HEARTSTRINGS::Jitus/Ayushmann

Jitu takes out the strongest drink he has and they settle back on sofa and then Jitu doesn't hold back, all of it pours out of him. His family, their disagreements, disappointments, then of course, Ayushmann was aware about the issue during SMZS and now finally the phone call. Jitu tells him everything, things, feelings he necer told anyone. Things he wanted to say to his parents but never had guts. To share the times when he was disappointed in his family, when he felt alone. He doesn't hold back at all and he doesn't even know when Ayushmann had closed the gap between them and was holding onto Jitu as he poured his heart out.

Once he is done Jitu feels a heavy weight has been lifted off his chest which he had been carrying with him for years and didn't even realise how he was getting tired with carrying this weight all the time. For the first time, he feels light as a feather, able to breath normal.

Ayushmann had been a perfect listener and a companion and Jitu is so thankful for him, he has so many friends, even best friend but Ayushmann is something else. No one has been able to make him feel like Ayushmann, he just vented all which he never felt safe to do with anyone else. This man who is by his side rock solid as he breaks down, in the end when he is in pieces, Ayushmann is able to put him back together.

"Thank you." Jitu tells him once he has all cried up.

"Kis liye?" (For what?)

Ayushmann asks as he lightly creases his hair once again and Jitu just melts. The thing with Ayushmann he learnt early on was he is a very touchy feely person to the ones he is really close to and once they got comfortable, his touches, him being in Jitu's personal space almost all the time became less surprising and more of comfort Jitu would yearn for, silently. He cherished every single moment, every single touch of this man and some nights when he is alone and yearning for those touches, he would close his eyes and just play each of that memory in his head, pretending that it's real in this time.

"Anay ke liye, baat karne ke liye. Mujhe nahi pata tha ke mujhe kitni zaroorat thi yeh sab vent out karne ki." (For coming and listening to me. I didn't know how much I actually needed this, to vent it all out.)

"Jaanta tha esi liye toh aya tere paas. Us din phone par... uske baad mujhe sirf itna pata tha ke tujhse milna zaroori hai aur jald hi. Tu toh kabhi nahi ata toh main hi chala aya." Jitu is speechless at the fact how well his friend knows him and how much he did for him. (I know and that's why I came to you. That day on phone... I just knew that I had to see you and see you soon. You would have never come to me so I just came to you.)

Jitu doesn't say thanks again but his eyes are shining for Ayushmann.

"Oh God." Ayushmann groans breaking their moment.

"Kya howa?" (What's wrong?)

"Pata hi nahi chala itna time hogaya hai. Raat ke dhaai baj gaye aur pata bhi nahi chala." Time. Of course, they don't have time. (Didn't realise that so much time has passed. It's 2.30am in the morning and didn't even realise it.)

"Seriously yaar, tere saath hota hon toh time ka bilkul pata bhi nahi chalta." Jitu looks away and gives a sad smile. (Seriously yaar, when I am with you time just flies by.)

"Haan, mujhe bhi." A lump forms in his throat when he realises Ayushmann will be leaving now and he will be alone and devoid of being in this man's company. (Yes, I feel the same.)

"Tahira wait kar rahi hogi." Jitu says, more to remind himself than to Ayushmann. (Tahira must be waiting.)

"Nahi... woh soh gayi hogi, usko pata tha main yahan hon lekin, aaj tujhse milne ke chakkar mein shooting schedule change hogaya toh ab early shift hai, subah 5 baje set pe puhunchna hai." This causes Jitu to blink several time.

(No... she must be sleeping, she knew I am here but I changed my scheduled to see you and have an early morning shift tomorrow. I have to be at set by 5am.)

"Kya howa?" (What happened?)

"Tu pagal hai? Aise kyun kiya?" (Are you mad? Why did you do this?)

"Toh aur kya karta? Ab ke baad pata nahi kitne time baad mile. Seriously, this is one thing I really don't like about our jobs." (What else could I have done? Don't know when we will meet after this. Seriously, this is one thing I really don't like about our jobs.)

"Toh yahin ruk ja." Jitu doesn't know what causes him to say this but he didn't even register the words until they fell out of his mouth! Ayushmann just looks at him. (Just stay here then.)

"Mera matlab abhi jayega toh 1 hour almost aur gaya, toh rest kab karna aur nikalna kab hai. Yahin thori dair rest karle phir nikal jana." Jitu is rumbling at this point but now that he has suggested, he doesn't feel like letting him go. He wants him to stay, he is being selfish but he wants him for bit more longer. (What I mean it'll take you almost an hour to get then how will you rest and then go for shoot. Just rest here for the night and leave from here.)

"Are you sure? Tujhe koi problem toh nahi hogi?" (Are you sure? It wouldn't be a problem?)

"Arre, mujhe kya problem hogi." Jitu laughs as if Ayushmann is being ridiculous. (I have no problem.)

"I mean, as long tujhe koi problem na ho..." Jitu adds and prays that he stays and Ayushmann seems to ponder over it for a moment. (I mean as long you don't have problem...)

"Theek hai, main Tahira ko message kardeta hon." Jitu's mind is screaming like a fan girl but he keeps his expressions schooled. (Okay, let me message Tahira.)

Jitu gives Ayushmann privacy as he goes to sort out other room for the other man. His heart is thumping so loudly, almost feeling giddy. Once he returns, Ayushmann tells him he has messaged Tahira and his driver, and Jitu tells him room is set.

Saying goodnight reluctantly Jitu lets him go and prepare to sleep as he needs to be up early and Jitu goes into his bedroom with his heart still beating so loudly. It feels so strange to have him so close and yet distance seems to much.

Half an hour goes by as he lies in his bed with no sleep in sight only thinking about the man on the other side of that wall. His phone suddenly rings and he comes out of his thoughts, not knowing who would call at such a late hour, when he looks at the caller id and it screams Ayushmann's name, he wants to almost run to his run.

"Kya howa? Tu theek hai?" He still doesn't calm down when he hears light laughter on phone. (What's wrong? Are you alright?)

"Itna kyun drama kar raha hai? Kuch nahi howa... bas neend nahi arahi thi." Jitu closes his eyes and head hits lightly on bed as smile appears on his face. (Why are you being so dramatic? Nothing happened... I just can't sleep.)

"Neend kyun nahi arahi?" (What can't you sleep?)

"Pata nahi." (Don't know.)

"Toh kya main kahaani sonao?" Jitu jokes suddenly wide awake and excited. (So should I tell you a story?)

"Teri awaaz se lag raha hai tu bhi jaag raha hai." Damn his observational skills. (You sound like even you are wide awake.)

"Haan bas try kar raha tha par abhi neend nahi arahi thi." (Yes, I was just trying to sleep but no sleep.)

"Kuch soch raha tha?" Jitu is caught off guard. (You were thinking about something?)

"Hmm.. nahi toh." He hears laughter on the other side. (Hmm.. no.)

"Hansa kyun?" (Why did you laugh?)

"Kuch nahi bas aise hi." He can almost see the mischievous smile through the phone. (No reason.)

"Mere dimaag mein kuch lines arahi thi toh woh likhne lag gaya aur ab neend hi nahi arahi." Ayushmann explains. (There were few lines going through my mind, I got busy writing those so now I can't sleep.)

"Accha... toh suna." Jitu is suddenly excited. Ayushmann thinks about it. (Really... then share your lines.)

"Aise sunaon?" (Share my thoughts just like this?)

"Toh phir?" (Then?)

"Nahi.. I mean it's stupid, hum dono yahin hain aur phone pe baat kar rahe hain. Yahan aa phir sunata hon." (No, I mean it's stupid... we both are here and still talking on phone. Come here and then I'll share.)

Jitu doesn't need to be told twice as he stays on the phone and walks out of his room and towards Ayushmann's door. He knocks when Ayushmann says 'dramabaaz aja' though the phone and Jitu laughs, he finally hangs up the phone once he enters the room. The view in front of him renders him speechless. Ayushmann is sitting on the bed with blanket covering most of him but what isn't covering is half of his chest, completely naked. He is shirtless.

"Woh... mujhe adaat hai shirt ki bina..." He tries to explain when he sees Jitu looking at him. Jitu almost turns red and walks out of the door there and then. He shakes his head and Ayushmann calls him over, patting on the other side of bed. Jitu comes and sits on the other side, trying to control his emotions. (I am... used to sleeping without shirt...)

"Chal suna." Jitu manages to speak while trying hard not to pay attention to his chest which looks like kissed by sun in the dim light of lamp. (Okay, now share your lines.)

"Abhi bas soch hi raha hon kuch lines ayi hain mind mein." Suddenly Ayushmann feels bit nervous and that catches other man off guard. (I was just thinking and few lines came to me mind.)

"Haan." Jitu nods encouraging the other man. (Yes.)

(Jab kabhi akela hota hon,

Youn samajh leta hon tum mere saath ho,

Guftagoo karte howe aakhon mein taare chamakte howe.

Jab nazar hat'ti hai tumse, toh samjh ata hai,

Meri guftagoo toh hawaaon se thi.)

("Sometimes when I am alone,

I pretend that you are here right by my side,

talking to me with sparkle in your eyes.

When I look away from your eyes, turns out,

I am having conversations with the wind.")

Ayushmann recites the thoughts to Jitu and the other man feels moved by them. Almost feels like Ayushmann is trying to describe the dilemma he is in and for a second he feels if he might have been caught.

"Kaise... khayal aya?" Jitu asks him and Ayushmann looks at him sheepishly. (How... did that come to you?)

"Bas... aise hi khayal aya toh likh liya." (Just... like that it came to me so I wrote it down.)

"Nahi... bohut hi khubsoraat hai." (No... it's just really beautiful.)

"You think so?" Jitu nods.

"Post karde, Twitter pe phir dekhna jab sab tareef kareinge." Jitu says. (Post it on Twitter then you'll know when everyone will praise it.)

"Nahi... yeh... thora personal hai." Ayushmann mutters and Jitu looks at him trying to read his face. (No... this... is personal.)

"Aise mat dekh... main har khayal nahi dalta social media par." His defensive tone causes Jitu to relax and laugh. (Don't look at me like this, I don't post all my thoughts on social media.)

Then Ayushmann opens up his private document and starts sharing his other thoughts with Jitu which he had written and not posted. Reading those, Jitu is speechless and once again marvel at this talented man. Is there something this guy isn't capable of doing? One thing and the other and another hour passes with both of them sitting comfortably on bed.

Ayushmann shares his latest song he is working on, a single and from there they go onto another discussion about music and one thing leads to another and then Ayushmann softly humming to few of his favourite songs and Jitu loosing himself in that melodious voice.

Jitu does not know when sleep takes over him. One minute Ayushmann is humming and soft instrumental playing on his ipad and other minute his eyes close to fully enjoy the soothing voice filling all around him and suddenly he is surrounded by a complete peace.

Ayushmann is awoken by his alarm ringing, the shrill noise is unbearable, he moves his hand to turn it off quickly not wanting to hear another second of this annoying noise. It takes him bit of time to fully wake up and once he does he feels a heavy pressure on his left side, his arm buried under a weight.

Turning his head slightly, Ayushmann's breathe stuck is his throat the the sight. Jitu's head carefully laying on his chest as he sleeps wearing the most beautiful smile he has ever seen, looking an absolute angel. Their bodies neatly aligned with each other and his other hand on Jitu's back and Jitu's hand thrown over his waist. Everything else seize to exist in that moment as Ayushmann silently captures this moment in his eyes.

He lies there for bit longer, unblinking eyes just watching Jitu sleep. His alarm vibrates this time, reminding him that time does not stop but he shuts it off once again to steal this moment from time. He pulls his phone, opening a camera he silently and carefully captures this moment forever. Knowing very well that the image has forged directly into his heart, his soul and will never be able to forget it. So many emotions are rising and he knows if he doesn't move now, he will never be able to move again. There are so many things, so many questions rising with his emotions going haywire.

Carefully he pulls his arm from underneath Jitu carefully tucking him who is looking so blissful. Ayushmann quietly gets ready and when his driver notifies he is here, Ayushmann prepares to leave but the thought of leaving is causing his heart to ache. He sits on bed once again after getting ready. He softly moves a string of hair from Jitu's forehead before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Jitu." He whispers his name like wind touching his ear, causing other man to stir.

"Jitu." He whispers again.

"Hmm." Eyes don't open but he stirs once again. Ayushmann, unable to help himself gently creases his face and finally those eyes open directly meeting his eyes.

"Main jaa raha hon." Ayushmann knows he should have given more explanation when the pair of eyes grow in shock and other man almost jumping up. (I'm leaving.)

"Driver agaya hai, mujhe set par puhunchna hai na shoot ke liye." Ayushmann explains to him softly. Jitu blinks few times trying to come out of sleepiness as his mind starts to work and finally he remembers. (Driver is here, I need to get to set, for shoot.)

"Oh."

"Haan." Jitu tries to sit up but Ayushmann's hand gently pushes him back on bed. (Yes.)

"Soh jaa... main bas bina bataye nahi jana chahta tha." In this moment Jitu wants nothing but to plead the other man not to go. (Go back to sleep... I just didn't want to leave without telling you.)

"Soh ja.." He repeats with more softness in his voice and eyes. (Go to sleep.)

"Uth kar message karna. Acha?" Jitu just nods unable to form words with emotions running high and brain still not fully functioning. Ayushmann runs his fingers through Jitu's hair who melts in his touch. "Go back to sleep." He says as he keep carding his fingers through his hair. When he feels his phone vibrating once again, Ayushmann finally whispers goodbye to Jitu who is almost gone back to sleep and quietly leaves the apartment. (When you are up message me. Okay?)


And this concludes the first half of the story. From next chapter the second half of story begins! Drama, angst, confrontations, confessions and a lot more to come in second half. ;)