"The bed won't be here for tomorrow night, but I'm hopeful we'll have it for Allie to sleep on for Saturday," Elizabeth said, taking a last bite of her eggs. "Can you believe how fast things arrive now?" She grinned. "I think the slowness of the stagecoach when I first arrived is the only reason I'm still here in Hope Valley."
"There must be a story behind that statement," Nathan said, folding back the napkin and taking another biscuit from the basket.
"The mothers that hired me as teacher to their children were expecting someone more... mature," Elizabeth said. "I was quoting Latin to them thinking it would make me sound more seasoned, but the truth was, I was terrified. Florence Blakely took one look at me in my frills and hats and told me to get back on the stage to wherever I came from." Elizabeth sighed. "Lucky for me, the coach only came once a week. By that time, I'd gained a bit of a foothold here."
"I can't imagine anyone else teaching us," Allie said from the floor where she and Jack were building towers out of wooden blocks.
"That's a very nice thing to say, Allie," Elizabeth said, smiling. "I can't imagine being anywhere but Hope Valley and in my classroom with you."
Nathan nodded. "This is a very friendly town, but the people here are protective of their way of life, as they should be. I felt I needed to prove myself before I was accepted. And you did too." Nathan took Elizabeth's hand across the table. "Which is why it meant a lot that you made a special trip to the jail when I first got here, just to tell me it might take time."
Elizabeth smiled and looked down at their hands. "It was primarily to welcome you, but it was also for me." She lowered her voice, "I had to get past it."
"I knew that," Nathan nodded and said just as softly, "I thought it was very brave of you."
"I'm not feeling very brave right now, Nathan," she said quietly, certain that the children wouldn't hear. She looked up at him. "My aunt, my mother's sister, told me something once that I've never forgotten. She said that if you turn your back on a thing you're afraid of, it will keep coming back to you in different forms until you face and conquer it."
Elizabeth said, "I thought it was so interesting that you gave me that plaque for the library."
"Always do what you are afraid to do," Nathan said.
"Yes," Elizabeth shook her head and smiled ruefully. "But I can't believe I'm back here again. You riding off with the Mounties, and me waiting and afraid something might happen to you."
Nathan looked deeply into her eyes. "Elizabeth. Can you tell me how Jack and I are different in regard to our jobs? Not how we're the same, but how we're different."
Elizabeth said, "It's funny you should ask that, because I was thinking about it just today when we were talking at the school." She frowned, trying to find the right words.
"You told me that you would turn down any postings that were far away, or open-ended, and that Headquarters knew you weren't ambitious. With Jack, it almost seemed that the more dangerous it was, the more he felt he had to go fix it."
She lowered her eyes and spoke softly. "He wasn't supposed to fall in love. He never intended to. It didn't really fit with his plan."
Nathan spoke as softly as Elizabeth. "But he did."
"Yes," she said. "And we made the best of it, but he seemed always to be coming and going, and was so seldom just here. I spent so many long hours being afraid." Elizabeth looked up, quickly, "Please don't misunderstand me. I loved and admired him, Nathan, more than I can say. As I told you when I first met you, Jack was an excellent man. He tried to put me first in his life, but there was this feeling that the Mounties were always knocking on the door, always pulling at him."
She smiled, remembering something. "It's how we started, actually. He was only assigned to this town because my father pulled some strings. He was looking forward to adventure in Cape Fullerton and instead ended up, as he described it, 'eating coal dust' in Coal Valley because my father wanted me protected."
Nathan frowned. "But he was such a part of this town. Still is."
"He came to love it," Elizabeth said. "But his original plan was to chase rumrunners in Cape Fullerton. To 'go after the bad guys' is what he always said." Elizabeth thought for a moment, and continued, sadly, "I think it had to do with his father. In a way, finishing the job his father hadn't been able to finish."
Nathan lowered his eyes. "I'm not sure we can ever really measure how much our fathers influence the things we do."
Elizabeth reached out and touched Nathan's cheek, tenderly. "I want to ask you about that someday. Not now, but someday. Will you let me know when you're ready to talk about it?"
"Yes," Nathan said simply. "Soon."
"And," Elizabeth said, "I want to say again what a gift it is that I can talk with you about Jack this way. I'm not sure I would be able to do the same with you without being jealous."
Nathan laughed softly, "Oh, I think we both know that I'm fully capable of jealousy. Lucas has a way of bringing out the worst in me in that regard." He paused. "The difference is, Jack's not here, Elizabeth," Nathan said, looking down at their hands.
"He was such a huge part of your life, and," Nathan looked over at the children playing on the floor, "he's Jack's father. I can't ask you to put everything you shared with him for five years away in that graveyard. I don't want you to."
Elizabeth's eyes strayed to the table just over Nathan's shoulder in her line of sight. "I've been considering putting away some of the pictures," she said softly.
"No," Nathan said, shaking his head. He reached her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Let's just add some new ones."
Nathan continued, "And what your aunt said? About things happening over and over until you conquer them? What if..." he said gently, "...You have conquered your fear by surviving and still feeling joy in life and giving it to others? And you get to experience a different ending this time?"
Elizabeth smiled, "I've considered that possibility."
Nathan continued, "Do you know that most Mountie wives live out their lives with their husbands coming home to them? They raise children and grow old together? Granted, that's because a lower percentage of Mounties marry, but when they do, they have a lot more to lose than those who don't have families waiting at home. They make different choices." He paused and looked intently at her. "I'm making different choices."
"Like staying here in Hope Valley instead of taking the Inspector position?"
"Yes."
"Do you ever regret it?" Elizabeth asked.
"You'll remember I had seven years with Allie, moving from place to place. It's not all it's cracked up to be." He smiled at her. "I like leaving the suitcases under the bed."
Elizabeth laughed at the way he'd phrased it. "You may not say much, Nathan. But when you do, you have a way with words."
"You must be rubbing off on me."
Elizabeth's hand was still in his, and Nathan stroked her fingers gently. "I noticed when you did this," he said, touching the wedding ring that she had moved from her left hand to her right. "And I wondered how you felt about it."
"Do you remember when I did it?" she asked him.
"Yes," he said. "It was soon after our ride to get Allie's horse."
Elizabeth was silent and pensive for a moment and Nathan caught and held her eyes, frowning slightly. "What is it?" he said.
"Remind me to tell you about something that happened at the Mercantile this afternoon," she said, looking over at the children.
Nathan nodded, "Okay." He was curious but could see she didn't want to talk about it now. He touched her ring again, "So, this?"
Elizabeth smiled and said, "It might be easier to explain if I tell you a story."
Nathan laughed softly. He loved her stories.
"I wrote in my journal a long time ago that I thought I was destined to teach in one of the big city schools in Hamilton. The more I thought about it, I just couldn't. Those children already had so many advantages – and reading about the West, I could see how few opportunities they had here."
Elizabeth said, "But I was stuck in the middle. I couldn't move. I was unwilling to teach in Hamilton, and I was afraid to come here to the unknown."
She smiled at him. "I had to let go of one in order to make a space for the other."
Nathan brought the now bare third finger of Elizabeth's left hand up to his lips and kissed it.
Blushing, Elizabeth realized exactly what she had just said. Nathan's initial wish that they not play games but simply speak their truth had freed her up in ways that frankly astonished her.
Self-conscious, she smiled sweetly at him and said, "My turn to do the dishes, I believe!" She started to get her plate to take to the sink.
Nathan stood up with her. "Nope, you cooked. It's my turn." He inclined his head to Allie and Jack on the floor in front of the stove. "And I know how much you love building castles."
The children were entirely engrossed in their blocks, and the truth was that Elizabeth very much wanted to get in on the play.
But before she did, she put her arms around Nathan, fully aware that for the next two evenings this wouldn't be an option for her. Elizabeth felt his warmth and could hear his strong heartbeat. In the background, she could hear Allie and Jack talking softly.
Nathan's arms came around her and she marveled at how they fit together, their breathing in sync, his hand moving slowly back and forth across her shoulder.
Elizabeth was remembering what she had said at Christmas for the choir performance. Home is where the heart is. This was home.
Later, dishes done and castles built, Elizabeth and Allie sat at the table. Allie had finished her homework and was looking through one of Elizabeth's oversized picture books on different species of birds. Elizabeth graded the last of the students' essays and leaned back, rubbing her eyes.
Nathan was on the sofa and had been reading to Jack, but Elizabeth could see that he had set the book aside and was leaning back with his eyes closed. Jack was sound asleep, and even from here she could hear his soft snore. If she hadn't seen Nathan's hand rubbing gently on Jack's back, she might have thought he was asleep as well.
Elizabeth stood and stretched and went over to the sofa, where she sat down next to Nathan quietly. Jack was turned toward her, his rosebud mouth partially open and his hand splayed out on Nathan's collar.
Nathan looked over at her and smiled. He pointed to the place where Jack's chest was resting on his and whispered, "This place right here? This is the warmest place on God's earth."
Elizabeth tried to laugh silently. "I know!" she said. "He's like a little oil heater, isn't he?"
Nathan nodded, not wanting to wake him. He whispered, "I'll take him upstairs and then we should probably go. It's getting late."
Elizabeth leaned over and kissed Jack on his impossibly soft cheek. "Goodnight, my sweet boy," she said, softly. It was only inches for her to do the same with Nathan. She kissed him and whispered, "You're pretty sweet too."
Nathan showed her as stern a look as he could muster. "Don't tell anyone."
Elizabeth rested her head for a moment on Nathan's chest. "Your secret is safe with me, Constable."
After Jack was tucked in upstairs, they stood at the door. Elizabeth hugged Allie and said brightly, "Tomorrow night you'll stay all night. We'll have fun!""
Allie said, "Can we read more of Little Women?"
"Absolutely," Elizabeth said.
Nathan put his arm around Elizabeth and spoke to both of them. "The detail coming from Cloverdale should be arriving around four in the afternoon. I'll need to be at the jail from that point on until the others arrive. The other three in my detail will be coming in separately from their towns."
"Do you want us to bring you dinner?" Elizabeth asked.
"Thank you, no need. We'll go two at a time to Abigail's," Nathan squeezed her arm, "and I'll make a trip up here after dinner to say goodbye. How's that?"
"Sounds perfect," Elizabeth said, though if Nathan could feel her beating heart, he would know she was feeling less than perfect.
Nathan knew it anyway, without feeling her heart. He wished he could make it better for her, but he knew this was something they simply needed to move through.
He would go and then he would come back, and each time he did, Elizabeth would trust a little more that he would always come home to her.
