A/N: A big thanks to SirenBanshee. You are one amazing beta!

xXxXxXx

Kylo groaned and squinted his eyes as a headache immediately bloomed across his entire head. His vision swam. His eyes were dry and slightly crusted in the corners, so he rubbed at them and blinked furiously in an attempt to focus.

Another boom went through the room and Kylo looked up. Burman was still seated in his meditation posture, but there were tear streaks across his cheeks. His hands were fisted and the muscles in his neck and arms bulged. As Kylo watched, he tensed up even more, his jaw so clenched Kylo feared he would crack his teeth.

"Don't fight it," Kylo said, squinting as the sound of his voice aggravated his headache. He was surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded. "Let it flow through you."

He watched, but Burman only tensed up more.

"Breathe, Burman of Ren," Kylo insisted. "Breathe. Focus on your meditation. Calm yourself. Breathe."

Kylo hoped he wouldn't have to guide the Force through him like he'd done for Ember. He wasn't sure if he could do it this time around. His headache was all-consuming and he felt exhausted. Still, there was no reaction from Burman.

"Unclench your fists, relax your jaw, relax your shoulders. Stop fighting and trust the Force." When there was still no reaction, Kylo snapped. "Burman of Ren, that's an order!"

Kylo didn't know how Burman managed to flinch with all his muscles tensed up like that, but the flinch was there, nevertheless.

"Breathe," Kylo said once more.

This time, Burman seemed to have heard him. His wrists started twitching in an obvious attempt to unclench his fists. A ragged breath was drawn in, then got stuck. When Burman finally released it, it was as if he suddenly let go of everything. Energy rushed out of him in all directions, causing a blast that nearly toppled Kylo over. Burman slumped to the ground like a puppet that had its strings cut.

Silence reigned in the training hall. Rey tentatively reached out to him through the bond but Kylo sent back a quick 'no yet'. She relented, but he could feel how nervous she was.

"Burman?" Kylo asked as the man stirred.

"Supreme Leader," he answered.

With a low groan, Burman pushed himself back into a seated position. He blinked at Kylo and reached for his head.

"I've got a headache."

"Me too," Kylo answered. "What do you remember of what happened?"

"You were touching memory-me's temple. There were echoes of what I was thinking back at that time. Then, I'm not sure. Everything went blank. I felt like I was suspended in a void or something like that. I, uhm, I know you struggled. I could feel your pain but I don't know what it was about. Then-" He frowned, hesitating. "I don't know how to describe it. Like Ember said, a whirlwind or something like that, only, I felt immense pressure as well. In my head." He shrugged. "I can't explain it."

Kylo nodded. "The memories I saw remain between the two of us. You are free to disclose whatever you choose about yourself, but nobody will hear a thing about it from me. I would, however, appreciate it if you didn't relay what you remember now or might remember in the future about the pain you felt coming from me."

Burman slammed his fist against his chest and winced as the shock no doubt pounded in his head as well. "Of course, Supreme Leader. You have my word."

"Good. Do not reach for the Force. I know it might be tempting to try, but it's dangerous. Depending on both our headaches, I'll guide you through it tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

"Now let's get ourselves patched up and then maybe we should sleep it off."

They both got up, equally unsteady, and headed for the door.

"Sir!" Phasma exclaimed as soon as it opened. "Thank the Galaxy! You're okay. You are okay, aren't you?"

Kylo was taken aback by her reaction and blinked dumbly before managing to form an answer.

"Keep it down, Phasma. Headache."

"Sorry, sir," she now whispered. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Why do you keep asking?"

She glanced at Burman, who was giving her an odd look as well.

"Sir, we- You were screaming. We could hear you screaming, and it went on for a long time. I feared the worst, but you told me not to come in, no matter what."

Her voice shook slightly and Kylo stared at her.

"I screamed out loud?" he asked, figuring it must have happened when he confronted his own demons.

"Yes, sir."

He turned to Burman. "That's one more thing to keep to yourself," he said.

"I understand, sir," Burman agreed. "If I may ask a question, Commander Phasma?" he continued. "What time is it?"

"Near midnight."

"What?" Kylo exclaimed, wincing at his own volume.

"It's near midnight, sir. And I'm sorry to ask this again, but are you sure you're okay?"

Kylo dragged a hand across his face. "Go get pain reliever and then go sleep it off," he said to Burman. "Remember what I told you."

"Yes, sir."

He turned to Phasma as Burman walked away.

"I'm fine," he said. "I have a serious headache, probably part due to the length of the session, part from being thrown back into my own head without any finesse."

"Thrown back into your own head?" Phasma asked, not understanding.

Kylo hummed and started making his way to his chambers. "It seems that, as soon as the reconnection is made, the Knight's mind momentarily gets closed off completely and, at the same time, ejects my presence. It is not a fun experience."

"I would say I can imagine, but I really can't," Phasma said. They walked past one of the Guards that was patrolling the hallway and she signaled them to follow. "Is there anything you need, sir?" she asked Kylo.

"Pain killer," he muttered, starting to see spots. "And sleep."

"Go," Phasma commanded the Guard.

Kylo couldn't see the name on their chest plate and, if he were honest, he didn't much care who it was, as long as they came back with the strongest pain killer the medical droid could provide him.

"Did the Guards hear me?" he asked, suddenly realising what it meant that he'd been screaming out loud.

"Yes." The single word managed to convey how much it had shaken Phasma.

"I really am okay, Phasma," Kylo said. "Apart from the headache, that is."

"Sir, I know I probably may not ask this, but what happened?"

Kylo contemplated how to answer that question. He really didn't want to elaborate on it and he didn't really think he could without revealing too much about Burman's past.

"I came across something unexpected," he finally answered. "And it hurt. A lot." He worried his lips. "That's all I can tell you."

"Did it harm you?"

"No." He thought for a moment. "On the contrary, I believe."

"Sir?"

He shook his head and instantly regretted it. "Not now, Phasma."

His chambers were just at the end of the hallway, but it seemed to stretch on forever. He already knew there would be an anxious Rey there, waiting for him. He wanted to console her and make sure she knew he was alright, but he also felt horrible and just wanted to sleep.

They finally arrived. Much to his surprise, the Guard standing at his door was already holding a cup of water and a small plate with a pain killer.

"How did you get here so fast?" Kylo mumbled.

"I ran, sir."

He blinked at them. "I appreciate that," he said, promptly taking the medication before turning towards Phasma. "What happened needs to stay private," he said.

"I've already given that order, sir."

"Good," he said, turning to enter his rooms. "I'll probably sleep for a long time. Don't worry."

"Yes, sir. Goodnight."

As soon as he stepped through the door, Rey slammed against him.

"You're okay. You're okay. You're okay," she kept on mumbling against his chest, squeezing him with all her might.

"I'm fine. I've got a headache," he managed to answer, hugging her back. "And I'm exhausted," he tagged on.

"You took forever," she said. "And- And-"

He frowned as he felt her shaking. Pulling slightly back to see her face, he could see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Rey?" he asked, squinting through the black dots in his vision so he could swipe at her tears.

"I don't ever want to feel you in such distress ever again," she exclaimed, burying her face in his chest again. "It hurt. You hurt. Why were you hurting so much, Ben? I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't even tell you I love you."

"Rey," he said again, tone reassuring now. "I'm fine. Tired, but completely fine."

She took a step back and critically looked him over. "You look like death warmed over," she commented.

"Wonderful," he answered.

He didn't feel much better than that either, but he didn't want to worry her any further. She frowned at him.

"And here I am, all selfishly clinging to you. You should be sleeping." She unexpectedly pushed against his chest and he lost his balance, stumbling slightly. "Ben?" she said in alarm.

"I'm fine," he answered for what felt like the umpteenth time. "It's just the headache."

"A headache shouldn't cause you to stumble!"

"Maybe the fatigue then."

"Ben!"

He owlishly blinked at her and her frown deepened.

"You're not fooling me," she eventually said. "Get to bed."

"What?" he asked.

There was a rushing in his ears and he felt sicker by the minute. He tried to keep a steady front though. He really didn't want Rey to worry about him.

"You need to sleep, Ben," she repeated.

"Maybe I should," he answered.

He was fighting to keep his eyes open as it was. Rey grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the bed, where she promptly started taking off his shoes.

"Hey," he protested. "I can do that myself."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm tired, not incompetent."

"You're unsteady. Or did you not notice that you're not walking straight?"

He smiled at how she stood in front of him, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised in disbelief. The look suited her. He hadn't, in fact, noticed anything wrong with how he walked but, once he bent down for his boots, the world spun as if he'd been thrown off course by an unexpected solar wind.

"See?" she said. "You try to take care of your shirt. I'll take off your boots."

Before long, he was tucked under the sheets with Rey all but draped on top of him. Sleep was pulling at him with scary strength.

"I'm not letting go for a long time," Rey mumbled.

"Okay," he slurred in response.

"You scared me."

"I'm sorry."

"You'll explain tomorrow?"

"Yes."

He blinked rapidly in an attempt to stay awake but failed spectacularly. Sleep dragged him under as Rey whispered another 'I love you' against his chest.

When he woke, Rey's warmth was no longer pressed against his side. He felt a jolt of disappointment but figured it was only logical for her to have left. It was most likely he slept well past morning.

Without opening his eyes, he took stock of himself. His headache was reduced to a light discomfort and could probably be fully dealt with if he took another dose of pain medication. His legs felt stiff, so he pulled them up and stretched them again in a lazy attempt to get the blood flowing through them.

"You're awake."

Kylo opened his eyes to find Rey crawling back up on the bed.

"You're still here?" he asked.

"I claimed not to be feeling well and told them to leave me alone." Rey shrugged. "It worked." She lifted his arm and snuggled underneath it before reaching up and touching his cheek. "How are you feeling?"

He smiled at her. "Better," he said. "What time is it?"

"Just after lunch. You've slept for about 13 hours." She hesitated. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," he answered, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head. "A bit stiff and the headache isn't completely gone, but I'm okay."

"Ben?" she asked, voice small and uncertain.

"Yes?"

"Will you tell me what happened yesterday? What did Burman do to make you hurt like that?"

He sighed, the arm around her tightening. He didn't really want to talk about it but she had a right to know. In fact, he wanted her to know. It wasn't easy to actually say it out loud though.

"It wasn't Burman's fault," he started. He contemplated showing her the conversation between young, Force-induced Burman and himself, but decided against it. "It turns out you were right," he said.

"About what?"

"About Snoke. About me."

He put his chin on top of her head so she couldn't look up. In bits and pieces, he told her about the echoing voices. About how he'd recognised them and thought them to be right. About how he had realised that, if he told young Burman to not believe his own thoughts, he should stop believing his own.

By the time he was finished, Rey was crying, an arm wrapped around him and squeezing him tight.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone," she hiccuped. "But I'm proud of you, Ben. I really am. I just wish I could have been there for you. That I could have helped you."

"You did help me," he answered.

"How? I couldn't reach you. I was here, on the other side of the Galaxy, doing nothing."

"You know what made me understand that those voices weren't making any sense? Were spouting nonsense?" he asked.

"No," she sniffled.

"One of them was Snoke telling me love made me weak." He pulled back so he could see Rey's reddened face. He wiped at her tears. "There's no way you make me weak," he whispered. "I killed him for you. Only for you. Even back then, you were giving me strength. You make me stronger. You make me a better person. His words made me mock him, because how could you ever make me weak? And that gave me the courage to reject him, to reject them all. I'm where I am, I'm here, at this Base, trying to better the First Order, because of you, Rey. You have no idea how much you're helping me, and how much I love you."