The corner of her shirt was wet and muddy and clung to her skin, but Narcissa tucked it carefully into her skirt anyways. She smoothed out any other wrinkles and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to get it back to its previous silky quality. She checked to make sure no mud was obvious on her clothing as her mother would notice immediately if anything could be seen. She wished Rabastan hadn't been so careless with her clothing. He had already gone ahead back to the house, but Narcissa stayed back to straighten herself out.

She had done the right thing. She had finally done the right thing. She had made Rabastan happy, like Andi couldn't. Like Andi hadn't. Her stomach still turned, however, when she thought of Lucius. He'd never forgive this. How could he? But if Narcissa was betrothed to Rabastan, it didn't matter much. Her feelings for Lucius didn't matter. Even if she loved him with all her heart. She realized that now. That little attraction she had had to Walden meant absolutely nothing compared to her feelings for Lucius. She loved him. She loved him so much that her heart panged even now, thinking about him. But the words of her father loomed above her, suffocating her under their weight. It didn't matter if she loved Lucius. It didn't matter if it took all this for her to truly realize this. She'd be given away to Rabastan, matched with him. It'd be his bed she slept in at night, his children she'd birth, and him that would push inside her again and again like he had done today.

It didn't matter that she loved Lucius, she couldn't have him.

Duty, duty, duty, duty…. She repeated the words to herself as a mantra to try and distract herself from the great thought that was Lucius Malfoy. Duty, she said to try not to think of his dark eyes and long blonde hair. Duty, she said to forget about the way his arms would always hold her, so protective and strong. Duty, she said to outweigh the thought of how gentle he would look at her, how caring. Duty, she said to forget every detail about that beautiful boy that she loved.

She couldn't love him. Andi had loved that boy she had run off with, and look where it got her. Narcissa remembered watching Papa burn her face off of the family tapestry. Narcissa could never have that, never be separated from her family in such a terrible manner. Truly, she would do anything to keep her face connected there on that tapestry with her mama and her papa and with Trixy.

And Rabastan wasn't so terrible. She didn't know that much about him, really, but he was easy to talk to. He seemed to care how she felt. And she was grateful to him, truly, for him being there and talking to her. It had been loneliness that had been crushing her, at least to an extent. She knew she was suffocating Trixy and it was good to have someone else to turn to, someone to make her feel less alone. And at least while he had been kissing her, she hadn't worried about Andi or any of that.

Narcissa sighs and decides she looks as good as she ever will. She'll have to sneak quickly back into her room and change into something more appropriate before her mama saw her dirty shirt.

She really wished that Rabastan had taken better care of her clothes.