HEARTSTRINGS::Jitu/Ayushmann

Jitu still remembers that night as clear as last night and today he find himself laughing at that but in that moment it had hurt him a lot. He cannot believe he let his jealousy take over him like this, but that night Ayushmann coming to see him, clearing misunderstandings and staying with him till early morning and did not leave until Jitu was okay, they were okay. It should have been his first indication about his feelings but Jitu continued to live in denial until it was not possible for him to deny it anymore and look, where it has brought them today.

Shaking off all the thoughts Jitu prepares and leaves for the meeting with his investor. He really needs them on board and right now he can't afford any distractions.

Jitu is on his way when he checks his phone and finds messages from Ayushmann. Talk about distractions and here the are; Jitu almost resists from reading them but it only makes him think harder, sighing he opens the messages.

Itna formal kyun ho raha hai? Abhi bhi neend mein hai kya?' Jitu smiles at this, shaking his head. (Why are you being so formal? Still sleeping?)

'Not having fun at shooting today. :(' And the smile vanishes and worry takes over.

'Kya howa?' (What's wrong?)

Sab theek hai na?' Jitu waits for messages but gets no reply. 'Of course, he is shooting.' Jitu gets to the office and banishes all the other thoughts as he goes in for the meeting. (Is everything okay?)

The day at shoot is hectic and seems way longer than usual or maybe Ayushmann is just really tired, he doesn't know. Finally it's the end of his day, exhausted he quietly packs and leaves for home. On his way he checks his phone and finds messages from Jitu yet again, he can hear the worry tone from his messages itself and it makes him smile. He begins to type but suddenly his mind goes blank. What should he say? What can he say, that he is a complete mess since his visit, the he is still missing Jitu and that is not even the weird part.

'Kuch theek nahi hai... par samajh nahi araha ke kyun theek nahi hai.' His finger hovers over 'send' but he doesn't send it, deleting it he types again. 'Aisa tere saath bhi howa hai kabhi ke duniya chal rahi ho aur tum kahin aik dum se tham gaye? Mujhe lag raha hai main tham gaya hon raasta mein aur raasta chala jaa raha hai.' He re-reads his own message in shock not knowing why and how he just wrote that. Is that what he is feeling? But why? What changed? Without deleting he just closes the messages app and opens up camera app and the first picture he finds is of Jitu, peacefully sleeping this morning. Why does it feel like as if years has passed since this? He feels his eyes get moist again, heart feeling heavy no idea what the hell is going on. (Nothing is alright... but don't know why I am feeling like this.) (Does this happen to you too that you feel you are stuck while the world keeps moving around you? I feel as if I have come to a halt in a midway while the road keeps on moving.)

"Sahab?" The voice of his driver brings him back. (Sir?)

"Haan?" (Yes?)

"Hum ghar puhunch gaye hain." The confusion in the driver's voice makes Ayushmann looks around and they are in the parking lot. When did they reach, Ayushmann has no idea. Muttering a thanks, Ayushmann makes his way home. (We have arrived home.)

The meeting went well and Jitu leaves the office in better mood, informing the team in TVF as well about the outcome for their new project which feels a lot more relief. He is one more day here before he leaves for Kota to resume the shooting for Kota Factory. Going through his phone Jitu feels disappointed when he notices Ayushmann hasn't replied to his messages causing him to worry about the man more. 'Pata nahi kya baat hoyi hai? I hope ke woh theek ho.' Jitu debates over sending another message in the ends he doesn't send any message. (No idea what's wrong, I hope that he is alright.)

The moment Tahira sees Ayushmann she knows something is very wrong, it almost seems like Ayushmann is barely holding himself together, without saying anything she just wraps him in a long, warm hug. They stay like that for sometime before Ayushmann pulls away and goes to freshen up without saying anything. Touching her shoulder she can still feel traces of his warm tears. She looks into the direction where Ayushmann has gone while her finger feels those tears.

Ayushmann is awfully quiet during the dinner, more closed off, playing with his food more than he is eating. Spending most of her life with this man, Tahira knows him better than he knows himself.

"Khana itna bhi bura nahi bana hai ke khaya hi na jaye." Her failed attempt at joke causing his fake attempt to smile. (Food isn't as bad that its inedible.)

"Nahi, bas bhook nahi hai." He is not here. Physically he is, mentally Ayushmann is somewhere else. (No, I am just not hungry.)

"Jitu..." The way his hand freezes in midair, body going stiff he looks at her with wide eyes.

"Kya howa? Main toh pooch rahi hon, kaisa hai woh?" (What happened? I was just asking how he is.)

"Tumne aaj subah bhi poocha tha." (You asked me this morning.)

"Kya?" (What?)

"Jitu kaisa hai?" (You asked me how is Jitu?)

"Itne defensive kyun ho rahe ho? Haan toh phir pooch rahi hon, baat toh hoyi hogi din mein." (Why are you being defensive? I am just asking because you must've spoken to him during the day.)

"Nahi toh..." (No, I haven't...)

"Oh."

"I think I'm done." Before it could proceed any further, Ayushmann pushes away the food, getting up, he places a kiss on Tahira's forehead and walks away, leaving her on table irked.

Jitu feels restless as he keeps checking his phone every few minutes but nothing, no message or call from Ayushmann, so many times he types and deletes the messages.

'Tu theek hai na? I know shootings kaafi stressful ho sakti hain aur tumne proper rest bhi nahi kiya. Take some rest.' (You are alright? I know shootings can be stressful and you didn't had proper rest too. Take some rest.)

It's not even a minute when he gets a reply back. Finally.

'Sorry dara diya kya? Bas aaj din thora ajeeb sa tha. Maybe you are right, I need rest.' Jitu re-reads the message several time and something feels different, a miss. (Sorry if I scared you? It's just day was bit weird. Maybe you are right, I need rest.)

'Arre nahi aisa nahi hai. Chal, day is almost over. New day, new beginning, right? :)' (It's not like that.)

'Of course, Mr. Cliched Kumar. *salute emoji*' Jitu laughs at this.

'Esme kya cliched hai?' (What's so cliched about this?)

'Aacha woh bhi mujhe batana parega. Mr. Writer. *raised eyebrow emoji'. His grin keeps spreading, his fingers moving faster, typing away without thinking. (Oh so I have to explain that to you now?)

'Toh phir aur kya kahon? I was trying to make you feel better.' 'Shit,' he tries to do unsent but too late as Ayushmann has read it. (So what else to say? I was trying to make you feel better.)

'You always make me feel better.' This message makes Jitu's heart leap in happiness.

'Thank you. :)' Is the next message.

'Thank you, kis liye? I am always here for you.' Jitu types away and thinking whether he said too much, he doesn't get another reply so he assumes that maybe Ayushmann is gone to sleep or he is feeling better. Knowing that he is able to make Ayushmann feel better in bad days makes Jitu happy though his heart wishes that no sorrow comes Ayushmann's way. Jitu can be happy knowing that Ayushmann is happy in his life, that's all he wants. 'Liar,' a small part of his mind accuses him, knowing deep down the darkest secrets he harbours for the other man but he ignores that because he cannot risk what he was with Ayushmann at any cost.

His mood is lifting when he sees messages from Jitu, even just few messages exchanged between them and Ayushmann is already in a better mood, smiling. Wven though his mind is a mess, a loud noisy mess but Jitu managed to buffer it even if momentarily there is peace.

"I think it's time." Ayushmann was in mid typing the message when Tahira's voice breaks his thoughts.

"Hmm?" He looks at her in confusion.

"Hume baat karni chahiye." (We should talk now.)

"Kis baare mein?" (About what?)

"Tumhare baare mein, Jitu ke baare mein. Tum dono ke baare mein." The phone drops from his hand on his lap and Ayushmann looks at Tahira in shock. The empathise on 'Jitu' and 'Tum Dono' isn't lost on him. (About you. About Jitu. About the two of you.)