A knock on Severus's bedroom window startled him. It was an owl, carrying a package. There really is a first time for everything , he thought, and let the regal bird in. It placed the package on his bed and waited. Severus looked at it, not knowing what to do. He offered it some water. He offered it some bread. Eventually, he parted with a knut with a heavy heart. He was soon extremely ashamed of the meager tip, because the package was heavy, and it came from far away.
It was a beautifully ornamented platinum cauldron, encrusted with emeralds. Severus held it with both hands, placed it gingerly on his desk, and traced his index finger over its rim. He had read about those, but he had never even seen, let alone touched, one; Lucius had arranged for him to apprentice under his father for the past two summers, but even there, he had never seen such perfection. Mr. Malfoy must have had a platinum cauldron, but surely, he kept it somewhere Severus could not find it - and now Severus had one. Inside the cauldron, lay a note:
"Mon cher Severus, as they say here, I am sorry I could not write sooner. Now that it is only my parents and I, it is harder to get away. The dog used to keep them busy on our family vacations, and now they hardly let me leave their sight. I managed to wander off on my own to a great little street here (in Paris, if you have not guessed it), and found a shop that specializes in cauldrons. I picked Slytherin colors, naturally. The school here does not have houses, it turns out. I hope you like it. I also got some books about French magie . I can't write much more because they must be expecting me back already, wish you could be here, away from the Muggles.
Wishing you a Happy Easter,
Reg"
A platinum cauldron from Paris… mine . He picked it up. It was heavier than it looked, but it fit in his hands perfectly. There were potions that required it, and he knew that even the ones he had already made will turn out better, if brewed in this masterpiece. The bottom was engraved: "To Severus, from Regulus". So simple and so perfect, and it was his. If it stung a little that Regulus was in Paris, complaining about his parents paying too much attention to him, and he was in Spinner's End listening to the Muggle's drunken rant about the latest match between Man U and Liverpool FC, he did not let it affect him as he held the precious gift and examined it from every angle, wishing he could do the same to who gave it to him. He missed Regulus from the moment they'd parted, and he realized that even in what must have been the enchanted streets of Wizarding Paris, Regulus was thinking of him. There was only one problem - he now owed Regulus a present, and he had no idea what he would get him or how he would pay for it.
Holding the beautiful cauldron, staring at it, already seeing it bubbling with all manner of intoxicating potions, Severus could not help but to feel a hint of panic.
He was sure the cauldron was worth more than the house it found itself in, and Regulus had just bought it and given it to him. How was he ever going to reciprocate? The weight of their inequality suffocated him.
Regulus Black had now saved his life, liberated his secret, and casually given him the cauldron. What have I given him? What do I have to give, except trouble and heartache? Then, it hit him: He did have something, and it was apparently special. He would create a spell for him. Something just for him, only for his lovely, graceful, determined, curious, Quidditch-loving Regulus.
Gratia felinae.
When Regulus found out Severus had made a spell for him, he was so happy it nearly scared him.
They snuck out to practice it together in the dead of night, at the top of the astronomy tower. "If you don't right yourself, I'll levitate you before you hit the ground. Jump."
"Levitate me? How?"
"You can't be serious. You've heard of Levicorpus, I'm sure?" Severus asked, bitter irony in his voice.
"Alright then," Regulus said, but he could not jump. "You're going to have to push me, Severus."
And push, Severus did. They had to try a few times before Regulus got it right, but eventually, he landed on his feet, completely safe if not entirely graceful, and he beamed with excitement. "I can see better in the dark now too, is it meant to do that?" He asked. Severus thought a little and answered - "I didn't plan for it to, but it makes sense that it would."
Giddy, Regulus proclaimed: "It's perfect. It's perfect. I love it."
"Don't tell anyone!"
"Never!"
They walked hand in hand, back to the castle, and Regulus described the effects of the spell in marvelous detail. "You've really outdone yourself this time. I can see better. I can hear better. I can smell everything. I can tell there's some animal moving in the bushes." Severus listened to him as he went on, and smiled.
Rather than go to their respective dorms, they went to their dungeon. Cats are nocturnal, so of course he isn't tired , Severus smiled to himself, and cast Umbra revelo .
To be able to give something to the one who had everything was intoxicating. Regulus was overjoyed, and so thrilled, he reminded Severus of the way Lily was when she had finally accepted that she was a witch. The kind of happiness that (he used to think) would cement people together forever. He banished her from his mind.
New realms of magic opened up to Regulus. "How do you do it? You have to tell me."
"I don't know, Reg! I always figured it was a question of imagination, but if you say it isn't, then it's not!"
"This is amazing," Regulus whispered. "You're amazing."
Severus only smiled.
"I mean it, you know… not just because of the spells."
Severus let out a skeptic "hmph," despite himself.
"I've never met anyone like you."
"That's because you've only ever met other degenerate purebloods like yourself," Severus said quasi-helpfully.
"Very funny. No, stop it. I somehow doubt that the Muggles are like you, and no one else at this school is like you. You're the most unusual wizard I know. And everyone else has been boring me to death since I met you."
Unusual was a nice way to put it… but Regulus was not wrong. "Lily used to be different, you know," he said, and the hurt across Reg's face told him that this was not what he had hoped to hear. "I'm sorry! I'm an idiot. I didn't mean it like you're like everybody else," he said. With difficulty, he added: "You know you aren't."
"I think so sometimes… if I hadn't been a Black, what would I have been… you know?"
Don't remind me, Severus thought. If I hadn't been a Snape, what would I have been? We're just who we are. But he looked at Regulus and he knew he was wrong, he knew he was demonstrating lack of imagination. And it didn't matter, anyway.
"You're Regulus," he said simply.
"Yeah," Regulus sighed. "And?"
"And to be honest, I try to not think of you as a Black, so… that's it. You're Regulus. And you're not like everybody else. You're… you…"
Compliments never came easy to Severus. He wished he had some veritaserum now, so that he could speak without defaulting to sarcasm. Regulus eyed him with thinly-veiled anticipation. You saved my life, you read my mind, you are here with me when you could be with anyone else, you chose me when I've been nothing but trouble, you're the only one since Lily who has even tried to understand… how can you not see that?! But all he could say, all he could think to say, was: "You're the opposite of your brother." It would have to do.
"Excellent," Regulus mumbled. "I'd hoped you'd compare me to him again."
"I didn't say you were better than him. I said you were the opposite."
"Right."
He can come up with spells but he can't give me a compliment? Regulus thought.
"Look, I-" Severus struggled to speak. Just say it, it's not like Dumbledore's silenced you now! And yet, Snapes simply did not give compliments. But then, if a Black could break the mould… and they had already come so far… it would just take a moment of courage.
"You're a great wizard, and you're beautiful, and you're a kind person, possibly the only one here, and I'm not alone when I'm with you, and you're-" he ran out of air.
Why does everything have to be a problem with you? You will scare him off. His face was flushed and he was hot.
Regulus whispered: "Severus." Severus's mind screamed: He's going to leave. It's not good enough. He's going to leave. His mouth was dry, again.
"I love you," Regulus said. They hadn't said it since that night in the hospital wing.
"I love you."
At that moment, Severus felt it - the opposite of the abject humiliation he felt before, at Potter's hands, that he has been feeling ever since. Regulus was not only the opposite of Sirius, he was the opposite of Potter, too, and Severus could recover, he could be seen, he could be loved, he could do anything.
It turned out that all it took for Severus to be able to trust Regulus was for Regulus to let him repeatedly push him off the roof of the tallest tower.
That's how they found out: the opposite of humiliation was not honor. It was intimacy. It was not in hiding, it was in showing oneself. They were not a Black and a Snape, they were Regulus and Severus, and they were ready for the next step, even if it was a step off the roof of the tower. They knew they would land.
