There was an uproarious cheer accompanied by the stomping of hooves upon dirt as Rooker gave a fiery speech. He strode from one side of the wooden stage to the other as he orated his plans for the future of Equestria. He accentuated his words with excited gestures, sweeping his arms around and swinging his hands wildly to punctuate important statements. With every stomp of his boot and flailing of his limbs the cheers grew louder and they attracted more and more attention.
Before long the entirety of Fillytown was attending his speech and cheering his name. Well, they were cheering what they thought was his name. It was really his own fault for telling so many reporters to call him Dovahkiin. Still though, being called Dragonborn was badass and he didn't mind too much, so long as they listened to his words. And listen to his words they most certainly did, he was almost afraid he'd fired them up a little too much. The last thing he wanted was to incite violence, not to mention he'd promised Twilight not to threaten the princesses anymore.
"It is the imperative of all sons and daughters of Equestria to demand the tyrants in Canterlot step down! Demand the power be shifted from the wealthy elite and distributed evenly among the citizens of this great nation! Allow those citizens to elect their own ruler, one chosen by the ponies and working for the betterment of all Equestria! If Celestia wishes to go against the will of the public, then we shall simply remove ourselves from the corrupt system she runs! Proclaim our own nation, free of tyranny and despotism, ruled by the ponies for the ponies!"
Rooker stomped his heel and stood at attention as he faced the roaring crowd, a broad smile across his face. "Give me liberty or give me death!"
The booming applause, or at least the pony ground-pounding equivalent of applause, continued for nearly a full minute after his speech had ended. He held his position for the entire ovation, left arm held behind his back and right fist clenched tightly and held in the air. Finally, the cheering and stomping died down and he relaxed his stance with both hands clasped behind his back as he addressed his supporters.
"Or at least minor inconvenience, no need for anyone to get hurt over this!"
With that final statement the rally was finished, and a brief bout of stomping resumed as the human walked off the stage. Not two seconds after his boot touched the dirt he swarmed by an enamored crowd of ponies of all colors and types. Unicorns and earth ponies clamored around his legs while pegasi flocked around his upper body and the air surrounding him. It was quite the experience, a mixture of confusion, joy, and dread swimming through his veins as he was mobbed by the cute little horses.
"Now, now, let's give the president some space!" A high-pitched voice cried out as a pegasus pushed their way through the grounded crowd. "Yes, yes, you're all excited to speak with him but he has important business to attend to!"
Rooker made eye contact with the pegasus and after catching her wink he quickly caught on to her ruse. "Yes, as much as I'd love to speak to each and every one of you, I have a meeting with my head of security!"
The crowd slowly broke and backed away sadly, but only enough for him to feel his limbs once more. His navy-blue savior cleared her throat and nodded towards a nearby house. "Mr. President, if you please."
"Of course, captain." Rooker said with a wink and a nod as he marched forwards, the crowd splitting to allow him passage.
His new best friend flew ahead and opened the door for him, slipping inside after he did and slamming the door shut. Laughing excitedly, she hovered in front of him and pushed her hoof into his chest. "You owe me big time!"
"Oh?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and his hands on his hips . "And why's that?"
"Because I just saved your flank from being smothered by those nutjobs outside." She explained dropping to the floor. Running a hoof through her messy black mane she flicked the ashy tips and shot him a smirk. "I think a thank you is in order, don't you?"
"Mayhaps." He said smiling down at her. "Thank you, mysterious pegasus chick."
"Captain Evergreen Silverstream." She corrected confidently.
"Captain?" He asked with a hearty laugh. "I've heard quite a few humorous names here in Equestria but that one takes the cake."
She giggled for a moment before hopping back into the air and hovering in front of his face. "I think you know exactly what I meant."
"If you mean trying to extort a job out of me, you'd be correct." He poked a finger into her chest with a smirk. "But I hope that's not the case."
"Well, you are the one who offered me the job." She smirked back and booped his nose with a hoof.
"Oh? When was that?"
"Just the other minute. I do believe you called me captain, did you not?"
The American chuckled and dropped his finger. "Alright, maybe I did."
"Is that a yes?" A glimmer of joy flashed in her blue eyes as she pushed her hoof harder against his face.
He took a few moments to think despite already making up his mind, his hesitation causing his new head of security to deflate slightly. With a shrug he finally gave his answer. "Eh, why not? I'll need one sooner or later."
"Woohoo!" She cheered excitedly, her high-pitched voice constantly teetering between adorable and annoying. "Take that Celestia! Take that Shining Armor!"
"Shining Armor?" Rooker asked rubbing his nose once her hoof had pulled away to start pumping in the air.
"Shining Armor, he's captain of the royal guard in Canterlot." She scoffed, her excitement immediately dying. "Said I wasn't "royal guard" material."
"Well, he can go suck a dick." Rooker proclaimed reinvigorating the young pegasus' excitement.
Doing a quick flip in the air she whooped and dropped to the floor. "Yeah, go suck a dick Shining Armor!"
The pair laughed for a few seconds before the human suddenly stopped and cleared his throat. "But seriously though, why weren't you accepted?"
"Meh, I'm only seventeen." She shrugged. "Gotta be an adult," She made air quotes with her hooves. "in order to serve in the royal guard."
"How old is an adult," He mimicked her air quotes with his fists and a smirk. "in Equestria?"
"Eighteen, twenty-one before you can legally drink." She smiled slyly. "Not that anypony ever follows that rule."
"This place really is just Earth with ponies." Rooker chuckled and shook his head. "Well, Evergreen, judging from that smile and tone of voice methinks you have alcohol in this house?"
"Heck if I know, this isn't my house." She said with a laugh.
"Huh, is that so?" He awkwardly looked around the room until he spotted the kitchen doorway. "I say we go raid the fridge, bound to be something good in there."
"Isn't that illegal?" She asked following behind him as they made their way across the room.
"Much like smoking weed, raiding the fridge is only illegal if you get caught."
"Why would you smoke weeds?" Her words caused the human to immediately halt and turn to face down at her. "Is that something you do where you're from?"
"Equestria doesn't have Mary Jane?" He asked with wide eyes.
"Uh… maybe?" She shrugged. "I'm sure there's somepony somewhere with that name."
"No, not a person." He waved his hand. "I mean marijuana!" She tilted her head in confusion. "Cannabis?"
"Never heard of it, sorry." She shrugged again and walked past him into the kitchen.
"No internet, no weed… I might need to rethink my plans to stay in Equestria…" He mumbled to himself as he walked up behind the pegasus as she opened the fridge.
"Jackpot!" She exclaimed pulling out a glass bottle of Pear Family brand hard pear cider.
"Pear cider, eh?" He asked grabbing himself an identical bottle. Grabbing the cap, he effortlessly twisted it off and clinked it against Evergreen's. "Bottoms up!"
"No fair, I can't just pull the cap off of mine." She complained with a pout as she watched him down half the bottle in record pace.
His lips made a loud smack as they parted from the bottle, a pleased smile on his face. "Not bad, it's got nothing on Apple Family cider, though." His blue companion cleared her throat and clinked her bottle against the fridge. "Oh, right, my bad give me a second."
She handed over the bottle eagerly and watched as he quickly twisted the cap off. "Thanks, I really didn't want to look for a bottle opener."
"No hay problema mi amiga." He said handing the bottle back.
A look of confusion crossed her face as she took a quick swig from the bottle. Once the bottle left her muzzle she spoke up. "What in Celestia's name did you just say?"
He waited for her to take another drink before replying with a smirk. "I said there's a bug in the cider."
She immediately spat out the cider and began coughing on the remnants of the drink as she began sputtering out nonsense. Her panic slowly subsided when she heard Rooker cackling loudly and she shot him a glare as she wiped her mouth. "Very funny."
"Come on, that was hilarious!" Rooker shouted before finishing off the last of his cider. "Admit it, I got you pretty good there."
Evergreen took several gulps of cider before letting a smile purse her lips. "Yeah, alright, you got me."
As Rooker reached for another bottle in the fridge there was a loud knock on the front door. With a shrug he gestured to the doorway and exited the kitchen with a fresh bottle in hand. Twisting the cap off he flung the door open and stared down at the line of ponies outside the house.
"Terribly sorry to interrupt your important meeting, Dovahkiin…" The yellow stallion before him said with a bow of his head. "It's just… this is my house and I would be ever so grateful if you were to grant me access to the facilities within?"
The American took a long gulp from the bottle before tipping the neck towards the pony with a raised eyebrow. "The facilities?"
The stallion blushed and shrunk back. "Can I use the bathroom?"
"Dude, it's your house." Rooker stepped aside and allowed the pony to run inside. He watched the stallion run around a corner before turning back to the crowd outside. The smiling faces and excited whispering all around him wormed deep into his mind. "I hope this all doesn't go to my head."
Rooker tossed and turned in his woefully undersized bed unable to find a position he deemed comfortable enough to fall asleep in. Missing a night's sleep wouldn't be anything new to the human, he was quite used to it before and after he landed in Equestria, but he had spent the entire night prior travelling and was utterly exhausted. Unfortunately, it seemed he was not exhausted enough to completely pass out like he had so many times before in life.
Often, he'd find a position where he could fall limp for long enough to get a few winks of sleep before a cramp or kink forced him to move. It was quite annoying, even if he was ending up with several combined hours of sleep. His plight soon came to an end as a bright and annoying shimmer of light breached the crack in his blinds and landed directly on his eyes. Groaning in annoyance he shot up in bed and threw the covers to the side as he reluctantly began the day.
A shave, shower, and brushing of teeth in no particular order later and he was fully awake to take on the day. Wanting to make a good impression on his new fans he decided to dress fancy for the day, so he pulled on his finest pair of t-shirt and jeans he had. They looked identical to the ones he'd been wearing the day prior, as a matter of fact all the clothes he owned looked identical. He'd be sure to rectify that when he returned to Ponyville.
Strapping on his belt and hip holster, just one since he left all his other weapons buried in a shallow grave just inside the Everfree forest, he slid his trusty 1911 into place and was officially ready. No sooner than when he had tied his boots there was a loud knock at the door followed by the door being swung open a moment later. His time living in Equestria had taught him that very few, if any, ponies held any ill intent, so he wasn't too worried about his intruder.
"Howdy stranger, what can I do ya for?" Rooker asked standing up from his bed and turning towards the door. Unsurprisingly, the intruder was none other than his head of security. "Ah, good morrow Captain Silverstream!"
"Mornin'." She said through a loud yawn as she looked around the small room. "Figured you'd set yourself up somewhere nice, not this dump."
"I have no need for lavish living quarters, a blanket and a pillow are really all I require." He replied grabbing the backpack leaning against the wall in front of him.
"I just figshurged jew'd pert urhalves up sumearhnine." She mumbled through another yawn.
The human raised an eyebrow as he pulled his backpack on. "Say again, captain?"
"I said, I just figured you'd put your hooves up somewhere nice." She repeated.
"Ah, yes, well as I just said I have no need for lavish things." He shrugged. "I'm a simple man."
"So, Dovahkiin, what's on today's agenda." She flapped her wings and hovered in the air excitedly. "Rally the troops to march on Canterlot? Ooh, ooh! Better yet, we march from town to town conquering and converting them to our cause!"
"Er, no. None of that." Rooker sighed and gestured for her to land. "I don't want to incite a rebellion or revolution. I just want to convince princess Celestia to step down voluntarily."
"Boo!" Evergreen jeered. "That'll take forever, if it ever happens in the first place. We need to act before she catches word of our cause!"
"She… already knows all about this." He chuckled and shook his head. "She was actually one of the first ponies to learn about it."
"What!?" The blue pegasus exclaimed launching into the air once more.
"Yeah, I had a nice little conversation with the princess a few weeks ago. Talked politics, had the bants, you know how it goes." He shrugged. "She held a vote in Ponyville, and I lost."
"Well, obviously she just rigged the vote! Or-or she mind controlled the ponies!" The pegasus cried out bringing a strange sense of déjà vu to Rooker.
"I was just like you when it happened, but I've… come to terms with the vote." He sighed and walked over to the window, peeking out of the blinds at the small village outside. "If the citizens of Ponyville want to keep the monarchy, I can't force their hands, er, hooves."
"Well, whatever, that's just one little backwater!" She flew over alongside him. "There's plenty of cities in Equestria!"
He laughed heartily and turned to face his companion. "That, my little pony, is precisely why I've come to Fillytown! This is but the first stop on my first campaign tour of Equestria!"
"Sweet, so now that you've got Fillytown on lock we can move on and-!"
"Ap, ap, ap!" Rooker pressed a finger against her lips to silence her. "I'm nowhere near finished up in this town."
"But everypony agrees with you!" She slapped his hand away. "They want change and that's all that matters!"
"Unfortunately, it's not." He put an arm around the pegasus and led her over to the bed. "Sit down for a moment and let me tell you a story."
"Storytime?" She asked with an eager crack of her voice. "Ooh, I love stories!"
"As do I, they can easily convey lessons and are quite enjoyable if told correctly." He laughed and sat down besides his friend. "Now, this story is called… Hm, let's go with, the French Revolution."
"That sounds exciting, you have my full attention."
"Good, because this requires as much for you to understand." He cleared his throat and took a few seconds to decide where to start. Evergreen, for her part, stared with rapt attention and an eager smile, unaware of the horrors which awaited her deeper within the tale. "This is a true story, and its beginning takes us all the way back to the year 1789…"
For the next four hours the patriotic American hero relayed the tale of the French Revolution, from the Enlightenment all the way to the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte. He spoke with precision and left out no shortage of gory details regarding the reign of terror, his head of security both appalled and intrigued with every detail. Of course, as every good storyteller does, he left his tale on a cliffhanger.
"Wait, that's it? That's how it ends!?" She cried flying off the bed. "What about Napoleon? What about the coalition? What happens next!?"
"That, my friend, is a story for another time." Rooker said with a low chuckle as he stood up and stretched his arms. "For now, however, we must get to work."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Violence will only lead to more violence and yada yada…"
"Precisely! Now, let us go out there and teach our friends that violence is not the only option!"
The patriotic, inspiring, moderately handsome American marched out of his hotel room with his equally as patriotic, extremely less inspiring, and moderately attractive head of security behind him. They marched, or flew in the case of the pegasus, straight to the center of town where his presidential speaking stage was still standing. As if on cue, as soon as his boot touched the stage a flock of ponies swarmed around the stage and began cheering his name.
"Citizens of Equestria, hear me and heed my words!" Rooker announced, silencing the crowd immediately. "Before we can spread our message and freedoms outwards, we must first focus inwards and perfect our laws and customs!"
The crowd murmured amongst themselves as he paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts and taking a deep breath for the spiel to come.
"The documents I have written are but a portent of things to come! They are a good start, but they are by no means perfect!" He strode across the stage confidently while sweeping his arm out towards the crowd. "When I look before me, I see the future. A future where everyone, be it pony, dragon, cow, griffon, draconequus, or any other sentient being I've failed to name, is equal in all measures.
"A future where every filly and colt can grow up freely and peacefully, free from strife and conflict! That future can only come if we wait, bide our time and perfect our new nation to the degree that we won't need to create it! Rather than break away from Equestria, we convince Equestria to adopt our policies and prevent a rift from forming in the first place! We cannot do this if we take the fight to Canterlot, in fact we cannot do this if we fight at all!
"We cannot, no, we will not fight! We will be more peaceful than Equestria itself has been for the past thousand years! Rather than killing our political rivals and opponents with swords and arrows, we will kill them with kindness! Open our hearts, not our armories, and through this inaction in taking action we will sway them to our side! Without hostilities we shall conquer Equestria, and indeed all of… whatever this planet is called!
"The future of Equestria starts with us, and if we don't plan carefully and instead rush to action it will end with us as well! And I will not let our pride and arrogance ruin the future of this great nation for the next generation! I am the spearhead of this movement, I am the president of the Equestrian Republic, and I will be the one to take the blame if our noble pursuit ends in failure! But fear not, for even if this movement falters, another will surely rise and take its place!
"I know you all want the best for your fellow countrymen and women, and so do I! It is this love for our country and our friends that must drive us forward! In peace and harmony, we will carry our message to the capital, not in hatred and war!"
He stomped his boot and stood at attention as the crowd exploded into ground-pounding applause and cheering, his final statement barely heard over the yelling. "Give me liberty or give me friendship!"
"Remove that bit about fire and fury." Rooker slid the paper on his desk back across to the earth pony that placed it there. The next pony in line stepped up and he smiled graciously at the stallion. "Ah, Mayor Breadcrumbs, did you finish that bill?"
"Sure did, sir, I figured you'd like to take a look at it before the vote tomorrow!" The orange pegasus said eagerly, placing a collection of papers held together with a paperclip onto the desk.
"Of course, just give me a moment here…" The president said picking up the papers and quickly skimming through them. After a minute he placed the papers back onto the desk and pushed them forwards. "Go ahead and scrap that entire second page, we don't need to specify every possible coat color. Every pony is eligible for all offices, regardless of color or denomination."
"O-Oh, of course!" Breadcrumbs said quickly grabbing the papers with his mouth and nodding his head before taking off.
"Dovahkiin, sir, we've got a situation down at Graymane's bakery." An older pink pegasus said stepping up to the desk. "It's quite urgent and we need your help!"
"What seems to be the issue?" Rooker asked folding his hands together atop his desk.
"Junker said he saw a ferocious, fire-breathing dragon stalking its way towards Fillytown!" The elderly mare said looking around the crowded oval office nervously.
"A dragon?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, turning his head slightly to look at Evergreen who was standing next to the desk.
"Did she just say dragon!?"
"There's a dragon attacking!?"
"Dragon!? Where!?"
Before Rooker could even attempt to keep a lid on the situation the entire room erupted into chaos with ponies galloping around in a frenzy. Papers and documents went flying as all sense of order collapsed in a matter of seconds. Pushing and shoving became commonplace as the overcrowded room attempted to evacuate all at once.
The American heaved a heavy sigh and stood up from the desk. "Cat's out of the bag, let's just take care of this before a riot starts."
"Right there with you, chief." Evergreen said pulling open a drawer and grabbing his holster with her mouth. "Hurr ya goo."
He retrieved his weapon from a drawer on the opposite side of the desk before taking the holster and turning towards the panicked room. "Calm down, everybody, Captain Silverstream and I will handle it!"
"There's no use, dude, they'll panic over anything. I've seen some of these ponies almost kill each other over spilled milk." She laughed for a moment before stopping. "I'm serious, by the way, everypony this town is crazy."
"Oh, I believe you. Wars have been fought over less back on Earth." He sighed and strapped on his piece before walking into the pony inferno. "Let's get this over with before someone actually gets hurt."
The pair walked over to the nearby window and Rooker slid it open as the other ponies in the room continued fighting over the doorway. They effortlessly slipped outside and he slid the window closed behind them before setting off towards Graymane's bakery.
"You really think there's a dragon attacking?" Evergreen asked flying upside down alongside her brave and patriotic president. "Junker's a total nutjob, he probably just saw an iguana or something."
"Even if that turns out to be the case it's better to be safe than sorry." He responded. "Besides, I'm Dovahkiin! I can't just turn down the opportunity to slay another scaly!"
"Didn't you tell me the other day that your name isn't actually Dovahkiin and that you completely lied about all that dragonborn nonsense?" She asked raising an eyebrow skeptically.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean everyone else knows." He scoffed. "Appearances are everything Evergreen."
"A great lesson for the youth of Equestria, I'll be sure to write that down so we can put it in the history books."
"Shut up, you know exactly what I meant. Besides, I actually did kill a dragon and that's something only a dragonborn can do…" He coughed into his fist as he finished his sentence. "In Skyrim anyway."
"Well, whatever, Graymane's bakery is right up there." She pointed a hoof ahead. "But it doesn't look like we'll be needing to go in."
A trio of ponies, two pegasi and a unicorn, noticed the approaching president and his security and rushed forwards to meet them. The three of them began shouting and pleading over one another making it impossible to understand a word they were saying. The only words discernable were the obvious ones, "dragon", "over there", and of course, "help".
"Calm down, boys, Captain Silverstream and I will take care of the big scary dragon." Rooker said finally silencing the ponies.
"Oh, thank you, thank you!" The unicorn said leaning downward and kissing his dirty boot.
The two pegasi soon joined in on the kissing of his lower extremities and the human they belonged to looked over at the only pony not groveling at his feet. Evergreen shrugged and shook her head as she spoke. "Like I said, this town is crazy."
"Right… well," Rooker cleared his throat to stop the ponies slobbering over his boots. "where exactly did you see this dragon?"
"On the road leading to Canterlot!" The unicorn shrieked jumping up and pointing a hoof behind himself. "He was just walking towards town, menacingly!"
"How tall was it?"
"At least two feet!" The unicorn lifted his hoof high into the air as if that was an accurate measurement of two feet.
"Two feet?" Rooker asked incredulously. "Seriously? That's it?" The unicorn nodded fervently and the human sighed. "That's just a baby, dude." Rooker paused for a moment before continuing. "Wait a second, a baby dragon…? What color was it?"
"It was purple, with HUGE green frills all along its back and tail!"
"Oh, for fucks sake!" Rooker groaned running a hand down his face. "Don't worry, this won't take too long to clear up. Come along, Greenie."
"Yeah, no, that name isn't gonna work." Evergreen said flying along behind him as he left the three panicked ponies to their befuddlement. "Anyway, you seem pretty confident about this dragon."
"That's because I know this dragon, he's probably one of my best friends in Equestria." He explained with a fond smile. "Little dude's pretty awesome, definitely not worth starting a riot over."
"Okay, gonna need a little more info than that."
"He's the personal scribe of Twilight Sparkle, that unicorn chick I told you about who's Princess Celestia's tongue bather or whatever." Rooker said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "She's pretty chill too, but Spike's a real G."
The pair crested a hill at the end of town and spotted the ferocious dragon invader slowly waddling his way down the path. The human and drake noticed each other at the same time, and both waved before picking up their speed and meeting halfway.
"Rooker, what are you doing here?" Spike asked raising his fist for Rooker to bump.
"I was about to ask you the same thing." Rooker answered bumping his fist against Spike's. "I thought you were in Canterlot on royal business for Twinkle."
"Well I was, but that storm I barely missed messed up Ponyville pretty bad from what I heard, bad enough for them to close the train station anyway." The dragon shrugged and jutted a thumb over his shoulder. "Had to catch a train to the next nearest town with a station and walk the rest of the way."
"Couldn't you have just stayed in Canterlot for a few extra days until the station was fixed?" Rooker asked causing his little buddy to freeze.
After a few seconds he groaned and ran a claw down his face. "Ugh, thanks a lot for not saying anything Princess Celestia."
"Hey, it's whatever, if you had we wouldn't've run into each other." Rooker said turning to the side and gesturing for him to follow. "C'mon, the bakery in Fillytown has some bomb-ass cupcakes."
"Sweet!" Spike cheered quickly skittering up beside the human as they walked. He looked up and was surprised to see a blue pegasus flying above him. "Uh, were you planning on introducing me to your friend?"
"Oh, pardon my manners! Spike, this is Captain Evergreen Silverstream, head of my security detail." Rooker explained prompting Evergreen to drop a hoof lazily.
"Sup, I've heard nothing but good things about you."
"Heya, I'm Spike." Spike responded pounding his fist against the bottom of her hoof.
"Evergreen." She said spinning in the air so she was right-side up. "Hey, is that Junker galloping towards us?"
Rooker turned his head and sure enough the orange unicorn he had dismissed earlier was sprinting like a bat of hell in their direction. Raised above his head with magic was a copper short sword and judging by the fire in his eyes he was quite intent on using it. As he grew closer, he let out a piercing, high-pitched, girly war cry meant to intimidate the dragon. Rooker, Evergreen, and Spike came to a halt as they stared in confusion at the charging pony.
"Junker, you alright buddy?" Rooker called out.
"Stand back, Mr. President!" Junker cried back, his lungs on the verge of collapsing. "I've got this!"
The American quickly glanced between the small dragon besides him and the charging pony in front of him before catching on. By now it was too late to try and stop the charge and he wouldn't have time to warn Spike verbally so he did the only thing he could. He lightly but forcefully kicked the drake out of harm's way right as the sword came swinging downwards and collided with the dirt.
Drawing his pistol Rooker gave the dangerous pony a good thwack on the back of his head as he stumbled forwards after missing his swing. Junker groaned in pain before immediately losing his footing and grinding to a halt into the dirt road. Sliding his weapon back into its holster Rooker quickly picked up the sword after the magic aura around it dissipated and it clattered to the ground.
"Washington's sake, man, you almost killed him!" Rooker yelled looking over at the face-planted Spike in the grass to the side of the road. "You good Spike?"
He muttered something that was muffled by the grass but held a thumb up nonetheless.
"Evergreen, take our friend here to the jailhouse, would ya?" Rooker said stabbing the sword into the dirt. "Before he hurts himself or someone else."
"Uh, we don't have one but… I'll just hand him off to Sheriff Birdhoof, I guess." She shrugged and landed next to the unconscious pony. "How exactly am I supposed… to…"
She trailed off when she looked up and saw both Spike and Rooker nowhere to be found, likely already inside the bakery somehow. She looked back down at the twitching unicorn and sighed before biting the tip of his tail and dragging him along.
"Wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight." Rooker said through a mouthful of delicious, but not quite Pinkie Pie level, cupcake. He held up a finger and chewed for a moment before swallowing his bite and continuing. "So, because I stopped that dillweed from slicing you in half with his little shortsword you're pledging your life to me?"
"Well, yeah, I have to!" Spike said before tossing his half-eaten cupcake into his mouth and downing it in one quick gulp. "It's part of my dragon code of honor!"
"Yes, yes, this little business card you gave me…" The human picked up the crudely written and drawn business card, a poor rendition of his favorite dragon etched next to a bunch of scribbled words. "But what about Twinkle? Wait, that just raises an even bigger question. Did she save your life too? Is that why you serve her so diligently?"
"Technically, she gave me life in the first place, so…" He trailed off for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and picking up another colorful cupcake.
"Hm, well, I suppose I don't have any objections. I really need a good scribe to write down all the genius that flows from my mouth." Rooker mused as he turned his partially eaten cupcake in his hand. "So, what about Twilight? Shouldn't you at least formally resign from your post or something?"
"Yeah, I should really head back to Ponyville and give her the bad news…" He sighed sadly and hung his head. He took a small bite from the cupcake and sighed again. "I hope it goes well but she'll probably be devastated…"
"Just send her a letter." The American suggested taking a bite from his own cupcake.
"Seriously? You think I should send her a letter instead of telling her in person?"
"Sure, I mean, you're able to do so easily, right?" Rooker said with a full mouth of cupcake. "Plus, Ponyville is the opposite direction of my campaign tour."
"It just feels… wrong." Spike stared at the table in front of him. "She's been my best friend and like a sister to me my whole life. To just run away with nothing but a letter to show for all the years we spent together is…"
"Hey, bro, I understand this is a pretty big deal for you. If you truly wish to tell her in person then I don't mind the detour."
"No, no, I don't want to make you go out of your way…" He sighed once more before suddenly perking up. "Oh! I know what to do!"
"Yeah?" Rooker asked raising an eyebrow as he took another bite of his cupcake.
"Instead of telling Twilight about the whole leaving forever and pledging my life to you thing, I'll just tell her Princess Celestia asked me to tag along with you." He smiled at his own idea and laughed giddily. "It's perfect! I can have a serious conversation with Twilight once we get back to Ponyville, and it won't be a complete lie!"
"Oh? How's that?"
"Well, the princess did actually task me with something involving you." He tossed his cupcake into the air and caught it in his mouth before chewing loudly. "She ashked me to ashk yew to shend hur a copy of your," He paused to swallow his cupcake. "constitution thingy. She wants to read it."
"Is that so?" Rooker asked with a pleased smile. "Well, I think that can be arranged."
"Wait a second, if I'm your personal scribe does that mean I should be writing down every word that comes out of your mouth?" Spike began patting himself down frantically. "I know I have a quill and paper around here somewhere!"
"No, no, I'll make sure you know when I want you to write something down." Rooker chuckled at his friend as he calmed down.
"What's so funny?"
"Oh, nothing, I just admire your dedication." He sighed, staring at his cupcake for a moment before locking eyes with the drake. "You know, Spike…"
"Yes?"
"I'm lucky to have run into you." Rooker smiled and Spike quickly returned the gesture. "I think this is the start to what will end up being one hell of an adventure!"
