The last sentence hit home. He looked up at her, shocked at her words. Stunned into the realization she might be right. He had tied himself in knots as penance, never thinking he could change what happened by changing one of the other variables in the chain of events. Something he had no part in. He suddenly went weak with it and fell to his knees. Yes, he thought. Yes, it's possible.
The whole of the war is time locked and can't be altered. But the smallest breeze can turn into a hurricane. There may be a way.
Chapter 14 Forgive Me
Rose reached for him as he fell, afraid she had gone too far. He was in a kind of trance. He couldn't, or wouldn't, see or hear her. She tried to reach his mind, but it was completely blocked. He was catatonic. All she could do was to stay by his side and hope he came out of it.
She moved him to the grass under the shade of a tree and laid his head on her lap, stroking his hair, putting a cool cloth on his forehead and trying to reach him in the darkness of his mind, but couldn't. His eyes staring into nowhere. It was late afternoon when he finally came out of it. He looked up at her as if he'd been away for a long time.
"Rose?"
"Yes husband?" She said gently."
"Where are we?"
"We're still at the pond. Do you remember what happened? Are you all right?" He smiled, "Yes," he said, almost to himself. "I remember everything. Everything." He was still in a fog, but at least he was awake. She said gently, "We should get back home. It will be dark soon. Do you think you can stand?" Rose wanted him in his bed to rest. He had taken quite a shock and he needed to recover his senses.
He focused on her face. "Yes, of course I can stand, what's the matter with you?" He answered in quite a normal tone.
She smiled at his attitude and gave it right back. "Then let's go. I'm tired and hungry and I need a cup of tea."
She stood and offered him her hand. He stood and began to walk towards the house. He wasn't staggering, but he still seemed in a fog. They said nothing, in a world of his own all the way home. When they got there she took him to the bedroom and laid him down. He obeyed her as if he were a very tired child.
When she had him settled, she went to the kitchen and made tea for them both. The plate of blueberry muffins on the table almost made her cry. This is my fault. I pushed him too far. I made him remember. She put the tea and muffins on a tray to carry it upstairs. As she passed the Tardis she leaned against the door frame for comfort. "I'm afraid for him." She whispered. The Tardis gurgled back reassuringly.
Rose continued up the stairs to find him with his eyes open and on his back. She undressed him, tucked him into bed and sat in the chair ready to help if he moved. When it got late and he still hadn't moved, she got into bed, gently kissing his temple and tried to sleep, hoping tomorrow he would be better.
When the morning came she awoke to find him gone. He had dressed, snatched a couple of the muffins and left without a sound. At least he's conscious again, she thought. Where would he go? To the village, the meadow, the pond? Our rock where the Tardis first landed. Yes, I'll bet he's there.
She dressed quickly and went out after him. He was there. Sitting with his back to the sun looking out over the lake. He had to have seen her coming. Rose approached him slowly, afraid he might actually walk away. But he sat there with no emotion on his face. No sign of greeting or welcome. His mind still closed to her thoughts.
As she got nearer he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them Rose was there in front of him. She didn't know what to say, or if he would even speak to her. She thought he must be very angry not to give her a hug and kiss as he did every morning. Rose decided to wait until he spoke first. Moments went by, he still didn't respond, deep in thought.
On the verge of tears she turned to go. He snatched her hand and turned her about so quickly she gasped. He held her tight in his arms.
"Rose, my Rose. Thank you for setting me free. I have struggled for 300 years to find the answer you gave me yesterday. You were right, about all of it. I've been such a selfish fool not to see it." "Nonsense," she replied. "You're the most generous person I've ever met. You think nothing of putting yourself in danger to help others. Whatever your motives are, it has saved lives and whole planets. I'll not allow it to be said any other way."
Her voice was strong, but she had tears in her eyes. "Rose." He said, still holding her close, "I'm sorry if I frightened you. It was a lot to take in and I had to absorb it properly." She pulled away from him. "Yes, I was frightened. I love you so much, but I went too far, I pushed too hard, and I hurt you. Please forgive me."
"Forgive?!" He pulled her to him and kissed her as if it would wipe away her tears until the end of time. "I hereby banish that word from our lives forever. You are always, immediately and completely, forgiven everything." He said it slowly, deliberately so she would believe him.
"And don't think I want you to stop asking questions." He leaned against the rock holding her hands. "Your questions have given me insights that I never would have had without them. Promise me to never be afraid to ask. Promise." Roses relief at his words was indescribable. She dried her tears, smiled and quietly said "I promise."
They returned to the house hand in hand. The conversation was mostly small talk and sweet glances all the way there. The mood between them was affectionate but brittle. Rose didn't want to rock the boat with anything controversial, even though she was dying to find out what he intended to do with his newfound insights. She hoped he didn't want to do something drastic, like leave the planet. She loved their new world, but would go with him, wherever he went, without question.
It turned out she needn't have worried. Over the next few weeks he busied himself with Tardis maintenance and a pile of books. The only thing was, he seemed to have lost interest in, well, let's just say the nights were getting colder, you could even say frigid.
Rose had gotten used to and enjoyed his open affections and innuendo. But it was like a switch had been turned off. She had even tried to seduce him on several occasions, but he always seemed to wriggle out of it.
As she became more obvious, she could swear he was making fun of her. Oh, there were lots of hugs and kisses, but they would quickly end before turning into passion. She began to wonder if he had some resentment he was holding on to, or if she had done something terribly wrong and he didn't want to say.
After more than a month she was going to draw the line. The weather had turned cold. Perfect for pillows, a blanket, and a fireside treat. The day had been rainy, and bleak. She asked him if he wouldn't mind lighting a fire. They had gathered quite a bit of wood in anticipation of the cold and stacked it next to the house.
The light of the fireplace gave the room a soft romantic glow. As he finished she came in with a blanket wrapped around her and a plate of cheese and cut fruit. "Would you like a treat?" she said innocently. She put the plate down on the table and dropped the blanket on the floor. She caught his eyes widen briefly with a spark of fire as he looked at her naked body.
She came close and said, "Well, that fire should warm you up." He stepped back and said plainly "It certainly will. Excuse me, I need to wash the logs from my hands."
