
She knew how upset Daryl was, he'd ranted to her the day before, his outpour of emotions surprising her, but she knew it was only because of how angry and sad he was about Rhiannon. It hurt her to know that the couple was suffering. It hurt to know that after everything they'd been through, they couldn't lean one each other and help one another.
Her smile, as weak as it was, fell when Rhiannon's hand drifted from hers and she began to walk faster, away from Carol.
Carol watched her go with a frown, feeling overwhelmingly sad at the state of the woman she cared for so deeply.
She felt at a loss as to how to help, what to say, and Carol knew Rhiannon was feeling exactly the same, which made it hurt all the more.
Day fifteen
They had finally run out of gas. They had been walking for hours and hadn't run across another car. That's what they got for sticking to back roads. It looked like they wouldn't have any other option but to walk, seemingly for the rest of their lives.
Now that Noah's home was a bust, they had nowhere to go, no place in sight, no hope of sanctuary.
"Hey, you see that?" Michonne piped up, being the first one to speak for awhile as exhaustion weighed heavily on everyone.
They all looked up, noticing the sign that Michonne was pointing to that displayed a town only two miles away.
Everyone seemed to perk up, their footsteps beginning to get faster, suddenly feeling reinvigorated knowing they would be able to find things to scavenge. As they walked, Maggie's pace caused her to be in stride with Rhiannon, the closest they'd been to each other in over a week.
Rhiannon looked over at her, slightly worried about how her sister would react. She knew things were tense between them and she only had herself to blame. Maggie, sensing eyes on her, turned her head, her eyes meeting Rhiannon''s briefly before she quickly averted her gaze and continued walking without acknowledging her.
Maggie's rejection stung and Rhiannon immediately wanted to roll her eyes at herself for feeling upset when she'd been doing the exact same thing to Maggie, to everyone, for weeks now.
She was angry at herself and she didn't know how to get herself out of the hole she'd dug. It made her even angrier that she saw no end to her suffering in sight.
Eventually, they'd made it to the town and everyone gave a collective sigh of relief at the sight of the few streets available to scavenge.
"Ok, everyone split up, we'll cover more ground that way. Meet back here in 15 and if anything goes wrong you yell for us. We can't take chances with strangers. Keep your heads up." Rick ordered, looking at each member of the group carefully.
Rhiannon watched as everyone split off into groups. Her eyes instinctively found Daryl but he was already walking down the street towards a store on the corner, never even sparing a glance at her.
Rhiannon grit her teeth, spitting curses in her head. It was agonizing to know she'd hurt Daryl so awfully. She had tried to talk to him the day after their fight, but he had avoided her like the plague, after that she'd stopped trying all together and they had barely even looked at each other since.
Rhiannon turned on her heel and made her way down a side street that no one else had claimed to look through. There was a lone car left in an empty lot behind the buildings and the state of it didn't look promising. She doubted there'd be anything to scavenge from there, but it was worth a shot.
Back at the town center, Carl had watched Rhiannon go off on her own. He hated what was happening, what she was putting herself through and he decided he'd had enough. He needed to talk to her.
"Dad, can you take her?" He asked, handing Judith over to Rick who eagerly took his daughter in his arms.
"Where you going?" Rick asked and when he noticed Carl beginning to make his way towards Rhiannon, he stiffened. He knew his son cared about Rhiannon but he doubted him interfering in her emotional breakdown would be a good idea. "Carl, don't." He scolded, cursing under his breath as Carl ignored him and continued to make his way to his friend. Rick rolled his eyes and immediately began to follow behind him.
"Need company?"
Rhiannon turned abruptly and furrowed her brows at Carl who was smiling at her softly.
"Uh, sure, I guess." She mumbled and moved her attention back to the car door she was trying to jimmy open with her weapon.
She struggled with the handle and she could feel her temper beginning to rise the longer it took to open. She grit her teeth in frustration and groaned, kicking the tire angrily before stopping, breathing heavily.
"I could try." Rick said from behind her, handing Judith back to Carl, making sure to give him a pointed look as he did.
She relented, taking a step back from the car, her head bowed in embarrassment. She looked over at Carl who was already looking at her, a sad smile on his face when he noticed her gaze. She sighed, she almost wanted to laugh. She never would have guessed that Carl would be the first one to reach out to her.
"So what is this? An intervention?" She called out, looking from father to son questioningly.
"Yeah." Carl answered at the exact moment Rick had said 'no'.
Rick sighed in exasperation and gave Carl a warning look. He didn't want to make Rhiannon more upset than she already was.
"We're just worried about you." Rick said softly, still fiddling with the handle to try to open the car door.
"I know. I'm worried about me too." She admitted softly.
"What happened with you and Daryl?" Carl asked abruptly, making her eyes widen and she sputtered, trying and failing to form an answer.
"Carl." Rick warned again, shaking his head at his son's behaviour.
It was silent between them for a few seconds. All of them tense in waiting.
"I said something stupid. Something awful that I shouldn't have." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. "It's my fault. All of this is my fault."
Rick turned to look at her, his stomach dropping at the expression on her face. It was the first emotion he'd seen on her face in a long time. He wondered if he preferred the blank, numb expression to the sadness and guilt he was seeing now. This one certainly hurt more to see.
"Rhi-"
"Don't." She interrupted, looking up at him, almost pleadingly. "Please, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear about how much I fucked up. Believe me, I know, I don't need you to tell me."
Rick stepped towards her, his face drawn tightly with concern.
"That wasn't what I was gonna say." He told her, reaching out to grab her hand in hers and he noticed how she took in a shuddering breath. It was the first contact she'd had in weeks, the first comfort she'd had in weeks.
"Rick, I know you wanna help. I know you both wanna help." She said, looking over at Carl who was watching them with a sad expression on his face. "And you two are so sweet for trying but… just… don't waste your time, ok? I know I'm doing everything wrong, but I just, I can't stop it. I don't know how."
"Well, talk to us. We're here." Rick said, more stern this time.
"I don't know what to say!" She yelled, reaching her wits end. "There's nothing to say. This is what I do when I hurt and I don't-" She cut herself off, placing a trembling hand over her mouth and squeezing her eyes shut to stop an outpour of emotions.
"Don't what?" Rick urged, squeezing her hand in his, trying to give her any comfort he could.
"I don't know if I'm gonna snap out of this."
"You will." Carl spoke up, his sad eyes meeting hers. "You got us to help and I know you'll make things up with Daryl."
Rhiannon scoffed slightly. "How?"
"You will. It's Daryl. You guys can't not be together. That's not allowed."
Rhiannon laughed slightly, the first laugh she'd had in weeks. His optimism was inspiring but she couldn't deny that she was terrified. What if Daryl didn't see that in the same way?
"You're so dramatic." She mumbled.
"Rhiannon, I know you're hurt." Rick started, his tone much lighter now that his son had gained a laugh out of her, no matter how faint it was, it was still a win. "I know this is the worst thing you've ever been through but that doesn't mean you'll never get better. The days will get easier and when they do you're not gonna wanna be alone. You need to talk to Daryl, to Maggie. I know you're hurting but you need to try."
Rhiannon sighed, thinking over his words carefully. Before she could even get a response out, they were interrupted.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" A voice called out, startling all three of them and turning abruptly.
Rhiannon immediately had her sword raised in front of her, standing next to Rick who held his gun in his hands tightly. Her breathing picked up as she looked at the four men in front of them, her eyes especially locked onto the huge rifles in their hands.
This wasn't good.
"We're just passin' through. We'll be on our way soon." Rick said tersely, his gun never wavering from the leader that stared them down fiercely.
"I don't think so, friend." The leader said casually, taking a step forward, making them take a step back to keep the distance between them. "See, you're tryin' to get into our car, tryin' steal from us. Now, we're nice people, but we can't just let that slide."
Rhiannon sighed in annoyance. Of course the car they were trying to break into was the one that belonged to this gang that would probably kill without blinking twice.
"I'm sure we can figure this out rationally. No one needs to get hurt." Rick answered.
"Maybe." The leader said simply, his eyes roaming over each of them before settling on Rhiannon, a sickly sweet smile growing.
She felt her stomach drop at his gaze and she shifted on her feet, her grip on her weapon tightening.
"Now I think we need some recompense. Something for our suffering, you know?"
"We didn't take anything." Carl called out sternly, glaring at each man fiercely.
"Doesn't matter. You still tried to steal from us. It's the principle of the thing that matters."
"What do you want?" Rick spat through gritted teeth.
"We'll take the girl."
"Not happening." Rick answered immediately, his face hardening.
"Then we'll shoot the baby." The man countered. "C'mon, man, you ain't really gonna make me kill a baby, would you?" He said, almost sarcastically, as he pointed his gun at Judith who was still in Carl's arms.
They all tensed simultaneously and Rhiannon felt panic beginning to gnaw at her. Her breathing stuttered and she knew she couldn't let that happen.
"I'll go." She finally spoke up.
Rick and Carl whipped their heads around to look at her, their mouths agape.
"Fantastic!" The man yelled, a wide smile on his face. "See, this worked out perfectly. Come here sweetheart, lemme get a better look at you."
"Rhiannon, don't." Rick hissed through gritted teeth, his gun never wavering from his target. He was only seconds away from taking the man out, but he knew he couldn't. Not with the three other men behind him that were pointing their guns at all of them.
"Rick," She warned, shrugging her arm out of his grip that had tried to stop her from moving. There was no way she was going to put baby Judith in danger, or Carl or Rick for that matter.
With how she saw it, it was a fair trade. Her life didn't equate to theirs, not even close. She knew she had to make the sacrifice.
"Rhiannon, please. You can't do this." Carl pleaded, his wide eyes filling with tears at the thought of what those men would do to her. It made him want to pull out his gun and take them all out then and there.
She stepped forward, letting her sword fall from her hands to the ground at the pointed look the leader had given her.
Once she was close enough, the man grabbed her arm, pulling her forward, making her stumble slightly.
"Now, was that so hard?" The man shrugged, looking at Rick and Carl, a smile growing when he saw the deadly venomous looks on their faces. "Glad we could work this out."
Rick's chest was heaving as his eyes zeroed in on the man's grip on Rhiannon's arm. He hated the sight and he wanted to storm forward and tear them all apart with his bare hands. His heart raced at the thought that this would be how it ended. This would be how Rhiannon's already dim light went out completely.
It made him feel sick.
"Rick, it's ok." Rhiannon called out, her voice weak. "Tell him he'll be ok and that I'm sorry." She said, her face drawn tightly with regret.
Rick let out a shaking breath. Daryl would not handle this well and Rick didn't want to be the one to tell him. The thought that Rhiannon believed that Daryl would be ok, that he was that mad at her that her absence wouldn't drive him to insanity was heartbreaking.
"Please. We can find another way." Rick pleaded, not able to keep up his harsh and stone cold demeanor. He was scared and he couldn't not show it.
"Don't think so." The man said simply.
Rick almost jumped forward as the man behind Rhiannon hit her on the back of her head with his gun.
"Don't!" Carl yelled, Rick having to grab his arm to hold him back as they watched Rhiannon fall limp in the leader's arms.
"Pleasure doin' business with you folks. Be safe out there." The leader grinned, finding satisfaction in the deathly cold glares it earned him from both Rick and Carl.
They were powerless to do anything as they watched them place Rhiannon in the back seat of the car. The men kept their rifles pointed at them as they got into the car, making sure they didn't retaliate.
Without another word, the car sped off, leaving Rick and Carl stunned to silence, their bodies practically trembling with anger.
"Fuck!" Rick yelled, kicking a stray trash can on the side of the road in anger.
"Dad, we have to go after them." Carl said, his voice becoming thick with emotion like he was about to cry.
Rick nodded, quickly reaching over, placing his hand on his son's shoulder and leaning down, pressing a kiss to the top of his daughter's head who was thankfully sleeping peacefully. He let out a shuddering breath at what could have happened and he hated that he felt so grateful to Rhiannon in that moment.
He hated that she had to suffer for his kids to be ok.
"C'mon." Rick said softly, leading them back to the town center. Dread overcame him suddenly at the thought of what he had to do.
He needed to be the one that told Daryl Dixon the love of his life had been taken.
Sooo...yeah… please don't hate me. I'm a sucker for drama and oh baby, we got a lot of drama coming
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I hope the direction I'm taking with Rhiannon's grief is one you can get on board with. There's lots to come, I hope you're ready!
Thank you to all that's reviewed, I really am so grateful to you all. I'm greedy and your comments fuel me! xx
