Matt awoke on the floor of a plain undecorated white room, staring up at a white ceiling. When he sat up, he found himself clad in a white tunic and pants, and something had been clamped to his ears like earrings.

Did I die? he wondered as he stared at the venetian blinds. Is this heaven?

The room held a white box spring bed, a sink, and an Abreya shower box, all stripped bare of anything hazardous, like prison furnishings. He saw only one exit, and it didn't open from the inside. It reminded him of a prison.

No, this is probably hell.

Rubbing his head, he noticed that his bandages had been removed. He gazed into a mirror above the sink and found that his new jewelry resembled livestock tags, a triangle and a circle with bold Wava symbols engraved on their surfaces. Wonderful. I'm a contest calf.

"They caught me."

On the bed he found a pair of rectangular objects, a tattered spiral bound attempt at a dictionary, and a black book with a cross on the cover. He wept.

Hearing a familiar voice calling his name, he searched around until he found an intercom. He fumbled with the mechanism. "Quana?"

"Yes, Matt. It's me."

Tears flowed down his face. "It's good to hear someone speaking English for once."

"It's good to hear from you too." Matt thought he could hear her smiling. "Listen..." She sighed. "I want to be here as much as I can. But, you know...The wedding. That stupid, horrible wedding. I have to go through with it...and...the things that happen afterwards." She shuddered audibly. "But I'll visit you every chance I can get, all right?"

"Okay," Matt said with a weak smile. "I understand." He swallowed. "Did...you tell Nabal about your vows?"

"Um, I'm...under the Ceju Gousan now. The new...covenant. So technically, I..."

Matt frowned. "Oh."

"I tried to say I was anyway, but they didn't care."

Matt heard murmuring voices.

Quana chuckled softly. "You have some friends here."

"Dusaq," said a monotone voice.

"Dista?"

"Guep, hinupu taboloco."

Matt frowned at the box. He couldn't help wondering if the jealous female were somehow responsible for his imprisonment.

She told me to run, he thought. She got shot.

He sighed and shook his head.

"Why did you shake your head?"

"How did you even see that?"

"There's a camera in your room."

"Sorry. It's...nothing. I'm just...tired."

She seemed to accept that.

"Where is this...camera you're talking about?"

"It's really hard to see. It's designed to look like a small flying insect."

"Can you fly it to me so I can grab it?"

"Yok. I don't have the controls."

He opened the blinds, staring through a glass window.

His friends smiled at him from a large white room furnished with plant chairs, signs, and moving posters depicting the things of earth. A group of strangers in fancy clothing pressed in around them, pointing small flashing sticks at the window as they laughed and muttered to one another, seeming to resent the monks' presence, while a couple bored looking guards in togas watched from a doorway.

Matt waved his bible at Quana. "I only got half my order."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but..."

Quana placed a hand on the glass. "I'm sorry, Matt. This is as close as I'm allowed to get. You're a zoological specimen now. I'll try to visit you as much as I can."

"How are you going to translate the bible now?"

"I had bibles in the ship."

"Oh. Right." He tried to remove his ear tags, but discovered his earlobes would come off easier. "What time is it?"

"It's morning, but...uh, you slept three days."

"What!"

"You were unconscious a long time. Counting the day they nujvacked you, you've been out nearly eighty four hours."

"How did I get here?"

"The...males in purple suits brought you here in a ship." She sighed. "Mom always wanted to cage you. It wouldn't have mattered what I did."

Matt looked away.

"Since you're not doing anything else, maybe we can work on translating the bible into Wava?"

"Fine."

"Loex. In a few days, it will finish parsing and we can finish proofreading."

Matt slumped down on the bed. "So...this is a zoo."

"Actually, it's just a holding area. They're keeping you here until they figure out whether to put you in a lab or an exhibit."

"Quana!" Matt's voice choked with emotion. "You told me there would be no experiments. No zoo!"

She sighed, pressing her forehead against the glass. "I'm sorry, Matt. I was...so desperate for answers that...I lied a little. I didn't know this was going to happen."

"So what's next? Are they going to cut me open like a frog?"

"No, that kind of thing is outdated. You're of more value alive, so they'll probably use laser surgery and minimally invasive procedures."

Probably, Matt thought bitterly. How can I trust anything you say? He sighed. I guess it makes no difference anymore. "I suppose I should count my blessings."

"You would have gotten caught either way. They found me only a few miles down from the Takofuea."

"I don't know about that. It kind of makes me wonder if there was a traitor in our midst."

Quana shrugged.

He stared at her with a dismal, stony expression.

"Matt, Are we still friends?"

Swallowing, he said, "Guep."

Wordlessly, she again laid her hand against the window, gazing forlornly into his eyes.

Matt pressed his palm to the glass, wishing he could reach through the pane and wipe away the tears streaking down her face.

"How thick is this thing?"

"Don't. You can set off explosives next to these and the wall will go first."

He let his hand drop, staring glumly at the floor.

"Maybe a worship service will make you feel better."

And so they had a praise and prayer session, sharing beloved hymns from both planets.

Quana checked her communicator. "Nalah! They've finished translating the bible!"

Matt stared. "Already?"

"Guep!" Giddy with excitement, she showed the communicator to her flock. "Now we can start proofreading!"

With a shrug, Matt opened his bible and Wava dictionary, and their group spent several hours weighing the Wava translation against the English bible, altering and weeding out any errors or contradictions they found. Though constantly itching and suffering from shooting pains in the backside, Matt kept focused on the task, analyzing each sentence and verse for consistency in meaning and appropriateness of context, having many deep debates with everyone about word usage and structure.

At about the middle of the day, someone slid a tray of Muloyi through a slot in the door. Matt continued working while he ate.

When supper time arrived, the door opened, but it only resulted in a group of males in rubber outfits manhandling Matt like a cocker spaniel, checking everything from his blood pressure to his prostate. When they left, they locked the door so he couldn't escape.

After this, Matt watched his friends feast on strange looking food while he ate Muloyi and a slice of Zux Leem someone had included on his tray. He'd finished proofreading Matthew's gospel and started on Mark before he found himself nodding off. They decided to quit for the day.

Once he'd had a long rest, Matt awoke to find new patches of hair cropping up all over his body, and a large lump sticking out of his tail bone. "Great," he complained. "I'm turning into some kind of mutant." After a few miserable attempts at sitting, Matt gave it up, spending a great deal of time on his feet or lying on his side or stomach.

In the other room, all of Matt's friends were present save for the princess and her servant. When he asked the others about it, they said the two would be along eventually.

Sighing, Matt paced back and forth, searching in vain for loose panels and structural faults, some way of escape. Finding none, he settled for playing with a Rubik's Cube-like `child's toy' he'd found in the cell, making it spray out fragrances and vibrate, turning panels like a screw, lighting lights and making noises of various sorts.

After breakfast, Dista stepped into the observation room wearing a black polka dot outfit that looked like half a kimono and a table skirt, with a cluster of oversized spider legs reaching up around the neck. When Matt asked her what the fancy outfit was for, she only sighed and looked away.

About a half hour later, Quana got walked in by a pair of guards. She also wore a strange outfit, a rubbery black thing with a top like a winged life preserver, a candy striped red and black loincloth down below, and a lime green wraparound with holes like Swiss cheese providing some semblance of modesty. A large wooden cross on a chain hung prominently around her neck.

She gave him a sheepish grin. "Hi."

"Wow." Matt really liked what he saw, jealously wished it to be for his wedding, but could only manage, "Nice outfit."

"Thanks." Quana sighed. "You can probably figure out what's happening. I asked mom if you could preside over the wedding, but she said no, even when I suggested we hold the ceremony here."

They gazed sadly into each other's eyes, each seeming to sense each other's sadness.

"It's good to see you mabby again," said Quana. "Did you know you slept through another whole day?"

Matt frowned. "I must be getting some kind of jet lag. If I don't get out of here in a couple days, people back home are going to send the cops out to look for me."

"It can't be helped, Matt. I can't do anything else. The best you can do is call them."

"I'm running out of good lies, Quana."

"I don't know what to tell you. You want to tell them you'll be gone another month?"

Matt shook his head. "Okay. Whatever."

Someone passed the communicator through the slot, and he called his mother.

"Hello?" said Camille.

Matt sighed, not knowing what to say next.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"Keith tells me might not be able to complete your classes because you've been gone too long."

"I'm sorry, mom. Something came up. I thought I could go do this mission thing and come back in two weeks, but it's taking a lot longer. I'm not even done yet."

"Dear, what have they got you doing?"

Matt stared at the monitor. Her phone didn't have a video screen, so he only saw a black square. It's good she can't see me lying through my teeth.

"Matt?"

"They...asked me to come on a...mission trip to New Guinea. I'm going to have to put college on hold."

"New Guinea? Really?"

"Yes, mom. They really needed help." He thought about making up a story about a militia, but decided against it.

"When do you think you'll be back?" The connection sounded foggy.

"A month, I think. Depends on what they have me doing."

Camille sighed. "If that's what you feel the Lord is calling you to do, I won't object. I hope everything turns out all right. Take some pictures, okay?"

"I don't have a camera."

"I can barely hear you. Where are you calling from?"

Prison, he thought."Um...it's hard to pronounce. It's...an island near New Guinea."

"Well, good luck."

"Thanks."

"Oh, by the way, Brenda's been calling again. She called our place and Keith's several times. She must still care about you, albeit in a misguided sort of way. She's even got her rabbi calling us."

"So what else has been going on?"

She told him about Trixie's recent tooth abstraction, and about how she had to shower at the YMCA for three days on account of the city working on a water main, but when she started giving him her recent bowling scores and the results of her trip to the home and garden show, he lost the signal. Sighing, Matt tried to give the communicator back. "Here. I'm done."

"Keep it," Quana said. "It belongs to you."

He stared at it. "Really? Thanks!"

"It's the least I can do. Maybe you can do something fun with it..." The princess leaned against the window. "I told Nabal about Jesus. Forcefully. I tried to convert him. I think that scared him into giving me some space." She pressed her forehead to the glass. "Mother's using you as a bargaining chip. If I don't go through with this wedding, you'll be put in a lab. It's just not fair."

"Marry him," Matt groaned. "It's not the end of the world."

Quana bowed her head. "You're right. But I still find the idea repulsive. Mother can forget about us having an egg. She'll be fortunate if we even eat in the same room."

"Did you hear anything about the blood tests?"

She shook her head. "Shilem is angry. Even if it were positive, he wouldn't tell us."

Hearing murmurs, Quana turned to face her flock, explaining the situation in Wava. After an emotional discussion, it was decided that Kodo would keep Matt company while the others attended the ceremony. A moment later, the guards barked something to the princess, pointing their tails at the exit.

"Time to go," Quana sighed. "Wish me bad luck."

Matt laughed. "Should I break a mirror?"

She smiled and shook her head. The princess touched her palm to the window, led her flock out the door.

With a sigh, Matt laid down on the bed, staring out the window.

"Dusaq!" Kodo called. "The last time I saw you looking this miserable, you had run out of your strange food!"

Matt pressed his face into the mattress, too depressed to reply.

"You're sad about this wedding, guep?"

He sat up. "Yeah."

"Me too. But I think you are more sad than me. What's wrong, did you want to marry her too?"

Matt laughed nervously, his face turning pink. "Is it that obvious?"

"Did you ask her?"

"Kind of. She said no."

Kodo laughed and shook his head. "There will be others, my friend."

With a sigh, Matt fiddled with the alien Rubik's Cube.

"That's a child's toy, you know."

"Hmm."

"How did you get into this mess to begin with? What was your life like before?"

Matt pushed the toy away, frowning at the bed. "It's a long story. You've probably heard most of it."

"The wedding isn't for another four hours."

Matt told his story, and they chatted for awhile.

Kodo had once been a successful businessman, and he had been in the close company of many females until he had nightmares about Beptot and fled to the Takofuea.

They spoke a bit longer, then did some proofreading of the book of Psalms.

A pair of guards suddenly took position in the other room, then a giant female in a fancy dress that looked like a life preserver stuck on a loincloth stomped in.

Snorting, she marched up to the glass, stared at him with her hands on her hips.

Hoping to get on her good side, Matt smiled and waved.

Tama furrowed her brow, bit her lip, stomped out of the room.

Someone called Kodo on his communicator. He held it to the glass.

When Matt squinted, he could see a domed temple filled with well dressed males and females occupied in idle conversation.

A blast of atonal music silenced the chatter, and a little female in a bottle shaped outfit waddled down the aisle with a bucket and a small branch, splattering everyone she passed with green slime. Matt grinned, deciding that if he ever got married, he'd have one of those at his wedding.

After Matt botched several attempts at accessing the ceremony on his own communicator, he and Kodo traded devices through the slot in the door. The monk joked about also passing him a laser cutter, but couldn't actually bring him one.

The camera moved. Tama was dragging Quana up an aisle by her tail. The crowd did not seem to be surprised by this strange behavior, as if it happened all the time.

"Is that normal for a wedding?" Matt asked.

Kodo laughed. "Yok."

The queen ripped the cross off her daughter's neck dragging her up a staircase. Quana shouted, but he couldn't tell what she was saying. Matt furrowed his brow in worriment.

His stomach churned as the two made their way across a stage beneath a massive eight eyed manta ray thing serving as a wedding chuppah.

The queen shoved her daughter behind a gauzy veil framed by swollen manta tentacles, and the music stopped.

An elderly male with a rubber waffle headdress stepped behind a podium, giving a long, drawn out speech about marriage, sharing many clever anecdotes Matt couldn't understand. Everyone seemed to be enduring it patiently except for a figure in a flowing rainbow colored robe at the opposite end of the stage. This male, presumably the groom, marched up to the podium, telling the minister to hurry up. A portion of the audience mumbled in dismay, while some others applauded.

Looking upset, the minister sighed and cut his sermon to the quick. "Mugnar, you may part the Heakga."

With distasteful impatience, Nabal stomped to the veiling and ripped it down, giving his bride an arrogant sneer.

Quana frowned, refusing to look him in the eye.

"The barrier between house Getfoi and Falcameer is at an end," the minister said. "Today the spirit of Ponai brings the two together in one body."

Quana glared at her new husband.

"If anyone wishes to speak their objection, they may do so now."

Matt scowled at the screen. If I weren't in this cage, he thought, I'd give you a word or two!

Quana stepped up to the podium. "The bride would like to speak."

Tama visibly cringed.

The minister, though, appeared to approve, so Quana faced the audience, sharing her testimony about Jesus with the whole crowd, stressing the importance of not being yoked together with an unbeliever like Nabal. Matt stared in shock as Dista came forward to offer her support, adding her own comments in agreement.

The queen clapped a hand over her daughter's mouth, calling to her servants, and a pair of males fastened a bit gag around the princess's head, preventing her from talking. Quana struggled, but couldn't take it off because of a complicated clamp secured behind her neck. Whenever she even tried, her mother pinned her arms down, fixing the gag until she quit struggling and gave up.

For a few moments, Dista continued preaching where the princess left off, but then she got forcibly dragged away. Quana let out a muffled yell.

Shrugging, the minister said, "Bring forth the yoke."

Grabbing a small gold yoke from a servant, Nabal slid his tail through one of the holes, then snaked his tail around Quana's, attempting to slip it into the other end. Quana kept whipping it away, even when he tried grabbing it with his hands.

With an angry growl, Tama grabbed her daughter, forcefully shoving Quana's tail through the yoke, and the ceremony continued.

The minister pointed his tail at Nabal. "Do you agree to have this marun as your legally married Mugmar?"

"Guep!" the groom snapped.

The minister gave Quana an apologetic smirk. "Does the mother agree to have this narun legally married to her daughter?"

Tama sighed. "Guep."

Nodding to both parties, the minister said, "You may now hold hands."

Matt laughed and shook his head at the absurd statement.

Grinning, Nabal extended his hand, wrapping it around the hand of his new bride. He drew closer.

With a deft turn of her wrist, the princess performed a strange Judo move, flinging Nabal head over tail to the floor.

Letting out a trilling bark, Quana stepped over her prone spouse, stomping angrily down the aisle.

The signal cut off.

After several minutes of chatting with Kodo and studying how to use apps on the communicator, the rest of the flock returned to the observation room, minus two leaders.

Becoming worried, Matt called Quana with the communicator. He had a coherent conversation with the robot, then the princess appeared on the screen, still dressed in her wedding outfit. The bit gag been removed, but she looked very pale.

"Hi, Matt." She swallowed. "Dista's in prison. Mom fired her and put her in jail."

"That's terrible!"

Her tail smacked angrily against a jellyfish bed. Matt found the gesture almost sexy. "I know. But that's not all. Matt, I got in trouble for what I did at the Scrumsaarg. Mom's going to send you to the lab to be experimented on."

"It's not your fault. I'm sure God has a purpose for all this, and nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, not even your..." He sighed and shook his head.

Quana wept. "I'm glad you feel that way." She glanced off screen. "Uh-oh. It's mom." She gave him a sad gaze, touching the screen. "Bye, Matt. Hua chikalat."

"I love you too."

She hung up.

Matt spent hours moping, not eating or doing much of anything other than lying in bed and feeling sorry for himself. His friends tried their best to get him thinking about spiritual things, promising to stay and pray with him, but he was too depressed to consider it. He shut the blinds, turned off the intercom, crawled into bed.

He dreamed about being covered in swarms of insects, scratching himself multiple times as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

The pain in his backside got so bad that he could no longer sleep. The lump on his tail bone was now a tapering projection, and the body itching showed no sign of abating. After scratching himself all over the place several times, he gave up on resting and opened the blinds.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked Kodo.

"You slept for most of the day. But it is not yet Lanoxis. Truthfully you didn't miss that much."

I guess that means it's the same day, Matt thought. He felt somewhat relieved that it wasn't longer.

He tried calling Quana, but she told him not to and hung up. He spent more than an hour in prayer with his flock, all the while scratching itches all over his body.

The skin around his neck turned gray and peeled off, exposing more hair.

Feeling strangely hot, Matt opened his shirt and gasped. Instead of a pair of naked pecs, he found a coat of cream colored fur. Not wanting to believe it, he pulled up his pant legs and found a thick layer of brown hair growing all around his calves. When he pulled back his sleeves, he found the same type of growth.

"Great. I'm in prison, my girlfriend can never see me again, and I'm turning into a freaking teddy bear!"

He scratched some more, then took off his shirt, staring at himself in the mirror. Brown arms. White chest and belly. He had fuzz growing all the way up to his chin. Only his face and hands remained hairless.

Let's see, Matt thought. Fuzzy arms, white belly, manufacturer's ear tags…I am a teddy bear!

Another stab of pain in the rear. A teddy bear with a tumor.

He closed the blinds and pulled his pants down, checking the rest of the damage.

In addition to the fur coat covering everything, he also discovered the growth on the base of his spine had developed into a stubby tail-like appendage. "Wonderful. I'm a monkey boy."