Thank you to everyone for the lovely and kind messages about my trip being cut short. Safety first I guess but I'm so glad you loved the last chapter. Some reviews really stood out so I'll be replying to them here:
Gowildcats: I had to. The white guy references were a must.
Shan36: I replied to you via PM.
LuvDisney2007: they are not a mob family. thought maybe I should write that idea in? haha. they are actually just a really private family, at least the grandfather is and he dictates the culture of privacy around the family who is involved in his company. We will find out more about his business and Kiran and Vishaal's father's business in Chapters 19-21. The secrets component is part of the south asian culture. certain topics are taboo and unpleasant truths aren't always talked about with ease, things are communicated in hushed tones and behind closed doors and Ana's reluctance to do anything will be at times so incredibly frustrating but it will make sense soon why she chooses to remain quiet.
Tammi: HI! loved your review and wanted to address it here. So what Ana meant about not having Rania tell Kiran anything was strictly in regards to the details of her relationship with Christian especially her girl talk session with Rania. So what Rania did wasn't at all with bad intention but just a casual remark and Ana was not at all offended by what she did. Everyone else in the family otherwise knows that they are together. Kiran and Vishaal's relationship with Ana before the rape and college will slowly come through in the future chapters. I will say though, that they do both feel a sense of ownership over Ana. In different ways of course. Kiran and Vishaal are in comparison to other cousins, more on the jealous side. Kiran is a little loose lipped and Ana controls the information she gives her because she knows how close she is with Vishaal. As far as the NDA's go, that is purely a power play thing. Nana doesn't want Ana to be at a disadvatage and intimidated by Christian. In regards to the argument that Vishaal and Ana had, it's definitely important... in terms of some realizations that Ana will have and future chapters will also show why the family never really picks up on Ana's discomfort with him.
Carol222: I'm rooting for Welch but Vishaal has tricks up his sleeve and he is a patient motherfucker. That's all i'm gonna say. Haha. That little girl is going to make an appearance here and there in the story and will yell many inapporpriate words.
Dammit. Now I wish I could post everything. But I have a lot of revisions to make and ideas for some new chapters that need to be written out. Sigh. I wish scientist could have work on sleep storage cells that I could plug into my veins and power through.
This is bit of filler chapter but I'd written it and wanted to share it with you all.
Chapter 13 – what's mine is yours and yours is mine.
Saturday, December 7th, 2019
CPOV
I walk into the great room and see Ana lost in thought looking down from the windows. She's looks adorable in polka dots, with her hair curly and cascading around her shoulders and back. As I get closer she's scanning the view in front of her and humming. I quietly put my arms around her waist, she gasps and jumps out of the embrace yelling "mother... creeper... you scared me" out of breath as she turns around. She looks so god damn beautiful with her cheeks flushed and her deep blue eyes. I can't help but laugh.
"Now is that how you greet your boyfriend after 4 days?"
Her eyes open wide. "Boyfriend? I'm sorry, I don't remember receiving your application and resume for the position. Just because you have an in with top management doesn't mean you can waltz in and start taking what you like Mr. Grey. That's not how we run things at Anastasia Rose Steele, Inc." she replies waving her finger at me with that whip smart sass I've been missing. "Please apply and we'll review your application and decide if you're a good fit. Should you meet the criteria, we'll keep you on a 3 month trial basis and then revisit this conversation for a more permanent arrangement." She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow.
My jaw is on the floor; her sass is always on point. "Miss Steele, you wound me." She giggles and skips to me throwing her arms around my neck, standing on her tiptoes with her beautiful blue eyes looking into mine. "Kiss me Mr. Grey" she in a low seductive whisper. I can't help but melt into her as I take out the last three days worth of longing out her mouth as small moans escape her. When I break the kiss she's in a daze, slowly opens her eyes and giggles looking into mine. "I missed you so much, Christian."
"I missed you more, Ana. Come let's have some dinner."
We walk to the kitchen and I work to get two glasses and a bottle of wine.
"Um... Christian, I'll just have some water. Please don't pour wine for me." Ana hesitates a little.
"Is everything okay? You don't like wine?" I ask and remembering how she never drank a sip of wine, no matter how many glasses she was offered.
"I'm just anti-alcohol for myself. Not into it." She stares at the marble pattern on the kitchen island.
"May I ask why?"
"The one time I had alcohol, my life turned upside down and I just can't seem to separate the two. Maybe when I grow a little older I'll feel different about it." She shrugs with a small smile.
"Is it okay if I have some? I won't if it makes you uncomfortable." I offer.
"Oh sure, please, I don't mind at all." She looks at me so innocently.
I finish pouring wine for myself; pass her a glass of sparkling water and go to sit next to her. I tuck a strand of her hair behind her hair and give her a small kiss.
"You want to play some of your music on the sound system?"
"Can I?" she asks with childlike wonder. I show her the dock and she heads over to connect her phone to the bluetooth. "I think we need some Britney up in this joint." I laugh and she ends up playing the Oboe Concerto version of Mozart's piece called 'I. Allegro Aperto'.
"A grand place in the sky deserves some music to match it." She muses.
"I didn't know you liked classical music." I ask surprised. "I listened to all kinds of music in recovery Christian, and then a few years ago I fell in love with this show called Mozart in the Jungle and they made classical music so fun and beautiful, that I had to create a playlist." Ana tells me. She's such a wonder. I'll never stop being surprised.
"Tell me how was San Francisco?" Even though, I know the answer to this mostly. I got security updates every time she left the house. Pictures of what she was wearing, the car she drove... places she visited. I feel a little guilty but I'm never going to take a chance on her safety.
"It was so good. I spent all my time with Nani and Aria and we sat in the sun and drank tea and ate oranges and gossiped about random things. Then I'd take her out every day for errands and ice-cream... just anything really. She's always homebound so I tend to kidnap her every now and then and we go on our joyrides." She giggles. " My cousin Rania will check on Nani and Nana every now and then but now she has her own family so it's less now. Kiran hasn't lived at home for years and when she does go home she's always out. Vishaal has his own apartment but even when he decides to stay at the family house sometimes, is such a shit and only cares about himself so the only time she does anything remotely fun outside of medical or office related trips, is when I'm around. That's why I'm the favorite." She smirks.
"You're everyone's favorite. That's really sweet of you to do." I smile at her.
"It's the least I can do, after everything she's taught me and done for me. I can never repay her." She tears up and I hug her and kiss her.
Mrs. Jones comes into the kitchen and Ana jumps again. It's comical.
"Is it scare the bejesus out of Ana day' because this is like the third time it happened." She laughs.
I introduce her to Mrs. Jones and they hit it off, I'm not surprised, Ana is just so effortless that way.
"How was your flight, everything was okay?" I ask.
"Christian it was more than okay, I mean, I flew back here in a private jet. Careful, I might become one of those high-maintenance tyrants all the tabloids are rambling on about." She giggles.
I chuckle, "Do your worst Miss. Steele."
She continues "but seriously thank you, it was so over the top and incredibly sweet of you to do." She puts her hand on my cheek and I lean in to kiss it. I see Gail smile at the exchange from the corner from my eye.
"Taylor was great company, he was in the army like my dad so we bonded on that. Plus he took tenor sax in high school, just like me. And god, his daughter is such a ray of sunshine. She'll be heartbreaker when she grows up. I can already tell. I can't wait to meet her, Taylor told me she'll visit soon." She beams and I realize I never knew much about Taylor personally outside of his army qualifications and the fact that he has a young 8 year old daughter Sophie and here Ana has managed to extract all this information within a 2 hour flight.
"You were in band? Nerd!" I tease.
"Hey, don't hate on band, it's one of my best memories of high school. People in band are so kind to each other, it was the safe space I had in high school." She smiles wistfully.
"Mrs. Jones, you were probably in theater right?" Ana asks her out of the blue.
Mrs. Jones, looks back and smiles, "Spot on, how did you figure?"
"Your voice! It's so soft and melodic. Plus you're beautiful, so you probably got all the leads and all the cute guys." She smiles and winks at Gail, making her laugh. I watch the exchange and it warms my heart, she sees the best in people.
"What do you think I was like in high school?" I ask her.
She looks at me and it's as if her eyes cut through and see my soul "I'm guessing you were the hot but broody teen. All the girls wanted to talk to you but you just wanted to break stuff in woodshop" She laughs teasingly. I'm floored. She sees right through my bullshit. I was known for being a brawler and it was a miracle I never landed in juvie. Yeah because you got 'tied up' with a certain someone, Grey. I quickly dismiss the thought from my head.
"Yeah all the girls definitely wanted me." I smirk.
Ana rolls her eyes. "Did you roll your eyes at me Miss. Steele?
"Yep, deal with it Grey." She laughs and I kiss her again.
A new song plays through the speakers and I can't tell really who it is so I ask "Is this Yo Yo Ma? It sounds like him."
"Yep, it's called "A lenda do cabolco" by Heiter Villa-Lobos and Yo Yo Ma. I probably butchered the Spanish, but I love this piece."
"It's beautiful Ana." Just like her. Every piece of music she plays, from every genre is wonderful because of her.
Gail has made my favorite, baked salmon with mashed potatoes and asparagus in hollandaise sauce. Ana loves it and eats it all up. After serving, Gail retires for the weekend while Ana and I talk endlessly about everything and anything. She's throws her head back and laughs every now and then and her voice echoes throughout the place and it warms my heart. She breathes life into this place.
"Baby, you want a tour of the place?" I ask, putting our dishes in the sink.
"Yes please, I meant to say this before but got distracted by this random guy trying to be my boyfriend... ANYWAY... your home is beautiful. Insanely huge, but beautiful" She laughs. I fucking love her.
I take her through the kitchen to the TV room, followed by the library, where she is in awe of the book collection I have, we make our way on and end up at my office. She smiles and tells me all her favorite things about each room. "What's upstairs?" She asks. I feel a sense of panic but quickly dismiss it. "It's just guest rooms, nothing special." Will I ever tell her about the playroom? Should I just dismantle it? I'm so conflicted.
We walk back through the kitchen towards the direction of the foyer back to the great room, where the piano is followed by the couches and fireplace.
"I didn't know you could play Christian. I feel so bad, I took over the weekend and never got to ask you anything or learn things about you." She says with sadness as we reach the piano.
"Baby, the best part about the weekend was that it was all about you. I just got be Christian, a guy who fell in love with you. It didn't matter who I was in real life or where I came from. It was just us and now we're here and we have all the time to get to know each other." We're now sitting on the bench and I raise the lid off of the piano. Ana grabs my arm and kisses my cheek.
"Play me something Mr. Grey." She asks sweetly, resting her chin on the end of my shoulder. "Only if you promise to sing while I play." I reply. She smiles. "I know the perfect song but... wait." She runs up to pick up her phone from near the audio console and quickly searches for something as she walks back. "I have the sheet music for it. Would that work?" I take a look at it but not before taking out my own phone to record this. She doesn't know I'm doing it but I want something of hers to listen to when I'm away or without her.
I read the sheet music quickly and realize it's just a few chords. I start to play. She watches my hands as I play.
They say love is in the air
So why can't I breathe in this repair
Let's say we trade heartbeats
what's mine is yours and yours is mine
For when you're here with me
I sleep so peacefully at night
Now heavy coats we wear
Snow clinging to your hair
Let's say we both believe
That maybe all we need is time
Then maybe truthfully
We will be perfectly aligned
Her voice travels and echoes through the room and it give life to everything.
I don't care what they say
I am already awake
My hands are shaking for you
For you
Let's say our lips will meet
We'll become lovers as I've seen
It can be black and white
or all the spectrums in between
She looks up at smiles at me sweetly as she sings.
I don't care what they say
I am already awake
My hands are shaking for you
For you.
I finish playing and she holds my hand looks up at me smiling. I lean into her and hold her gaze for a moment and kiss her.
"I love you, Ana."
"I love you, Christian." She replies with tears in her eyes.
"Can you play me your favorite piece?" Ana asks.
"I have so many but truth be told, I'm looking for a new favorite. Everything I played before I met you was so sad and now I am looking for something that describes how I feel now that you're in my life." I tell her. "Even if it's sad, I want to hear it." Ana puts her head on my shoulder.
I proceed to play Prelude in E-Minor by Frédéric Chopin. At one point Ana lift her head and runs her hand through my hair as I play and grazes her knuckles against my cheek. I lean in as she does it. It's small gestures like these that make my heart swell and fill me with so much emotion. When I finish, she has tears in her eyes and I kiss her again.
"We should totally go on tour together." Ana laughs, wiping her tears. "We'd sell out all the venues, it'll read 'Steele & Grey' on the Marquees near and far and the crowds will go wild for us." she giggles "Though, they'd just come to see your gorgeous face play and I'm okay with that, as long as those seats sell out." She's so playful I have to laugh.
"You just want to use me for my body Miss Steele? I'm hurt."
"If you're trying to shame me, it won't work. I'm shameless." She giggles. "Just how I like you Miss Steele." I kiss her again.
"Baby, let's take a bath." I offer and we make our way into my bedroom. When we walk in she laughs out loud "Oh god, you're room is like the size our kitchen and living room combined, which means your bathroom will probably be the size of a studio apartment." She giggles. We get to the bathroom and she laughs again "Yep, I was right... OH MY GOD... your walk-in closet... it's literally the size of my bedroom." I smile at her and shake my head. "Miss Steele, you're hilarious."
"I try, I try." She shrugs playfully. I start the water in the bath and walk back to her. I put my arm around her waist and kiss her like my life depends on it. She put her hands in my hair and pulls me in more; I push her back against the bathroom wall and lock her arms above her head and flush myself against her. She moans and arches her back raising her leg and locking it over me. I fucking love how to reacts to me. She needs me just as much as I need her. I break the kiss and look into her eyes and see the fire in them. "I missed you so fucking much, Ana."
"I need you Christian." She pants as she grinds herself into me desperate to find some friction. I grind into her again and she throws her head back and moans biting her lip as I lick and kiss her neck. I let her arms go and unwrap and peel her dress off of her. She's braless, just how I like it and wearing a black lace thong. I lean into her lips, cupping her neck and run my finger along her waist "I like these very much baby." and bite down on her bottom lip. She mewls and giggles "that tickles Mr. Grey."
I trail kisses down her neck to both her breasts, putting my arm around her waist and kiss her breasts as I bite and suck on them. She bucks off the wall and her moans loudly, "Christian, please..." I drop down to my knees and trail kisses along the band of her thong as she runs her hands in my hair. I look up at her and she's lost in the sensations. I slide down her thong and help her out of it and then make way to trail kisses up each thigh up to the Promised Land. I raise her one leg and put it over my shoulder as I kiss and suck her. "Oh fuck!" she gasps and now both of her hands are in my hair, she moves her hips in a rhythm and it reminds me of her dancing during the wedding. God she's perfect and so in tune with herself and what she needs. I continue my assault as I moan my appreciation into her pussy and I know she can feel it vibrate through her as she continues to call out my name. I can tell she's almost there so I insert on finger and she bucks out even more gasping "Oh god... yes!" I insert another and increase speed and within no time she screams and lets go, crying my name. I quickly stand and hold her up and she tries to recover and gather her footing with her legs all-weak like jelly while her body shivers slightly. I hold her face and kiss her. She looks up dreamily. "Welcome home, baby." I whisper. "Hmmm Mr. Grey, I could really get used to this."
We're sitting in the bathtub, relaxed and basking in the warmth of the water. I kiss her every now and then and flicks water bubbles.
"Tell me more about yourself, what are your hobbies?". Ana softy asks. "Oh and please don't say you enjoy various physical pursuits because when I read that quote in the article that Kate wrote I couldn't help but roll my eyes."
I laugh and kiss her temple. "Well, aside from getting my fill of you Miss Steele, let's see. I love soaring or gliding as some call it."
"What drew you to it?"
"I crave control and love a challenge and it presented both and reward is that when you soar at the right time, you can see the sun rise and Ana, it's the most beautiful thing. I've love to take you." I say. She looks back beaming. "I'd love to go, Christian." I pull her in for a kiss. I can't get enough.
"What else can you do?"
"I fly my helicopter." She immediately bolts up and looks back. "You have a helicopter?" she asks and quickly erupts into a fit of laughter, I can't help but laugh with her but she can't stop and ends up howling and she looks so young and beautiful... "I'm so sorry, I'm not laughing at you, it's just that I immediately thought of Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling 'TO THE CHOPPA!" and she continues to laugh like a child. I can't help but laugh too. "You and Elliot, are one and the same when it comes to that. Fucker, always calls it choppa or chopper to annoy the shit of me." I tell her.
"We tease you because we love you." She leans in close and kisses me and then sits with her back to me, her giggles subsiding. "Mr. Grey, you have expensive and dangerous hobbies I must say, but I think I really like that about you." I kiss her forehead and she takes a breath and hums a little tune.
"What about you, Miss Steele? What are your hobbies?"
"I like reading which I haven't been able to do much given this wedding business. I like a lot of solitary activities. I mean don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with Kate and friends in general but I like doing stuff alone as well. Like going to museums or even to the movies alone. My favorite is walking the city on my own and just looking around like a tourist. I like learning new things oh and I love cooking and baking."
"Why do you like being alone?"
She takes a deep breath. "It helps me recalibrate. Also, while in recovery when I'd wake up in the middle of the night, I'd be alone and lonely... I had to learn to get comfortable with it. I thought about a lot of things. I made lots of plans and well... anyway. I just went from never wanting to being alone when I was kid to being so incredibly alone in my own body that I just got used to it. Now, whenever I'm overwhelmed, I sometimes crave the silence, I crave the idea of being alone. I adore my friends I do but I sometimes need time away where I'm just in my room with my own things. I used to be lonely but now I've figured out the difference and can act accordingly to rectify the situation for my mental health."
I rest my head in the crook of her neck. "I understand craving being alone and needing silence. I used to feel the same way."
"I guess I developed it as a defense mechanism to keep myself for getting hurt any further. If I don't have an immediate need for anyone then I won't feel so lonely after they leave. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah it does." I kiss her neck. I know exactly what she means but she doesn't deserve to be alone. She deserves to be cared for and loved with freedom to be herself in the most authentic way possible. Not alone trying to protect herself from the world and hurt.
"Christian?" she suddenly asks. "Yeah baby?"
"Can we not tell anyone at work about us. I mean can we just stay in this bubble for as long as we can and only tell HR and PR when we absolutely have to? I mean it's not like you and I interact at work anyway." She sounds worried and I can feel her body tense against me. I try to ease the tension.
"Well technically we are in a bubble, a bubble bath that is." She laughs "Now who's got the smart mouth Mr. Grey?' I tip her face to me and give her a big wet kiss and she giggles again.
"I want you to be comfortable Ana and if that makes you feel comfortable then I'm more than fine with that. We'll go at your pace." I say truthfully. I can sense her relax. "Thank you, Christian, I'm just really scared and trying to have some degree of control myself." Her voice cracks.
I tip her head back to me, "Babe talk to me, what's on your mind?"
"This is all just so new to me and I love every second of it but I can't help these negative thoughts that bring in crippling fear. I don't want to get into trouble or cause you trouble. When we all went to the beach on Sunday, Christian, it was the best time of my life. I wanted it to last forever. No one knew who we were and we were just being silly and singing in the car. I don't know, maybe I have vacation blues." She sighs. "And here, I don't want to hide indoors forever, whatever, I'm rambling. It's fine. We'll just deal with stuff as it comes." She finishes.
I caress her cheek and she looks at me, eyes red. I love how she much she wants to protect what we have.
"We're gonna be fine baby, I love you." I lean in a kiss her. She nods and smiles "I love you."
"How are things at GEH? I hope it wasn't too bad missing a whole day of work?"
"The wheels kept turning, the Gotha meeting was a success as you know. I have to say, it's refreshing to talk about work with you, I don't have to water it down with you because you get it, and you'll know understand what I go through. Legal gets the brunt of everything anyway. I should've thought of dating an employee before." I tease.
Ana giggles. "Yeah we do but I want to help you in any way I can" she says looking back with such innocence. "Thank you baby, I'm so glad I scared the shit out of you last week, how is your hand by the way? She giggles and raises her hand "almost healed and you can't even see it under all the henna." She smiles and gives me a small kiss.
APOV
Christian leads me to the bed we get in and get comfortable; his bed is huge and warm. He spoons me and kisses my neck. I turn around and put my arms around him and he smiles as he kisses me, like he hasn't kissed me in years. I savor the feeling.
"I missed this." I tell him. "As much as I loved spending time with the family, I had major Christian Grey cuddle withdrawals. You've spoiled me for life now."
He smiles and traces his fingers up and down my back inside my shirt. "I missed this too, so much. I barely slept. I just wanted you to be next to me. Humming in your sleep."
"Wait what, I hum in my sleep? That's so embarrassing." I cover my face. He kisses my hands and pulls them away. "It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. That first night we were together, I woke up and saw you, your face was bathed in moonlight and you were humming, like you were made of music and I kissed your lips and went back to sleep." God I love this man. He makes me feel so beautiful. I kiss him and he deepens it, his tongue taking it's time and consuming me. He lifts my leg and locks it over his hip and grinds into me.
"I want you baby... I haven't had you in almost 5 days." he pleads.
"I'm all yours, take me." I moan. Thank god, I'm not wearing panties. One less thing to worry about. He takes my t-shirt off and pulls his boxers down and slides on top of me kissing me, as I hold his face to me. I bite and suck on his bottom lip and groans. He moves down to my breasts and sucks and bites on one of them as he kneads the other twisting my nipple, it hurts but it feels so good. I feel myself as a wet mess and I know I desperately need him inside me now, as I run my hands through his hair.
He continues his delicious torture but I can't take it anymore and before I know it the words are out of my mouth "I need you inside me... Christian, please..." my voice dripping with desperation.
Christian moves, kissing and licking me as he comes back up to my face. He holds my face as he softly kisses me, sucking on my lips and tongue and moves to enter me slowly. I feel every inch of him and it sends me into a complete tailspin as I feel every cell in my body burn bright for him.
He takes his time and I love every second of it. "I need this slow baby, I need to have my fill of you. You're mine." He breathes in between thrusts. "So completely yours" I gasp back, out of breath.
I feel myself climb higher and higher and I no longer recognize the sounds coming out of my mouth.
"Open your eyes, Ana." He commands but I can't, I almost there. Just a few more... but he stops. "Open your eyes, baby." I open and look into his dark and stormy eyes. I feel like I'm hypnotized as he starts to move again, achingly slow. "Come with me baby..." He breathes and bites my lip and a few thrusts later we finally reach our release and it's every bit as intense as I knew it was going to be. Christian falls into my neck panting, "How is it always this incredible with you baby?" He asks with wonder sliding down nuzzling into my breasts.
"It's because we're meant to be Christian." I say as I caress his face and he kisses the palm of my hand.
We lay in silence trying to return our breathing to normal "Your middle name is Rose. It's fitting."
"How so?"
He shifts and moves so that we're laying face-to-face, arms and legs tangled in each other, lips grazing each other.
"It reminded me of when you walked in for the introduction for the Sangeet, you twirled around when you got the center and your saree flowed and moved in a way as if a rose was blooming, it was incredibly cinematic." He confesses and it stops me in my tracks. God he has such a way with words.
I give him a small kiss.
"I guess it only made sense that it did. You were my Spring after I had only known winter in my life, I began again and I had no choice but to bloom for you" I say with tears in my eyes.
"I love you so much Ana." He crushes me with a kiss. "I love you." I say back between kisses.
Sunday, December 7th, 2019
CPOV.
She's singing as I brush mama's hair. My hands are too small to hold the brush and her hair is so soft. I can smell cake. I love cake. I hear the door knock. I reach on my tippy toes and open it. She's standing in a white dress with a red ribbon in her hair; she kneels down with a chocolate cake. "Hi baby boy, let's have some chocolate cake." Ana takes my small hands and feeds me cake and kisses my cheek.
My eyes fly open. What the fuck was that. My face is in Ana's hair and I'm holding her, but I'm not sweating. This is not a nightmare. It's different. This feels weird. I check the time 2:34am. Another hour passes and I'm still wide-awake. Ana's stirred a few times, humming every now and then and talking a little but she doesn't wake. I finally get up and walk out of the room and close the door to head to the piano.
I sit there trying to figure out what to play, like many other nights since I've come back from the wedding. I don't want to play anything sad, I want to celebrate finding Ana but the darkness in me still lingers; the pain and darkness of my fucked up past. The crackwhore and her pimp. The smell and pain of cigarette burns against my skin. Memories of 26 years ago still crippling me. All this success and I'm still held back by that trauma. I start to play chords together to see what comes of it. I don't know how long I play for, but I see Ana walk in and sit next to me, her hair framing her beautiful face, her body clad in my t-shirt.
"I'm sorry if I woke you."
"You didn't, I just didn't feel you next to me and I came looking for you." She smiles. "Is everything okay, you look so sad."
"I just had a weird dream."
"Nightmare?"
"Not exactly."
"I know there are things in your past that haunt you too, I can feel it in your body and see it in your facial expressions sometimes...but know that I'm always here whenever you feel safe to talk. I know how much it takes to describe the events of past trauma. So, no pressure. If the Monday's fiasco hadn't happened at the resort, I'd probably still be figuring out how to tell you everything."
"I just need time." I whisper.
"Take all the time you need. I'm here." She touches my cheek and I lean into it.
She stands up and climbs into my lap, straddling me, holding my face and gives me a soft kiss with a smile. She holds me gaze and begins singing and it sounds like a prayer.
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know
When darkness comes upon you
And colors you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name
I see her eyes start to get teary. She looks into my eyes and runs her hand through my hair, as if she were trying to heal me. I really don't deserve her.
If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know
And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still
Her voice echoes throughout the apartment and lingers.
She pauses for a second and begins again but her voice has cracked and the tears fall.
If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am
Be Still – The Fray.
I look down and she kisses my forehead and I feel a sob escape me as I cry into her neck and she rocks me. She pulls my face up and kisses my tear stained eyes and smiles.
"How do you always know what to do?" I ask my voice broken and heavy.
"When I woke up after the accident and had finally realized Ray was never coming back; I had this dream where he came and sang these words to me. I held on to that dream for dear life. I think back on it whenever I feel I need to find strength." She tells as tears fall from eyes. "But a couples of months or so later when I had regained some movement in my arms and hands, I was going through my computer archives for music, I found the track and it was by this band called the fray. I must've listened to it randomly before the accident and forgotten about it but it lodged into my sub conscious and manifested at the right time for me to find some strength in that difficult time of being trapped... and seeing you like this, I want to be able to give you some strength if you need it."
I give her a crushing hug. "Don't ever leave me Ana."
She pulls my face up and kisses me sweetly "I have a feeling we'll be stuck with each other for life Mr. Grey."
...
I feel a little chill and open my eyes immediately. It's morning. I turn to look and see that Ana isn't in bed. Did she leave? Fuck.
I smell breakfast and realize she's still here, thank god. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. There's an uneasiness. I get up and go to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I walk out I see Ana in my shirt with her back me, her hair in a messy bun. Music is playing on her phone as she dances swaying her hips too the beat, making pancakes, tea and coffee. She looks so young and beautiful. I make my way quietly and sit on the barstool at the island and watch her. I recognize the song:
December for message on the lips
Some love is, no, it ain't gonna wear out
To which is all the same
One of us is wasted
When the lights are coming out
And I come down in your room
Our daily compromise, it is
Written in your signed armistice
And when the lights are coming out
And I come down in your room
Well well the sign is always
Here is your signed armistice
She turns around to put plates on the counter and immediately jumps "CHRISTIAN. Why must you always creep on me like that?" she's half annoyed and half giggling with the rosiest cheeks. I laugh, "Well well, aren't we energetic this morning, Miss Steele?" she blushes "I hope you're hungry Mr. Grey." She asks shyly.
"Oh Miss Steele, I'm very hungry." I give her a wicked smile. She giggles "Good, pancakes are coming right up... unless you'd like something else?" she asks. "No baby, pancakes are amazing. Can't wait." I say.
"Why didn't you connect the music to the sound system?"
"Oh, I didn't want to wake you." She says distracted, pouring pancake batter on the griddle. I go to pick up her phone and connect it to the Bluetooth for the sound system. It feels like the space comes alive and Ana exclaims "YAAAY!" I have to laugh; she's all about the little joys in life.
"Christian, this kitchen is so amazing. The pantry is what my dreams are made of. Mrs. Jones must love working here." She says in wonder as we eat our breakfast, sitting close to each other, with our legs tangled. She's made pancakes with roasted pecans, cooked in maple syrup and bananas. It's decadent and every bit delicious like herself.
"She's worked for me for the past 6 years, she really takes care of me and this place." I say, remembering that she also puts up with a lot of my other fucked up dom-submissive lifestyle shit sometimes. I'd been in such a foul mood streak for the past 6 months and the woman has the patience of a saint. Maybe being with Ana will make up for all that and she won't think I'm such a shit.
A song comes on and it's a huge sonic overload with and Ana looks to me and sings along with the following lyrics;
I wanna do what lovers do with you.
I wanna walk the edge of the Earth with you.
I wanna say to you the minute we feel the heat,
Would you be, my lover?
M'lover – Kishi Bashi
All this time reading and hearing about love and thinking it complete and utter bullshit and here I am in the thick of it and so deliriously intoxicated by this woman. I lean in to her smiling face and whisper "forever" as I give her kiss. She moans and giggles. I pick up her hands and kiss each fingertip, tracing my finger on the henna design that's now fading from her hands, thanking her for such a wonderful breakfast.
Ana gets up to clear the tableware and I stop her. "You cooked, I'll clean baby." She smiles back at me and continues to drink and sing along with the music. "Christian, I don't know what it is but the music here sounds so good. It's probably the acoustics right? It just feels... full of life and all consuming." She says in wonder looking around.
I walk to her and kiss her forehead as I envelope her in a hug, "It's all you to be honest. This place has never felt more warmer and more like home than before you." I look into her eyes and tears start to form. "You sure know how to make a girl feel special Mr. Grey." She says. "Only one girl, Miss Steele, only you." I kiss her.
We're sitting on the couch being lazy, checking our messages and get back in touch with the world when Ana suddenly turns to me
"Christian, I have a question."
Oh fuck, my mind goes into a million different directions. "Shoot babe, what's up?"
"Is anyone in your family allergic to walnuts and milk?"
Thank fuck. I have to laugh out loud. She smacks my arm "well stop laughing and tell me."
"I don't think so, let me ask Grace." I text mom and she responds almost immediately saying no allergies of the sort and I relay that information to Ana.
"Okay awesome. I'm excited. I was going to make Walnut Halva to take with us for dessert tonight to your parents place."
"Ana, you don't have to make anything, just show up and eat whatever mom makes."
"Yeah but I'm going to her house of the first time, I can't go empty handed."
"Why not? I don't get it."
"Nani says that whenever you go to someone's house you must take something that adds to their 'barkat', which is Arabic for blessings, and usually it's a living thing, like food or flowers etc. As if to add more life to life."
"That's such a sweet concept."
"Christian, do you believe in God?" She asks. "Not really, I mean, I've never had a reason to." I say truthfully, "Do you, Ana?"
"Not before the accident, not entirely. I mean, I had no formal religious education, Carla wasn't always exactly available to give me any lessons on life and Ray never showed any inclination to religion. When he met Nita, she came from a Muslim family. I mean Nani and Nana are devout Muslims, but Nita and Alia Khala even though are Muslim, still married outside of the faith and religion was a very private matter for them. Nita never imposed Islamic traditions on me but allowed me to participate in Ramadan if I wanted to and even taught me some Arabic prayers, which I recited a lot during recovery and still recite at night or whenever I feel uneasy. Nani taught me everything else and more, if Ray made one half of me, then Nani and Nita made the other half." She takes a deep breath before continuing again.
"I'd like to think I'm Muslim because it feels like the most natural thing to me, I find a lot of the Islamic traditions and concepts beautiful, and the cultural aspects of south Asian social graces to be something that's helped me find all the wonderful people in my life. If I give out good energy, I'll receive it back. So yeah, I guess I do believe in God. All the poetry and music I love in south Asian culture is about God and love and Christian, I wish you knew the language, all of it is so breath-taking and so incredibly rich. My translations could never do it justice; English is just a failure of a language that way. Even though I studied English lit in college, it was more because I loved reading in general and analyzing stuff but the subject matter never made me 'feel' something on a deep level."
I am at a loss for words. There are so many layers to her and what makes her the most unique human being I've ever met in my life. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone as complete and enigmatic as her.
"All of that is so beautiful Ana, I mean I do think, I had some sort of a revelatory experience when I saw you walk in on Friday for the introduction lunch... I think that's the closest I've ever gotten to believing in a higher power." She smiles at me and traces her fingers on my lips.
...
After a while, Ana and I get up and I head in to the office to do some work and see if any of the Asian offices need anything from me. The sweet smell of Ana cooking walnut halwa envelopes the entire apartment and I can't wait to try it when she's done. I can hear her sing in her sweet voice along with the music.
I decide to take a break and walk out to see Ana putting finishing touches on the bowl of halwa no doubt to take over tonight. She's singing along to a cover of Crazy in Love, it's a girl singing with a guitar and Ana matches her word for word and it floors me as Ana sings her own harmonies against the music.
Got me looking
So crazy, my baby
I'm not myself
Lately I'm foolish
I don't do this
I've been playing myself
But baby I don't care
'Cause baby your love's got the best of me
Baby you're making a fool of me
You got me sprung and I don't care who sees
Baby you got me
You got me going crazy
Ohh ohh
Got me looking so crazy right now
Your love got me looking so crazy right now
Ohh, ohh
Got me looking so crazy right now your love
Got me looking so crazy right now
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh no no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh no no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh no no
Oh oh oh oh.
Crazy in Love – Daniela Andrade
I'm so mesmerized by her and I can't move. The song ends and she looks up and smiles. "Hey you, how's work coming along?" She doesn't even realize what she's done to me, she goes about singing and humming the next song that comes on, I walk over and grab her, and kiss her, with all the passion, crushing her to me and picking her up and spinning around. It takes her a few seconds for her to recover and open her eyes once I break from the kiss and she giggles. "What did I do to deserve that Mr. Grey?" She asks out of breath.
"I just love you so much Ana."
"I love you just as much if not more Christian." She tiptoes and gives me a small kiss. She breaks away from the embrace and I see she has three bowls of halwa, one decorative one that we'll no doubt take to Grace's and two small ramekins. She takes out a pen and a post-it pad from one of the drawers and writes messages. One for Gail and the other for Taylor.
Mrs. Jones, thank you so much for the lovely dinner. I loved meeting you. I made some walnut halwa and wanted you to have some. I hope you like it. Love, Ana.
Taylor, thank you for bringing me safely back to Christian. I made some walnut halwa and wanted to share some with you. I hope you like it. I can't wait to meet Sophie when she visits next month. Love, Ana.
She puts plastic wrap on the smaller ramekins and sticks the post-its on them and puts them in the fridge.
Yet once again in a span of 10 minutes she has absolutely, and completely floored me. How can one person have so much love and goodness to give? She treats everyone like family. I know how much Gail and Taylor will appreciate the gesture.
She turns to me and beams, "I'm gonna go and get ready. See you in a bit."
...
I go back to the office. Still reeling. Every day with her is so emotionally intense for me. It's all consuming and makes me feel alive. From the saddest moments to those full of life and happiness, it means so much more. It means more than all the 'wins' I've had in the past years, all the money I've made pales in comparison. I've fallen so hard. I need to talk to Flynn again.
I walk towards the bedroom and I hear light music and Ana singing, I watch from a far. I love watching her in her element, she knows how to get lost in a moment and enjoy herself and doesn't take herself too seriously. She's in a silk skirt and a cream turtleneck, looking incredibly sophisticated. I watch her as she lightly curls her hair, lightly spraying product while running her fingers through it. She's so gentle and slow with herself. She's singing a familiar song, I can't place it but it sounds like sex and Ana oozes sex appeal with every word she sings and every hip sway. Christ, I want her now.
Why you bother me when you know you don't want me?
Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?
Why you hit me when you know you know better?
Know you know better
Know your crew better than you do
Call me looking for ya (yeah)
I be looking for ya (yeah)
Got me looking forward to weekends
With you baby
With you baby
With you baby
With you
We do whatever we want
Go wherever we want
Love however we want
It don't matter
You'll do whatever I want
Get whatever I want
Get whatever I need
It's about
Love, love, love, love
'Long as we got
Love, love, love
'Long as we got
I get up to go to her. I want her so bad. Her phone rings, and I stop in my tracks.
"Kavanagh!" She laughs
"Steele! I need your help." Kate whines. "What's up babies?" Ana replies. She's so affectionate with everyone.
"What do I wear to the dinner at the Grey's tonight?" Kate asks in a panic. "You're asking me? Dude you're the fashionista in this relationship, if it weren't for your closest, RTR and Kiran's hand me downs I'd never have a chance in hell." Ana exclaims. I wish she wasn't so hard on herself. I want to shower her in all the latest fashions because honestly she'd make a potato sack look like couture.
"I'm just nervous. I really like him Steele and even though we've met the Grey's at the wedding, we're actually meeting them now, as you know... like his girlfriend. I want to make a good impression." Kate says. I'd never take her for the insecure type. I guess everyone deals with something like this on some level.
"I know babe, I hear you. I'm in the same boat. It was so different at the wedding and now...it's like more is at stake" Ana says with a sad voice.
"You're good at this stuff anyway, with all that indian good girl bullshit." Kate whines and Ana laughs out loud.
"Okay listen, go into my closet. There's a dress Kiran sent me last month. It's an emerald green chiffon dress, it'll look amazing on you. Do a low messy bun, and do everything else as you would normally do. You got this Kavanagh." Ana cheers.
"I hope we can make a good impression, we were such hoes at the wedding." Kate sneers.
Ana laughs out loud and sasses "both on and off the dance floor." They both giggle. I love this exchange.
"Ana are you taking anything like flowers?" Kate asks unsure about herself.
"I made some walnut halwa, so why don't you get the flowers." Ana offers.
"You made the halwa, I love you, I was going to ask you to make it when came back from the wedding. See, this is why I love you. You just get me and my cravings without me having to say anything." Kate says lovingly and continues "So what kinda flowers do I get that say, 'hey I think you're a bawse babe and I'm obsessed with your son." Kate laughs
Ana giggles. "As long as you don't get her carnations you should be fine. Get a bouquet of ranunculus in light pink. I think she likes that color, her nails and make up were always in nude pink tones. Or get a bouquet of Anemone Bulbs in a similar color, they'll look really pretty. You can make that decision when you get to the flower shop." Ana instructs.
She knows everything. She made the right observations about Grace and she barely spent time with her and now she's helping Kate pick out thoughtful flowers. I have really hit the jackpot with this woman.
"You're a godsend Steele. What are you wearing?" Kate asks.
"Oh, I'm wearing the silk skirt I borrowed from you for the wedding. I never got to wear it so I thought it'd be perfect for tonight plus my oversized cream turtleneck. Or do you think it's too overboard?" Ana seems unsure of herself. God, if she could only see how I see her right now, I wish she didn't have to borrow anything from anyone. I want to give her the world.
"Are you insane, you are a goddess. Just make sure I get the skirt back in one piece, I don't want Christian ripping it to shreds cause he couldn't keep his hands off of you." Kate cackles.
"Shut up Kavanagh! Listen, quick favor can you bring some work clothes for me plus my black coat. I won't have time to come by tonight to pick something up. All the clothes I have right now are either too casual or wedding attire and nothing GEH drone appropriate." Ana erupts into a fit of laugher and they can't stop.
"Okay babe, I got you. ima go get ready now. See you on the other side. Steele & Kavanagh forevaaa!" Kate yells.
"Forever, bye babies see you soon!" Ana giggles and she ends the call. She picks up her mascara and then suddenly feels my eyes on her. She immediately turns and looks in my direction and gets turns beet red, looking up and covering her face.
"How much of that conversation did you hear?" her voice is muffled as it comes from behind her hands.
I chuckle. "All of it." I walk to her and move her hands away from her face, she's red as crimson. She looks down and I tip her head to me and look into her eyes.
"So this is what girl talk is?" I ask teasingly. She's mortified. "It's about 5% of it actually. The other 95% might give you a coronary." She giggles.
I give her a quick kiss. "So I really can't rip this skirt off of you?"
Ana giggles, "Not if you want to spend all your money buying Kate a new wardrobe."
"Yeah she'd probably kill me first and then steal all my credit cards." I laugh.
We head down the elevators, Ana's carrying a tote bag with the halwa in it and humming a tune and swaying lightly. I lean in and whisper "one day I'm going to fuck you in this elevator Miss Steele." She takes a sharp intake of breath and bites her lip giggling. I could honestly take her right now but Grace runs a tight ship when it comes to Sunday dinners.
Walking into the garage, towards the R8, Ana stops dead in her tracks and hands me the tote bag. Her jaw is open and whips her face to me
"Is this the 2020 R8 spyder?" She asks in awe. "Yes" I reply not sure where 's going with this.
She walks to the car and looks over it and inspects it then looks up at me with the biggest smile "regular convertible or performance?"
"Performance." I reply smugly.
"Oh God Christian she's beautiful. Have you named her?" She's like a kid in a candy store.
"Miss Steele, I didn't know you were into cars. No I have not named her yet, would you like to do the honors?" I am so in awe right now. She is a constant surprise.
"Oh Mr. Grey you have NO idea. I love fast cars and I've heard wonderful things about this beauty. I'm getting a Lola vibe from her. Can't imagine what it feels like flooring it with 611 horsepower. You have to let me drive it one day when it's warmer. PLEASE" she whines like a child.
I have to laugh. "Sure baby, when it gets warmer. Shall we head out?" We sit and I start the car. "Lola is going to need a playlist Mr. Grey." A couple of minutes later she speaks. "Okay, done."
"Already? You just started." I ask surprised. "You're talking to a professional playlist maker Mr. Grey. I have a playlist for everything, baking, working out, walking, getting ready, driving and sleeping etc." She giggles and connects her phone to the Bluetooth. "And sex, Miss Steele, you have a playlist for sex. That's the most important one." I smirk and she laughs out loud.
The first song starts with a dark and sensual beat and captivating.
I knew it was love the first time I saw you
You knew there was love the first time we met
I'm losing myself, I'm losing myself, I'm losing myself
I feel lost in your love and my heart's in a place
I can't really tell, it's been so long, so long, so long, so long
We can only learn from each other
And we can only grow here together
I only know how to be myself when I'm with you
Yeah, we can only learn from each other
We can only learn from each other
And we can only grow here together
I only know how to be myself when I'm with you
Yeah, we can only learn from each other
Ana tells me how she got into cars, thanks to Ray, she's not into specs of car unless she intuitively likes a car. She grew up watching Top Gear and F1 but hasn't done so since Ray died. We talk about all the cars we've lusted after and it's so refreshing to see this side of her. She's constantly surprising me. She's such a wonder.
"So what's your favorite car these days?" I ask trying to keep the conversation going. "Oh that's easy, the Alfa Romeo Disco Volante. It's hand assembled, approximately 10 months and almost 5000 man hours to create the final product. Can you imagine? It's the same company that builds some of the maserati's and like the first ever Lamborghini. Seriously Christian the car is absolute sex, like... "She fans herself and giggles. I can't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. "and it sounds like... ooof,"
I can't help but laugh. "Miss Steele, I have to say, I quite like this side of you."
"Ray and I were going to spend the summer after my high school graduation restoring a 1967 mustang he acquired, it would've been my present for college but fate had other plans." She becomes quiet and looks out the window. "You would've been the most popular girl in the quad." I tease, trying to pull her out of her sadness. "I highly doubt that, you have no idea what I looked like back then. I was miss always invisible. You have no idea how cruel people can be." She muses.
"I wish we knew each other back then."
"That's sweet of you to say but that would technically make you a pedophile then." She giggles and I laugh out loud. "Why thank you for that cold hard fact Miss Steele and here I thought I was trying to be a little romantic." I quip. "I love you for it." she says to me smiling. She giggles and then starts to sing along with the song.
Say you needed this heart and you got it (got it)
Turns out that it wasn't what you wanted (wanted)
And we wouldn't let go and we lost it (lost it)
Now I'm a goner
I want you out of my head (head)
I want you out of my bedroom tonight (bedroom)
There's no way I can save you (save you)
'Cause I need to be saved, too (saved, too)
I'm no good at goodbyes
She throws her hands and arms up with the beat. It takes me back to thanksgiving night when I so desperately wanted her next to me. I look at her and she looks back with that smile and sparkling blue eyes, singing and her sweet voice filling the car. She's here with me.
The song ends and I lower the volume as the next one starts.
"After thanksgiving dinner when I was heading home, this post Malone song came on the radio and I thought of you. I wished that you were in the car with me and singing with that sweet voice and beautiful blue eyes... all while trying to convince myself that I didn't deserve you."
She looks to me and I can't quite read her expression.
"You thought about me?" she asks surprised. "Of course, I did. I told you, you consumed my mind."
"Kabooliyat ki ghari." The hour of acceptance. She muses.
"What's that?"
"Oh sorry, it's a concept that refers to the fact that universe is always listening to our thoughts and words. And when you thought that about me... I guess the universe really listened and made it happen." She smiles at me.
I hold out my hand and she takes it as I pull it to my lips. "I'm so happy you're here, Ana."
We arrive at the front gate and I punch the code in for Mom and Dad's house and head up the driveway.
"You know Mr. Grey, I've never had car sex." She says playfully. Hmm, we could have it in the Disco Volante I think to myself but I'm not sure I can wait 10 months.
"Hmm, neither have I Miss Steele, we should take care of that someday."
"We totally need to create a bucket list of everywhere we want to do it and that way when can look back on it every now and then and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done." She giggles. I pull her out of the car and kiss the life out of her. She smiles and moans into my mouth while I grind my erection into her against the car. "Miss Steele, you're playing with fire."
"I always did like playing with matches." She winks and bites my lower lip. Holy hell... I am in so much trouble.
Sitting in the family room, conversation flows with such ease. I'm still quiet as usual but Ana, Kate and Mia hold the room. Mom heads into the kitchen to quickly check on something and Dad goes to make another drink.
"Elliot, guess what!" Ana looks to him.
"Yeah, Steele?"
"So I was talking to Christian about his hobbies and he told me about the helicopter and I bust out laughing because my automatic thought was GET TO..."
"TO THE CHOPPA." Elliot yells and they both burst out laughing, Ana falls sideways in the sofa, she's completely lost it, her face red and she can't breathe, her laughter fills up the entire house as Grace and Carrick walk back in with the biggest smiles and love in their eyes. Elliot is thoroughly enjoying this while Mia and Kate laugh and clap in appreciation. At one point Ana snorts and we all fall into another fit of laughter till there are tears streaming from Ana's eyes. She's the most beautiful thing I've seen and she brings to much light into my life.
"Steele, I knew I liked you for a reason, now I have someone to help me bust Christian's chops." Elliot teases.
"Fuck off Lelliot." I laugh. Ana leans in to kiss my cheek still laughing.
Dinner is amazing as usual; Grace is completely taken with Ana and Kate and has gone to town with this dinner. The best thing about these girls is that they love to eat. Ana's walnut halwa is a real hit and she blushes under the praise. Kate's flowers are hit. Grace is a goner, just like Elliot and I. Mia, Kate and Ana discuss what new shows to watch and they are always at the same level of excitement about everything, I love hearing her being so young and happy, I pull her hand to my lips and kiss it. Grace looks to me with such adoration and a smile. I get a little shy and nod back. This feels like a whole new world.
"So Steele, tell us how Dorothy really is at work" Elliot teases.
"Fuck you, Lelliot."
"CHRISTIAN! Language." Grace tries to scold me but she knows it's futile.
"Um... he's okay." Ana squirms under the attention.
"No, you have to tell us the truth." Carrick eggs on. "Yeah banana, you have to tell us." Mia claps.
She giggles and looks up at me. "I'm trying to figure out a delicate way to put it without getting fired." I smirk back at her. "It's okay, Miss Steele, you have permission to talk about just how amazing of a boss I am."
She rolls her eyes and everyone laughs. "Okay, so let's just say, when Mr. Grey here is displeased or disappointed with a situation, which is often, he becomes quite communicative to the point where it is so loud and unpleasant that you'd wish he had a mute button."
"Oh, so Dorothy is a screamer." Elliot laughs and I flip him the bird and Ana loses it to the point she can't breathe and gives Elliot a high five. They're both juveniles and I have to say I love it.
"You both never ran into each other at work?" Grace asks, smiling after giving Elliot and I her death stare.
"Nope. I mean there were a few close calls but I of avoided him like the plague. I was so scared of him." She giggles "Which is why I almost died when I saw him at the wedding. I was like, please don't fire me!" Grace laughs and assures Ana. "I would've had a few choice words with him if he had"
"How is it working for Travis?" Carrick asks.
"I love it. He's such a great mentor and I really enjoy the work. I recently got promoted to be his first assistant so I'll have more responsibilities, which means I will eventually run into Mr. Grey here. I'll be happy to provide you all with a progress report on his 'amazingness' at work." She sasses and we all chuckle.
As we all stand to say our goodbyes, Mia, Ana and Kate are still fully engrossed in their plan making for the week and when to hang out. It takes forever to pull them away from each other. Grace hugs me "Christian, I'm so happy for you, son. I have been waiting to see you fully live your life for what feels like forever. I will always be in Ana's debt, she is such a wonderful girl." She whispers as she pulls away with tears in her eyes. I kiss her forehead and give her another hug.
...
Ana is unusually quiet on the drive back. She's curled up in her seat as she hums here and there to the music that plays.
Suddenly a song comes on, it's sensual and sad. I remember Ana playing the artists songs on our drive up the coast to Carmel by the Sea. She's got a beautiful voice. Her name was Lola something?
"There's some french in this song, will you translate it for me after? I always forget to look it up" Ana asks softly.
"Sure thing baby."
The song progresses and Ana hums and softly sings with it. There comes a point at the last chorus where Ana sings the ad-libs with such pain and longing mirroring the singer, it's beautiful and hits me to my core. She's never sounded like that. The song ends. She turns off the music.
"What did she say?" She looks to me.
"Des hauts et des bas translates to high and low." I start.
"Towards the end when she sings J'ai du mal à m'exprimer mais j'essaye
I was alone when I fell
Where did you go? Pas de nouvelle
J'ai beaucoup de mal de coeur, mal de coeur... she's saying I find it difficult to express myself but I try
I was alone when I fell
Where did you go? No news
I have a lot of heartache, ache"
"At the very end when she says
Tu sais, la vie est pleine de hauts et de bas
Mais sans les bas, les hauts ne veulent rien dire
Which essentially means you know, life is full of ups and downs
But without the lows, the highs mean nothing"
Ana sighs and looks back out the window. "I guess she's right... by the way you speak french so beautifully Christian."
"Ana baby, is everything okay?" I ask holding out my hand for her to hold it. She reaches out and holds it.
"Not looking forward to reality tomorrow. I was deliriously high this past week, I don't want to come back down to earth just yet." She says wistfully.
I give her hand a squeeze. I understand her fears. I pull her hand to my lips and shower it kisses.
We get back to Escala and start off with a bath, which is short. Ana doesn't say a word; I can just hear her softly breathing. Once we're all dried and ready for bed, Ana goes through her clothes that Kate brought and sets out what she's going to wear in the walk-in closet and makes sure all her things are packed since she'll be going back to her apartment. I asked her to stay with me for the week but she said she missed her room and time with Kate.
She comes back to bed and lies down facing away from me. I know she's just processing everything but I feel like she's slipping or maybe it's my own guilt that's projecting. I want her to feel better; I want to try to be for her what she is for me though I could never measure up. I have too much darkness in me.
"Ana?"
"Yeah?" She says with the smallest voice and doesn't move to turn toward me.
I scoot in closer and pull her back to me. I kiss her neck. "Talk to me baby."
"I was just saying a small prayer to help bring me some peace and take away these negative feelings." She says with such sadness. I hold her tighter.
"Baby, look at me." I ask her and she turns around. She's not crying but her eyes are sad. She looks to anywhere but my eyes as I caress her cheek. Her breathing changes a little bit; the following words come pouring out me;
Vous dites mon nom comme vous l'avez toujours connu.
Ce que je ressens pour toi ne peut pas être mis en mots, il transcende tout le temps l'espace
Mon amour pour toi brûle plus fort que le soleil
mon âme noire ne mérite pas mais dis-moi comment puis-je vivre dans ce monde sans toi
Tu es l'amour de ma vie et de l'au-delà
Her eyes immediately look into mine, wide open; the deepest and most intense blue as I continue to translate
You say my name like you've always known it.
What I feel for you cannot be put into words; it transcends all time and space.
My love for you burns brighter than the sun.
I am a dark soul who does not deserve you but tell me how am I supposed to live without you.
You are the love of my life and hereafter.
"Christian, that was so beautiful" her voice cracks as she tears form in her eyes.
I kiss her softly before they can fall. I want her so badly right now but I don't want to push her either. I just move in to deepen the kiss. She flushes her body against mine and throws her leg around me and grinds against me. I push my hips into her and she mewls. I put my fingers in between her legs and she is drenched. My girl is always ready. I take off my boxers and enter her as we lay face to face on our sides.
I circle my hips as I push into her and she lets out a loud moan, completely lost in the sensation of us. It feels deeper than before. I grab her hips and pull her to straddle me all while I'm still inside of her, it surprises her and she gasps.
"Take your shirt off baby." I pant. She starts to grind on me as she slowly takes it off, her eyes fixed on me, lips parted with the most intense stare and beautiful face. I really don't deserve her. Her hairs falls around her shoulders and breasts as she throws her head back, moaning, it's almost like she's singing. I grab her hips and thrust into her, each feels better the last. She takes one hand from her hip and puts it on her breasts and I knead and pinch her nipples. Her moans louder and she looks back at me.
She bends over and places both hands on either side of my face and reaches down to kiss me, with her hair falling all around me. I hold her face with both of my hands and I bite her lower lip and our tongues dance. I move my hands back to her hips again and thrust harder and faster into her. She increases her speed and sits back up, her head thrown back; she's almost there. I use my thumb to massage her clit, she screams at the feeling. No one will ever be like her; I love how in sync we are together.
Her body arches and she climaxes with her head thrown back as she continues to ride me, clenching her muscles around my dick, going through her orgasm and it's a sight that sends me over edge.
"Ana, Ana..." I let out with strained breath and I empty myself into her.
She lifts herself off of me and drops to the bed, panting trying to catch her breath.
We finally catch our breath and Ana is on her stomach with her face towards me. Her porcelain skin illuminated by the city lights seeping in through the window.
"You look thoroughly fucked Miss Steele" I turn to her and kiss her forehead.
"Mmmm... just how you like me Mr. Grey." She says with a sleepy smile as she turns over. I scoot in closer and spoon her, pulling the duvet over us. I trail kisses from her neck to her earlobe turning her face to me. She's in sleepy daze but still smiles at me. I give her one last goodnight kiss.
"I love you, Ana."
"I love you, Christian." She softly whispers back, smiling.
Authors Note: GEH adventures start in the next chapter and major drama will show itself in chapter 15 I think. I have to read what I have again.
Pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/paleseptember10/50-shades-of-love-and-light/ - I combined the visuals for chapter 12 & 13.
Music:
Oboe Concerto in C Major, K. 314/285d: I. Allegro aperto – Mozart in the Jungle
A lenda do cabolco - Heiter Villa-Lobos & Yo Yo Ma – Mozart in the Jungle.
Winter – Mree
Be Still – The Fray
Armistice - Phoenix
M'lover – Kishi Bashi
Crazy in Love – Daniela Andrade
Love Galore – Sza feat. Travis Scott
Learn From Each Other – Majid Jordan.
Goodbyes – Post Malone feat. Young Thug
High Highs to Low Lows – Lolo Zoaui
