HEARTSTRINGS::Jitu/Ayushmann

[29th January 2020, Jitu's Apartment - Mumbai]

It's been a great but hectic evening, the award shows are like this but Jitu would lying if he said he didn't had fun. Even though, he has little faith in award shows watching them is fun. through social media Jitu is just seeing all the posts from the award shows he is about to close it when something catches his eye, it's a video of Ayushmann and Ranveer Singh.

Jitu knows it too well how Ayushmann always talk about Ranveer Singh and admires his work. Clicking on the video he sees Ayushmann kissing Ranveer Singh and a surge of jealousy flows through him but what happens next breaks his heart when he hears Ayushmann saying to media 'Esko lena chahiye tha Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan mein.' The jealousy turns into shock turning into anger and finally settling for absolute sadness. (Should have taken him in Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan.)

Jitu feels betrayed and God it hurts to hear Ayushmann say that. He tries to debate that he was joking, still it hurts too much. Then he sees a message popping up from Ayushmann, he sees it out of habit 'without reading it he snaps his phone shut and lies down, trying to call himself.

It's not even 2 minutes passed when another message pops up, then another, Jitu does not reply to any of them. Then 5 minutes after the last message his phone starts ringing, flashing Ayushmann's name. Tears form in his eyes as he angrily picks up the phone, cuts the call and switches off his phone.

On the other side, Ayushmann is surprised to see first Jitu read his message but didn't reply and then rest of his messages ignored and then cutting his call. Something is not right, he doesn't know what to do. "This number is currently switched off please try again later." Is the message he gets when he tries to call again, Ayushmann sits there in confusion.

So Ayushmann tries to call him again next day as well but again, his messages, calls were gone unanswered. Jitu had spent most of his day ignoring calls and messages by Ayushmann and each time his name flashes up on his phone, Jitu feels all those emotions surging up again. Sending a quick message to his team that he wants to be alone for a bit, he switches off his phone once again as he tries to deal with this mess. He can ignore Ayushmann today but what happens tomorrow when they continue their press tour for SMZS. How will he sit next to him and pretend he is not hurting, not feeling betrayed.

As the day goes by, Ayushmann's heart keeps sinking when Jitu's phone is again switched off and no news from him at all, no update on social media, nothing. He waits and waits, keep glancing at his phone for something but nothing. Ayushmann ends up calling Gajraj sir to ask if he heard from Jitu who tells him that Jitu had spoken to the team and said he wanted to alone for sometime. This makes Ayushmann worry and bit angry that Jitu is able to tell the team but not him.

Still he feels bothered about the fact Jitu is not answering to his calls. Day turns into night and the worry is eating up Ayushmann, unable to take it he decides to visit him. It is only when he is halfway through the city he realises its 1.30am. Still not caring about time, Ayushmann makes his way to Jitu's place. When 2 am someone rings Jitu's doorbell, he almost decides not to answer it but when it seems someone has glued their finger to bell, annoyingly he opens the door to find Ayushmann at his door step looking stressed.

"Ayushmann..." Jitu is speechless and confused where Ayushmann is looking angry, glaring at Jitu who moves aside as Ayushmann comes on.

"Tum yahan?" Jitu says after closing the door and Ayushmann continues glares at him and it angers Jitu because he is the one who is angry. (You here?)

"Na message ka jawab, na koi phone call ka answer, phone bhi switched off kar rakha hai toh aur kya karta?" Shaking his head Jitu walks away from Ayushmann who looks at him confusion. (No answer to my messages, you are not taking my calls, phone also switched off, whatt else am I supposed to do?)

"Abhi bhi koi jawab nahi doge?" (You will still not answer to my question?)

"Kya jawab don aur kyun?" Jitu replies back in anger and Ayushmann is slightly taken aback. (What should I answer and why?)

"Jitu kya baat hai? Kuch howa hai kya?" Ayushmann finally asks him and Jitu's shoulder fall slightly not knowing what to say. Ayushmann comes closer to Jitu. (What's wrong? Did something happen?)

"Kya baat hai? Mujhse khafah ho? Agar ho bhi toh batao toh sahi kya baat hai? Team ko bata sakte ho ke tum theek ho aur mujhe nahi kyun?" (What's wrong? You are upset with me? If you are, still talk to me, tell me what's wrong? You can tell the team you are okay but not me?)

"Koi baat nahi hai." (Nothing is wrong.)

"Jab pata hai mujhse jhoot nahi bol sakte toh kyun try karte ho? Batao na." (When you know you can't like to me then why you try?)

"Kyun? Aap kon ho? Koi special ho? Ke main aapko har baat bataon." 'Aap' Jitu is calling him Aap and it's a big red alert for Ayushmann because he only calls him aap when he is truly angry and hurt and it scares Ayushmann. (Why? Who are you? Someone special? That I share everything with you?)

"Jitu, please... talk to me, kya baat hai. Main itni door se aya..." It just adds fuel to fire. (Jitu, please... talk to me, what's going on. I came this far...)

"Toh kya ehsaan kiya hai? Mujhe nahi chahiye aapka ehsaan, chale jayein." (So you did a favour on me? I don't need any favours from you, just go.)

"The fuck, Jitu! Have you lost your mind?" Ayushmann looks at him ready to lose his patience and Jitu looks at him with pure anger.

"Yes. I have lost my mind." Ayushmann looks away and sighs deeply, all this is making him exhausted.

"Door lock nahi hai, good night." With this Jitu walks into his bedroom and slams the door, leaving Ayushmann shocked in living room. (Door is unlocked, good night.)

"I'm not leaving! Jab tak baat nahi hogi main yahin hon." He screams as he finally falls on sofa, exhausted. (I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving until we talk.)

Meanwhile Jitu breakdowns in his room, anger, shock, pain, his hidden crush all surfacing and making difficult for him to see things clearly or even think. All he knows that Ayushmann is on the other side of this door and Jitu doesn't know whether he wants to kill him or kiss him. It's all too much for him. Half an hour later Jitu can still hear Ayushmann sitting on his sofa and Jitu knows that Ayushmann can be as stubborn as he wants and what hurts him that Ayushmann has the guts to be angry at him when he is at fault.

Without thinking about his actions, turning on his phone, he sends the link of that post to Ayushmann before throwing his phone on bed and starts to pace. Ayushmann's phone vibrates, he opens to find a message from Jitu, a link. He turns to look towards Jitu's bedroom and door is still locked. He clicks on the link and video starts to play. Jitu can tell the exact moment Ayushmann realises what's wrong because the moment in his apartment goes still.

'Oh shit,' is first thought of Ayushmann once he realises what the issue is and suddenly all his anger turns into a deep regret. He didn't even meant it, it was just in the moment it slipped and now he is bearing the consequences. Dropping his phone, Ayushmann runs towards Jitu's bedroom and stops at door not knowing what to say. Jitu's pace comes to halt when he notices a shadow under the door. "Jitu..." Ayushmann calls out quietly.

"I'm sorry. Mera woh matlab nahi tha." Ayushmann tries to apologise and explain but the damn door is between them. (I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.)

"Jitu trust me, mera woh matlab nahi tha. Please... I'm so sorry." Jitu's heart begins to melt but the hurt and pain is still there. Of course he would say this now, they still have promotions to do and movie hasn't released yet. (Jitu, trust me, that's not what I meant. Please... I'm so sorry.)

"I am so sorry, Jitu. It was a joke... I didn't mean..." He is unable to complete his sentence as the door opens suddenly and reveal Jitu.

"Joke? Main aapke liye joke ban gaya?" His voice and words break Ayushmann's heart who is shaking his head, trying hard to explain but at loss. (Joke? Am I a joke to you?)

"Nahi Jitu, aisa nahi hai..." (No, Jitu... it's not like that.)

"I know ke main koi bada actor nahi hon aur na hi Ranveer Singh ko replace kar sakta hon par..." (I know, I am not some big shot actor nor I can replace Ranveer Singh but...)

"Jitu please..." Not wanting to hear end of that sentence Ayushmann pleads him. His heart is getting heavy under the burden of his words as the result is finally sinking in as he takes in Jitu's face which shows how heartbroken he feels and how true his words feel. He stands there, shocked and repulse as he thinks how can Jitu even think like this. Jitu's eyes tear up and he turns away to angrily wipe away any sign of his pain and Ayushmann's heart breaks.

"Tu aisa soch bhi kaise sakta hai?" (How can you even think like that?)

"Meri baat ka woh matlab nahi tha." (I didn't mean it like that.)

"Toh kya matlab tha? Han? Mana ke main first choice nahi tha par..." (Then what did you mean? Yea? I know, I am not the first choice but...)

"God damn it Jitu, aisa nahi hai. Tum first nahi balke best choice ho, and the final choice." Ayushmann doesn't know how to explain to this wonderful man what he is and how much he means to Ayushmann. The way Jitu brought Aman to life no one could. (God damn it Jitu, it's not like that. You are not first but the best choice and the final choice.)

"Yaar main, behak gaya tha. Main... tujhe pata hai na ke mere mouh par filter nahi hai." He looks at Jitu with pleading eyes who is still waiting for an explanation. (I was talking nonsense. I... you know that I don't have a filter on my mouth.)

"Aik baat ki soh wazahat de sakta hon par yaar, please, I'm really sorry, tumhe meri wajah se itni taqleef hoyi." (I can give hundred explanations of this thing but, I'm really sorry, you are hurting because of me.)

Rubbing his eyes Jitu sighs and sits on the foot of his bad, Ayushmann instantly moves coming in front of Jitu, he goes on his knees, holding Jitu's hands to remove them from his eyes. Now seeing him upclose he realises how red Jitu's eyes are. Was he crying? The thought hits Ayushmann.

"Mera Aman hai tu aur woh koi aur kabhi nahi hi sakta." Ayushmann says as he makes Jitu look into his eyes. The sincerity in his eyes tells Jitu he isn't lying. (You are my Aman and no one else can be my Aman.)

"Tu soch kaise sakta hai ke es Kartik ka Aman koi aur ho sakta hai? Jitu, you may not need this film but this film needed you." Jitu's heart flips at this. (How can you even think that this Kartik's Aman can be someone else? Jitu, you may not need this film but this film needed you.)

"Maine agar Ranveer ko woh kaha bhi hai lekin eska yeh matlab nahi ke woh mere Aman ke liye. Mera Aman sirf tu tha aur humesha tu hi rahega." Ayushmann presses their foreheads together and let Jitu process his words. (If I said something to Ranveer that doesn not mean it was for my Aman. My Aman is only you and will always be only you.)

"Mujhe laga..." Jitu speaks after a while. (I thought...)

"Kya laga?" Jitu doesn't know how to voice his fears, his jealousy but Ayushmann is able to read it on him. (What did you think?)

"Pagal hai tu jo tujhe lagta hai ke tu replacable hai, because Jitu you are irreplaceable." Ayushmann holds his gaze as he says this and Jitu's emotions flip as he feels the weight of other man's words. He feels dumb all of sudden for letting his fears and jealousy take over him. But when he saw that, all of his fears came crashing down on him. This proximity between them, Jitu feels like closing it. (You are crazy, if you think you are replaceable, because Jitu, you are irreplaceable.)

"Im sorry." Ayushmann says but Jitu shakes his head.

"I'm sorry." Ayushmann smiles and closes the remaining gap between them as wraps his arms around him, pulling Jitu into a tight hug.

Jitu melts in his arms, all of his pain and anger shedding away. Ayushman feels so stupid for not realising this soon he should have seen this. He knows what this movie means to him and due to his careless behaviour tonight Jitu is questioning his worth and credibility and all because of him. Gently pulling away but not breaking away from his arms Ayushmann brings his lips to Jitu's forehead as he presses a soft kiss there as he makes a vow to himself of never hurting this man again.


So... I hope you'll enjoyed it. :)