HEARTSTRINGS::Jitu/Ayushmann
Once he is in car and being driven towards the set and away from apartment, Ayushmann don't know but tears start falling from his eyes. Tears that he didn't even know were just sitting on his eyelids. A sob threatens to make his way out of his throat but he bites back of his hand to stop that making its way out. He does not know why its happening but he doesn't stop his tears from falling.
"Sahab, aap theek ho?" His drivers asks through the mirror. (Sir, are you alright?)
"Ha..haan." He manages to utter in broken voice. Taking out his sunglasses, Ayushmann wears them hiding his red bloodshot eyes which are still producing tears and he cannot stop them from leaving his eyes. Turning towards the window he let his head drop to a side, closing his eyes he tries to get some sleep but all he gets is flashes of the sleeping man he just left behind. (Ye...yes.)
When Ayushmann gets to set for shooting while he is getting prepped, he gets calls from Tahira ans guilt surges through him.
"Hey... baby. Set pe puhunch gaye?" (Hey... baby. You have reached at set?)
"Ha..an. I mean set pe hi hon, shooting ke liye ready ho raha hon." Tahira notices there is heaviness in his voice. (Ye..yes, I mean I am at the set, getting ready for the shooting.)
"Sab theek hai na?" His concerning tone almost causes Ayushmann to break but he manages to hold. (Is everything okay?)
"I'm sorry." It slips out before he can stop himself.
"For what?" She is confused.
"Woh... raat ko Jitu ke hi ruk gaya hai jabke tumhe kaha tha ke time se ghar jayonga." Silence and then he hears Tahira laughing softly. (Actually, I stayed the night at Jitu's when I told you I'll be home on time.)
"Kya howa?" He asks in confusion. (What happened?)
"Tum toh aise keh rahe ho ke sleepover karna gunnah hai. Kya Ayushmann, maine kabhi bhi tumhe roka hai?" He stays quiet. (You are saying as if sleepover is a crime. Have I really stopped you before, Ayushmann?)
"Toh phir sorry kyun?" (Then why are you saying sorry?)
"Pata nahi." He replies distractedly, his mind is in too much mess right now. (I don't know.)
"Kuch howa kya?" (Has something happened?)
"Nahi toh..." (No.)
"Jitu theek hai na?" (Is Jitu okay?)
"Haan theek hai." (Yes, he is okay.)
"Aur tum?" (And you?)
"Main... bhi theek hon." (I... am okay.)
"Chalo maan leti hon." She replies with a smile. (Okay, I believe you.)
"I love you, Tahira." He is so sincere like she would ever doubt his love for her.
"I know, jaan and I love you too." He smiles.
"Feeling better?" He nods and then realises she can't see him.
"Haan." (Yes.)
"Chalo good... go do your work, I'll see you at home." With this she hangs up and for now Ayushmann feels his mind going calm.
Jitu is woken up by his phone which keeps buzzing, managing to find his phone from under the pillow, he opens one eye to barely see what's causing the buzzing. It's his reminder for the meeting which is this afternoon. Dismissing it he closes his eyes to go back to sleep. It's not even 5 minutes when he jolts up, looking at his surroundings to see where he is because it's not his bedroom but it's his guestroom. His mind is still hazy but it all starts to come back to him slowly, piece by piece.
'Last night did happen?' He looks for the answer in his mind and is filled with every single memory instantly. Ayushmann did come to see Jitu and yes they talked. Jitu finally opened up about his family, his fears and literally poured his heart out. It's surprising how he managed to keep his deepest secret locked away while being in Ayushmann's presence. He begins to remember last night and how close they were yet so far. Jitu does not want to have another breakdown over his feelings for Ayushmann but last night felt bit more special to him.
He doesn't know whether it was a dream or Ayushmann did wake him up before leave. 'Uth kar message karna.' Echos through his mind which is still replaying last night in his head. He does not remember falling asleep. He was listening to Ayushmann's singing when did he fall asleep? Next thing he remembers Ayushmann waking him up. His fingers in his hair.
Jitu lies there on bed and going through the entire event that had occurred still not fully believing whether it was real or a dream. Ayushmann was here and they slept on same bed. Jitu doesn't remember much after he slept but this was one of the best sleeps he had in a while. He looks up at his phone and finally decides sends a quick message to Ayushmann. But when he starts to write his mind is blank. What should he say? 'Im up?' Why? And why did Ayushmann asked him to message him when he wakes up. In the end he debates and sends a quick message. 'I hope you got to set on time, have fun shooting.' He doesn't feel its enough, so he sends another. 'Thank you for yesterday. I really needed that.' He wants to add I needed you but he deletes that and sends the text.
Jitu looks at his phone and the text he sent, feeling restless he sends another text 'good luck for the movie and make sure to get proper rest.' He sends again. There is so much he wants to say, so much he wants to add but he doesn't know where to begin and where to end. He's afraid, he might slip and it is not something he can afford. But he is unable to shake off last night; how perfect it was, he close they were. How natural it felt to have Ayushmann by his side even if it was just for a bit. He knows he can never have this.
Jitu hates himself for wanting this, for wanting Ayushmann. He tells himself that those stolen moments are enough but his heart doesn't agree, it wants more. Not wanting to get into this debate with himself, he decides not to think about it. He prepares for his meeting with investor and cant wait to get away from Mumbai. He is being coward he knows but he cant wait to leave and go back to Kota, to his Kota Factory.
Few hours later when Ayushmann finally has a break after shooting scenes back to back, he goes back into his trailer to relax and for some quite time. He has been getting a headache from past hour or so; taking painkillers he sits drops down on his coach and closes his eyes for a minute. As soon his eyes close, he finds himself back in Jitu's apartment when he was about to leave. He doesn't know why but Ayushmann was not able to walk away from Jitu without telling him, still not sure why his heart feels so heavy and burdened since the moment he stepped outside from that apartment and walked away from Jitu.
That reminds him of something, picking up the phone he finds 3 messages from Jitu sent over 2 hours ago.
'I hope you got to set on time, have fun shooting.'
'Thank you for yesterday. I really needed that.'
'good luck for the movie and make sure to get proper rest.'
Suddenly his mood lifts up and smiling he starts to reply to him.
'Itna formal kyun ho raha hai? Abhi bhi neend mein hai kya?'
'Not having fun at shooting today. :('
'tu nahi hai na toh maza nahi araha.' He is about to hit send when stops himself just in moment and rereads the message. Is this what is happening to him? He is missing Jitu? But why? He just met him. Not knowing what else to add he just leaves at that and does not send anymore messages. Trying not to think about it while he is on set, Ayushmann tries to turn off his brain but it does not work, Jitu is still lurking around. Feeling defeated he stops trying to think about something else and let Jitu roam freely in his mind. (You are not here so there is no fun.)
Then his mind brings up a certain memory. 'Ayush.' Ayushmann had begun to notice a certain pattern about Jitu and their conversations,it has been happening a lot since past few months it seems that sometimes Jitu would call him 'Ayush' when he is either too in deep of conversation or when Jitu isn't paying attention. Ayushmann has been noticing it but never said anything but now to think of it, the way Jitu would call him 'Ayush', there is a certain longing in there which he recently picked up and the familiarity of this nickname from Jitu's lips, it's like he has been calling him by this name for a long time but strangely Ayushmann had only heard it couple of times that too when Jitu was most unguarded.
'Ayush,' he says out loud to see how it feels but somehow it doesn't feel the same when Jitu calls him and now Ayushmann secretly waits for the moments when Jitu would make the slip. A part of him desperately wants an explanation for it and a part of him is scared that Jitu would close off again if he knows that Ayushmann knows. Before he can think further on this, a knock on his trailer door brings him out of his thoughts, asking him to come back to set as they are ready for him. Sighing, he gets up and goes back to set.
Jitu is getting ready for the meeting which is in 2 hours because the investor delayed it again but this time Jitu is okay with it because he still is not fully prepared for the meeting with his mind so raw with everything. He looks around his apartment and can see traces of Ayushmann everywhere he turns and suddenly he remembers when Ayushmann had first spent the night at his apartment. Yes, it happened before, few months ago, when everything was so new and raw and they were on their toes all the time while promoting for the movie. A smile appears on his face as Jitu remembers that night that really brought a change in their dynamic, in their friendship; in a way that was a beginning.
So... I hope you'll liked it. :)
