Chapter 13

By StarSongVII

Disclaimer: I own only the OCs and make no money from this work. Final Fantasy VII and its characters and settings belong to Square Enix.

Warnings: Swearing, mature themes, violence, angst, potential triggers, cultural appropriation, and yaoi. Also Cloud hooking up with others. Don't like, don't read.

A/N 1: I don't know if anyone has watched Advent Children on Netflix, but it's got plenty of scenes and dialogue / music that are new / different from the three DVD versions I have. Wasn't aware of this until recently. Differences are pretty abundant: Cloud's not that oblivious, for one (he asks Rufus point-blank what he's hiding), there's more on Denzel (including how Cloud found him), characters actually get dirty / bloody in fights (yes Seph gets Cloud all filthy and bloody, and Cloud's top rips in several places), fight scenes are clearer and less muddled, there's a Sephiroth mind-fuck moment, an interaction between Cloud and Marlene where Cloud addresses the issue of him always being protected by someone else, a scene where Cloud flashes back to Zack's and Aeris' deaths when Tifa's in trouble, a scene where Reno & Rude (in a chopper) help Cloud out before the whole thing turns topsy-turvy in a typical Turk way, and a back-story for everyone ending up in the church (which has me slightly confused - was it Aeris' doing or Tifa's, calling everyone in Edge?). But most importantly - the shoulder piercing scene is gone, replaced with the classic 'Masamune through the torso' and Cloud dangling before Seph sprouts a black wing and slashes / pierces Cloud to bits in the air, then Zack is there to cheer Cloud on and offer Cloud help in a super bittersweet moment (though Zack seems to say in the subtitles that he didn't become a SOLDIER?). The conversation between Zack and Cloud, and what Cloud says in other parts of the film, present more information on Cloud as a person post-Meteor (which is fantastic for me as an author). I wrote the previous chapters based on what I remember of the AC I'd watched multiple times years ago - from this chapter onwards, am switching Future 1.0 to what I'd seen in the AC on Netflix. (Random fact: Cloud's cellphone wallpaper is an image of the wolf-thing on his pauldron + piercings + cufflinks on his gloves). Didn't realize he had cufflinks. Oh and Seph's crazy-eyes game is strong in this version of AC.

A/N 2: Sorry for the delay. Been swamped at work, changing jobs, traveling...plus kinda lost motivation for writing (things were really hard for a long time). This chapter took a lot of willpower and forcing words out as thanks to those who checked in and offered words of encouragement. I started writing it years ago, then stopped because I'd spiralled into a bit of a depression.

A/N 3: Hope everyone is doing fine during this trying period. I'm one of those affected professionally by COVID-19, but at least I'm alive and still have a home (purchased long ago) and food (savings & rationing). That's MUCH more than a lot of others have. I know thoughts & prayers mean little, but other than that and observing physical distancing rules and not panic buying, I unfortunately can not afford to be as generous with charities as usual since there's no conceivable end in sight. To readers who are able, please share what you have with the less fortunate. We're all in this together. Support local traders, help someone out, contribute to welfare organizations (I usuallly support many, especially refugee aid & sustainability efforts, but after I was told re: my work, all I can donate to is one aid organization helping victims of domestic abuse - cases have been spiking due to lockdown orders, so please spare them some thought).

A/N 4: I pre-ordered FFVIIR ages ago and can't wait to start. Maybe any new facts presented might make previous chapters irrelevant. I'll do my best to incorporate any new updates but please bear with me.

##

- Sunday (same week as last chapter). 1005 hours. -

Sephiroth sighed as he looked at the mess that was his living room. He supposed he should be glad Services made it a point not to come into his apartment to clean up when he was still present - he wasn't sure how he'd explain the blood and dirt that now decorated his previously pristine sofa.

Of course, the Black Porcupine passed out under the coffee table didn't need any explaining. It was just Zack being Zack.

He sighed again for good measure, but Zack was clearly exhausted and didn't even stir. That was that, then. Sephiroth was on cleaning duty, solo.

He wondered when he'd become such an indulgent superior officer.

Fisting the garbage bag he'd brought along from the kitchen, he eyed the living room once more and strategized his plan of attack, but all thoughts of clean-up halted when his green gaze stopped its scanning to alight upon a balisong casually covered by bits of noodles and beef.

That balisong…it was Cloud's, had likely saved the blond cadet's life last night, then Zack had brought it back from the warehouse to ensure no evidence of Cloud's presence remained where they'd encountered the clones.

Yet that odd feeling was back again - like something was familiar and yet not, clawing and whispering insidiously at him before fading like wisps of smoke. Reaching out, he brushed the scraps off the handle, grabbing a tissue and wiping it down.

As soon as it was clean, shining mutedly up at him in the sunlight that streamed in, that disoriented feeling returned with a vengeance.

He KNEW this balisong. Knew it intimately, if the flashes of that insane dream that now assaulted him were any indication.

Cloud moaning and writhing under him, spread on his desk, balisong being thrust again and again deep between pale globes…

Jerking back, he stumbled - no trace of his infamous grace and sure-footedness present - falling hard into the sofa as he stared down at the butterfly knife he now gripped tightly.

This was the exact same knife he'd dreamt of, right down to how it felt in his hand, the weight as he held it up to…

He didn't know what he hoped the closed blade could tell him. But he needed answers. HOW could he have dreamt of the exact same blade - how could he KNOW it was the exact same blade - when he'd only recently begun speaking to Cloud, and had never seen the blond use it before? Sure, he'd known the cadet had a concealed weapon - that much had been obvious to any SOLDIER - and judging by the size and shape of the bulge that pressed against the cadet's uniform whenever he moved, it could have been a butterfly knife or another type of blade…balisongs were common in the slums, gangbangers enjoying the ego-boost they got from silly tricks that were worthless in an actual fight.

This was a common, simple balisong. Well-made, it was true, but with nothing particularly unique about its design. Nothing to make it stand out. Nothing that should make it memorable.

Yet Sephiroth knew it well.

Where there's smoke...

Numbly, he pressed the latch and flipped it open, closing it as though on auto-pilot before flipping it open again then closing it again. Over and over he repeated his actions, but his thoughts had left the blade long ago. Instead, his thoughts were on the dream he'd had - how real it'd felt - and on how Cloud had jerked back from him at Zack's two weeks ago when they'd been watching TV, almost as though the blond had thought of the same thing at the same time, but that couldn't be because that had been a dream that Sephiroth had had in his apartment, and he had never interacted with the small blond before he'd gone to Zack's to get his DVD back…

Unless…

His chest felt cold and tight, yet numb and weightless.

It couldn't be, but it was the only explanation that made sense. This obsession with the little blond cadet, the way the boy seemed to know something Sephiroth didn't, how Cloud always seemed to know exactly what to do or say to make Sephiroth feel…whatever it was the blond wanted him to feel.

But Zack…

He looked at Zack, still snoring peacefully under the coffee table. The cold inside him was making him slightly breathless. Zack was his friend, wasn't he?

You don't have friends.

That was true. Genesis and Angeal - he'd thought they were his friends too, once upon a time.

You don't have anyone.

He'd lost so many lives, taken so many more. Grown up alone in giant test-tubes and observation pods, poked and prodded by masked faces with gloved hands.

The only person who'd remained a constant all his life was Hojo.

Not just Hojo.

There'd been a name, Hojo had mentioned it several times, told him it was his mother's name. The scientists had muttered it on and off, and so had Genesis.

Jenova.

A snort pulled him back to the present, and he looked up to see Zack grunt and turn on his side, back towards Sephiroth.

You see? They all turn away from you.

His military side told him that wasn't a display of abandonment - that a First Class SOLDIER never showed his back to anyone he didn't trust completely - that it was actually a show of trust, of faith.

You're not alone, Sephiroth.

Cloud's words from the night before resounded in his head, and unbidden his vision was filled with brilliant blue eyes and bright blond hair. The cold was starting to dissipate, the knot starting to unravel, then he recalled that Zack had been bringing him blond-haired, blue-eyed partners consistently ever since Cloud's little incident with the other cadet.

Perhaps that explained this ridiculous attraction towards Cloud - week after week of leisure activities with persons of a particular coloring would have reinforced the connection in his mind between pleasure and golden-haired, sapphire-eyed beauties. The constant mentions of Cloud, the way Zack was building mental associations of Cloud being brilliant, strong, desirable through conversation…all of it was likely the reason for Sephiroth becoming more and more foolish over the little cadet.

He paused briefly to consider the possibility that it was a concerted Psy-Ops effort by Hojo and the Turks - what with the dreams and the disorientation - but he knew that Zack's and the Turks' aversions towards Hojo were real, and he also knew that Tseng respected him enough to approach him directly (or as directly as a Turk would) if he wanted something out of Sephiroth.

That said, he didn't doubt that the odd chemical mixtures Hojo liked to inject him with had played a part. Perhaps it had weakened his mental defences, or unbalanced him enough that Zack had successfully paved the way in for Cloud to take over Sephiroth's thoughts. The fact that Cloud seemed to behave in ways that Sephiroth found appealing could be chalked up to Zack's uncanny ability to read people - the dark-haired First had likely briefed Cloud about what to do or say.

That explanation didn't sit quite right (Cloud must be an incredibly talented actor if he was able to stay in character through blood loss and pain, but more than that it just didn't seem very…Cloud) but it was the only one that made sense. And if all this was a ploy was orchestrated by Zack, then it was possibly for one of two reasons:

It was part of Zack's stupid plan to make Sephiroth happy.

Zack was looking for leverage, in order to secure Sephiroth's position for himself, or ensure Sephiroth owed him favors.

The latter was so completely at odds with the Zack that Sephiroth knew, felt so jarringly wrong even to consider, that he wondered at his violent reaction towards it. It wasn't illogical - many people sought leverage over him, over each other, in order to survive. Machiavelli has said it was better to be hated, to be feared, than to be loved, because the bonds of love were easily broken. No matter how much Zack appeared to have no ill-intentions, it wasn't an impossibility.

A loud snore from under the table startled him enough that he jerked the blade towards the sound, forgetting he'd been holding it open with both hands and slicing his left ring finger open. Bright red dripped onto the carpet, inches from a sleeping black form, as the blade gleamed, proud of having wounded the General.

It didn't have very long to be proud.

Sephiroth was at the elevator as the knife clattered onto the coffee table, the sound making Zack jerk to alertness immediately, slamming his head hard against the glass and doubtless cracking it with his hard head.

"OW MOTHERF…Seph?"

Doors closed soundlessly behind him. The blood stopped dripping.

##

Sunday. 2009 hours.

Zack suppressed the frustrated sigh somehow. If he'd been alone, he'd have patted himself on the back for not giving voice to his irritation despite today going so God-awfully wrong.

But he wasn't alone. He had to be strong for Cloud, who was clearly as confused as he was about everything, and whose insanely long eyelashes did nothing to shield the flashes of hurt in baby blue eyes.

So Zack pasted on a warm smile and ruffled blond spikes for the umpteenth time as he settled into the now pristine sofa with pizza for the two of them. They'd cleaned the apartment somehow, scrubbing blood and dirt out of the sofa and carpets, destroying any evidence of Cloud's presence in the penthouse while they both pretended Cloud didn't quietly pocket a blood-stained balisong with shaky hands.

Supernatural was playing on the TV, and Zack imagined what it'd be like if it was him and Cloud in the Impala, saving people and hunting things.

The Family Business.

"C'mon, Spiky! Eat up!" He cajoled cheerfully, shoving a box of hot cheesy goodness at the tiny cadet. "It's the perfect meal for growing kids like you! Tomatoes for your veg, pepperoni for protein, carbs to put some meat on those bones and cheese to help stop you being an armpit sniffer!"

The glare he got was totally worth it, and the chuckle came naturally, morphing into a fond smile as he watched pale hands open the box and pick up a still-steaming slice. The kid nibbled slowly at first, and with increasing gusto as the blond finally started to realize he hadn't had much to eat while they were cleaning.

With Cloud preoccupied with his food, Zack turned to his own pizza, overflowing with so many ingredients the other SOLDIERs always wondered how the store managed to get the box to stay shut long enough for delivery.

He wondered if he should have chosen a different episode. Cloud's mood dropped further with each vengeful spirit returning to kill hunters who hadn't been able to save them.

He wondered why the boy seemed to carry the weight of the Planet on his frail shoulders, and why he cared so deeply for someone he'd only met recently.

He didn't have the answers to any of that, and he was tired after such a long mission, bone-weary from loss and dealing with emotionally-damaged people who mattered to him but who refused to let him in, to let him help.

All he wanted to do was help.

"See, this is why I can't get behind God."

Zack's eyes refocused on the screen, and he felt the shift in Cloud's posture next to him somehow, but knew he shouldn't look. Couldn't look even if he wanted to, gaze forward as a fictional character ripped his innermost thoughts and spat them back at him.

"If He doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. And no rhyme or reason, just random horrible evil, I get it. Okay? I can roll with that. But if He is out there, what's wrong with Him? Where the hell is He while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does He live with Himself? You know, why doesn't He help?"

No church in the wild.

He chanced a look at the cadet by his side, not surprised when his suspicions were confirmed. Cloud's face was closed off, lips set in a thin, grim line, eyes harder and older than any Zack had ever seen - and he was used to survivors' haunted gazes, victims' hollow shells.

"Cadets should remain in cadet areas."

The cold, authoritarian voice was foreign even to Zack, the shock of the sudden sound from directly behind him causing him to spin around quickly, pizza flying and fist caught in a vice-like grip inches from the icy features of the man he considered a friend.

He'd worked so hard to melt that frozen green gaze, but it was back with a vengeance.

What the hell…

Did Sephiroth have a split personality Zack was only just finding out about?

Those emeralds bore into him, and he wondered when they'd become so alien.

Then he wondered why Sephiroth seemed to be trying to shut Cloud's existence out so completely. Zack was no fool, and though the General was intimidating as all hell right now, Zack was used to it and pretty damn scary in his own right.

I'm Zack Fair, Brigadier General Extraordinaire.

Squaring his shoulders, he relaxed his fist, retracting his arm and putting on his most disarming smile.

"I asked Cloud to stay for a bite after he helped clean your place today," he swung his arm around stiff shoulders, tugged a bony frame towards himself until Cloud was tucked securely against him.

I'll always be on your side, kiddo.

Glowing green eyes narrowed slightly at the display, though their laser focus never wavered from Zack's deep blue eyes. Sephiroth was determined not to acknowledge Cloud at all.

Somebody gonna get hurt real bad.

If there was one thing Zack loathed, it was people he cared about getting hurt. And though he cared for Sephiroth, the silver-haired man was the one hurting both himself and a certain blond cadet. Zack would get to the bottom of this, and he'd knock some sense into the General even if it meant getting thrown into a wall a million times over.

"Please excuse the intrusion, sir." The soft, brittle voice was like shards through Zack's heart. After everything he'd done, to go to this was…

One step forward making two steps back, my oh my.

The shoulders under his arm shifted, and Cloud saluted before moving away. Zack let his arm fall back against his side as he stared dumbly at shuttered blue eyes, dimly registering that the cadet was saluting him too before walking to the elevator, all hard lines and tightly controlled movements.

As soon as the elevator doors shut, Zack turned towards Sephiroth, furious diatribe ready on his lips, but the General wasn't there. Blinking, the black-haired man spun around, seeing only a wisp of silver hair before the bedroom door closed and he was left alone with a confused Dean Winchester, and pizzas turning cold on the marble floor.

##

Monday. 1307 hours.

The halls of Shinra were filled with whispers and furtive glances, and Zack ignored them through sheer willpower, gritting his teeth and storming to his office because he was so done with trying to find a certain silver-haired idiot so he could drag him to Cloud and make him apologize for being such a piece of…

Breathe, just breathe.

It wasn't often Zack was this mad, but it wasn't often someone trampled roughshod over the feelings of people he cared about. It was even more rare for the trampler to be one of the people he cared about.

He couldn't fix things by just breaking necks this time.

The thought made his hand still as he reached out to press the elevator button for his floor.

Since when did violence become the solution to everything?

Someone's been drinking the Kool-aid.

He wasn't a violent man, preferring to think of himself as a kind man. But to want to hurt Sephiroth for hurting Cloud, even though the General was a friend…

"AGHHHHH!"

He jabbed furiously at the button, glaring at a group of clerks who had foolishly believed they could share the elevator with him.

Zack Fair was on a rampage today, and it wasn't just because Sephiroth had acted like a bastard and a half. He was frustrated, seeing all his hard work crumble before his eyes, being shut out, helpless to watch as people he cared about destroyed their chances at happiness out of…what?

He ran a hand through his hair as he huffed angrily. He didn't know what it was that had flipped Sephiroth's switch, could barely hazard a guess - it had been so sudden - but he understood Cloud's reaction.

It was the same reason why he would only allow himself to be frustrated about this, because otherwise he'd feel bitter and defeated and…

Hurt.

He didn't want to be left outside alone again, his pleas unheeded, reaching for a back that would only get further and further away from him.

The elevator dinged, doors opening into the endless carpeted hallway that housed the offices of SOLDIER's upper ranks. It was eerily quiet, the silence heavy, and Zack could already tell that he was the only person on the entire floor.

Sephiroth was hiding from him, and that thought made him want to yank his hair out and scream.

He stalked down the corridor and slammed his door open, the heavy wood rebounding off the wall and receiving a fist through it for its attempted vengeance.

Throwing himself in his chair, he glared balefully at the stacks of papers and folders littering his desk, before one in particular caught his eye and he sat up, anger not forgotten but simmering instead of boiling.

"Report on Genesis Clone Activity Under The Plate"

Reaching out, he dragged the folder towards him, uncaring of everything he was sending to the ground, reminding himself that he'd cleaned up any trace of Cloud's presence and that Tseng would ensure no Turk would mention a peep of Cloud even if Zack HAD missed something, but…

He flipped the folder open, eyes zeroing in on the contents of the case that the clones had been trying to escape with.

Raven cell samples.

He blinked, refocused. Though he often wondered if Intelligence was ironically named, he also knew that they wouldn't fool around with official reports, especially when said report involved two enemies of Shinra.

What does Genesis want with Raven cell samples?

The report was an interim update, as Intelligence was still attempting to break into the files on the computers they had recovered from the warehouse. Zack checked the time stamp on the top of the document, noted that it was less than two hours to the next update.

He flung the file back on his cluttered desk, leaning back in his chair and letting his mind wander.

Genesis and AVALANCHE, huh? Not a big leap - they both hate Shinra, they play dirty, have mad scientists working for them…

I wonder how Cloud got back to his quarters unnoticed.

Jerking upright, his chair squeaked loudly as his boots made contact with the carpet.

He hadn't gone to the cadet barracks to check on Cloud, knowing it would raise too much suspicion. But the fact that he hadn't heard a word about Cloud being in the senior officer's tower meant that the cadet had slipped under the radar somehow, no easy feat considering how arresting the blond was and how many senior SOLDIERs milled about the grounds drinking under the stars on their days off, senses finely tuned to detect the slightest anomaly even within the relative safety of the barracks, because sometimes that was all that saved their lives and brought them home.

A small smile tilted the edges of his lips. Cloud really was a force to be reckoned with.

He couldn't wait to see his little Chicky tonight.

##

Monday. 1530 hours.

Cloud wasn't sure if he wanted to tear his hair out or just slam his head on the table. Why did today's First Aid class have to be talking about dealing with blood loss?

If he ever met that asshole Murphy, he was going to wring his neck.

He felt more than saw the others glance at him, knew they were wondering at his absence most of yesterday and sudden appearance back in the barracks so late at night, pulling the covers over himself and shutting them all out without a word.

They hadn't pried this morning, his foul mood obvious to everyone, but only a few were probably discerning enough to figure out why.

He had to hold onto the anger though, couldn't allow himself any softer emotions, because if he didn't stay mad he'd probably start bawling like a baby.

Gritting his teeth, he clenched his fists, shoving the "why"s and "what if"s out of his mind brutally. He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to wonder what it was that he'd said or done that might have caused the General to pull an about-face. His memories of Saturday were vague from the moment he'd been stabbed in the warehouse, but he could remember warm green and pale tenderness, and he wished he could either forget completely or recollect in full.

Wishy washy, wishy washy.

The haze dissipated as the fire cooled.

Aeris mentioned Sephiroth would be affected by Cloud's return to the past, would see what Cloud saw in strong visions. That wet dream from weeks ago, involving the balisong, was likely the culprit - the butterfly knife had been cleaned before he'd picked it up, the only stain on it fresh blood that could only be Sephiroth's.

Which meant that Sephiroth had been so disoriented with the blade he'd hurt himself. Something completely unlike him, and something which proved how disturbed the General must be.

Add to that the fact that Cloud knew better than anyone what it was like spending years in Hojo's lab, the damage done to Sephiroth from childhood, the insidious whispers of darkness from Jenova cells that were part of you, and he couldn't blame the silver-haired man.

When do you ever?

He wasn't going to think about that right now.

But focusing on the present still hurt, even though he understood why this was happening.

He still wished it'd gone better. Though he'd been beaten to the ground countless times, violated and mutilated and tormented over and over again, he still hoped.

Stupid, childish fool.

Life wouldn't make it easy for him. He should be grateful for the fact that he'd been given a second chance (thanks to Aeris, no thanks to Life, his inner voice whispered), he had plenty of great friends in the present and future (like Zack - who'd first stood up to Shinra for him, then stood up to Sephiroth for him), he'd been able to enjoy Sephiroth's kindness temporarily (even if he didn't remember much)...

You don't deserve more than this.

His chest felt tight, his eyes prickled.

A warm hand on his shoulder had him jerking back and spinning around, pen raised once again and strike aborted by Reno catching his arm in time while Ray kept his body language relaxed and calm, non-threatening and open, trusting Cloud not to hurt him.

But without Reno's intervention...

All you ever do is hurt everyone else.

"Hey, Boss."

He snapped his gaze up, staring into gentle silver pools.

"We gotta head to the next class now." Ray's voice was warm, kind. He didn't hate Cloud. He wasn't angry with Cloud.

Belatedly, the blond realized their classroom was empty save for the six of them, excluding Grant's hulking shadow in the hallway, most likely keeping anyone from entering and witnessing yet another instance of Cloud's regular temporary insanity spells.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way.

He relaxed, arm falling to his side. Ray's gaze never wavered, never hardened. Warm pats on the back from one of the others, then they were helping him pack his things. The familiar arm was around his shoulders before they entered the hallway. Grant slipped into position behind them silently, the physical confirmation that someone (literally) had his back was reassuring.

The friendly banter had started again, no one asking any questions about Cloud's foul mood since yesterday or his Relapse in class today, no one forcing him to explain himself or give voice to things he didn't want to deal with right now.

As bad as things got here, there was no denying he had amazing friends.

I'll be there for you.

##

Monday. 1930 hours.

Of all days, they had to be working on ground drills today.

Reno didn't have an issue with fighting on the ground - that's how most slum fights ended up anyway - but today, Cloud's odd (alright, who was he kidding, blondie was obviously having a bad case of the heart-sniffles) behavior meant he was absolutely VICIOUS. And with such close combat, Reno was bearing the brunt of the pain.

He slammed his palm on the ground repeatedly, hoping it'd seep through Cloud's cranky haze. Taps didn't seem to cut it right now. The spiky-haired brat was hurting and laying on the hurt.

In a twisted way, Reno was fine with that, as it meant feeling a bit better about being so damn useless over the weekend. But that didn't mean his shoulder appreciated all the arm locks.

Everyday porrada, huh.

Everyone had their issues. He thought he'd hidden his well enough, but he supposed the knowledge that he was from the slums meant everyone knew he had more... 'experiences' than most.

Jared had understood. As had Ray. It was probably why they were going so damn hard against each other as well, and under ordinary circumstances Reno would've thrown a jibe about them having a domestic spat.

The tall blond really did look like an ex-wife after alimony.

He barely had time to focus on his own blond opponent, when said cadet had thrown him down in a perfect osotogari, and had pretty much floated in fast forward to take the mount.

Reno was slamming his palm on the ground in a split second, desperately trying to stop the kimura from becoming a redhead's broken arm.

Ain't no Nutella here.

He didn't do a good job of hiding his gratitude when the Brigadier General stepped in and took his place. So sue him, but there was only so much pain a man could take before he legit broke.

He wondered how it was that Cloud, with his stitched up chest, could handle so much training and pain. Wondered how the stitches hadn't torn yet.

Maybe the General had worked some magic mojo.

The lanky cadet stayed near enough to observe and listen in, grateful for the SOLDIER's super speed & reflexes which meant the dark haired man could easily counter all of Cloud's moves, and hold the angry little blond down long enough to explain strategies and principles.

He ain't listening, guv.

Reno wasn't gonna be asking for Cloud's notes today. Those sky blue eyes were turned inward, filled with a poorly-concealed rage and hurt. They were familiar in more ways than the crimson-haired cadet cared to think about.

It seemed the SOLDIER had realized that nothing was getting through to the petite blond. And yet, to Reno at least, it spoke to the older man's fondness for Cloud (or too many knocks to the head) that instead of frustration, instead of simply beating Cloud into submission, the veteran warrior simply sat back, grinned, and WINKED.

Damn, son.

The blond looked positively murderous, launching his small frame at the bigger fighter instantly. He didn't get very far before he was pinned to the ground completely, then the First Class fighter was locking the cadet in a perfect mata leão from the back. As the blond struggled futilely - more evidence he was too far gone, because there was no getting out of a locked mata leão without breaking BJJ rules, Reno noticed the SOLDIER's lips moving. Despite being close enough to hear normal instructions, he couldn't hear a word of what was being said, but it seemed to relax Cloud enough that the haze lifted, and the familiar soft sky returned.

Damn, son.

##

Monday. 2105 hours.

There were many times in Cloud's life that he regretted. He supposed everyone had their regrets, everyone thought theirs were worse than anyone else's, but he was pretty confident he'd win hands down in a Regrets Anonymous party.

His body definitely regretted rolling so hard with Zack today. There were limits to what he could do as a non-enhanced scrawny teenager.

He was pretty sure he should've torn some of the stitches by now, yet maybe there was something to be said about the SOLDIER's superior control that he'd managed to pin Cloud numerous times without wrecking his wound. It still throbbed, he'd pushed himself hard in training all day, and the pain was making him light headed. The potion Ray had slipped him earlier today had helped somewhat, he'd probably need another or ten more to be able to move properly tomorrow. And maybe he should dial it back on the training too.

But he was hurting and wanting to hurt someone, anyone, to try to make himself feel better. Never mind that the others had his back, that they cared. He wanted to feel better, and no amount of care or concern from another was cutting it.

That is, until Zack literally had his back in a mata leão and was whispering into his ear about going to the church this weekend.

Aeris.

That snapped him out of his funk, at least marginally. The prospect of introducing Zack to Aeris, of doing ONE thing right for once in his life, buzzed through him. It took Zack almost breaking his reed-thin arms several more times for it to sink in that he was outclassed, at least for now.

Nothing he couldn't fix soon enough.

Everyday porrada.

At the end of their private training, the dark haired man had made no show of his intentions by openly asking Cloud to stay back for some pointers. So that was how he'd ended up here, face first in disgusting tatami mats, trying not to inhale what was probably the butt, sweat and tears of a million cadets who'd come before him.

Pointers, my ass.

The only thing pointed right now was Zack's elbow digging into the blond's thin back.

Mercifully, the SOLDIER decided that there was no point (ha ha) trying to teach Cloud anything else that night, and called the private lesson quits. The blond wasn't sure if his body was supposed to ache the way it did.

"...always better to work it out, kid."

Blinking, the blond belatedly realized that Zack had been speaking to him. He hoped he was conveying the right amount of remorse - he'd been told he was emotionally constipated many times, and he wasn't keen on getting contorted like a human pretzel for the thousandth time tonight.

Fortunately, the dark-haired SOLDIER had always been the kinder of the two of them. With an amused huff, that strong warm hand was back to ruffling blond spikes.

Was it weird that the world was starting to make sense again?

"I SAID," those deep blue eyes twinkled like a star-filled sky. "No matter what, it's always better to work it out instead of keeping it in, right?"

Cloud blinked. Was Zack being oblique?

A deep throated chuckle from his old friend this time. How he'd missed that sound. But not necessarily the head shaking. His neck ached, dammit.

The SOLDIER had the good graces not to laugh out loud, though his eyes twinkled even more, before abruptly sobering.

Cloud tensed. There was nothing good that came out of that body language, in his experience.

"Sometimes, we gotta be patient, OK?" A warm, sad smile.

Patient? That got us out of the hell that was the lab, but look where it got you.

He forced the memories away, blinking hard and trying not to superimpose the Zack before him with the Zack he'd last seen in another life.

A huff of warm air next to his ear helped. As did the solid arm around his thin shoulders.

Zack was hugging him.

It wasn't anything ground-breaking. The SOLDIER was known to be affectionate, open with his emotions, caring of everyone around him.

And yet...

Cloud had been dying for a hug.

He let out a shaky breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, trembling hands rising hesitantly, unsure if he was allowed to return the hug. He wasn't worthy, he'd failed, he wasn't good enough, he was nothing but a puppet...

"It's not your fault."

He didn't blink fast enough to stop the tears this time.

It's not your fault.

How many times had he heard those words? Repeated to oblivion by Tifa, Barret, Vincent, Cid, everyone.

It's not your fault.

How could it not be? Zack was dead because of him. Aeris was dead because of him. Sephiroth he'd killed personally more than once. How could any of it not be his fault, when everything had been because of him?

He didn't think he'd voiced any of that aloud. But Zack seemed to understand, though he shouldn't.

"Sometimes, Cloud, when people are faced with change they resist or fall back on old habits because of fear or uncertainty." A squeeze that made more tears fall. "We all know people who can't believe something good is finally happening to them, right?"

How was Zack just so damned perfect?

He'd hit the nail right on the head, and the black-haired man probably hadn't even been talking about Cloud. It had to do with Sephiroth. And yet it was true of Cloud as well. The entire time he'd been here, back in the past, with a chance to make things better, he hadn't believed - truly believed - he was worthy of such a chance. He'd messed too many things up, he'd failed too many people, he'd disappointed himself too often...

A squawk. Cloud would swear on his life it wasn't from him, but the fact remained that it had occurred exactly when the SOLDIER had wrapped his other arm around the smaller cadet and squeezed.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, though it couldn't have been long as he was running out of air. It was worth it though. It was all worth it.

The dark haze from before had left, replaced by a muted buzz of endorphins. The blond didn't remember every detail of his walk back to the barracks, his bath, sliding in to bed under the casually observant eyes of his friends - yes, they absolutely were his friends.

But he did remember deciding to wear the silver hair tie again tomorrow. It wouldn't do to have hair in his eyes all the time after all. It made him cry.

##

Tuesday. 0402 hours.

Sephiroth had managed to go through his day without once encountering Zack, or thinking about a certain blond cadet.

He'd thrown himself into his work, made more rounds than usual, had more meetings than was absolutely necessary with the Shinra management team.

And at the end of the day, he'd settled into bed, walking up the stairs without once looking at his living room, and his superior control meant he'd been able to fall asleep quickly through sheer will-power.

Whatever his dreams had been, and he refused to dwell on them, they'd gone flying out the window when a Black Porcupine had come barging in SCREECHING.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC FUCK WIT?!"

There should be grammatical limits on the usage of the term 'fuck' in a single sentence.

Calmly, the silver-haired man sat up, levelling a dispassionate look on his disheveled subordinate who smelled like a bar or seven.

It seemed to infuriate the dark-haired man more, as he advanced angrily towards the bed, alcoholic fumes making Sephiroth wish he could hose the other man down.

"You had NO RIGHT to treat Cloud that way. The kid did NOTHING wrong. You're just a miserable, FUCKED UP, asshole who wants to make everyone MISERABLE AND FUCKED UP LIKE YOU!"

There should be limits on the number of times an adjective could be repeated in a phrase, too.

The silver-haired man managed to control his reaction to the overpowering scent of Zack's intoxication - though SOLDIERs didn't get drunk, it was obvious the other man had been drinking far more than was normal, even by Sephiroth's standards.

Why so serious?

What was the point? Why bother feeling anything, when in the end everyone just let you down, used you, walked away?

Why bother caring, why bother trying to fix anything?

He didn't think he'd said any of it aloud, but maybe he had. Deep blue eyes flared majestically, tanned fists clenched hard.

"I am SICK of you trying to ruin EVERYTHING just to prove yourself right."

Prove himself right? The fact was...

"I WAS RIGHT!" Sephiroth didn't remember getting out of bed, towering over Zack. He didn't remember ever being so vocal or emotional. But right now, he really didn't care. It would've been liberating if it didn't hurt so damn much.

"I WAS RIGHT!" deep blue eyes blinked, befuddled and shocked. Under ordinary circumstances, the silver-haired man would've thrown a jibe at Zack for looking like a confused rabbit. But these weren't ordinary times. "Cloud isn't who you think he is! I know his balisong! I saw it in a dream!"

The complete silence that greeted that statement shocked Sephiroth back to the present.

What was he thinking?

He'd just outright admitted to dreaming about Cl..Cadet Strife. He was being ridiculous, vulnerable, weak. This would just be used against him, as always. It wouldn't end well, it would...

"So what?"

Shocked green eyes met calm blues.

So what?

SO WHAT?

Did Zack not grasp the importance of his statement? Cloud was an impostor, a manipulator, an agent of Hojo's no doubt. Or maybe even an agent of Zack's, who was probably working with Hojo or Scarlett or Rufus or the fat president, possibly working as a double agent of a few of them, potentially being paid by Genesis or even Ang...

"So what if you'd dreamt of the balisong before? It's a common one."

The last statement pierced his thoughts and he deflated onto the bed. How was Zack, the Black Porcupine, the most irresponsible irreverent SOLDIER ever to walk the Planet, so capable of destroying all of Sephiroth's ruminations so easily?

It's true that the balisong was common, simple. But that didn't explain...

"So what if you knew Cloud was carrying? WE ALL KNEW. It was pretty fucking obvious the kid had some sort of weapon on him, and PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS it was a switch blade. ANY SOLDIER WOULD'VE TOLD YOU THAT."

Fine, point to Zack. But...

"He knew!" Sephiroth didn't know why he'd reacted. This whole business with Zack and Cl..the cadet was turning him into someone he wasn't. He was The General. Always in control, ice-cold, ruthless, unaffected by emotions, calm...

"Knew WHAT?!" If Sephiroth had been wearing a shirt, it would've been shredded as Zack's biceps bunched and pearly whites snarled at him.

The silver-haired man wished he'd been wearing a shirt so he could cover his nose, at least. Zack must have downed at least 10 bottles of whisky, judging by the smell slamming into the taller male.

Angry rough hands shook him back to the present, angry blue eyes burning away thoughts of a court martial for insubordination. "KNEW WHAT?!"

And that was it. Thinking about it now, how could he possibly explain? Cloud's reactions? The details of the dream? It was ludicrous, even to Sephiroth.

It didn't stop him from replying. "He acted like he'd had the same dream!"

Sephiroth had never wished a hole would open up and swallow him, but he was pretty certain this was what it felt like.

Just realizing he was mentally talking like Zack made him wish for a hole to sink into even more.

He got the next best option though. A solid fist landed right on his cheek, he tasted blood before feeling soft sheets.

What...

Not since he'd left the labs had anyone ever been so blatantly disrespectful. Not since he'd been a child wanting to find his mother had anyone struck him like this, outside of combat training or warfare.

He stared at the offending fist, realized it was shaking. When his eyes met dark blue, he was reminded of why Zack had become Brigadier General, why he trusted Zack above all others to have his back.

The silence was deafening, and unnerving, given this was Zack he was dealing with. But the silver-haired man didn't have a roadmap, or a reference for handling Really Angry Zack Fair.

"I am going to say this once, and only once." The voice was quiet, sharp, deadly. "That balisong is common. You and Cloud probably have the same taste in weapons, coz you're both quiet and always so damn MISERABLE."

How DARE Zack say...

"BUT!" Those blue eyes burned even brighter, if it was possible. "That doesn't mean he's part of some fucking plot you've cooked up in that brilliantly STUPID head of yours. That's just a COINCIDENCE."

And that was it, wasn't it? Sephiroth knew he was brilliant, smarter than anyone else. He'd always been right, until he wasn't and his best friends had left him and he hadn't been able to stop them. That meant he could be wrong, but it was such an alien, foreign concept at times - especially in the face of so much evidence.

What evidence? It's all circumstantial.

It was true. The balisong was truly common, and any SOLDIER with eyes would've guessed with 83% accuracy that that was what Cloud was carrying (he'd done the math in a split second).

It was also true that the blond was the quiet, intelligent type. Unlike his friends, though they weren't rowdy or dumb - Cloud was the type to carry the world on his shoulders, to hide his feelings and soldier on dutifully.

Could it all really be a coincidence?

No such thing. Everyone's out to use you. Have you forgotten all the lessons you learned?

But it's a common balisong.

The boy's reaction that day says otherwise. How did he react at the exactly the same time?

Maybe he was reacting to you moving into his personal space?

It was true that Sephiroth had been next to the blond, had been staring into baby blue eyes, right before it it be...?

Don't be ridiculous. It's all a plot to use you, to make you their bitch, to make you do what they want you to do and lord it over you.

But...

"Seph." A warm hand brought him back to the present, those deep blue orbs calming the turmoil. "Whatever it is you think is going on, we'll investigate if it makes you feel better. But don't jump to conclusions on your own. It hurts the rest of us when you don't give us a chance."

A chance...?

When was the last time anyone gave him a chance? Genesis and Angeal had just upped and left, despite his pleas. The scientists hadn't cared how he'd felt, sticking syringe after syringe into him. His instructors hadn't cared that he was tired or hurt, they'd yelled and hit him even more to train harder, to practice harder, to do better and not be a damn pussy...

A squeeze. His vision seemed filled with deep blue.

"Whatever it is, we'll get to the bottom of it. Together. I got your back."

It was true. That was an irrefutable fact. Zack had always had his back, from the first skirmish they'd charged into together, to the latest incident in the slums. Zack was always there to help, to support him, to take the hits for him.

Zack had never let him down (paperwork notwithstanding).

He wasn't aware he'd nodded, but maybe he hadn't and the dark-haired man, occasionally highly intelligent, had figured it out, because Sephiroth was now being graced with a warm, happy smile. The kind Zack did so well.

"Make it up to Cloud, OK?" the smile was hopeful, soft. Those eyes held no censure, only understanding. Was dealing with people always this easy?

Were they always so...good?

Then the smile turned devious. And while it was the more common look on Zack, it still made the General uneasy. He'd never admit it though.

"You and Cloud can bond over your complete lack of social skills."

A cackle. Sephiroth shoved the shorter man, watched with pleasure as he tumbled over onto plush carpets squawking.

Lack of social skills, my ass.

It was official. Sephiroth's inner voice was Zack Fair 2.0.

The thought was oddly pleasing.

##

Tuesday. 1222 hours.

Jared was relatively good at compartmentalizing, in his opinion. Never mind his nymphomaniac habits. He'd done a great job of appearing like any other well-adjusted, sex-crazed teenager so far.

They all had their demons, their secrets. It was how they dealt with them that mattered.

The lanky blond had managed to push away thoughts of Cloud, broken, bleeding, barely breathing (hey, that rhymed!) since the weekend, unlike Reno who obviously got a bad case of the memories whenever he looked at Cloud.

They were walking towards yet another unappetizing lunch when Ralph nudged him slightly. He glanced into familiar dark eyes, warm and affectionate and shy.

Don't ever lose that soft heart, Vikers.

For all his bad boy looks, Ralph would always be the baby of the bunch in terms of hardened life lessons (Brian was the zero life lesson baseline).

And that's the way Jared was going to keep it.

"What's up, sexy?" It was their routine, Jared pressing himself against a hard body, leering, a strong arm coming up to wind around his slim waist almost unconsciously, as though catching the tall blond was as natural as breathing to Ralph.

On cue, Brian squawked in the background, and Reno snickered.

Some things never change.

"I got some materials." A husky murmur in his ear made Jared forget all about Brian and Reno. Ralph really was too hot for his own good.

Materials...?

"Could you program it for me, if I build the phone?"

Jared sometimes forgot, so caught up in their own little Cadets Gone Wild club, that there was a real world out there. A world of families, homes, love between parent and child.

A world that Ralph wanted to keep safe.

He pulled back slightly, fluttered his eyelashes to hide how he felt at the thought. But Ralph knew, if the tightening of the arm around his waist was any indication.

You can't save us all, Rocket-boy.

But damn did he love how idealistic Ralph was.

"Anything for you, sugar."

##

Wednesday. 1146 hours.

Sephiroth didn't bother hiding a scowl on his face at the approach of Shinra's resident Greasy Ghoul.

He'd been spending too much time around Zack.

The scientists didn't bother hiding his pleasure at the General's displeasure, smirking even wider as he announced slimily that Sephiroth was due for a "check up".

They both knew that there was no reason for a check up. The silver-haired man hadn't been hurt over the weekend, and what injuries he'd sustained fighting Wutai had long healed thanks to his modified genes.

It was a game he was tired of playing, in a world he was tired of living in.

It didn't help that he had absolutely no idea how to "make it up to" Cloud. Zack had refused to give him any ideas, snarkily commenting on his superior officer's supposed intelligence (nothing 'supposed' about it, but this was unfamiliar ground). Sephiroth had resigned himself to having to seek tutelage from pop culture via movies, but he wasn't 100% sure where to start.

He'd searched online and through his memories of interactions between other people, recalling some movie titles that might prove useful. Pride & Prejudice seemed a common favorite.

Yet now he was having to head to the labs as usual, gritting his teeth and trying not to think of what new concoction awaited him.

Stripping was normal, clinical, familiar, The cold gel, the adhesive pads on his chest, the needles piercing skin...it was familiar in a way he hated.

The snide comments from Hojo were familiar as well, as was the desire to break the scientist's neck.

Sephiroth tuned out the talk about his blood pressure, Mako count, cells, with practised ease. A lifetime of being a scientist's pin cushion would do that to anyone.

It was the comments about his best friends that he couldn't tune out, no matter how hard he tried.

"...no doubt about it, I made you better than that fool made Genesis and Angeal," the self-satisfied smirk had no place on the Planet. "You are the PERFECT killer, born to destroy anyone who stands before you."

I never asked to be.

Stunned at the virulence of the thought, Sephiroth almost missed the rest of the mad scientist's commentary. "...pathetic creatures, degenerating like the sad mistakes they...!"

Maybe it was rash, thoughtless.

But there was a great deal of satisfaction in standing up, ripping the implements out of him and off him, and storming off.

No one insulted his friends.

Now if he could just find a way to 'make it up to Cloud', everything would be just peachy.

##

A/N 1: I did hint at Seph-Cloud turbulence in the previous chapter's author's notes. It was going far too well to be realistic.

A/N 2: The Supernatural episode Zack & Cloud are watching on Sunday after cleaning is "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester" (S4E2).

A/N 3: "Somebody gonna get hurt real bad" is a line by comedian Russell Peters.

A/N 4: "One step forward making two steps back, my oh my" is a line from the song We Are by Ana Johnsson, on the Spiderman 2 OST. The lines after that are "riding piggy on the bad boys back for life, Lining up for the grand illusion, No answers for no questions asked, Lining up for the execution, Without knowing why."

A/N 5: "Breathe, just breathe" is from the chorus of the Anna Nalick song 'Breathe (2AM)'.

A/N 6: "Wishy washy, wishy washy" is a translation of Aeris' iconic "Tsuru tsuru, tsuru tsuru" line based on subtitles (I prefer the Japanese audio version of Advent Children).

A/N 7: "So no one told you life was gonna be this way" and "I'll be there for you" are from the song 'I'll be there for you' by The Rembrandts, best known as the Friends theme song.

A/N 8: In PT on Monday, the cadets are training in BJJ No-gi, with some judo mixed in for takedowns. "Everyday porrada" is a BJJ term which means to hustle & grind hard daily. Kimura is a type of lock in BJJ. Nutella BJJ is the complete opposite of porrada (Nutella being 'fake chocolate'). I love Nutella - the reference is cultural. Mata leão is a choke move, also called the rear naked choke (mata leão means 'lion killer').

A/N 9: The "it's not your fault" scene is a reference to the scene in Good Will Hunting, where Robin Williams' character breaks through to Matt Damon's abused character emotionally for the first time.

A/N 10: "You and Cloud can bond over your complete lack of social skills" is a line suggested by LifeOfTheMind via a comment on AO3 years ago.

A/N 11: I know this chapter isn't as long as usual, and I absolutely did not feel as creative as usual (TBH, I had to force this out) but i figured the faster I get it out there the better. Just wanted to let y'all know I'm still here, still trying to finish this. Though I might be very distracted for a bit with FFVIIR.