Chapter Twelve - Beyond The Grave
A penny for my thoughts
Oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
Funny when you're dead how people start listening*
"I need to replace my stock of caramel truffles," Rowan says, guiding us to Honeydukes where she proceeds to fill a basket with caramels, chocolate bars and gummy stars. Besides the library, I think the candy stone is one of her favourite places in the entire world.
I grab a chocolate bar of a brand called Wicked, which makes the most interesting flavours. There's a raspberry liquorice with specks of green tea, and also one of vanilla, violet petals and honeycomb. I pick one of the few ordinary ones: a milk chocolate bar with spots of white chocolate that is called Flying Cows. Next to me, Ben analyses the new pineapple chocolate frog. The whole gang is admiring their favourites, with the exception of Penny, that now spends all her free time making company to Beatrice.
"I think I'll take this one to Penny," Barnaby says, grabbing a box of strawberry truffles from the shelf. "I think it will make her happier."
I pay for my chocolate and, from the cashier, I can see Talbott looking at the many lollipops displayed on a wall and I watch him study a package of ten blood lollipops. After paying, I walk to him and place a kiss on his shoulder.
"They sound disgusting," he tells me.
"Why? Fresh blood tastes better?" I ask, amused.
He flashes me a white smile of pointy fangs. I bite my bottom lip, feeling my heart race with the memory of him leaning against me to drink my blood in the Forbidden Forest. He seems to notice my expression, because he looks back at the candy with blushing cheeks.
"Have you ever wanted to…" I say, slightly embarrassed. "To drink my blood again?"
He looks at me with even redder cheeks. "I-"
"You know, I… I wouldn't mind if you bit my neck ag-"
"Lockhart."
I turn around and see Merula standing right behind me. Her cheek hasn't a single hint of a scar and, this time, her makeup is intact. Though she's wearing a combo of black sweater, black jeans and combat boots, she doesn't look as scary as she used to. I don't mean to say that it was her tears and vulnerability that made me change my perspective of her a tiny bit… but yeah, that's what happened.
"Merula," I say, simply.
"I'd like to have a conversation with you and Weasley," she says. "Meet me at the Three Broomsticks in half an hour."
I lift my brows. "Okay."
She turns on her heels and leaves the store, her short hair shaking around her neck.
"She has definitely lowered her armour around you," Talbott says, walking to the huge bags of marshmallow. "Now these ones seem interesting."
"I confess that I really miss your cookies," I say.
He smiles. "I'll bake them for you on Christmas," he says, leaning to place a kiss on my lips. "I'll take one of these and a pack of these long wooden sticks. We can roast them tonight at the common room and I can read you some poems I wrote this past week."
"Poems?" I ask. "Plural?"
He shrugs. "You give me a lot of inspiration."
I smile, feeling my heart grow even larger. My father was right. Talbott looks at me like I'm his very sun. However, what Dad doesn't see is how I look at Talbott.
Like he is my entire galaxy.
The news that Merula Snyde hurt herself at a Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson and ran away in sobs travelled through the entire school. The girl, however, managed to quickly change everyone's perspective about her by punching everyone who was bold enough to mock her. In a matter of two days, Merula had re-established her status quo and everyone knew better than to stand in her way.
Well, everyone but us.
The knowledge that Merula had a softer side was what we needed to gain advantage against Rakepick. Not that we would mock Merula or make her feel bad about what happened, but knowing that she was capable of human emotion and that she was now completely mad at Rakepick made us realize that our psycho Dark Arts professor had nothing to surprise us anymore.
Though Rowan showed a tiny bit of concern when I told her about what happened to Merula, Ben was actually the one to show the most preoccupation.
"Did she hurt too badly?" he asked. "Is she gonna be okay?"
"Who cares?" Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "It's not like she lost a limb or something."
He looked away, slightly embarrassed, and he continued to demonstrate concern when Merula, Bill and I found an empty table in the corner of the Three Broomsticks. The rest of our friends sat at a larger table, on the other side of the pub. It didn't prevent Ben from flashing random stares at Merula.
"What's wrong with your friend?" Merula asks me. "Why is he staring at me?"
I shrug. "No idea. He's probably shocked that you have feelings."
She rolls her eyes. "Then I'll have to punch him too. I don't want people knowing that I cry."
"Don't be ridiculous, Merula," I say. "It's not shameful to demonstrate pain or vulnerability."
She entwines her fingers over the table. "I have a niche to fill, Lockhart."
"A niche of horror and blood?" Bill plays, drinking his Butterbeer.
"Merula, crying is a part of human emotion," I say. "We don't judge you."
She flashes her violet eyes at me, fierce. "I'm a witch, not an ordinary human peasant. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I talked to the Bloody Baron."
I raise my brows. "How was it?"
"Scary to you commoners," she says. "Just a regular conversation to me."
I exchange stares with Bill, who continues to drink with a mixture of fright and curiosity.
"What?" Merula says. "He's a ghost! It's not like he can slice you guys with his sword… Not that he wouldn't enjoy that…"
"He's a bloody scary ghost," Bill adds. "But it doesn't matter. What did he say about Jacob's ghost friend?"
Merula takes a sip of her Butterbeer. "Duncan Ashe likes to hide in the Prefect's bathroom," she says, noticing Bill's horrified expression. "Not when you guys are there! Apparently he likes to chill out there, when no one's around."
"What a creep!" Bill shrieks at me.
"I know!" I agree.
"What's the matter?" Merula asks, confused. "I'd like to check out that place too. All the Prefects make it sound like heaven."
"It was… until I found out there's a ghost sneaking in there," Bill says.
"Don't be so dramatic."
"Very well then," I say. "Thank you, Merula."
"Not so fast, Lockhart," she says, seriously. "If you're going to that bathroom interrogate a ghost, then I want to tag along."
I frown. "Why?"
"I'm interested in anything concerning the Cursed Vaults," she says. "So if your brother's dead friend knows something about it, I want to be there to hear it."
I roll my eyes. "Fine. But I have one condition."
She crosses her arms over the table. "That nothing we find out gets to Rakepick? My lips are sealed."
"They better be," I say, firmly. "Or I'll feed you to the Giant Squid."
Instead of enjoying our free day at Hogsmeade like normal people, Bill, Merula and I return to the castle to look for Duncan Ashe. With everyone still in the village, we figured that the school would be pretty much empty, and the three of us entering a bathroom together wouldn't be a show for curious eyes.
We reach the fifth floor and walk past the statue of Boris, the Bewildered, who seems to look at us with suspicion. A few steps away, Bill stops in front of a tall, wooden door with a golden knob. It isn't an intricate door like the one at Ravenclaw tower, but it's different from the others. The wood seems brand new and the knob is shiny and designed with many arabesques.
"Bath bomb," he says, and we hear the distinguishable sound of the lock opening.
At first sight, it looks just like an ordinary bathroom. There are stalls at one side and sinks on the other, but as we follow Bill through a short marble corridor, we are faced with the most incredible tub I have even laid my eyes on. It's so impressive that I'm not even sure if it still fits under the category of tub. It seems like a blend between a pool and a Jacuzzi, and the water is so clear that it glistens under the candle lights. I walk around it, admiring how it's perfectly circular, surrounded by the many stained glass windows which reflect colourful patterns on the floor and on the surface of the water. In one side there's an insane amount of faucets. Right behind it, the stained glass bears the image of a mermaid sitting over a rock in a pond. A castle, a forest and a beautiful sunshine add to the complexity of the image. The mermaid flashes us a smirk and proceeds to fix her long, strawberry blonde hair.
"WOW!" I hear Merula gasp as she looks around in astonishment. "This is the Prefect's bathroom?"
Bill nods. "Cool place, huh?"
"Cool?" Merula says, shocked. "This is amazing!"
I look at Bill. "It doesn't seem like Duncan Ashe is here. Maybe he saw us coming in and decided to le-"
A loud splashing sound makes us turn around. There's a pile of clothes on the floor and a very excited Merula is swimming around in the tub, wearing only her black underwear. She proceeds to open every single faucet, looking mesmerized as each one produces a different effect. One seems to release a perfumed hot water, while other lets out a purplish shower gel. In just a few seconds, we're surrounded by an immensity of colourful bubbles.
"I have never seen her have this much fun," Bill tells me.
"Yeah," I say. "It's almost… weird."
We watch her disappear under water and return right after with a messed up makeup. She cleans her face with soap and returns to submerge. The entire bathroom smells of roses, lavender and lemon. She returns to the surface and rests her arms on the edge of the tub, with her hair full of foam and her face clean. It's strange, but she looks almost… pretty. I can't help but remember Tulip's boggart, back in third year. Merula sure looks a lot less scary without all that eyeliner and cranky face.
"I don't think Duncan Ashe is here," she says. "Maybe he's afraid of being found."
"I'm not afraid of anything. Least of all, you three."
I nearly leap out of my skin, turning around so abruptly that I almost sprain my back muscles. Inside the tub, Merula is panting, and beside me, Bill has every muscle completely strained.
Standing just a few meters away from us, is a boy around my age. He's a little shorter than Bill and still conserves his young, boyish features, such as rounded cheeks and wide eyes. He's still wearing the school uniform, which leads me to believe that it was probably what he had on when he died. His hair, now of a translucent greyish colour, must've been black or dark brown when he was alive. His face still bear a lot of livelihood, even though we can see right through him.
"Are you Duncan Ashe?" I ask, though I already know the answer.
"Who's asking?" he asks back, dry.
I straighten my back. "I'm Athena Lockhart."
His eyes widen, surprised. "Like Jacob Lockhart?"
"He's my brother".
His face twists into an angry, ugly frown. "Then I should kill you!"
"Hold on!" Bill says, firmly, in a tone of warning, but neither Duncan nor I move a muscle. I know a few ghost repelling spells, which is enough to prevent him from doing any stupidity.
"If Jacob stayed at Hogwarts, I would have found a way to kill him," Duncan spits. "Instead, he disappeared like the coward he is!"
My blood boils. "My brother may be a lot of things, but he isn't a coward!"
"So you're the Potions-Hater-Jacob's-Enemy we've been looking for," Merula says. "I thought you were his friend."
Duncan flashes her a stare full of rage. "I was friends with Jacob from the day I got sorted until the day I died. He's a coward. And a liar. And a thief. And a thug. He's arrogant, impatient, impulsive, insecure…"
"We got it. You have an extensive adjective arsenal," Merula says, rolling her eyes.
Duncan looks at me. "Leave me alone. Your brother already ruined my life. You don't get to ruin my afterlife!"
"What did he even do to ruin your life?" I inquire, nervous.
"You're just like him, aren't you?" he hisses. "Always pushing…"
"I don't underst-"
"Figure it out yourself," he says, sharply. "You might find that your brother isn't who you think he is."
I stare at him with confusion.
"Don't feel bad," he says. "He fooled me too."
Without a warning of any sort, he flies right through me, leaving within me an awful cold feeling, and disappears through the wall. Bill eyes me with concern, but I don't say anything. Inside me, the ice lingers and I feel as if I'm back at the first Vault.
Scared.
Frozen.
Lost.
The sound of moving water makes me look at Merula, who's leaving the tub and walking to a pile of folded towels. She wraps one around her body and places her hands on her hips.
"Seems like we'll have to take a look at your brother's hidden room, Lockhart," she says. "If Jacob and Duncan were friends until they weren't, I reckon they spent some time together there."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think Merula is right," Bill says. "Athena, you knew your brother. If something inside of you tells you he wasn't a bad friend, then he wasn't."
I turn to look at him. "I haven't seen my brother in five years," I say. "I was just a kid when he left. I can't rely on my feelings."
"Athena, you've come this far to find him," he says. "You can't start doubting your family now. Do you remember when you doubted your father because of Rita Skeeter? Don't doubt your brother."
I sigh, feeling a weight growing inside of me. "You have so much faith in your family, Bill. I feel like I'm easily broken."
"It's because things are hard," he says. "These curses don't make it any easier. You need to hold onto what's left of your faith, Athena. Onto your memories of your brother."
A few meters away, Merula watches us with, what seems to be, a pinch of sadness. Something in her violet eyes makes me think of her family. She never mentioned her Aunt. Are they close? Is she a good guardian like Grandpa and Grandma were to me? Does she miss her parents?
"Merula, I-"
"Let's take a look at your brother's room," she says, throwing the towel inside a laundry basket and beginning to put her clothes back on. On her lower back, there's a Celtic knot tattoo. I look away when she notices that I'm staring.
Seems like there's a bunch of things I'm still to discover.
I'm honestly not feeling very confident when we get to my brother's room. It has been a long time since I've last been there and the spider webs and dust show me that time cruelly pasts. How many days did Jacob spend in that same room, with his nose glued to books and charts and maps, wondering how he'd put an end to the Cursed Vaults? Did he find some friends and partners in crime to help him in his quest? Were Olivia and Duncan a part of that? My heart is filled with so many questions that I'm already feeling overwhelmed.
My fingers get dirty from the dust as I look through the many papers and parchment rolls. Merula looks for any clue on Duncan Ashe inside a treasure chest while Bill searches in a tall box. My nose begins to itch due to the dust, but I ignore the sensation and continue to search. There are many items inside the desks' drawers, like magnifying glasses and broken pieces of ceramic.
"I found a letter that mentions Duncan," Bill says, handing me a plain writing paper.
The handwriting doesn't belong to my brother. It's thicker and awfully familiar. I swallow hard before reading, hoping that the content doesn't destroy the last bit of faith that I still have.
"Do not blame yourself, Jacob. Duncan Ashe chose his path, and all paths end in the same place," I read out loud. "All except ours."
I swallow hard before continuing. "Despite that she told you, we could only accept one member regardless of what happened with the Vaults. You were always the favourite, but this tragedy, along with Miss Green's fate, negates the need for further discussion. Continue your search, trust your instincts, and rid your mind of rats and Centaurs. Remember, there are no friends on the path to enlightenment and immortality. There is only us. R."
I crash on a nearby chair, feeling my world twist fast and merciless. There's a lump in my throat and the sting in my nose makes me aware that I'm about to cry.
"Athena?" Bill calls.
"M-my brother was working with R," I moan, feeling my heart ache.
"Who's Miss Green?" Merula asks.
"It's probably Olivia's surname," I say with sadness. "It sounds like they were working together to find the Vaults."
"For… enlightenment?" Bill says. "Immortality? I don't understand the meaning of it all."
"It's very clear to me," Merula says. "They were looking for power."
"I'm mainly puzzled by the mention of rats and Centaurs," he says.
I sigh, feeling a tear running down my cheek. "That's the only part that makes sense to me," I say. "I need to talk to Torvus."
Bills kneels in front of me. "You're losing faith again. You don't know if Jacob was working with R. This letter means nothing."
I look at him, forlorn. "What does it mean, then?"
"If your brother was half as intelligent as you are, he'd know how to play his part," he says. "Do not let these things make you think less of him."
"Wow," Merula says, surprised. "Never thought you were such a great motivational coach, Weasley."
He stands up, running his fingers through his long hair. "I try."
"Okay, Lockhart. So we need to talk to this Torvus. Who the hell is he?" she asks.
I look at her and smile sadly. "Just a friend."
It has been a while since I've last been with Talbott in the depths of the Forbidden Forest. We wait until everyone has gone to bed and find our way to the common room, graciously escaping through the window. I had sent Twilight ahead, a few hours before, to ask Torvus to wait for us by the fallen tree.
As soon as we get there, he's already waiting. We transform back into humans and he smiles softly. His hair is a little longer; styles in a few sparse braids and bearing some feathers and small wooden beads.
"Good evening, Torvus," I say. "Thank you for meeting us."
"My pleasure," he says. "You two are marginally better conversationalists than the trolls and red caps."
"Did your herd welcome you back after returning the arrowhead?"
"They allow me to visit," he tells us. "But won't let me move back into the camp until I perform a series of tasks to earn their favour."
"That sounds harsh," Talbott says.
Torvus shrugs. "It's the Centaur way. Trust is hard to be earned. But what can I do for you today?"
"I wanted to ask you about what happened between my brother and Duncan Ashe."
He frowns. "I haven't heard his name in a long time. Why don't you ask Duncan yourself?"
"He was the one who told to figure it out ourselves," I say. "And he hating my brother doesn't help very much."
Torvus lifts his thick brows. "Well… he must blame Jacob."
"For what?"
Torvus look away, pensive. "They were searching for the Cursed Vaults together. Jacob was working on entering the Forest Vault, while Duncan was working on some potion. Perhaps to prepare for whatever Jacob thought was guarding the next Vault," he tells us in his taciturn tone. "Duncan wanted them to stick together, but Jacob wanted them to split up to move faster. I always thought your brother was particularly assertive and impatient, but perhaps he had a reason. Maybe someone else was pushing him."
I stick my hand in my pocket, where I kept R's letter. My fingers wrap around the paper and I feel my heart beat painfully.
"Duncan might feel like Jacob tricked him and abandoned him," Torvus continues. "That he'd still be alive if Jacob hadn't pushed him into making an already explosive potion even more powerful."
"That's the reason why Duncan hates potions," I say, surprised. "He was killed while making one."
Torvus nods. "I'm surprised the lived that long, actually. He was always into dangerous and reckless activities. Used to buy a whole lot of strange objects from Zonko's. Even broke his broom into smithereens once. Got himself a broken arm, but it never stopped him from being a prankster."
"It explains his friendship with Peeves," I say to Talbott.
He nods. "Now that you know about what happened, maybe you should talk to Duncan again," Talbott says.
"He won't want to see me," I complain.
"Bubo, it all sounds like an awful accident to me," he says. "If your brother went missing shortly after Duncan died, they probably didn't have time to talk about what happened."
My eyes widen. "You're… you're right!" I gasp. "Damn, I wish I had payed attention to the Prefect's bathroom windows. Maybe we can get in the by flying!"
Torvus snickers. "Your girlfriend is a true adventurer."
Talbott smirks. "She is."
"Thank you so much, Torvus," I say. "You are an amazing friend. Let me know if you ever need help with any of your tasks."
He nods. "It's a pleasure."
I hear him hop away as I rush to the glade to turn back into an owl. Before I have the chance to transform, Talbott pulls me by my wrist and pushes me gently against a tree. Suddenly, his lips are all over me. They are hot and inviting, leaving burning trails along my jaw and neck.
"Your lips still taste like roasted marshmallow," he says, biting my bottom lip.
I smile, feeling his arms closing around my waist. "Tal… did you ever wanted to… bite my neck again?"
Even in the dark, under the crescent moon, I can see him blushing furiously.
"I've never bit your neck," he says, his voice failing.
"Not technically," I say. "It's just something that's been on my mind. You said that blood lollipops sound disgusting, but I well remember you telling me that my blood tastes good."
He swallows hard. "And it does."
"Well… did you ever wanted to… taste it again?" I tease, running my fingers through his chest.
"Athena, this isn't a romantic vampire novel," he says, bashful. "I told you that I won't randomly attack you because I'm thirsty for your blood."
"I know," I say, bearing a devilish smile. "It's just that… the sensation was… intriguing. Quite pleasant, actually."
I tilt my head a little bit, leaving my neck a little more exposed. I watch him swallow hard again and I can feel his heart beating heavily in his chest.
"Stop provoking me," he warns, approaching his face from my neck in a way that I can distinctively feel his warm breath on my skin. It makes me shiver instantly. "You're making things harder."
"I'm not the one who pushed me against a tree in the middle of the night in the depths of a scary forest," I whisper.
He kisses my neck gently and I close my eyes, allowing the feeling to take over me. "C'mon. We still have a ghost to find."
He steps back and I open my eyes just as he's turning into an eagle and flying away into the starry sky. I let out an annoyed sigh before leaping and turning into an owl. I follow Talbott, flying towards the castle while looking for a window that might lead to the Prefect's bathroom.
The stained glass windows are distinguishable under the moonlight, but I see no way of entering. Talbott lands on the head of a gargoyle and blinks his red eyes at me. He doesn't need to speak for me to know what he's trying to say.
That there's no way of entering the bathroom from the outside of the castle.
I sigh, disappointed. We take flight again, this time back to Ravenclaw tower. The night air greets my wings as I try to fill my lungs with hope. I watch Talbott fly ahead, graciously yet precise, like a scar in the midnight sky.
I'm feeling a little dismayed when I finally land upon the fluffy blue rug of our common room, but I also feel accomplished for learning so much about Jacob and Duncan.
"We can talk to Duncan tomorrow," Talbott tells me, placing a kiss on my lips. "He's not going anywhere. And now you'll have better arguments when you go talk to him."
"You're right," I say, dismayed. "You're always right."
He flashes me a handsome smile. "Why are so you sad?"
I look down. "I don't know. I just a little afraid of finding out that my brother isn't… well, that he wasn't so…"
"Bubo, your brother isn't mean," he says. "After all you've uncovered, you know he wanted to save everyone from these curses. If he made a few mistakes along the way, that's what happens when you're a hero. Jacob couldn't be perfect all the time."
He lifts my face with his warm hand; his touching is gentle, yet reassuring. "Furthermore, all these things weren't Jacob's fault. This is a school and Dumbledore is the Headmaster. He should be the one watching over us, not playing us like chess pieces. Your brother did what was right. If Duncan was truly his friend, he would be more understanding."
"Wouldn't you blame me if you died during one of my crazy plans?" I ask him.
"No, my starry-eyed angel," he says sweetly, placing a kiss upon my forehead. "And I don't say this just because I am your boyfriend. I'm saying this because I know how dangerous life can be."
He cups my cheek delicately. "Last year, when I taught you how to become an Animagus and we flied together to the Quidditch pitch, do you remember what you said to me?"
I shake my head.
"You said that wanted to be my friend, because in these times of peril we could have each other's back. You're not just my sweetheart, my sun and infinity. You're my best friend, Athena. I'd never blame you if things went wrong."
I can't help but to open a smile. His voice is like a lighthouse that guides me through the dark. I wrap my arms around his neck and close the distance between us with a kiss that says more than a thousand words. My heart is gleaming and my soul is flooding with emotion.
"I lo…" I begin, but I swallow my words before I can say them.
No. This isn't the right moment to say this. Though I'm very certain and rejoicing with happiness, I don't want to say these words after talking about Jacob and Duncan.
Nevertheless, even though I never finish my sentence, Talbott opens one of the most beautiful, sparkling and breath-taking smiles of all times. He leans over to kiss me gently and the softness of his lips – like rose petals touched by dew – transports me to a whole new world.
Shining.
Shimmering.
Splendid.
And in the middle of it all, I see only him.
* If I Die Young, by The Band Perry
