**AN: Let me know if you're reading and enjoying. I will try to arrange for you to get a Ben Solo hug. But no promises. You will have my gratitude though.

"Son?" Leia's voice startled him awake. Ben rolled his neck, the satisfying cracking sound adding to the relief of the muscles relaxing a bit. He'd been sleeping in such a strange position, but he felt like it was important to keep physical contact with her. Nothing but holding her hand, or smoothing her hair, but it made him feel better and he hoped it made her feel better too.

"How is she?" Leia said. Ben had been watching Rey, not his mom, and looked up to see her holding out a plate to him. He waved it away, and she put it on a side table, before taking the seat across from him.

"No change. Luke came by right after sunrise, because of course he would, and tried more healing. She doesn't move or anything. Sometimes her signature feels a bit different but nothing big and I don't know what that even means."

Leia nodded and patted Rey's other hand. "You should eat, you know. You can't care for her if you don't care for yourself." Ben sighed and picked up the plate of food. He ate methodically, not minding the stretch of silence. Leia opened her mouth a few times, but closed it right away. Ben wasn't sure what she was going to say, but was pretty sure that he wouldn't want to hear it. If his mom had answers, she would have shared them already, not like Luke with his secretive Jedi persona.

Speaking of, Luke brushed in, patting Ben's shoulder on the way over to stand in front of Rey. "What do you feel?"

Ben considered the question. "I feel… drawn to her. I can sense when her pain is at its worst, but otherwise, it's like a small void in the force, I guess. Where the voice is, there is also a place for her, where she should fit, but she's not there. I don't know if that makes any sense. But we're connected."

"The voice?" Leia questions, brows furrowed.

Dammit all. Ben thought. He'd briefly told Luke about the dark presence he felt, the whispers that drove him all but insane. That when it talked at him too much, or when it felt like his emotions were exploding, that was when the ice pick headaches set it. Luke had looked at him with pity and simply said to work on meditating, being one with the force, and protecting his mind. So he stopped mentioning it.

"Not now, Leia," Luke admonished with a smile. They all knew that the conversation wouldn't be forgotten, but his mom nodded her head but didn't let her eyes drift from Ben. He could tell she was even more worried for him than ever before, and he felt another brick of guilt settle on his shoulders.

"I saw her. In a dream I think," Ben blurted out, to break the awful silence that had settled in the room. He recounted what he'd seen and felt the best he could. Luke did the eyebrow scratch and Ben sighed, knowing that he'd get no answers that day.

Luke left the room and Ben clenched his fists, pushing his anger to the side. The need to cut, to control, to throw something, to slash something and see the pieces fall to the ground. It tried to bury him, to pull him under, but he glanced over at Rey. The anger disappeared and he was left with all the pain, and he turned his head and wiped a stray tear from his face.

Leia opened her mouth and Ben hoped against all hope that she wouldn't bring up the voice, the whispers, the darkness. It was enough having to fight it day in and out, and face the brush off from Luke, telling him that if he were only stronger that he wouldn't feel those things, or hear them. Instead she surprised him. "Why don't I sit with her for a while, and you go shower, or sleep?"

Ben was reluctant to leave her side, but he was sure that he didn't smell like roses. He also figured that his mom or a droid might need some time with Rey away from him. It was an added benefit that got him away from any questions Leia might ask.

Luke dodged Ben and his questions for the next week, and then two. Brush offs about needing to read, to remember and also once muttering about force ghosts. Nothing changed with Rey, though he'd taken to telling her stories about planets he'd visited, foods he had tried, both the ones he hated and the ones he adored. He mostly left Leia and Han out of the stories, but he told all sorts about him and Chewie getting in trouble.

"When I was thirteen, Han and Leia were both out of town, doing what they did best. I was bored, and bugged Chewie to do something more interesting than Sabbac. I liked games to be sure, but I was on a weekend break from the academy, something they did often for me, but nothing like how Luke has sent me away lately. Chewie finally relented, and we found ourselves in a cantina on a moon over, less likely to see someone who knew us, he'd roared. You'll have to talk to him one of these days. I doubt you speak or understand Wookie, but it's still a sound to hear. Especially when he laughs. And laugh he did that night. I had been to cantinas before, having a dad like Han Solo made it inevitable even. But this one was different somehow. Maybe because we were in a back room, or because it didn't have as many people who'd deal in the things Han might. But there were beings everywhere. Human, alien, men, women, and they all seemed like they'd lost at least half of their clothes. I was shy and could barely look up from my drink. Well, finally Chewie got up to do whatever it is that Wookies do in a catina when they no longer want to sit with their teenaged adopted nephew, but I managed to awkwardly flirt with the barkeep. Okay, okay, fine. There may have been a tiny bit of inappropriate use of the force. But don't tell Luke. Anyways, I got alcohol. I had tasted it before, mostly at mom's stuffy political galas but this was something else. Chewie told me later that it was something normally too strong for humans. And of course, the barkeep was under that tiny suggestion, or maybe it was my good looks, who knows, but anyways she wasn't in a state to tell me that.

"Oh, Rey. I was so sick. All over the Falcon. And Chewie. I've never heard him mutter like that. For that matter, I have never seen him with a mop or broom. That almost made it worth it. He cleaned the best we could until we got back into Yavin IV and landed, and then he plucked an unsuspecting droid and made them finish cleaning. He got me back to my room, and somehow convinced Han that I had food sickness. Or hell, looking back now, maybe Han knew the whole time, and he was proud that his weak and unmanly son finally did something he would approve of…" Ben trailed off, the smile slipping from his face again.

Tell her about me. Let me in her shield. I can heal her. I can show her how to be great. You can have power, you and her. I will take you away from this world of people who have abandoned and hurt you.

Ben was sorely tempted, but he didn't let the twist of his force signature drop from her shield. He wanted her to wake, but he also didn't want her light to dim. For the first time, he wanted to leave Rey alone without someone twisting his arm to do something like sleep or shower. He wanted to cut, he wanted to bleed out the voice. He wanted the power. He wanted her.

He dropped his head, already pounding, into his hands. Light, dark. Good, bad. Weak or strong. Those who do, and those who can't or won't. It all swirled in his head, and he didn't want it to overflow into her. He heard Luke's footsteps and took it as his cue to go. He ran blindly through the hallways, feeling people jump aside, but not really caring. He stopped short when he heard familiar voices.

"I can't stay any longer Leia. I have runs to make, and Chewie is waiting for me at Takodana," Han said.

"He won't go. I need to stay. I can't leave him here alone again. If you'd seen him laying there Han, on that bed, in pools of blood," Leia pleaded, her voice breaking.

"Make him. Or make Luke watch him. You have work to do, people are sending messages and you're needed Leia."

"My son needs me too," Leia said, turning on her heel, and walking away.

Ben pressed himself against the wall, and hoped that neither would come this way, but luck was not with him. Han came around the corner, and their eyes met.

"Let Luke watch Rey, and go with your mom, son. She needs to be on Naboo, and she'll…"

"Stop, please," Ben pleaded. He punched the wall, and turned around to go the other way so Han wouldn't see his face. It gave him away, his thoughts, his feelings, his pain.

"Ben!" Han called after him, but Ben didn't stop. He didn't stop until he'd gone outside and then made his way to his spot in the woods. But even that was tainted now, and he began to wonder if maybe Han wasn't right.

He didn't want to ruin or disappoint her like he did everything, everyone else.