The Courage To Love Him
A/N: You guys are amazing. This chapter was very emotional for me. I was watching Olitz while writing it so I felt the words deeply as I wrote them. I have completely taken the story in my own direction. There will be similarities to the movie but the rest will be mostly all my creation. So Let's get started!
Happy Reading!
Chapter 10
Previously….
Liv heart drops into her stomach "So are you two back together?" Mellie catches on to Liv's question by the look in her face and takes advantage. "Yes…yes we are." Looping her arm around Fitz's arm and he allows it then smirks again to mask his anger and jealousy. "Well Mel we'd better go find our seats. Liv, Edison." He says with a nod and walks away.
Abby has seen the entire interaction when Liv excuses herself from next to Edison and swiftly walk down the church hall not caring where she's headed Abby follows grabbing Lisa and Angela in the process as Kim comes up the rear.
Liv immediately feels their presence behind her as she turns into the ladies bathroom. She feels as if she having a panic attack and runs to the sink and wets paper towel with cold water patting her face as she tries to control her breathing as the other ladies rush in and lock the door. Abby is the first one to jump into action. "Liv look at me calm down and take deep breaths." She says while Lisa and Kim fan her with whatever they have in their hand as Angela tries to figure out what is going on. "Liv are you okay?" Lisa questions
She nods rapidly and gives her a small yes and tries to speak "I…I'm okay just my anxiety is kicking in." "Seeing Fitz is that what brought this on?" Kim innocently asks and Liv not wanting to admit the truth "What! No! But did you see him with that white chick?" All the ladies gave her a look when Kim blurts out "Liv did you forget he's white as well plus you broke up with him…remember?" Liv waves it off as her breathing stabilizes when Lisa tries to stop the cat fight she sees coming "Okay you know what guy's maybe we should go back to the wedding it already started, plus I don't think we should talk about this here."
Abby is keeping her eye on Angela who is putting on lip gloss and checking herself out in the mirror sighing as if Liv is getting on her last nerve. She knows what her best friend is feeling as does Lisa so she just continues to fan Liv in hopes to calm her down. Liv can't help it or stop herself from sharing "How could he…how was it so easy for him to just…just get back with her?" This sets Angela off "You know what Liv you have a fine ass man in there who wants to be with you, a fine successful black man at that and you over her crying over Fitz ass. You knew that shit wasn't gonna last, ask yourself honest…honestly Liv…were you really gonna go the distance you always get in your own way…this is what you do…"
Liv not in the mood for Angela's sly remarks or the truth "You got a lot of nerve talking about going the distance screwing married men!"
"Yeah whatever, hell if you don't want Edison he's the perfect IBM for me, don't be mad if I marry him and have a shit load of babies and your behind still be walking around single." Liv laughs because she knows Angela is serious "Have at it Angela just remember, he's not your type because he's not married I hope it lasts." Liv snaps back
"Can we stop with the profanity? We are at a Jewish wedding in a Jewish church." Abby questions
"Liv look it's not about going the distance okay, you guys didn't think that Mark and I would last and we're engaged. Look at Abby and Stephen they're still going strong." Abby co-signs with Lisa
"Beside Liv Angela is just desperate so please don't take to heart what she has to say." Abby intentionally looks at Angela as she speaks
Angela storms out and goes inside the chapel and sits next to Edison who is sitting 3 seats ahead of Fitz. Liv agrees to go inside but says she's leaving right after the I do's and that she does being sure to sit in the far back right by the exit.
Once Liv sees everyone standing and cheering as the bride and groom kiss Liv slips out the exit with Abby, Lisa and Kim in tow leaving Angela smiling at Edison. Fitz is wondering where Liv is and begins to look around after seeing only Angela sitting next to Edison. He desperately wants to go look for her now that he's had time to think about his actions. The fact that he allowed her to think he and Mellie got back together only complicated things more. He left her thinking he didn't want her because she hurt him only for him to go back to the woman that hurt him. He can't leave before the bride and groom he's sitting to close to the front. Damn. He thinks to himself. He should have sat somewhere else when he first noticed Mellie sit down next to him but because he didn't know what was up with Liv and this Edison guy he wanted to be petty and it might have just backfired.
The ladies follow Liv until she arrives home and is safely inside and after she assured them she was fine they left leaving a conflicted heartbroken Liv to cry alone. What have I done? I messed up my life. I can't have a child out of wedlock. I can't raise a child alone not right now anyway. I just got promoted. How am I going to dedicate myself to raising a child alone? What was I thinking? Fitz is done with me. I don't want to be a single parent. I don't want to co-parent. First comes marriage then comes a baby. Stupid to think I was protected from pregnancy and unplanned pregnancy at that. Tears pore from Liv's eyes; she can barely catch her breath she crying so hard as all her fears and emotions over power her. This is not how it was supposed to happen. I'm in love with a man who wants nothing to do with me and I'm pregnant with his child and don't even know it. Liv is crying so hard that she begins to throw up violently draining all the energy from her. Once she gains her barring she cleans herself up and lays down and cries till she falls asleep.
…
Fitz is relieved that the bride and groom are finally leaving the church and the bouquet has been tossed falling in the hands of Angela. He could care less as he escapes the grips of Mellie he jumps in his truck and heads home after telling Mellie to go fuck off. Once home he's tempted to call Liv, but doesn't. He's tempted to unblock her but doesn't that would make him look weak and woman loved to play on a man's weakness as he's learned from dealing with Mellie. If he unblocks Liv she'll know he's breaking down and misses her and use it to her own advantage so he dismisses the idea. He wanted to do a lot of things but his hurt wouldn't allow him to. Seeing Liv with Edison only solidified his thinking. Even though he knew he was wrong for what he did allowing Mellie to play mind games with Liv he was more angry, hurt and jealous that he saw Liv with Edison. It was best in his mind that he moved on Liv had, so he thought.
Suit and tie type guy that's what she wants. I guess I don't fit the bill. Stop thinking about it Fitz you'll just get angrier. What does she see in that guy? Oh yeah he's her IBM. Who thought of that dumb shit anyway? Why do women put titles on everything? I can be her IBM, Ideal Business Man if she's just want a man with a title. I need to stop thinking about her. Fitz gets up and fixes himself a drink tosses it back then pores himself another. Did she fuck him? She slept with me within three days. She did that's why she couldn't say anything at the church fucking whore. Fitz chucks the glass across the room smashing it against the wall into small tiny pieces then take the bottle of scotch and chugs it until he couldn't swallow anymore repeating over and over the words to images stuck in his head fucking whore.
The following morning Fitz wakes up totally disgusted with himself. He still had on yesterday's clothes and he reeked of alcohol. This too he blamed on Olivia so he angrily gets up from his sideways position on the sofa and goes to take a much needed shower. Afterwards he cleans up the broken glass and fixes himself some breakfast.
Liv wakes the next morning feeling tired and depleted of energy showers and makes herself a light breakfast before heading to work. She checks her phone and sees several missed calls and text messages from Abby, Lisa and Kim. She quickly shoots them a group text sharing with them that she fine and is headed in to work. She also notices two missed calls from her dad and decides to call him back. "Hi dad."
"Hi sweet pea you don't sound too good."
"I'm okay dad I'm just waking up."
"What's going on sweet pea, talk to your father. I can hear it in your voice, plus I can sense when somethings not quit right with my baby girl."
"It's nothing dad really. I'm just adjusting to all the new events in my life that's all."
"Listen baby girl, don't take on more than you can handle. Fix what you can fix and toss away the rest…okay?"
"Yes daddy. Thank you and I love you."
"I love you too sweet pea take care of yourself."
"I am dad bye."
"Bye baby girl."
Liv gathers her things and heads to work. It would be two hours into her work day with no progress when she makes up her mind. She would give it one more shot at contacting Fitz and attempting to repair their relationship. Only then can she decide what she needs to do moving forward. She gets up from her desk and walks down the hall to their investigative department and knocks on the door of and open office. "Hi Huck."
Huck looks up from his computer "Hey Liv got something for me?"
"Sort of but its personal I need you to find and address on someone. Well actually two someone's. But you can't do it on company time or use the company computers."
"Okay I have my own personal computer with me. I never leave home without it. Throw me some names."
Liv steps inside of Huck's office and closes the door taking a seat "Fitzgerald Thomas Grant II and Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III." She takes a post-it from his desk "This is his birthday the son that is and this is his phone number. I just need an address nothing more. When you're done can you send it to my personal email?"
"Sure anything else?"
"This stays between us okay?"
"I figured that when you said personal."
"Thanks Huck."
"No problem Liv."
Liv returns to her office and continues with her day. Thirty minutes later Huck sends her a text stating for her to check her email. Liv pulls out her phone and pulls up her personal email and smiles. She now has Fitz personal home address in LA and New York. But her joy is not long lived when she has to admit to herself that Fitz is loaded and made millions more than she could have ever imagined. Her ex was a millionaire. This was a whole new territory. Why hadn't he said anything to her? Why did he let her run her mouth and not correct her assumptions? She really felt bad for so many things she had said and done to him. Now she felt the need to talk to Fitz more than ever and she would not mention the pregnancy until she was certain he won't think she's trying to reconcile because of it. She wanted it to be good news and that he was in a good place when she told him but what she wasn't going to do is be a single parent co-parenting with Fitz or no other man for that matter. First came marriage then came kids was her belief and even though she muffed that up she was not willing to be a single parent at this point in her life.
After not being able to concentrate all morning she decided to leave for the day and make a trip to Fitz address. She wasn't sure if he would even be there but she had to try. Once she arrived at Fitz's address she couldn't help but admire his beautiful home. It was a two story colonial with a large manicured lawn. It was simple but beautiful a bit large for one person. It had a three car attached garage. The home set back from the main road. It was breath taking compared to her home. She drove up the driveway parking in front of the garage and exits her car. It appeared Fitz was not home. After ringing the doorbell a couple of times and getting no answer she felt certain no one was there. So she set in one of the chairs that decorated the front entryway and waited still in awe of how beautiful Fitz homes was.
After 45 minutes or so of waiting she tried calling him again and still couldn't get through. She even made her number private but somehow he managed to block her there as well. Just as she was ready to throw in the towel she sees a BMW pulling up and her heart skips a beat. Is this him? She questions and sees that yes it is him. Fitz pulls up next to her car and steps out. Her breath hitches at the site of him. He has on a black on black tux with wayfarer shades. He looks like money. Damn she thinks to herself He looks so freaking handsome and he thinks the same thing about her but he can't let her know that.
"What are you doing her Olivia?" He says walking towards her with a sudden frown on his face.
Liv suddenly feels so uncertain about everything "I…I needed to talk to you and I had no other way of contacting you."
"What'd you do look up my taxes to find my home address you've never been interested before in where I lived." Fitz opens his front door and walks inside stopping to look at her. She so freaking beautiful "Are you coming in you came all this way?" Liv slowly steps forward crossing the thresh hold of Fitz's home for the first time. Fitz closes the front door "Can I get you anything?"
"No I'm fine." Fitz fixes himself a scotch and takes a seat in his very large living room and motions for Liv to sit down on the sofa across from him. She does and Fitz just watches her not saying a word so Liv nervously begins "I'm sor…sorry. I know I hurt you in more ways than you could imagine, and I'm sorry. I'm so miserable without you. I made a mistake. I love you Fitz…I made a mistake." Tears begin to pool from her eyes "I'm in love with you and I was scared. I was scared…scared of what I was feeling scared of changing. Scared of having to choose between what I was used too vs finding the courage to love you. I choose you Fitz." "I need you to give me another chance…us another chance. I deserve another chance." He still doesn't speak he instead gets up and pores him another drink this time filling his glass to the brim in and attempt to control his emotions. "I fucked up babe, I was selfish and inconsiderate judgmental and being a racist bigot with all my ranting and one track mind, but I swear baby I not a racist I was just doing what I was used too and not seeing that my comments and way of thinking were wrong." She wipes her tear stained face with her hand "I need you Fitz.
Fitz smirks and then chuckles "You know what Olivia, for the past three weeks I have waited for you, I have watched for you, my whole life was about you, I couldn't sleep without you, I couldn't breathe without you. For three whole weeks, all this time you controlled me, I belonged to you, you thought I was belittling you, and apparently not good enough for you, I was beneath you, how did you put it I couldn't afford you. Well look around baby as you can see I'm now good without you so whether or not I'm going to forgive you, the jury is still out on that. Now if you'll excuse me I need to change and go do some gardening. You can show yourself out." Fitz gets up and walks towards his winding stairwell.
"Fitz…" She calls out as she stands and slowly walks toward the door. "Doesn't love allow for forgiveness?"
He turns to her "I'm not in a very forgiving mood. I'll call you when I am." Then continues up the stairs as his own heart breaks
Liv rushes out of his home into her car trying to control the build of emotions bubbling throughout her body as she backs out and turns her car around speeding away at the same rate of her broken heart thumping against her chest.
She refuses to cry instead she brings back to memory what her father told her earlier that day. Fix what you can fix, toss the rest away. She wasn't ready to toss Fitz or her love for him away. She needed to try one more grand gesture. She called Ethan her assistant and tells him to books her a first class flight as soon as possible to Washington.
A/N: This was heavy for me the emotions were raw. Let's hear/read it. Your thoughts your opinions I will seriously implement someone's idea of what might happen next…Until next time Keke…
