2016's Sam POV
"It's fine—"
"Dean—"
"No, you want to go, so go!"
My head thumps loudly against the stack of books I'd spent the last hour pulling from the library. I'd hoped to be able to get some research done. After all, we were going to need to make some heavy modifications to Henry Winchester's blood spell to make sure it would send Bobby and past Dean exactly where and when we wanted them to go when it was time to return them home.
But it's a little hard to concentrate when your stubborn-ass brother and an angel of the lord have finally gotten past two days of giving each other the silent treatment. They're in the kitchen and yet I swear I can hear every time Cas rolls his eyes.
A flick to the back of my head has me jolting upright, but then I see it is only younger Dean, looking at me with a lazy smile.
"What's up?" I ask, feeling the beginnings of a headache behind my temples.
But he doesn't get a chance to speak before—
"—my fault that Lucifer—"
"So, you're just going to drive aimlessly around the country-"
Past Dean raises his eyebrows.
"Ignore that," I tell him, going to the effort of picking a book from the pile and opening it, half-heartedly. "They'll get over it eventually. They always do."
"They do that a lot then?" His question sounds casual, but I've also been watching him the last couple of days. While Cas and the older Dean have been avoiding each other, he and Cas have slowly started drifting into each other's orbit more. It's not like they've been hanging out, exactly—they just wind up in the same spaces more and more frequently. And when they do, Dean likes to make his most vulgar jokes and his most obscure references just to see if he can provoke Cas to have a reaction—whether it's a smile or a glare. It's like watching history repeat itself.
"Look," I tell him. "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Dean and Cas are solid. Everyone from angels to demons has tried to use them against each other and they've never succeeded. In fact, outside pressure only tends to bring them closer.
"But left to their own devices…they've got their fair share of issues that they've never really worked out. So, they bicker. A lot. And it drives me completely insane—but just when I think about locking them in a room together and throwing away the key, they're suddenly fine and in sync again. It's…well, normal is probably not the right word for it. But normal for them."
"So, what's the deal this time?" he presses.
"I mean, you've probably overhead as much as me. I don't really get involved in their issues."
He crosses his arms, and the Samulet around his neck sways slightly against his moss green shirt. Somehow that, more than anything, is what makes this version of my brother look so much younger.
I sigh, recognizing the stubborn set of his shoulders. "Cas let a bad guy get away during the whole mess with Amara—and since the three of us aren't exactly in agreement about what to do about you and Bobby, it sounds like Cas is thinking of leaving the bunker to go after him rather than just sit around waiting.
"Dean kinda hates it when Cas leaves—but he won't ever say that because he wants Cas to stay on his own. So, instead he tells Cas that the way he's going about things is stupid and will never work. For his part, Cas worries that Dean thinks he's a burden. And then Dean gets all angry like this—and it feels like Dean is telling him he's useless—which makes him even more determined to earn his place here."
Young Dean looks at me the same way he did when I asked him for help with my trigonometry homework in 7th grade. To him, feelings probably are just another unsolvable equation.
"Hey, you asked," I defend myself, searching the index of the book in front of me and turning to Chapter 17: Enochian Naming Sigils.
I expect him to interrupt again—because he's Dean. But the skin of his forehead only furrows in concern and then he's moving away from me towards the kitchen.
"Wait, wait," I call out, uselessly, hurrying to follow him.
"You're heading out?" he confronts Cas the second the pair are within eyesight and I'm somewhat surprised when the angel and the older version of my brother turn to him in sync. I swear I've tried to get in between their arguments a half dozen times and it's like I'm not even there.
Cas tilts his head. "I was thinking of going hunting, yes."
"Were you going to mention that sometime or just hope we thought you were on a really long bathroom break?"
"I-"
"Don't have human biological reactions, yeah, yeah. Seriously, why didn't you say something earlier?"
"I-" Cas begins again. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't think you had any particular interest in where I went. You're well over a year from seeking out my presence—even for help on cases. Most of the time when I showed up in 2008, you were rather irritated with me."
"Cut the crap. You should know that I don't spend time with anybody I don't want to. And I—he—certainly doesn't call people his 'best friend' just 'cause he's itching to buy complementary friendship necklaces from the mall like some teenage girl."
Cas obviously has no idea what that means, but past Dean just keeps on talking. "Now, I get that if you think you made a mess, then you want to fix it. But I've screwed things up a lot worse going out with just myself, good intentions, and no backup. So, if there's some monster you want to take down and you've got a plan on how to do it, we can all go together. But if you're just leaving so that you feel like you're doing something, I'd tell you to stop being a dumbass. We need you here to figure out all this time travel stuff. Plus, I want you here."
If I hadn't died so many times and become acutely familiar with how it feels, I would think I was dying right now. Dean is…telling Cas he cares about him…? Without the knowledge of near-certain death looming over their heads? And asking for something for himself without going in a million circles around it? A part of me feels like I need to sit down.
I guess I figured that Dean's and Cas's horrible communication was something that was there from the beginning—but now that I think about it, it wasn't always that way. Back when I was hopped up on demon blood and they had been allies instead of friends—things hadn't been easier between them exactly. But more honest, possibly?
Was that because they had yet to go through the series of betrayals that forced them to lose trust in one another and then build it back up again? Or maybe because they didn't used to be so important to each other's lives, their relationship didn't seem like such a scary thing to risk by being honest?
Cas stares at past Dean like he always looks at my brother when he's in one of his soft moods—like he's both a question and an answer—and Dean stares back the way he always does, those green eyes feeling everything at once—and I feel myself almost disconnect with my body as they put me firmly in the background.
Meanwhile, the 2016 version of Dean keeps switching his gaze between them—and I realize he's not used to this—to seeing it from the outside. Perhaps he doesn't even know that this is the way he and Cas are around each other and the confusion on his face would almost be funny if his expression wasn't darkening by the minute.
"Of course, I'll stay," Cas says, simple as that. Or it would be if older Dean didn't suddenly turn on his heel and leave the room.
