"Mike Tyson?" Phil questions.
I glance up at Phil. Holy shit. Mike Tyson is in our hotel room.
"Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now." Mike says.
The drums hit on the song and Mike does some air drums, before he sings slightly.
"Need a chorus line, guys." Mike says, waving to us.
"Hold on…" Alan sings, slightly.
Mike sings some more before speaking.
"One more time, guys."
I giggle and sing along with the guys. Just after the line ends, Mike sucker punches Alan in the face. We all scream when Alan's to the ground, knocked out. We run over and kneel down. I check his pulse and he is still alive. I let out a breath of relief.
"Why did you do that?" Phil freaks out.
"Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger is in your bathroom?" The man asks.
Phil stands up along with Stu and they stand in front of Mike and the man.
"Hold on, that was completely unnecessary." Phil gestures to Alan. "I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was…" He does a boxing move.
"Explain." The man cuts him off.
"Alright, look. We were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened." Phil explains.
"It's true. We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore." Stu puts his hands on his hips.
I stand up and walk around.
"What are you talking about?" I ask, looking at Stu.
"I don't care, Em." He says.
"Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?" The man says, watching us.
"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Phil chuckles slightly.
"I don't believe these guys, man." Mike sighs.
"Wait, how did you find us?" Phil asks.
"One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tiger's case this morning." The man holds up his jacket.
"That's Doug's." I say, excitedly, taking it.
"Yeah. Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there." The man says.
"No, that's our missing friend." Phil says.
"I don't give a fuck." Mike says.
"Well I do! That's my brother and he's missing." I snap at him.
Stu grabs my arm and pulls me back.
"Wait. What the fuck happened to your face?" Mike says, taking a step toward me.
"What?" I ask.
"Oh my god. That guy fucked you up." Stu says, looking at my face.
I turn toward a mirror in the living room to see my eye and cheek are starting to bruise. My lip is split and I sigh.
"We found a man in our car and he whipped our ass." I turn back toward Mike.
"So they didn't do it?" He gestures to Phil and Stu.
"She's my wife! I wouldn't hurt her!" Phil says, offended.
"You'd end up like him, if you did." Mike points to Alan.
"Did you guys see Doug?" Stu cuts in, trying to stop a fight.
"I was fast asleep." Mike says.
"Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly." The man says.
"Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar." Mike chuckles.
"Respect." The man takes off his hat and puts it to his chest.
"What...What happened to Omar?" Phil stutters slightly.
"Oh, don't worry about Omar, he's not with us no more." Mike says.
"Okay, I know this is asking a lot...but do you think we could go to your house and look around? See if there's any clues?" Phil asks, softly.
"Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?" The man smirks and walks toward the door. "Come on, champ."
"I'm sorry?" Stu asks.
"We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back. What you think, about 40 minutes?" The guys asks and walks to the door.
"Don't make me come back for him." Mike says, before looking at me. "Do you wanna come with us? Get your face looked at."
I turn toward Phil who nods slightly.
"Sure. Thank you." I say.
I kiss Phil's cheek before following out Mike and the bodyguard guy. I walk to the elevator and Mike looks at me.
"Were you guys really drugged?"
I nod. "The guy you punched put roofies in our drinks last night. We don't remember a thing." I sigh.
"Good thing I punched him then. Are you really married to the loud mouth in there?" He asks, stepping into the elevator.
I nod. "Unfortunately."
Phil's POV
I watch my wife walk out the door with Mike Tyson. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.
"That was Mike Tyson!" Stu whispers.
"Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson." I whisper.
"I'm just saying, he's still got it." Stu shrugs.
We hear groaning behind us. We jump and run over to Alan as he rolls over.
"Bud are you okay?" I ask, pats his cheek lightly.
"Fuck, where'd he get him?" Stu asks.
Alan finally gets up and we start talking about how to get the tiger out of the bathroom. We order a raw steak from the kitchen downstairs and we play a round of rock, paper scissors to see who would have to give it to the tiger. Stu lost so Alan starts putting the roofies in the steak.
"This does not seem fair." Stu says.
"It's rock, paper, scissors. There's nothing more fair." I say, sitting on a backward chair.
"Alan should do it." Stu glances at me.
"Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson." I say, shaking my head. "Come on. For Doug."
Alan starts peppering the steak and I don't even question it, but Stu does.
"Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper."
"Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon." Alan says, as if it was obvious.
"Phil, just do it." Stu says. "You should do it."
"I would...but you lost." I say, looking at him.
Alan holds up the steak to Stu.
"Okay, I jammed five roofies in there." Alan says. "Just go in there and throw it to him."
"Fine." Stu sighs and takes the steak.
"Make sure he eats the whole thing." I say, glancing up.
Stu sighs and walks to the bathroom. He slowly opens the door and steps inside. We wait a few minutes when the tiger roars and Stu screams. I bite my lip and he runs back out. He lets out a huge breath before speaking.
"What do we do now?"
"We wait." Alan nods.
Stu goes over to the piano and sits down. I sit down on a comfy chair and start playing with my wedding ring. I stare off into space thinking about Emily. I hope she's okay. She's with Mike so I know she's safe but until I see her with my own two eyes, I won't be so sure. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Stu playing the piano.
"What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head. We're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed, then we're gonna get our best friend Emily and we're gonna find our best friend Doug and we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, Doug Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug Doug…" Stu sings. "But if he's been murdered by crystal-meth tweakers..." We hear the tiger groan and fall. "Well, then we're shit out of luck."
We hurry up and get the tiger and put him on a luggage cart that Alan grabbed. We have a little mis-hap of his nose falling down but we quickly get him in the backseat of the Mercedes. I get behind the wheel with Stu in the middle and Alan on the other end. I start driving toward Mike's house and it's quiet for a while.
"Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's Comet?" Alan asks.
"Who cares, man?" I roll my eyes.
I just want to get Emily and find Doug, and go home.
"Do you know, Stu?" Alan asks, turning toward him.
"I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something." Stu says, softly.
"But it's not tonight, right?" Alan asks, innocently.
"No, I don't think so." Stu shakes his head.
"But you don't know for sure?"
"No." Stu stares forward.
"I got this cousin who saw one. He said it blew his mind. I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's Comet. So if you guys know if there's gonna be one…"
A groan happens behind us and I glance back.
"Oh, fuck!"
The tiger wakes up and he roars. Everything happens so fast.
I swerve around and hit two different cars before pulling over. We all quickly get out and jump back as he breaks the window. I feel a pain in my neck and I feel it before freaking out.
"Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!" I yell.
"You got clawed! You're bleeding!" Stu yells.
We eventually calmed down and decided to push the car to Mike's. Stu and I are pushing from behind while Alan is holding onto the steering wheel, keeping the car straight. After a while, the tiger makes a noise and Alan lets the wheel go.
"I can't do it!" He says, loudly.
"Get your fucking hand back in there and steer the car!" I snap.
We're so close to his house, so close to Emily!
"I'm too nervous." He whines.
"Alan! We need you, buddy. This is your time to shine." Stu says, softly to calm him down.
"That's it! Good." I say.
"Keep it straight." Stu says.
We push for a while and finally make it to Mike's house. We leave the car in front while I run up to the door and knock. The bodyguard from before opens the door.
"You're late." He says.
"Whatever man. We had to push it the last mile." I roll my eyes, under the sunglasses.
"Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you."
We all talk in and I look back at the tiger in the car before looking at the man.
"That thing's out of control, man. Seriously. You gotta put it down." I point toward him.
I look around the house quickly before looking for Emily. I hear footsteps running toward us.
